A/N I am a truly horrible person. This chapter has taken FAAAAARRRR too long to post but I've been kinda caught up in exams and yeah I really don't deserve the forgiveness of anyone but anyway! This chapter is a bit happier than the last one and will have to tide everyone over for a bit because exam season is still in full swing :( I'm kinda not that happy with my style of writing in this fic anymore but I'm not one to just abandon things so this should get finished someday :)
As always HUGE HUGE thanks and love to everyone who likes this fic enough to follow favourite or review! You guys never fail to make me happy :)
(p.s. A quick thank you goes to Sinisterapollo whose comment provided inspiration for the 'teenage diary' line in this chapter :))
After several moments of guilty silence, Sam asked tentatively "Dean?"
Dean sighed and rubbed his temples, but other than this, Sam found himself being completely ignored.
Sam was surprised at this. Rather than the anger that Sam had been expecting, Dean's silence seemed to indicate something very similar to pain or loss or...a broken heart? He wasn't sure, but he knew that Dean didn't really go in for the sappy love thing (or maybe he did? His thoughts had certainly been suggesting that maybe Dean was a lot more fanciful than Sam had originally thought).
"It's ok Dean. Really. I mean, this is Cas we're talking about here. I'm sure-"
"What makes you think it's Cas?" Dean said defiantly, an edge of anger creeping into his voice.
Aha, definitely Cas then. Hmm, that wasn't really news to Sam anymore though. He wondered if there would be anything on the little thought screen which could make for more interesting reading.
Damn it. Nothing there. Frustrated, Sam realised that Dean was probably doing the finger-over-the-lens thing again.
Sam sighed and watched as Dean stood up. He could see the simple instruction panning across Dean's head, but there didn't seem to be much motivation behind the movement.
I guess Cas must really mean a lot to him if he gets this depressed about a tiny little lover's spat;. Sam reflected
"Why don't you see if there's a case Dean?" Sam asked, desperately trying to pull Dean out of the pit of lethargy that he seemed to have sunk into after the disappearance of Cas.
"What's the point? I'm not going to be able to help other people if I can barely help myself!"
They lapsed into silence again.
"I guess now's as good a time as any to tell me how you even got in here" asked Dean with a sigh.
Mumbling as quietly as he dared, Sam spoke; "Oh right. Well um...' He swallowed. "I- err- went to see that Irish witch we dealt with a little while ago…"
"Why?" Dean asked, a hint of incredulity creeping into his voice.
"Does it matter?" Sam blustered. He was not going to admit that he went there after a phone call for crying out loud.
"Yes Sam. Actually it does matter. Considering you're in my head as a result of it." Sam could hear the anger starting to return to Dean's voice. He sounded positively icy now.
Sam gulped before answering. "Well..." Sam started. "He said he knew…something. I-I-thought it might be something to do with y'know stopping the um apocalypse maybe..." Sam trailed off.
"You idiot Sam! What were you thinking?! You told nobody! Not me, not Bobby, not anyone! I suppose it slipped your mind that the angels can't find you anymore, didn't it?! You could have died! You could be dead right now and this is some sort of fucked up possession!"
"I'm not possessing you Dean!"
"How am I supposed to know that?! I wake up and 'oh hey look! Your baby brother turns up in your head, pervs on your dreams and then attempts to fuck with your mind and best-friend angel! It sounds rather like a sick, sadistic possession to me!"
"Well think what you like Dean, but I'm stuck in here and I'm not asking you to like it – Hell! - You can't imagine that this is any better for me?! All I'm asking is that we calm the fuck down and try to figure this out without destroying something! There's hardly anything either of us can do about it right now ok?!"
There were a few minutes of silence in which Dean paced the room frustratedly.
"Ok. Ok FINE! We'll follow your plan for now. But please, don't shout anymore. It's given me a pounding headache." Dean grimaced and sank back down on to the bed. "What did the witch do?"
And Sam explained, in strained tones, the exact chain of events which had led to him ending up in the most unfortunate position of being in Dean's head. When Sam got to the part about Dean 'realising something' he was interrupted.
"Realise what, exactly?"
"I don't know, the witch seemed to think that you would know or something."
"How am I supposed to know if I haven't realised it yet? Jeez, this witch really didn't think things through..." Dean paused then asked, all accusation; "You don't think this is because you beat him at poker, do you?"
"What? No!" Sam denied fiercely. "The witch expressly stated that it wasn't!"
"That's good for you then." Dean replied enigmatically, leaving Sam unwilling to guess as to the unwholesome torture that Dean was probably concocting as punishment for being a one-time card shark.
