Author's Note: So sorry for the delay. I was at a conference for most of last weekend and then this week was exam week. The good news is that spring break is HERE! A week off and then the last 2 ½ months of school without a break. I loved reading all the guesses as to what's going through Spike's head. I won't promise a definitive answer, but you'll get some answers. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: The show Flashpoint and its characters were created by Mark Ellis and Stephanie Morgenstern and belong to them and the networks who air the episodes. Since the show has ended, our only way of getting new Flashpoint is through fan fiction. This story is my attempt to help fill the void, and the only profit I make is the warm fuzzy feeling reviews give me. Anything that does not come directly from the show is my own creation and should not be used without my permission.

Break Out

Chapter 13

"Sam?"

Sam looked down at Jules as he walked beside her as the orderlies pushed her stretcher down the hallway. Despite her warning that she was a horrible patient when under sedation, Jules hadn't shown that part of herself. Instead she'd mostly dozed as the surgeon had removed shard after painful shard. Sam had been glad that the drugs Dr. Flowers had given Jules had either prevented her from feeling the pain or had at the very least made her not care about it.

During the procedure, every so often Jules would rouse herself enough and would say his name, just as she'd just done. He would answer her, sometimes to have her ask him some question or make some comment that seemed to come totally out of left field or to find she'd already drifted back off. He wondered which it would be this time. "I'm right here."

"I feel funny." She blinked heavily, but seemed a little more coherent than she had the last time she'd spoken.

Sam glanced at the orderlies, but they didn't seem alarmed by her words. He frowned. Was it because they were used to such proclamations or because they weren't trained to worry? "How so?"

Jules frowned, her nose wrinkling up in disdain. "The walls moving without me."

Sam had to suppress a chuckle. It was more about being relieved that there wasn't something seriously wrong than truly finding her words funny. There was no way he would actually laugh at her. "The walls aren't moving, Sweetheart, you are. You're being wheeled to your room on a stretcher. Dr. Flowers removed the shards from your leg, remember?"

"Oh." Her eyes slowly closed again. Sam shook his head, sure she was once more back to sleep. Dr. Flowers had warned him that she'd probably stay drowsy for probably at least another hour if not longer. To his surprise, she opened her eyes again. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I think the walls are moving."

Sam knew enough about the effects of sedation to know it wasn't unusual for patients to repeat themselves as they started to come out from under the effects. "It's okay, Jules. They won't go far."

"'kay. My throat's still dry."

The orderly at the head of the stretcher answered that one. "I'm pretty sure once we get her in the room, her floor nurse will allow her to have some ice chips."

"Hear that, Jules? We'll be able to take care of that dry throat really soon." Sam smiled down at her. Her answer was to give his hand she hadn't let go of since Dr. Flowers had gotten started a squeeze.

They reached the room Jules had been assigned and wheeled the stretcher in. As the orderlies prepared to transfer her from the stretcher to the bed, Sam unconsciously held his breath. He remembered her cry of pain from earlier and hoped she was still numb enough and sedated enough that it wouldn't hurt her. She hadn't reacted when they'd put her on the stretcher but she'd been pretty much asleep at the time.

Her grip on his hand tightened even more, but he was pretty sure it was the almost feeling like falling sensation of being moved rather than pain. Once she was settled, the orderlies left out to take her chart to the nurses' station. Sam used one of his long legs to drag a chair closer so he wouldn't have to release her hand to get it. He would have preferred to sink down on the bed beside her so he could properly hold her, but he didn't want to risk hurting her. He also knew the nurse would be walking in to the room soon, and didn't want her to fuss.

Sure enough, the door opened and the nurse entered carrying the chart and a small cup and a spoon. She handed the latter two to Sam. The cup was full of crushed ice. She smiled at them. "A little birdie told me someone was complaining of a dry throat. I was a little surprised. I don't see any indication of the surgeon using a breathing tube. That's usually the reason for dry throats after a surgical procedure."

