So mentally finalized the both the ending to this story and the follow up to it,
For the next story Both Kazuma and Ichika get sent to an alternate dimension where Ichika of that universe pilots an I.S. but he's dead, where Madoka belongs to phantom task but there's a third sister whose named Ichigo I'll make it clear how they got to the alternate universe
At least at first, then I started looking back on stories where the I.S. users become a sort of dictatorship enforcer and the world his fucked up and 2/3 times Ichika is a reluctant student forced by his sister to the academy which I don't understand why not just kill him if that were true. The third time Ichika went along with the whole take of the world.
So I thought what if Japan was a fully functioning Empire, Chifuyu (or tabane) was the empress, rules with an iron fist, and Ichika is the prince and heir to the throne, and has a harem which he is lot more aware of due him being a prince of sorts and polygamy being legal for stories sake. However now we have two former child soldiers who's combat experience involves fighting both fascist regimes and I.S.'s now they're in this world. Everything they grew up fighting all wrapped up into one big messed up world. They are going to make as much damage as possible all the while trying to find a way home.
Apart from that I have this story which is partly started where Ichika is a little more of a serious person and has crazy strength he was also adopted by Chifuyu. After the white knight Chifuyu missed a cruise missile which hit a residential area. So when she's walking around the impact site feeling depressed she could not stop it and there being rescue and volunteer groups and finds ichika holding up debris keeping it from crushing other orphans even though he could escape himself. She's inspired by his bravery adopts him and the story goes on from there…it's going to be another one of my "I.S. killer" fics which seems like I'm the only one who does this
Then there's this one I had sitting which is pretty well developed so far. It takes place a metro 2033 styled wasteland. You know dead cities crap load of ice and snow people living underground. And we have classic mutants and bandits making shit tough for the residents. So in order for the survivors to get what they need for their fallout shelters and to bargain with others they rely on 'Renegades' the incredibly stupid in brave who go up into the wasteland and get anything of value. Ichika is one of these renegades and is a partner with Dan. The I.S. academy exists to in some form and Ichika doesn't fly an I.S.. He also doesn't defeat them either he more or less tricks them and in makes a run for it. Also he and Chifuyu were separated during the fallout and she's been looking for him…so there's that to.
And another post apocalyptic setting except aliens caused. Like on Falling Skies and the Resistance: Fall of Man series. Ichika and his sister got separated during the invasion, until ten years later he gets a mission to retrieve a nuclear bomb for a military survivor group goes to a destroyed city that's presumably abandoned and find the invaders fighting I.S.'s which were thought to have all been destroyed due to the aliens overwhelming technological advantage. After that we have a little reunion going on and the ichika gets wrapped up in an accidental journey to save the world.
Ichika POV
So I wake up this morning and find I'm not alone in my bed. No it's not my shotgun…made sure to hide that thing due Chifuyu, Madoka, Houki, and Rin along with the unconscious, Laura came to stay here while the rest of their classes stayed overnight at a hotel. Yeah, apparently the I.S. academy was put on lockdown. So Chifuyu invited the girls that had a history with me here, plus Laura. This was all due to the I.S. that attacked me and Kazuma yesterday after the testing. Which by the way, I am sore as hell right now. Well the attack managed to scare enough people for that to happen. It apparently happened all the other times we were attacked just it was a lot more noticeable now that there were a significant amount of students off campus.
Well anyways back to bed invader. I moved the covers away to reveal Laura sleeping in a fetal position…naked. Now let me be absolutely clear on this. There is a naked girl in my bed. She is admittedly cute. And on any other day this would be one of the greatest moments of my life. But here's the thing…I have no idea what she is doing in my bed! She wakes up and drowsily rubs her eyes. "Good morning." She said casually.
"Good morning…" I said awkwardly, wait, what the hell am I doing? "Why are you in my bed?"
"I saw someone walk in here in the middle of the night, and figured that a groom needs to protect her bride!" she said as if it were a fact.
"Several things I don't understand in that statement…and did you say that someone else came in here!?" I said and looked to my right where another source of warmth was under the cover I move it away and it reveals Madoka who winced at the light now on her face. Where was my combat intuition last night? Wait, these people don't mean me harm so it didn't go off…right.
