Chapter 4 "Sick of all this change"
I prayed it was my brothers. Not that I didn't care about Ciara's, I just couldn't stand to lose anyone else.
As I got closer I could see who it was, it wasn't my brothers though. It was Ciara's, I saw all three of her brothers.
Then I saw my dog. He's a collie/German shepherd mix, he was medium sized. He ran straight to me, while Ciara ran to her brothers collapsing in Tyler's arms.
I collapsed on the ground hugging him around the neck.
I saw the fuzz pulling more figures out of the car. I got up and ran towards the car with Phoenix (dog) behind me. The fuzz were right there but I didn't care.
I dropped down by the figure that was supposed to be my brother. My happy breathing brother, that was supposed to adopt me and my other brothers.
And right now they were lying down on their backs, in the middle of the street. I crawled over and leaned my head on my big brother, Brandon's chest.
I listened, I didn't hear anything. Not one thing, not even a heartbeat.
I crawled over to my other two brothers and did the same as I did to Brandon, but I heard the same thing, no heartbeat.
Phoenix was licking each of their cheeks. I saw a crowd of people on the side of the streets watching us. I didn't care, I didn't care about anything anymore.
I wanted to be dead too. Someone was pulling me away from them, I squirmed, and screamed. Making Phoenix bark his head off.
I heard the person say stuff like, "Its okay," and "calm down". But I can't just calm down. I can't just be okay, my brothers just died in front of me, how could I be okay?
Then I realized who it was that was telling me this. It was my dad. I turned around and shoved him, he only cares now because people are watching, and he's sober. He never really cared.
"You did this," I screamed, "You made them leave," I was hitting him now, "How could you. I hate you."
"No I didn't" I yelled.
"Yes you did. Liar, liar." I screamed, running past the fuzz, the crowd, and kept running. I was leaving again. No one could stop me, not even Ciara.
I heard footsteps behind me, Phoenix was running aside of me. I ran, and ran, it felt like I was running for hours.
Before I knew it I collapsed on a car seat, in an abandoned lot. I hugged Phoenix, and cried into his chest fur. If I held a cry in, it would come out bigger, and it hurt.
I tried to think of happy things, but there wasn't any happy things to think of. My life was now a bottomless pit that I would never get out of. No one can help me, I'm just a goner.
Someone sat down by me, I looked over and saw Ciara.
She looked at me and said, "You know if you run away, I'm gonna have to go with you, I have no life besides you. And don't even think about ditching me, I'll just keep on running. You're my best friend Rayna, I would be dead without you. Please don't run away."
"You have your brothers, you'll be fine," I said, looking down.
"Rayna, no I wouldn't. Who was there for me when I broke my arm in third grade? You. Who helped me get over my fear of heights? You. Who made me stick up for myself? You. Who has always been there for me? You, and only you. Rayna you are the one thing in my life that is constantly there, the one person I know I'll always have no matter how stupid I get. I can't live without you, I won't be fine! You have to stay." She paused, "Please?"
"You just don't understand," I stated, starting to get up.
"Rayna," she grabbed my arm "I'm not letting go of your damn arm until you agree to go back and stay with me. I don't want to hear any damn excuses either. You will stay here." She held onto my arm her face full of fear.
"I don't have any excuses, and I'm not going back. I'm never going back home. I'm just going to hitch hike or maybe just walk from state to state until I get 18. Then when I'm 18 I'll come back, now let go," I said, yanking my arm away.
I turned around and saw the gang.
"Rayna look at these people, the ones who care about you. If you leave that must mean you don't give a damn about all the stuff they've done for you. And that means I'm going to have to rip off your head and shit down your neck!" Ciara yelled, "It means you don't care about me…" Her eyes filled with sadness.
I turned around, glaring at her I said, "Sometimes I really hate you, but….I can't leave the only family I have left. I can't, and I won't lose another family, I just don't know yet," I said.
"So are you staying?" she asked.
"On one condition," I said, half smiling.
"And what's that?" she asks.
"I'll stay if Phoenix can stay….in the house with me," I said, looking at Phoenix sitting there looking up at me, panting.
"DUH!" Soda announced.
I looked at Darry, "Okay, I guess. But I have to tell you something Rayna."
"What?" I asked Dar.
"I was thinking and what if you stayed with us permanently?"
"I don't know…" I said, looking at the grass blowing in the wind. It almost looked like they were dancing.
"Awe come on, it'll be fine," Soda said.
"Okay, I guess," I said, not lifting my head. I was afraid my eyes were puffy and red, I hate people seeing me cry.
"Come on," Soda said, slinging an arm around me guiding me.
So we went back home, Ciara's brothers showing up a little later, and Dally, Two-bit, Steve, and Johnny leaving to go back to their homes, well Dally going to Buck's.
I fell asleep on the couch. I no longer felt that happy, free feeling. No I now felt trapped, with no escape.
I woke up in the morning feeling miserable, weak, and…..not hungry. I didn't get up, I pulled the blanket my head and closed my eyes.
I couldn't stay asleep because I kept hearing talking in the kitchen. I rolled off the couch hitting the floor, almost forgetting that yesterday my only family that cared about me died.
