The Injustice League conference itself was not the reason most of its members were there. It was an afternoon of boring talks of one kind or another – megalomaniacal rantings, tedious lectures, or empty political speeches, promising a 30% increase in injustice by the end of the next fiscal quarter, whatever that was supposed to mean.
The Joker had planned to set off a few fireworks during Luthor's speech, and waited with a smile on his face and barely concealed excitement as the time ticked away. And then passed, with no fireworks.
"Where's my kaboom?!" demanded Joker, interrupting the speech and leaping to his feet. "There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!"
"We did a security sweep of the area before we started, Joker," snapped Luthor. "Mercy found your bombs and deactivated all of them."
"What? Even the Leave 'Em Laughing Gassed finale?" demanded Joker, angrily. "You bitch!" he shouted at Mercy Graves, Luthor's bodyguard, who stood by his right hand. "Nobody spoils my fun! I'll get you for this!"
"You can try, clown," she snapped.
Joker scowled, sitting back down and folding his arms across his chest. "As I was saying, a 30% increase in injustice by the end of the next fiscal quarter…" continued Luthor. Joker groaned loudly, banging his head on the desk in front of him and leaving it there. Then, determined not to be defeated, he sat up, pulled out several pieces of candy from his pocket, and began crinkling the cellophane loudly over Luthor's speech.
"I can't hear what he's saying!" snapped Ivy, grabbing the candy wrappers away from Joker. He glared at her and then shrugged, looking around at the other league members. He began chewing the candy, then took it out of his mouth and flicked it at the head of the person in front of him, who happened to be Star Sapphire. The candy stuck in her hair. Joker chuckled, chewing on another piece and preparing to flick it again.
She whirled around angrily, shooting her crystal laser from her mask and disintegrating the candy in his hand. "Jesus, calm down!" he snapped. "Women are so goddamn touchy! I guess Harley would have fit right in!" he grumbled, folding his arms across his chest.
Most of the Injustice League members only attended the conference for the after party. Luthor spared no expense in pampering his colleagues in supervillainy in order to impress them, and for a group of people who generally weren't invited to parties, this was one of the best. Plus it included free food and an open bar, which usually swayed even the most unsociable of people.
"Wow, Johnny, you're looking relaxed," commented Two-Face, who had gone to the bar to get drinks for himself and Cheetah. Jonathan Crane was not mingling, but was instead seated on the bar stool gazing off happily into the middle distance.
"Indeed, Mr. Dent – I have had the most wonderful day of my life," murmured Crane.
"Really? But you had to drag J twenty miles," said Two-Face, puzzled.
"And I was touched by an angel at the spa afterward," he sighed. "Here," he said, gesturing to his shoulder. "And here, and here, and here, and here…" he said, continuing along his arm.
"Got touched everywhere, huh?" said Two-Face, who was trying to hurry along the conversation and get back to Cheetah. "Sounds like a pretty great massage – glad it included a happy ending and everything."
"Happy ending?" repeated Crane, confused.
"Uh…if you got a massage…everywhere," repeated Two-Face. "Y'know."
Crane stared at him blankly. Two-Face coughed awkwardly, glancing down. "Uh…in some…establishments, it's customary for the guy to pay…uh…maybe about twenty bucks extra for the girl to…uh…finish him off. By giving a complete massage. To his manhood."
Crane gaped at him. "How dare you?!" he snapped. "She's not that kind of girl! She was nothing but professional with me, angel that she is. But she did things to my body that resulted in the most intense physical pleasure I have ever known," he sighed, staring dreamily back at the wall.
"Sounds like a happy ending to me," muttered Two-Face under his breath, grabbing the drinks and hurrying off.
The Joker was wandering around the room, trying to cause trouble, and was getting more and more annoyed at how unsuccessful this endeavor was. He was constantly shadowed by Mercy Graves, who would pull a gun on him the moment he even thought about playing a joke. At last, frustrated by being forced to behave himself, Joker threw up his hands and shouted to the room at large, "Fine, you buncha lamewads! Don't let me have my fun! See if I care! I'll just go have fun on my own, without you losers!"
"Great idea, J – I've had your room decorated with Batman pictures, so you won't have to use your imagination when you're having fun with yourself," said Luthor, grinning. "Have a good time with him."
The whole room burst into laughter at this, and Joker ground his teeth together. For a clown, he hated being laughed at. He stormed off without another word, heading for the elevator.
"Buncha humorless freaks," he muttered, fiddling with the lock on his door and pushing it open. "I kinda wish Harley were here – at least she can take a joke!"
"Wish granted, puddin'," purred a familiar voice as the door opened.
Joker flicked on the lights to reveal Harley sprawled across the bed, naked and smiling. "Ya wanna rev up your Harley?" she asked, pulling aside the blankets.
"Harley…" he gasped, shocked. "How did you …what…what are you doing here?"
"I followed you so's I could crash the conference and prove I was just as good as any of your stupid little league members," she purred. "But first I wanna show ya how much I missed ya, Mr. J."
"Lexy is gonna be pissed that you're here," said Joker. Then he grinned. "Oh, pumpkin pie, I'm so happy to see you," he murmured, kissing her tenderly. "But hang on just one second while Daddy sets up a little surprise..."