"Good morning Ichika." she said, waking up in similar fashion to Laura, she however had clothes on. So I have two girls in my bed. And I'm shirtless, yeah I sleep shirtless because on the ARK we usually used whatever we had for shirts as makeshift blankets. Not the most comfortable thing in the world but we made due. Anyways my various sword wounds were showing along with my nanite markings which both girls were now staring at.
"Yes" I asked innocently.
"Did you get hurt that badly in the test yesterday!?" Madoka said frantically grabbing on to my arm. Laura doing similar to my other arm
"No, I got these on the ARK" I explained calmly "Nothing to worry about. Wouldn't I be in the hospital if I got these yesterday." Madoka was about to press the subject, however that's when Houki decided to walk in.
"Ichika, it's time to wake up!" she said opening the door rather suddenly, then she stopped at the sight and gawked so either she was surprised there are two girls in my bed pressing themselves against my arms, one has barely any clothes on the other has no clothes at all, me shirtless, or all of the above.
"Okay." I said in a calm manner "This situation is totally not my fault."
"It's rude to intrude upon a married couples bedroom." Said Laura.
"Where are you getting that from?" I asked with a confused look.
"Ichika…" said Houki menacingly, why are you blaming me!? Wait why are you angry in the first place!? She seemed to gone over the edge with that random married couples comment and pulled a bokuto from out of nowhere and began marching towards me with a 'I'm going to hurt you feel.'
Also my combat tuition went off. However during my time on the ARK, Nick taught me to always have an escape plan in case Security came knocking. So now, even though I'm not fighting anyone I still have habit of making an escape plan. Hint; my window is open.
"Hey Madoka do you know if the front door is unlocked?" I ask getting ready to initiate my plan by freeing up my arms.
"Yes, Chifuyu goes out to get mail at this time, remember? And why?"
Instead of answering I just jump out of my bed roll onto the floor and leap out the window second story window and did an impact roll onto the grass. Crazy? Probably. But another thing Nick taught me is that those crazy plans are the ones your enemies never expect. So here I am standing in the front yard wearing only a pair of shorts.
I walk back inside casually, Chifuyu was in the kitchen going through the mail, she looked up seemingly surprised that I was coming through the front door rather than the stairs. And also the fact I only have a pair of sleeping shorts on. "My room got to dangerous and I escaped out the window." I explained plainly. She raised an eyebrow but didn't press the topic, I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV to the morning news and as expected they were going over the I.S. attack yesterday and how eyewitnesses used their phones to record us fighting it with the students keeping a safe distance away. Then it switched to a message from the prime minister. Who was a female due to the sociological overhaul brought upon by the I.S..
"My fellow Japanese, our great country has thrived in the age of the Infinite Stratos, and has advanced far in several areas of science, however two boys are challenging what could be considered a national icon."
I have a bad idea of where this is going.
"These two boys have dared to challenge the invincibility of the I.S."
And won
"There by challenging the order of the world" holy shit this bitch is delusional "They are Ichika Orimura and Kazuma Raikagure!"
Called it.
"So in order to preserve the peace I am here by exiling these two 'terrorist' from the country. They have week until the military removes them by force" Well ain't that a bitch to match the one on the TV! I looked around and noticed that everyone was up and watching the message.
"Great" I said sarcastically "that's the second time in my life I get called a terrorist by some wack-job drunk on power." Apparently during the I.S. era Japan began reverting back to a strong central government type, almost like how it was in the WWII era. So I guess the Prime minister finally finalized it and now she can do whatever she pleases…stuck up bitch. The screen changed to a reporter talking about the announcement
"It's no secret that the when the people discovered that females could only pilot the I.S. there were massive changes on society some subtle some more obvious." Said the Female reporter, I cannot remember names of the news people, I have tried but I just can't do it. "Such as women being considered superior to men though this has limited effect in other areas of the world it is felt strongly here in Japan."
Thank you for the history lesson everyone already knew.
"These two boys are considered their generations best hope by many males longing for the 'old days' before the I.S.. By either accidently or purposely challenging the I.S."
It was accidently .
"They have gave challenge to this thought which has been speculated to be the main reason the current prime minister won her election which was a close call." I turned the TV off at that point.
"Well that sucks." I stated bluntly.
"Oh no" said Madoka "We just got you back and now you have to leave again?" she was obviously upset.
