a/n: so i haven't had much inspiration. sorry it's been forever but i felt like i messed up with the story. but here i think i turned it into what i wanted.

this one is quite lengthy.

disclaimer: good thing it isn't mine

His hands felt clumsy trying to put the tie on right. It never went through the loop right and when he tried to straighten it, it was a miserable fail. For some reason he picked up some kind of OCD habit where his tie had to be straight or his whole night felt off. No, not OCD it was a superstition. If his tie was not to his satisfaction, his "mojo" was completely off. The charm looked more desperate and his words came out jumbled. If Castle could not get it right, then Alexis could. Of course, his timing was horrible: she was tied down with some extra project that she was doing that Castle couldn't remember he just knew she was excited about it. That's all that really matters anyways to Castle. He'll just find a way to make sure his superstition doesn't mess with his head.

Castle feels the frustration set in as he grunts and restarts the process of tying when two feminine hands grasp his upper arms and turn him around. A sense of deja vu settles over him and for the first time in a few weeks, Castle relaxes into a daydream.

'Only her hands appeared at first. Slowly claiming his shoulders as he fumbled with his knot. An exasperated sigh coming out as he once again yanked the end out to restart. Her head appeared next and the hands slowly took the place of his around the fabric. His shoulders slump and his hands fall loosely to the side feigning defeat. "You never ask for help." She's teasing. "I figured if I play damsel in distress long enough, someone will save me." He finds her eyes in the mirror. The hazel shade of determination and focus on the task at hand, glancing up only for a second to meet his, then returning to her work has him trapped in that never ending wonderment of what makes the detective into a totally new persona. Dexterous hands make the task look so simple and mundane. She's done within a few seconds and draws her hands up to his shoulders where she massages the knots at the top. "Your superstitions go to ridiculous lengths sometimes, you know that right?" Her eyes lock on his as Castle turns in her arms and he knows she may say that his superstitions and conspiracy theories are unfounded but she'd never tell him to stop. "Being superstitious is not a choice, it's a burden. I can't help it if my tie makes me the man ladies swoon over." "Let me guess: It's your cross to bear." He sees the laughter caught in her throat as she tries to give a look that says so much. "See? This is why I have you around. You understand the weight of the world on my shoulder." Their grins match each other. "I was wondering why you kept me here."

His daydream ends right before he leans into kiss her because right now, the one helping him with his tie seems just as clumsy as him but at least she is getting the job done. His tie is set straighter than he could have done. The eyes that he meets are gorgeous nonetheless. But they are not the hazel shade he's used to.

"This is why I decided to pick you up. You just have to be the diva in this relationship," Laura grinned out in a soft dallying manner.

"I've heard it's hereditary." Castle responds back. He's expecting a back and forth, flirty banter that usually accompanies quips like this, but the disappointment he feels when she says, "Let's go" makes his shoulders sag even lower than before. He reminds himself to breath, accept the difference that has taken over his life, and walk out the front door.

It was a few weeks after he saw the boys that Castle finally had his book party for the new release, "Dead Heat." Gina was a bit happier than six plus years ago when he put his last golden character into the ground; at least he had the courtesy of giving his characters the happy ending he thought he was going to have. The temptation to kill off one or maybe even make it a Romeo and Juliette type ending went out the door when he realized he had always written his fantasy through Nikki and Rook, why not end it that way. When she read the ending, maybe it'd prove to her that he had some type of closure. 'Haha closure, what a joke.'

The boys said they'd try extra hard to make it seeing as how it was on their side of town and they didn't have much to do besides the paper work that "Emmitt" couldn't do. He cringed at their omission of her name. He thought of her, yes, but it was never by name. Calling her by name made his heart clench and his body seize up for seemingly endless minutes. It was as if the wind got knocked out of him every time and there is nothing good about that. So, it wasn't fair to Emmitt to get all the paper work. They were a team after all.

As the party got started, he realized more and more that they were going to ask about her. These people had no clue that he had fallen in love and got his heart broken by the now former muse. Now he had to prepare himself for her name, her constant mentioning, and the questions of why the ending of the series even happened.

