Chapter 7 "No matter what it takes"

I stared at them in complete shock not knowing what to say. "What are you surprised?"

"No," I said flatly, "Not at all."

"Then why do you look so surprised?"

I gulped, then gained enough courage to say, "Because I'm surprised you have enough courage to say that to my face, you should feel lucky to even be alive right now."

"Why I should just kill you no-"

"It also doesn't surprise me because it fits your reputation," I cut him off, "snobby, immature, son of a bitches, yep you guys fit it perfectly."

"If we didn't need you then you would be dead right now," they said before they sped off.

Why would they need me, I questioned myself.

Well at least I have proof, I thought. I ran back to the Curtis', I was scared excited, and angry at the same time.

I didn't know what to think or feel right now. This would have never happened if my brothers were alive, I would be living with them.

Yeah I would be the only girl but if thats what it takes for them to be alive then I'll risk catching their annoyingness, or stupidly.

I got to the door and collapsed on the rug in the living room. The gang looked down at me, but said nothing.

I got up and went to the kitchen, picking up the phone I dialed the court house number, and the lady at the desk answered, "Hello?"

"Hi, can I talk to Ms. Sweet?" I asked.

"Hold on a minute please."

"Hello?" Ms. Sweet answered.

"Yeah hey Sweet I got proof," I said.

"Really? What is it?" she asked me.

"The socs they pretty much told me."

"Well, I kind of need proof that they said it, I can't just say they said it, but I guess I could use it."

"Wait, you know what socs are, I thought old people didn't know."

"I'm not that old, I'm only 18."

"Still, that's an adult."

"So is that it?" she asked.

"No one more thing," I said.

"What?" she asked getting frustrated.

"What's your first name?"

"Scarlett," she said flatly.

"Wanna come over for dinner?" I asked all of a sudden.

"Um….sure," she said kind of uneasy.

"Great see you in 10 minutes," I said, and hanged up.

She showed up, surprisingly. We all ate in the living room, it was really crowded.

"So, what are your guys' names, and how old are you all?" Ms. Sweet asked.

"That's Ciara, Tyler, Jon, Emmanuel, Johnny, Dally, Two-bit, Darry, Steve, Soda, Pony, and that's Phoenix," I explained, not waiting for anyone to answer.

Phoenix's head popped up at the sound of his name, but directed his attention back to the bowl of food when he realized I didn't need him.

"And I'm 16, Tyler is 17, Jon's 17 as well, Emmanuel is 15, Johnny's 16, Dally's 18, Two-bit's 19, Darry is 20, Soda is 16 ½, Steve is 17, and Pony is 14," Ciara explained.

"Well, I'm 18, and my first name is Scarlett," Ms. Sweet said.

"Wow, you sure don't look 18, more like 20," Two-bit said matter of factly.

"Yeah, I know, I have to look older than my age because of my job," she said.

They continued their conversation while I listened and thought about my life so far. It's amazing how far I got, I never thought I would make it this far, but I did and I'm proud of myself for that.

But I still have those racing thoughts about losing my brothers, my mother, my father, my whole family, and sometimes I just breakdown when no one's looking.

Things are changing and they are changing fast, but that doesn't mean it will get better it's getting worse, I mean I'm suing my own father for Christ's sake.

I wish I could stop feeling this way, like there's nothing to live for anymore even through there is I have the gang, Ciara her brothers, and Ms. Sweet.

Here I am. Feeling like I'm not wanted, again. Feeling like I'm worthless, again. And even though I'm alive, feeling dead.

I know I'm not dead, no the ones that are dead are my brothers, and my mother. But I feel like I bother people, by just being alive.

It's really sad how one day I'll seem to have everything going right then the next day I'll lose everything.

All of these thoughts in my head some bad, some good, but mostly bad. My mind is like a novel that's overflowing with words I wanted to say but never did and probably never will.

I think too much, for example one day in school in my 7th hour, English class, in the middle of class when we were reading a book my eyes filled up with tears. Because I knew they were thinking about their work or friends or what's happening after school, but all I could think of was how much I would rather be at the top of the building about to jump.

Society, I hate it. It's slowly killing you, slowly killing me. I could just picture it….

SOCIETY: are you under 100 lbs?

GIRL: no, but I'm happy.

SOCIETY: is your hair down to your butt?

GIRL: no, but I'm happy.

SOCIETY: do you have a perfect smile?

GIRL: no, but….

SOCIETY: do you have a flawless face?

GIRL: no.

SOCIETY: do you realize how ugly you are?

SOCIETY: do you realize that no one wants you?

SOCIETY: do you realize you're stupid?

SOCIETY: where did you go?

SOCIETY: have you committed suicide?

SOCIETY: Omg no, she was so beautiful, and special and loved, she will be missed so much, society is so ugly, why did you have to go?

It makes me so sick, people don't realize that they are hurting someone until they commit suicide, if you can really call it that.

I think it's just called suicide so the people that hurt them don't feel guilty. But they should feel guilty, cause they are the reason they are dead. It's pretty much murder, simple as that.

This really isn't life because, the second you are born we start dying, so this isn't life, its death. But in this world looks are everything, and people actually compete for them, which is really stupid.

I ran away, but I didn't at the same time, because how can you run away from yourself?

"What huh?" I asked hearing someone's voice.

"I said, are you going to finish your food?" Ms. Sweet asked.

"Oh uh, no I'm full," I answered getting up and putting my plate in the kitchen.

After a while everyone left. Days passed, and Ms. Sweet came over almost everyday getting me prepared for the trial.

It was a normal day, me and the gang and Ciara hanged out all day in the Curtis' house playing games, watching marathons and mickey mouse. That's when I got the fateful call.

The phone started ringing so I got up and answered, "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Rayna?" I could tell it was Ms. Sweet.

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"Well I didn't know if you knew…"

"Knew what?"

"About the trial..."

"Yeah what about it," I asked getting even more confused by the minute.

"It's tomorrow."

"Wait, what? What do you mean it's tomorrow, it couldn't been a week already."

"Well, it has, and your dad wants to talk to you before the trial tomorrow. I was supposed to tell you, and get you to talk to him," Ms. Sweet said nervously.