"Doesn't look like I have much of choice." I replied bluntly, due to being on the ARK and meeting my resistance brothers, I don't really consider Japan my home anymore, so if I have to leave that's fine…except for my sisters and friends here.
"But where will you go?" asked Madoka.
"I can make arrangements for Germany to take you in, I'm sure someone with your skills would be welcomed with open arms." said Laura.
"Why?" I asked, seriously she did a total one eighty since yesterday. Instead of answering she stood up walked in front of me and kissed me on the lips. Now don't get me wrong I would be happy if I knew what she was doing…wait oh crap that thing she said when our nanites converged that wasn't just some random dazed talk was it? When she parted all the girls around me were gawking.
"Because you are my bride! There will be no arguments or objections." She said in a somewhat nervous manner. Probably never thought she would have to say that in her life.
"What?" I asked stunned. Then I realized what she said "Why bride?"
"I heard when you like someone you are suppose to call them my yome or my bride." She said, you know this would qualify as a confession, but I'm fairly certain she has no idea what she's talking about.
"Okay first off I speak both Japanese and Deutch" I said purposefully using the word that the Germans refer to themselves as. "So I know you have those terms mixed up" to clarify I switch to German "Yome is what the male refers to the female as, and secondly you skipped several steps in a relations ship" she seemed surprised along with everyone else that I was fluently speaking German. Laura shook out of her stupor a moment.
"You're German is impressive..." she commented, contemplating my words "Fine then, I will be your girlfriend!" the others were still gawking except for Chifuyu who had an amused look on her face.
"Let's start with friends." I said.
"Alright! I will now be your friend!" she said this with determined look on her face. Which was kind of funny considering the subject matter.
"Well that's settled." I said relaxing.
"You can speak German!?" exclaimed Madoka.
"Among other languages." I replied calmly.
"How many do you know?" asked Houki impressed. This made me stop and think.
"Let's see other than Japanese, There's Mandarin Chinese, French, Russian, German, and English…plus a little Swahili." They were looking at me stunned. "What? The ARK was a crowded place I needed to know at least that many languages just to greet my 'roommates' in the morning." It's nothing that great. Most ARK citizens speak the same amount of languages as me. Nick could speak ten languages…before you go praising him just know he learned the extra five to piss of people he didn't like in their own language. Like Chang says when he does incredible things, it's usually for really stupid reasons. I do to on occasion.
"Well anyways… back to the problem at hand" said Rin "What are you going to do."
"I don't know" I replied, getting up "I'm sure this thing will work itself out, if not better go looking for house listings."
"Wait, where are you going?" asked Madoka.
"To get a shirt on." I replied casually "or do you like seeing me shirtless." I flexed a little bit to tease them. They all blushed.
"AS IF!" most of them said at the same time. Except Chifuyu was apparently enjoying their reactions with a smirk on her face, and Laura who…
"Yes, you have rather well toned muscles despite your stature, although your wounds are somewhat alarming." she said honestly, though she was probably commenting on what she saw then an actual compliment. My build is kind of more for speed and agility, thought that doesn't mean I can't hit hard when I want to. The girls were looking at her gawking at her. It's like I'm dealing with a bunch tsundere's…not that any of them like me in that kind of way.
I got a plain gray shirt on and changed into a pair of cargo pants, and went back down stairs. I told them I was going to go for a walk and left. When I got away from the house I picked up my phone and called Kazuma.
"Hey boss." He greeted.
"Did you see the news." I asked in a serious tone.
"Yeah…Yeah boss, I did." He replied his tone also becoming serious.
"What do you think about all of this?"
"Boss, you are talking to a guy who grew up in place with 45,000 people and was largely hated by them, who then got out of that place and moved to place with over a million people where again he was largely hated by a large part of the population. In other words being hated and moved around is nothing new to me." He said this in a 'are you seriously asking me this' tone of voice.
"Good point." I replied chuckling a bit.
"Well, I'll talk to you later I'm about to try out the new gaming console I just bought." With that he hung up. I went into the park and sat down at a bench. What should I do? Is there even a country out there that will want to house a direct threat to one of its main sources of political power, much less two of them. I thought about this more…geez I'm missing the days when I only needed to worry about the next few minutes rather than my entire lifetime.