Castle glanced to his left as he felt a presence on his arm. Laura handed him his drink as she resumed his place at his side. She was a few inches shorter than him in heels, her brown hair was shoulder length and straight when she let it down and her eyes were a pretty hazel that at times seemed to change to a bluer color. For the party she dressed in a black strapless cocktail dressed that seemed to be made out of silk fabric, he wasn't quite sure, but it looked smooth to touch and he smiled at the notion that maybe things are going to turn around for him. Maybe with Laura, maybe not but at least he feels something other than what has dragged him down the last year.

As the party started, a few drinks came Castle's way and the buzz started. Paula seemed to be monitoring him pretty close tonight. He was fine with that; it was understandable seeing as the party before this there had to be constant mediating between a drunken writer and few reporters that snuck in to ask questions all too personal for the liking. However, it also made it like a game: how much could he drink before she caught him. It made the party more enjoyable for him. Laura hung on his arm seemingly all night. This he wasn't as fine with and this is why he second-guessed his whole "relationship" with the woman. She was good company and (for less of better words) a good distraction, but when it came to going out, it was as if she was showing him off to the world. If anything, Castle would much rather have it the other way around. He'd much rather show off his date. Right now, he'd much rather have his space to converse with some of his old friends and supporters without having to include her in the conversation.

As the party started winding down, Castle was getting more and more disappointed that the boys might not show up. He looked at his watch and saw 10 o'clock. Figuring that they must have caught a case or paper work was brutal or something he went to find Paula to see if things were well enough for him to leave. That's when he heard some commotion towards the door. Turning, he saw his old partners trying to get past the small security that was at the door.

Running towards them, Castle gave the guards the all clear. "They're with me." He smiled as he waved them over.

"Hey Castle, sorry we're late. We gave some help on Karpowski's case and just finished up," Ryan spoke as he got a pat on the back in greeting from the writer.

"No problem, I'm just glad you guys made it at all," Castle said with a relieved breath. He looked over to his crowded left shoulder wondering why he felt continually suffocated when he heard the clearing of a throat and he finds Laura, still smothering him as he speaks to his friends. 'Rude.'

"You gonna introduce me Rick?" she says. 'Of course she says that, they always say that.'

"Uh.. yeah. Laura, these are my friends Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito. I worked with them for the Heat novels. Guys, this is my… date… Laura."

An exchange of "nice to meet you" was exchanged between the three and Castle saw his chance to finally get her to maybe make herself scarce. "Mind if I just catch up with the boys in the back? You can help yourself to the bar."

He waited for her hesitant nod before he hustled the boys into a corner booth.

"I am so glad you guys made it. I was about to call it an early night if you didn't."

"Who are we to turn down free drinks?" Ryan chuckled as he accepted a round of beers from the waiter that appeared. "Especially after a day like today."

"Mmm, this is just what I needed," said Esposito after taking a gulp of his drink.

"So! Tell me about the case! Was it anything I would've liked?" Castle sat up in the booth and leaned towards the partners knowing they would play it up just for him.

"Don't get too excited, it was just my favorite Jack killed Bill because of Jill kind of thing," Esposito stated nonchalantly.

"Excuse me gentlemen," Castle jumped at the intrusion as he turned to see Paula standing in front of their table. "Rick, your car is here. You leaving or are you actually going to stay up past your bed time?"

"Just tell him I'll be a little while," Castle said turning his attention back to the boys. "On second thought see if Laura wants to go home. She can take the car and I'll catch a cab or something."

"Why do I have to tell her? I'm not telling your little whatever she is that you're not giving her a ride home. You do that yourself."

"Paula, just tell her. If she wants to say bye she can come over here. Otherwise tell her I'll call her later."

"Suit yourself. I'm just gonna say, this won't be a point in the win column if you plan on moving things any further with this chick."

"Thanks for the advice. I believe I'm doing just fine. Now if you don't mind," Castle turned back to his friends as Paula turned in what seemed as mild disappointment to tell his date the news.

"Sorry, you guys were talking about the case?"

"Oh come on Javi, don't act like how he died wasn't cool," Ryan said turning to the other detective next to him.

Castle jumped right on that little bit of info. "Tell me! Please guys! I'm struggling for some inspiration here. How'd he die?" The eagerness in the writer was brimming at the edges.

"Okay fine. We found him near the park tied…" BOOOOM!

What Castle felt last was the shaking of the bar, the vinyl of the booth seat and then nothing.

pretty happy how i did this. if i get some good response i'll probably get good inspiration with it too. if not i have an idea for another fic.

so... thoughts?