A/N: i started this because i hated waiting for my stories to update. now i understand why. don't kill me. i wanted to get something up so hopefully this fits. i didn't want to get too into detail with the medical side so don't read too much into it.

Disclaimer: if i owned them, i wouldnt be here.

Castle crumples to the ground…

Kate choked on the air she was desperately trying to suck in. Her gun was still held out in front of her and as she stumbled forward she dropped it on the ground as she lunged towards Castle's form. He had fallen forward on his knees and was lying on his stomach as Beckett reached him. Esposito and Ryan ran forward as well and went behind to Rikes to check his breathing. He was dead.

Blood started pooling around Castle's side as Kate fell next to him. All she could hear was her own heartbeat as she took in the situation. She couldn't hear the boys call for back up; she couldn't hear her own voice call out to the man that just seconds ago was trying to prove he was just as tough as the rest of them.

Then he groaned and slowly Kate's world came back into focus.

"Castle?" She pushed him up so that she could see that he was bleeding from his side but couldn't see how much damage it had done. She put pressure on the wound and spoke to him again. "Castle, look at me. You're going to be all right, you hear me? Just stay with me."

'Stay with me.' Interesting choice of words.

"It's just a flesh wound. No big deal." Castle coughs out with a laugh. His hand goes down to his wound to check out the damage for his own. He winces. "Oh yeah, nothing to worry about."

Kate can't quite find the humor in it even when a laugh comes out as she feels her eyes sting with tears. "This better not go in your books."

"I think it'd add some ruggedness to Rook. Nikki might even like it." Castle reveals a pained smile. Now his eyes start to fill with tears as he sees the water drop from hers. He reaches up to her, gently stroking her face until his hand falls to her shoulder. "Hey, stop that. You can't cry because then I'll cry."

"Sorry it must be the dust." She laughs and his smile is still on his face as they hear the ambulance approaching. "I'll see you soon okay? You'll get through this and I'll see you soon."

"Come with me, please." He begs. His grabs onto her vest as if to hold her there.

She shakes her head and the tears stream a little as she sees the fear in his eyes that are finally coming through with no cover. She tries to cover her mouth with the back of her hand so that the whimpers don't come out as easily then grabs his hand that's at her vest to pull it away carefully.

"Kate… I need you… I need your help… Please." He looks so pale and lost.

"I can't Castle. I'll be right there. Okay? I'll be there when you wake up."

The next few moments feel like a blur for Beckett. Ryan pulls her away as the paramedics surround Castle. She sits on a crate that seemed conveniently placed at the scene. The warehouse is buzzing with paramedics and the cops that arrived. The ambulance rushes off with Castle inside in a matter of minutes and Beckett can't move. She watches the back of the vehicle disappear through the huge doors. Kate can feel the toll the past hours have taken on her body not to mention the last twenty minutes. Her eyes close as she hears someone approaches from behind.

"Captain said leave our statements with LT and get lost. She heard about Castle. Have you called Alexis or anyone?" Esposito's voice sounds just as tired as Beckett feels.

"Uh… Alexis? No. I guess I should, shouldn't I?" Beckett reaches for her phone and stares at the screen unlocking it and pressing the contact button then freezes. 'How do I tell her he's just been shot? She'll know it's my fault.' "Actually can you do it? I need to make my statement then head back to the precinct to close up the case."

"Back to the precinct? What about Castle? The case is obviously closed just go to the hospital. We'll cover back at the precinct."

"He'll be in surgery, there's no point in waiting around. Why not get some work done?" Beckett stands and starts moving towards her car. She can hear Esposito follow her and feels the frustration rise in her chest.

"Beckett, you can't just pretend that he didn't just get shot. You look like a wreck and you're his girlfr—"

"Stop it Espo. I don't need you to tell me what just happened. I don't need you to tell me where to go and I sure as hell don't need you telling me what he is to me. I'm not going to be sitting around crying over what is probably nothing." Her voice started getting louder and shakier by the time the rant is over as she releases the pent up emotion at her fellow team member. She rips the Velcro on her vest hard and fumbles to get out of it quickly as she feels her emotions taking back over. When she looks back at him he's frozen in place with a bit of disbelief on his face. She realizes what she has to do now.

"I'm sorry. I just need space." With that she jumps in her car and speeds away.

Castle wakes slowly feeling a weird buzz in his ear and his head feels tries to speak but it's more a strangled cough.

"Dad?" It's a familiar voice. One he knows by heart. "Dad, let me get a nurse, ok?"

His eyes open and his head rolls to its right on its own seemingly. "Hey." He smiles. He counts the people in the room. 'One… Two… Two… Two... Two? There's only two. There's supposed to be three. Two redheads and a brunette.'

"Where's Beckett?" He sees the disappointment in Alexis's eyes as she just walks out of the room to get someone. His head turns to his mother. Her eyes sadden and Castle becomes confused and suddenly fear enters his mind. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened Richard. She's just not here." His mother sighs and she moves to grasp his hand.

Castle's confusion just increases and he feels a panic starts to rise when someone in a white lab coat enters with his daughter in tow.

"Good evening Mr. Castle, I'm Doctor Ward. How are you feeling?"

"A bit groggy I guess." He says as he eyes the nurse that came in after them moving around to the side of his bed to check on his vitals.

"Figured. You just had surgery to stop the bleeding to your side. There was extensive damage there but we got it to stop eventually. You'll just have some damage to the muscle there and we recommend bed rest when you get out. You have twenty stitches in at the moment that we'll have to remove too."

"And I'll be getting out when?"

"Hopefully the next couple of hours. I'll be back with your paper work." Doctor Ward leaves with a nod towards his mother and the nurse.

Alexis replaces where the nurse was by his head. "How are you really feeling dad?"

"I'll be better when I get home." His smile, even through the medication that the nurse just gave him, didn't reach his eyes, and his daughter could tell.

"We'll get you home, on some nice medication and a couple of movies to relax too. That sound good to you?" Alexis smiled weakly. He had to give her credit; at least she knew how to distract him.

But he knew what her not being here meant. And it killed him to know she was running once again.

now i can get onto the angst and get this story where it's really going...