"Ichika?" called out a voice I turned and saw Charl she was dressed in her I.S. academy uniform
"Hey Charl." I raised a hand in greeting
(Madoka POV)
I was back in my room laying on my bed, hugging my pillow. Today has barely started and it's already terrible my brother is going to being taken away from me again! That stupid prime minister. Like it's his fault that he had to fight an I.S.! I don't want to lose him again…he was so different when we got him back but and if we lose him again who knows what he'll be like.
He use to be mild mannered, and somewhat of a push over which isn't all that appealing in guy but it's kind of cute. But now he's strong, brave, and courageous, he's actually manly. Now this wouldn't be problem but he's completely different! And one other thing, he was so easily readable to the point where we could practically read his mind. Now it's like he's not there. His mind is mystery and so is the things he does. Only hearing that he got hurt after he left the hospital.
Also I feel incredibly weak around him, Ichika use to not even be able to stand up to Houki and me in kendo. And then now he can go toe to toe with an I.S. wielding those weird swords of his!
Ichika, just what happened to you?
(Kazuma POV)
This is the most popular game in the world today? I was playing a game called Call to Arms. Basically you run around an shoot people with gun from a class from a preset or customized one. And here's why I'm surprised this is exciting I have actually done crap ten times more dangerous than this and all it got me were looks as if I were to go on a killing spree.
Maybe it's the country…the main character are American, maybe I'll be treated better if I move there…You this is actually possible due to the whole 'being banished from Japan' deal. Well fuck Japan. I decide to stop playing the video game and turn on the news which was still on about the bitch of a prime ministers decision.
"We have just received news that America has offered sanctuary for the two boys now being dubbed the I.S. killers. They also are offering a place in their military when the boys become of age or finish high school."
Definitely going to America then.
"We have also received reports concerning why the boys alone are exiled and not their families. In Ichika Orimura's case the his older sister is the Two time champion of Mondo Grosso and one of the best teachers at the I.S. academy along with his younger twin sister being a reportedly top grade student."
And to think I beat her relatively easily.
"And in Kazuma Raikagures' case…"
Note to self; change my last name. that's my bitch of a mothers last name. Speaking of which she's probably having a party watching this
"During to an interview of the resistance shortly after operation Exodus, he claims that his existing family hates him and he currently lives alone."
Thanks for reminding me about that. I then decide pick up my phone to call boss to tell him about the news.
(Ichika POV)
"…And that's the problem I'm facing." I explained to Charl the news broadcast and that I'm going to be forced out of Japan.
"That seems to be an overreaction." She said trying to sympathize with me "I meant it's not like you chose to fight an I.S."
"Tell that to the prime minister." I replied "Not that it's do much she apparently belongs to a political part y emphasizing female dominance so me and Kazuma being able to repeatedly take down an I.S is probably her worse nightmare." My phone rang, I checked to see who it was and saw Kazuma's number. "What's up, Kazuma?"
"Hey boss, I just saw an update on our issue, apparently the U.S. is willing to take us in set us up for school and living conditions and pay us to join their military." Kazuma sounded a little excited
"Well there's one option, but you do realize that we'd probably be forced to join the military don't you?" I replied.
"Do you have better idea of what you want to do when you grow up?" asked Kazuma.
"Not really…" I replied scratching my head "Oh yeah Laura also extended an offer from the German military."
"Isn't she that silver haired pilot we beat the crap out of and then her I.S. inexplicably morphed into a giant version of your sister?" asked Kazuma incredulously.
"Yes." Said Ichika "I woke up and for some reason she was in my bed naked this morning." I heard Charl 'eep' at this.
"Niiiice." Commented Kazuma slyly
"She apparently had this notion that I was her bride-" I got interrupted
"You mean groom? Right?" asked Kazuma sounding confused
"No she had a translation issue and apparently, not really use to relationship with other humans, and managed her talk down to being friends." I heard Charl give a sigh of relief for some reason
"…" there was a long silence on the phone
"Kazuma, you there?"
"…Boss, let me get this straight. There was a girl naked, in your bed of her own free will was not drugged or anything, and professed to having an interest in you and you told her to be friends." He sounded bit annoyed. "Okay the next time you say can't get a girlfriend. I will hit you." I sighed
"Sounds fair." In truth I did sink that ship myself. Sort of the best friends job to hit you in times like these.
(Houki POV)
I was walking back to my aunt's house for a visit before I got the academy, but I can't help but think back to yesterday to the skill which Ichika and his friend displayed and the ease of taking out the rouge I.S.