For the rest of the day, Dean was sat behind Sam's computer (which Sam wasn't altogether too happy about) researching into anything that might prove useful in removing Sam from his head. So far he had discovered buckets of information about dream walking and animal possession but nothing seemed to match. Typical. It always had to be different for them didn't it?
Dean abruptly stood up, unable to take anymore fruitless searching in the apartment that was rapidly starting to feel close and confining.
Hmm, pie time I think.
Sam smirked. It seemed Dean had some sort of timer that alerted him to when his 'pie-levels' were dropping low.
The trip to the gas station was uneventful and by the time they returned (Dean with his arms full of pie) the sun had started to set. There was still no sign of Cas. This wouldn't usually be a problem, but Dean had to admit, he was worried. Ok, maybe more than worried. Who knew what the angel might have gotten up to? He could be hurt or... Dean stopped himself.
He's fine he's fine he's fine. Dean chanted to himself.
"Ha! I knew it!" Sam cried in jubilation. "This is about Cas!"
What? No! I mean yes-I mean sort of-err.
"I'm waiting Dean."
Well, I'm worried, that's all. Aren't you?
"Not really. He's an angel, he can look after himself."
You're infuriating, you know that?
"At least I'm not lovesick." Sam replied with a smirk.
Dean ignored him and proceeded to fumble with the keys to their apartment door.
Clink, clink clink, whoosh.
"Huh? Dean wait!"
Dean stopped, irritated, his hand on the doorknob.
"Your brain's getting some sort of signal coming from the apartment"
You better not be trying to fuck with me Samantha. I think I know what 'signals' my own brain is get-
Clink SCREEE. Clink clink. SCREEEEE.
"Surely you heard tha-"
Yes Ok Sam, I hear it. Dean thought back snappishly. Great. What bundle of fun have we got to deal with NOW?
Dean leaned closer to the door, before nodding and placing the pie carefully down on the hallway floor. Silently, taking the gun from his belt and swinging the door open with his free hand, he crept into the apartment.
"Dean! You came back!"
Hastily Dean dropped the gun as an armful of trenchcoated angel barrelled into his side.
"Um, Cas" Dean mumbled stiffly. Albeit slightly relieved at the angel's return, Dean was not accustomed to this uncharacteristic show of affection and as such, it was beginning to make him slightly uncomfortable. That, and the fact that Cas didn't seem inclined to move any time soon.
The angel's head had nestled into Dean's shoulder and Dean could smell the faint scent of alcohol clinging to each breath that ghosted across his own (rapidly reddening) cheeks.
Thinking it potentially dangerous to try and forcibly remove a drunk angel from his shoulder, Dean sighed and asked the next obvious question (aside from "Why are you being so affectionate Cas?!).
"What are you doing here Cas? What have you been - Cas!" Dean almost choked as Cas' hands started to run through his hair.
What made matters worse was that Sam was snickering loudly.
"Castiel!" Dean grabbed the angel's wandering hands as they made a third circuit of his hair. Cas only sighed and leant further into the hunter.
"Mm, I'm so glad you're back" He smiled lazily up at Dean, his hands still held aloft by the bewildered man in front of him.
"Well that's…good" Dean was having trouble avoiding the devoted gaze that Cas had fixed on him. It was making him feel far too hot and peculiar.
"I know!" exclaimed Cas as if suddenly struck by a brilliant idea.
Oh God. What now? "What is it Cas…?" Dean asked warily, lowering the angels arms very slowly, hoping Cas would be too drunk to notice. The arms wrapped around his waist once more and Dean huffed out an exasperated sigh.
The angel leant closer, until his mouth lined up with Dean's ear. "It's a secret" Cas rasped into the Hunter's ear which was currently flushing an embarrassing shade of chartreuse.
"Ahh.. um.. ok." Dean replied in a voice that suddenly seemed rather starved of air. "You can let go of me now." He added, hoping Cas would get the hint.
"But you might run away!" Cas gasped, apparently appalled at the very notion.
"I promise I won't run away." Dean reassured stiffly, well aware of Cas' body which was pressed warmly right along the contours of his own.
"Hmmm." Cas stared harder into Dean's eyes, which just happened to be convenient little windows for Sam to look out of and guffaw at. Dean was beginning to question just how fair life was. "Ok, Dean! I'll get us some drinks and then we can have a drink together, you promise?"
"Yes, yes I promise. I promise I won't run away, I promise I'll have a drink with you. Just… let go of me…now…please…right now."