I lied there on my stomach until I felt something that wet, slimly, and warm touch my cheek. I opened my eyes and found Phoenix lying there looking at me.
Once he saw I was awake he licked me across the face.
"Stop, I'm up," I said, pushing his head away.
It didn't work he just licked my hand instead. I sighed, "I give up."
"Look who's up," Dally said from the chair in the living room.
"Oh, hey sleeping beauty," Two-bit said.
"What time is it?" I ask.
"1:00."
"Really? Forget it, I'm going to take a shower," I said.
I walked up to my room first to get clothes, then got into the shower. After I got out I put my hair up in a French braid, and put on a blue flannel, boots, jean shorts, and my jeans jacket.
Then I went for a walk.
I walked and ended up at the abandoned lot, only to find it wasn't abandoned. Johnny was there.
"Hey, Johnny," I said, sitting down next to him.
He nodded at me, and I sat down. Playing in the dirt with a stick, we stayed quiet. I didn't have anything to say, there was nothing to say anyways.
"You're really strong," Johnny said, suddenly.
I looked at him with a confused look, "What do you mean," I asked.
"To go through all you did and still act like you're fine."
"I am fine," I said.
"No you're not," he said, still not looking at me.
"How do you figure?" I asked.
"Just because you smile and laugh, doesn't mean your fine. You can look happy on the outside but on the inside-"
"On the inside it's killing me," I finished for him, "You're right it is killing me, I just-it doesn't make sense. It can't be real, I'll wake up and they'll be alive. They have to be. They can't be dead."
"I'm sorry," he said, sadly.
"Don't be you weren't the one driving that mustang, you weren't the one that caused all of this," I started to cry, "Brandon was going to adopt me, and Alex, and Keith. He was so close to graduating, and getting a girlfriend, starting a family. Alex, and Keith might have been close to getting out of school, but they still had a lot to live for. They all do. It's not far that the socs lived and they didn't." I finished, sobbing.
Johnny still didn't look at me but did say, "Things will get better. The good die young."
I hated crying in front of people, especially Johnny. I don't know why, it just seemed bad to cry in front of him.
There had to be a reason why the gang never fight, or argue around Johnny. He was always so quiet, jumping at the little things like doors slamming, and touching him.
I looked at him, calming down a little. My face felt all wet, and sticky from crying. He had his head turned, I climbed over on the other side of him, and made him look at me.
He didn't make eye contact. I looked at the small red welts on his face, and bruises on his neck. For some reason I knew where they came from.
So to make him feel better I said, "My dad hit me too."
He then made I contact, but looked down quickly.
I turned my head upside down to look in his eyes, "Are you okay?"
He nodded.
"Then why won't you talk?" I asked, he shrugged.
"Come on let's go back to the Curtis'," I told him, getting up. He didn't move.
I grabbed his hand and pulled him up. We walked silently to the Curtis'. When we got there a very familiar car was in the drive way.
We walked over, opening the gate, and walking in we could hear yelling inside. I went in and Darry was yelling at…my dad.
"Get out of my house," Darry yelled.
"No, where's my daughter?" my dad yelled back.
"Look behind you stupid," I said, crossing my arms.
He turned around quickly, and glared down at me.
"Why are you here?" I asked calmly, I wasn't afraid of him, not anymore.
"WHY AM I HERE? WHY ARE YOU HERE?" He asked, grabbing my wrists.
I pull away backing up, "None of your business," I sneered.
"I am your father, it is too my business," he said.
I laughed, "You wish. THIS, IS NONE OF YOUR BUINESS. It never was," I said, going from talking to screaming to back to talking.
"Don't EVER talk to me like that again," he said, making a move to grab my wrists again.
I moved away quickly, "Oh really, cause I just did," I spat back.
"You're coming with me."
I moved back some more and said, "No I live here now. I like it here, I'm not leaving."
"You want to bet on that missy," he sneered.
"Actually yes I would how much, 10, 20, or how about 30. I bet I'll win," I said, sternly.
He sneered at me, looking like he was just about pick me up and drag me out, but that's when Darry innerved, so did Dally.
He looked at them realizing he can't fight the two biggest guys in Tulsa. He then looked back down at me and said, "I'll be back. With social workers. I'm getting you back, don't you worry."
"I never was worrying, I don't see why I would be now either. You can't get me back, I'm going to press charges," I said, smoothly.
He stopped walking and looked back at me shocked, but that changed and he now had a smirk across his face, "How are you going to do that. There's nothing to press against me. I didn't do nothin'."
"Oh really, I guess were just going to wait to find out," I said, crossing my arms, trying to hold my straight face. I felt like I was going to cry but I held it back.
My dad still with that smirk on his face, turned around and walked out the door. I turned back to the gang.
"What? I handled it," I started to make it to the door but turned back and added, "Would one of you clean Johnny up here."
"Where are you going?" Dally asked.
"I told 'him' that I was going to press charges, so I am," I said.
"Wait you were serious?" Soda asked me shocked.
"Yeah, 100 percent," I said, walking out the door.
Author's Note: Sorry, for it being so short, I'll try to make the next one longer. R&R, please!