Ichika is unbelievable. He's so strong now, and the way he fought, he was able to analyze his opponent and strike back accordingly he did it like it was second nature to him. He was even able to defeat me easily. And I won the national kendo tournament…
He still has the kindness he had six years ago, but now there's underlying confidence and strength and occasionally he gets a bit snarky as seen when he fights. But his skill it's almost inhuman he was able to dodge lasers and bullets not to mention making cutting a high velocity railgun round in half to protect his friend.
Madoka and me had more trouble with Laura during the paired tournament and only barely managed to win we were in I.S.'s at the time to. What Ichika did seemed almost effortless compared to ours.
Why are you like this Ichika…what happened to you?
(Ichika POV)
Me Charl ran out of things to talk about without me digging up painful memories or something she'd find disturbing. So now we are just sitting there awkwardly. Until…
"Oh my, is that you Ichika dear?" asked a new slightly accented voice. What's with this dear business?
Me and Charl turned over to see a girl our age she had long blonde hair and blue eyes wearing what I guess is a long skirted variation of the I.S. uniform. I do not know who she is.
"Who are you?" I asked confused, this seemed to throw her off.
"How can you say that?" she asked depressed "We fought each other!"
"You're going to have to be more specific." I fight a lot of people
"In an I.S.!"
"Just a bit more." This is kind of sad at this point.
"I am the…'British chick'" she seemed uncomfortable saying that. Of course she was using one of Kazuma's references.
"Oh…now I remember." I thought that accent sounded familiar "You know if you said you were the British pilot that would have gone a lot faster."
"Never mind that, I will forgive since we haven't really had the chance to talk." She said regaining her composure "May I inquire why you and Charlotte are sitting here together."
"Charl is a friend of mine." I explained plainly, as said person gave a disappointed expression for some reason "We were catching up on old times, and talking about the current relocation issue I'm facing."
"Ah yes my government has informed me of that and would like to extend an invitation for you to come and join our military. Conditions are negotiable." She held out her hand for dramatic effect.
"And that makes three." I replied with sigh, while she looked at me confused "I've already received an invitation from Germany and America along those same lines." Then my phone rang.
"Is this Ichika Orimura?" asked a gruff no nonsense voice in Russian
"Da." I replied, it's the Russian word for' yes' "Is this the Russian military?" They probably know I speak Russian because after I got out of the hospital I was officially considered an ARK citizen and had to fill out a form. On that form I had fill out the languages I know.
"Da." Said the voice "We of the Russian military would like to offer you sanctuary, in return for military advisory and assistance in dealing with hostile I.S. issues. We have already informed your comrade of this offer." Well at least their honest, I seriously thought that me and Kazuma killing an I.S. would make governments hate us. I guess they want us as an asset on their side rather than a threat against their side.
"I will consider it." I replied.
"Very well we'll no doubt have your response at the end of the week." said the Voice "Das Vidania." With that he hung up. I turned to the girls Charl was looking at me expectantly, while Cecilia was looking at me in surprise.
"So the Russians just sent me an offer." I said before turning to Cecilia "To answer the questions you have, yes I can speak Russian, I can also speak English and I fluently speak a total six languages and partially a seventh."
"How did you…?" she asked surprised, as it seemed I read her mind
"Had a similar conversation this morning." I replied with a smirk.
So we talked a bit more before once again running out of things to say. and finally going home. I'm guessing the 'dear' thing was her countries way of trying to win me over. I walked into the house and felt something climb up my back.
"Wow it's so high up here" said a familiar voice belonging to Rin.
"Well this brings back memories." I smirked, Rin for some reason started doing this after we were stuck behind a crowd while watching a fire work show, she couldn't see because she was and still kind of is, short. So I let her climb onto my shoulders so she could watch and see just randomly started doing this
"Doesn't it?" she replied looking down at me for a grin "Anyways my country has-"
"Extended an invitation to come there for refuge in exchange for becoming part of their military?" I asked, like I already knew.
"I take this happened a lot today?"
"Like you wouldn't believe." I replied "The Germans from Laura, the Americans from the TV, the Russians called my phone directly, oh and the British girl…Cecilia extended an invitation from the British."
"Well aren't you popular?" she said slyly.