"No, but before she was brought in, she'd been gagged with a roll of gauze. It dried her out pretty good and they wouldn't let her have anything in the ER."

The nurse winced sympathetically. "Then, Julianna, let me see exactly what we've got going on here and then I'll let your friend here feed you as much of that ice as you want."

"Jules." Jules corrected her sleepily. She closed her eyes once more, not really caring what the nurse did.

Sam on the other hand watched as the nurse lifted the blanket to look at Jules's leg. After removing the shrapnel, Dr. Flowers had carefully wrapped her upper thigh with a thick, padded bandage. Satisfied that blood hadn't soaked through, the nurse straightened the blanket back out and checked a few more things. Jules never stirred. Seeing Sam's worried expression, the nurse smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry. She's been through a tough time but she seems to be doing remarkably well. Don't be surprised if she drifts in and out of sleep for the next little bit. It's perfectly normal. When she's awake, feel free to let her have as much of the ice as she wants. If she's hungry, buzz the desk and we can bring her something to eat. I'd probably recommend soup to start with."

"Soup?" Jules muttered drowsily.

"Hungry?" If the nurse was surprised that Jules chimed in to the conversation, she didn't show it.

Jules nodded, her eyes never really opening all the way and her head not leaving the pillow. "'Mato?"

Sam raised an eyebrow. "You don't like tomato soup, Jules."

"Oh." Jules lazily opened one eye and looked at him. "That's right. 'shroom?"

Sam nodded and looked at the nurse. "You got cream of mushroom?"

"I think we can swing that. I'll heat some up and bring it down. Do you have anyone in the waiting room, you'd like for me to let know what room you're in?"

Sam gave her Sarge's name and thanked her. A couple minutes later, he was alone in the room with Jules. He caressed her cheek tenderly. "You want some ice chips?"

Again Jules nodded without lifting her head. Almost reluctantly, Sam released her hand knowing he would need both free to spoon feed her the ice chips. He picked up the cup of ice the nurse had brought in and spooned some of the crushed ice into Jules's mouth. She didn't give it a chance to melt as she crunched down on the ice and then let it slide down her dry, cottony throat. Almost immediately, she opened her mouth for more. Obediently, Sam fed her some more. "Does that feel better?"

She nodded without hesitation as she accepted a third spoonful. The look on her face wasn't quite blissful but it wasn't far from it. So much so that Sam couldn't resist teasing her. "Better than my kisses?"

She was just about to nod when it hit her what he'd asked. She gave him a mock glare. He laughed and leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose. "Sorry, not a fair question. Want some more?"

"Kisses or ice?"

Sam was glad that even her voice was starting to sound less ragged. He shrugged. "Either. Both. Whatever you want."

"I wish that were possible." Jules muttered, mostly under her breath.

Sam frowned, studying her eyes carefully. On a good day, it was usually difficult to accurately judge what she was thinking by looking into her eyes. He hoped, however, that maybe the carryover effect of the drugs had left her a little less guarded. "Jules, I mean it; whatever you need, I'll do my damndest to get for you. Even if it's just offering you an ear."

His hope was partially granted. He could see the pain in her eyes. A pain that had nothing to do with any physical injury. A pain he'd do anything to take away, especially since he had a pretty good idea of why it was there. However, he could also see that Jules wasn't ready to reveal much less pour her heart out about what had happened in that laundry room.

Instead, she brought her hand up to cup the back of his head. The IV line running between the bag of antibiotics the doctor had hung to its insertion site just above her wrist dangled as she did. She drew him closer to her until there was no doubt what she wanted. His lips met hers, tentatively at first. She quickly made it clear she wanted nothing to do with chaste and tentative. Sam was more than happy to oblige.