Dean heaved a sigh of relief as Cas finally detached his arms from around his body and disappeared unsteadily into the kitchenette.
As Cas disappeared into the kitchen, the laughing fit Sam had been trying to contain left his lips at full volume.
Stop it Sam!
Sam continued to guffaw.
I said stop it!
With a great deal of effort, Sam managed to school his features into an expression resembling solemnity before saying:
"Good luck tonight Dean! Looks like Cas has more on his mind than just a casual drink!" Sam burst out laughing again.
Through his tears of laughter Sam tried to make out the angry thoughts panning across Dean's head.
Perverted little-
Having a sibling is totally overrated-
None of his business-
Homoerotic fantasies-
Sam continued to watch in fascination as the thoughts seemed to slow down and collect themselves, before morphing into the sort of thing Sam could imagine being in a teenage girls diary:
What if it's true though? What if he actually does like you? They say being drunk brings out your innermost feelings right? Shh! Sam is probably watching!
"Shit" muttered Dean.
Sam grinned wickedly.
Dean was saved from having to come up with a plausible excuse however by the return of a drunkard angel. Who was carrying two rather suspicious looking drinks.
"Cas..." Started Dean "What are they?"
Cas fairly beamed at Dean before saying "I'm afraid I can't tell you that Dean," the angel leant closer, "It's a secret, shhhh!" Cas giggled as he placed a silencing finger against Dean's lips. Sam cackled.
"I'm not drinking anything if I don't know what it is!" Dean exclaimed, jerking out from behind Cas' finger.
"But but Dean! You promised!"
Yeah Dean! You promised! Wouldn't want to disappoint loverboy, would we?
Dean sent a sideways glare at the ceiling.
"Fine fine! I'll have some of this mysterious booze and hope to God or Chuck or whoever controls our bloody lives that it's not poison"
Dean took a swig from the shimmering and...glittering? gold liquid.
It was divine. Dean felt the liquid rushing around his body, filling him up with an overwhelming sense of being whole and pure, tingling every nerve ending he possessed. Some irrational part of his brain (maybe Sam?) suggested that maybe it felt like what kissing Cas would feel like. Dean quickly quashed this thought. He wasn't gay, he liked sex with women, he wasn't gay.
Dean attempted to hold on to this thought as the alcohol continued to wake up every cell in his body, but it was getting harder now to hold on to arbitrary notions.
It wasn't like when he had got drunk before he reflected with a mellow smile on his face. For one, he had never got drunk this quickly, and for another, his vision wasn't fuzzy, he wasn't disorientated. In fact, just the opposite. Everything was highlighted in crystal clear clarity. Everything shone at him like multiple facets of the diamond that was his life. Even the grungy motel walls seemed to glow and sparkle, as if from another world.
Better still, he thought gleefully, Sam is hiding in the bowel function area!
Sure enough, the sparkly magic of the drink seemed to have flushed Sam into a part of the brain where Dean could no longer hear the whingey, whiny voice that only younger siblings had a way of mastering, and presumably where Sam could no longer hear him. All was right with the world.
Dean giggled and collapsed contentedly down on the sofa next to where Cas was taking a second swig from the heavenly liquid.
Cas raised his bottle to lazily chink against Dean's. Dean was too busy gazing at the angel's face to be able to chink with much vigour.
So, so pretty. Dean sighed to himself.
He certainly puts the 'Cas' in casa erotica, the dirty part of his mind thought with a thrill.
Cas looked truly beautiful, Dean vaguely wondered whether it was just the drink making him think this, or if the drink was just clearing his foggy senses. He suspected the later.
Cas' lips were flawlessly pouted, his eyes, the most beautiful shade of cerulean blue. They perfectly complemented his hair, which now seemed to shine with an ethereal light.
Mmmm, his halo.
"Dean", murmured the angel quietly.
"Mmmm?" responded Dean, still infatuated with the angels shining features.
"Don't ever leave me Dean" the object of Dean's staring whispered.
The sadness in the angel's eyes was almost palpable; it wrenched at Dean's heart and seemed to heavy his soul. He could feel the tension swelling in the air between them as his addled mind attempted to scramble for the right words. Finally he found them.
"Never, I'll never leave you" He whispered. And because that still didn't feel like enough, he encircled Cas snugly in his arms and whispered it again and again, knowing he meant it more and more every time he said it.
"Mmm, good." Sighed Cas, snuggling his head against Dean's shoulder, "I miss you when you're gone."
"I miss you too Cas" replied Dean. As Dean said the words, the sober part of his mind finally started to catch up and he realised just how true this statement was.