"Yeah, well I'll at least have somewhere to go after this week." I replied. Silence reigned with us after that since we were reminded of the serious matter at hand.
"…"
"…"
"…Hey Ichika…" said Rin in a solemn tone "There's another thing I wanted to talk to you about."
"And that is…" I prompted her to continue
"It's about that promise" she said, oh rap I totally forgot that was the reason she was pissed at me yesterday. "I just wanted you to know that you got it right"…this going to get bloody and…wait a moment…
"Huh?" I asked intelligently
"I said you got it right you remembered the promise exactly" said Rin wrapping her arms around my head.
"So why were you angry then?" I asked confuse, not that really mattered since I didn't get hurt all that much except for that impact cannon shot which hurt like hell but I avoided serious injury thanks to the armor. Nice work nameless scientist guy… "What was there some hidden meaning to it or something."
"W…w…w…What no! it's just that wasn't the reaction I was expecting from you." She said. Wow that is a really stupid reason to get pissed…but the fact she's my friend and this is Rin we're talking about. So I'll keep quiet.
The rest of the day was in somewhat quiet except for instance where the girls were arguing who would sit on my right side at lunch, Chifuyu already sitting next to me on my left, and I'm sure that the girls do not want to argue with her. This ended however when Chifuyu yelled at them and took the opposite side of the table.
After that they went back to the academy and I got a call from the nameless scientist, he wanted both me and Kazuma to come back to the testing area, something about health concerns…
Well I met Kazuma en route and we both reached the building as the sun was setting walked inside and saw the scientist waiting for us.
"So what's this about the health concerns?" I asked getting right to the point.
"It's nothing too serious…Yet" Replied the scientist calmly
"Yet?" me and Kazuma asked at the same time
"It's just a slight complication with your nannites and your rather unique biology." Said the scientist typing something into his PDA.
"What?" I asked confused, I am human, right? Kazuma looked just as confused as me.
"Well I was looking over your recent physical data, and apparently both you and your friend here have an odd body chemical output." He said looking intently at something on his screen
"Still confused here." I said, Kazuma nodded in agreement.
"Well apparently your body…I'm guessing this is due to those revive syringes you ARK people are so found of… has tougher skin, bone, and muscle compared to that of an average human." This I understood, the revive syringes quickly get people back on their feet this quickly enhanced the healing process on the human body. And when a person heals their body usually come back more having more hardened physiology in affected area. I know this from firsthand experience.
"Kind of explains how we're still alive." I put in, in the past month with fighting I.S.'s both me and Kazuma have gone through things that would have probably killed anyone else. Hell I got punched by a guy who could crushed a concrete floor with his fists! Not to mention all the crap we went through on the ARK.
"Yes, well, your body has adapted to the substance in those revive syringes and alters your physiology producing an of shoot this substance in your body. However the nanites were programmed to react with normal person and when the nanites activate such as using the nano swords your mental uplink to the mobility harness causing your them to have a deteriorating effect on your bodies."
"You mean we're going to disintegrate!?" I asked a bit worried, I'm fine with getting shot and stabbed, and blown up but disintegration kind of scares me…There's something wrong with me isn't there
"Calm down." He said "You haven't had the nanites for that long so there should be little to effect on your bodies, if there is it would probably heal." Said the scientist "I brought you here to extract the nanites before anything serious happens. And you wouldn't disintegrate well not entirely you'd go insane first due to the nanite connection to your brain before any physical damage would be done."
"That does not make me feel better." Said Kazuma
"So why didn't you extract the nanites when the tests were over?" makes more senes then letting us run around with vertiable anti-I.S. weaponry.
"The benefactors of this project didn't see a problem with it and I didn't have the proper equipment at the time" he explained.
He led us into a room with two mchines resembling IV's used at a hospital. Apparently it was really close to that extracting blood removing the tiny machines and then pump it back into our bodies. Barely felt a thing.
After we were done we we're about to be on our way then the lights went out. There was an explosion outside as if a cannon shell had impacted the ground, my combat intuition went off, and from the dust emerged a tall mechanical figure.
Me and Kazuma shared annoyed looks.
"CAN'T WE GET A FUCKING BRAKE!?"
Ending with yet another I.S. fight, next chapter it's up to the I.S. killers to save the city, and figure out who's making their lives a pain in the ass.