In one small corner of his mind, Sam knew this wasn't a normal Jules reaction. While she was generally free and uninhibited in her affections in the privacy of their home when they were completely alone, she was much more reserved in public. Sure, they might currently be alone but it was only a matter of time before either the nurse or the team came through the door. He couldn't help but wonder which was controlling her actions more: the drugs or what she'd endured while being held captive. The speculation didn't stop him from fully giving into the kisses, however. It didn't matter why she was desperate for his kiss, he was more than willing to reciprocate. The truth was he needed the kisses as much as she clearly wanted them.

Neither was aware of the door opening nor the presence of four additional bodies until Ed cleared his throat loudly. The tactical leader for Team 1 shook his head. "Seriously, it's like the two of you are connected at the lips. How the hell do you make it through shift day in and day out without all that mushy stuff?"

Reluctantly, Sam ended the kiss and then set the cup of ice on the nightstand next to the bed. He looked over at his teammates. Three faces held marked relief at the sight of seeing Jules looking better than she had when they'd last seen her. Only Spike didn't look happy; instead, he was still wearing a deep scowl that seemed so out of place on the normally agreeable man. Whatever had been bugging him obviously hadn't diminished in the time they'd been gone. So much for the hope that Sarge would be able to mete out what was wrong and fix things.

Sam shrugged without a hint of apology, deciding he couldn't do anything about Spike's mood without more information and wasn't sure he had the energy to do so even if he did. His hand once more sought out Jules's and held it lightly before responding to Ed's protest. "If you don't want to walk in on 'mushy stuff,' you should probably learn the value of knocking before entering."

Ed grinned unabashedly as he approached the bed. "If you don't want people walking in on you, you should probably learn the value of locking a door." Then he leaned down and kissed Jules's forehead. As he straightened up, he nodded to her. "How about it, Jules; ready to run the obstacle course?"

"Damn straight." Her answer came without hesitation, even though she was blinking back heavy eyelids. "Bet I could do it in under two."

Greg leaned in to give her his own peck on the forehead. "That's because you're still flying pretty high on happy juice, am I right?"

Knowing her whole leg would probably remain completely numb and therefore practically useless for a couple more hours at least, Sam had to agree with the boss's theory. "I doubt she's up for any obstacle course tonight. Knowing Jules, though, tomorrow might be a different story."

They all knew better than to say Jules couldn't do something. It was the same as waving a red flag in front of an angry bull and as useless as trying to convince a storm to alter it's path. So for Sam to even suggest within Jules's hearing that her capabilities were even temporarily limited was huge.

Greg frowned. "How bad was it?"

The grimace on Sam's face said even more than his admission that Jules was limited in what she could do. "I don't think the doctor bothered to count how many shards she removed. Maybe she did but didn't think we needed to know. Most were small enough that they just bled slightly when the metal was pulled out. No intervention was needed for those. The bigger ones though she had to close up with a few stitches, both within the hole and on the outside, to minimize the bleeding and so it would heal right. I think she said she had to put in about fifty stitches all total."

The nurse returned carrying a covered insulated cup and a spoon. She looked around at the guys surrounding Jules's bed and then to her patient who had drifted back to sleep. When she saw Ed, Raf, and Spike in their uniforms, her expression became severe. "I'm sorry, I don't care what kind of job you have to do, Ms. Callaghan is not up to answering questions tonight. You should have stopped at the nurses' station before busting in here. I could have saved you the trip."

"It's okay," Sam assured her. "They are here as friends and co-workers, not in an official capacity."

The nurse flushed in embarrassment. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize…"

Before she could stumble her way through any more of her apology, Greg intervened. "Don't worry about it. It's reassuring to know Jules is going to have someone besides Sam looking after her tonight."

"I'm still sorry. It's just there's been too many times when the need for information to help a police investigation has collided with what's best for my patient." The nurse handed Sam the cup and spoon. "Here's her soup. Let her sleep while she can. If it gets too cold to eat, call or bring it down to the desk and we'll reheat it. I'll be in to check on her again in a little bit. Let me know if you need anything before then."

Sam promised and then the nurse backed out of the room. He placed the soup next to the cup of ice. Jules groaned in her sleep. Sam reached out and brushed the tips of his fingers against her forehead. He knew Dr. Flowers had given her something for pain besides just the sedation and local anesthetic, but had it been enough? She slowly opened her eyes. He smiled at her. "Are you hurting?"

She nodded sleepily. "My froat."

Raf snorted, trying not to completely fall out laughing. "Froat? For real?"

Sam ignored the jibe. He brushed her hair away from her eyes. "Which sounds better, ice or soup?"

Jules stretched lazily, hissing in pain as the movement caused a twinge of pain over her bruised ribs. She started to sit up more but Sam raised the bed to make it easier for her. "My soup's here?"

"Yeah." Again, he turned loose of her hand, as he popped the lid off the cup and started to feed her a spoonful the way he'd done the ice earlier. She gave him a hard look and then glanced toward the guys. Sam recognized what she was not saying. She didn't want to appear weak in front of the rest of the team. He made sure the bed was raised high enough and then handed her both the cup and the spoon.

After several bites of the hot liquid, Jules handed the cup back to Sam. As soon as he'd placed the items on the nightstand, she reached out for his hand to hold once again. It seemed like she wanted the contact as much he did. "What time is it, anyway? I've lost all sense of time."

Ed was the first to glance at his watch. "It's almost five."

Jules frowned. "Shift ended almost an hour ago. What are you still doing here? You said this morning that Sophie has a catering job tonight so you had to get home early to watch Izzy."

"Don't worry about it." Ed reassured her. "I talked to Soph while the doctor was doing her thing. She sends her love and more importantly she's going to stop by later and bring you both some of the shrimp risotto she's preparing for her catering job tonight. She said after the day you had, you deserve something better than hospital food. I'm good here as long as I need to be here."

Jules frowned. "But Izzy…"

"Is home under the capable watch of her older brother. What? You think I'd just leave her home alone to fend for herself? It's okay. Really. Clark's been begging us to let him go to some sort of concert this weekend and babysitting could be what gets him the permission he needs to go. I actually should have thought of it earlier. There are advantages of having kids so far apart in age."

"Shrimp risotto?" Jules was still trying to process everything Ed had said. Her brain was still fuzzy and delaying her reaction time. She smiled softly. "I like shrimp risotto."

Ed nodded. "I know. Sophie remembered how much you liked it when she served it at our last anniversary party. In fact, I think she would have made some for you anyway even if it wasn't what she was preparing for tonight. Don't tell the rest of the team but I think you are her favorite."

Jules yawned, wincing as the move aggravated her facial injuries. Her eyelids were once more getting heavy. "I like Sophie. She's my favorite Team 1 wife."

No one bothered to remind her that since Wordy had transferred to Guns and Gangs, Sophie was the only Team 1 wife. Even if they had wanted to, she wasn't interested in giving them the opportunity. With mostly closed eyes, Jules murmured, "I guess I should give you my statement now."

Greg shook his head. "I told you earlier; there's no hurry. Besides, your nurse already gave us the riot act thinking we were here to question you. She said you weren't up to answering questions tonight and I have to agree with her. There will be time for that later. Besides, you look like you can barely keep your eyes open now as it is."

A blink was just about to turn into something longer until Greg's last statement. Stubbornly, Jules forced her eyes to open as wide as possible. "I'm okay. It's not questioning me if I'm voluntarily telling what happened."

Greg glanced first at Ed and then at Sam, clearly trying to gauge their thoughts to her wanting to give her statement. Jules saw the look and frowned, her expression turning stormy. "Don't look at Sam like you need his permission. I'm telling you I can do this. I want to do this. Don't treat me like an invalid."

Sam gave her hand a squeeze. "Jules, no one means to do that. We're all just worried about you. We just want what's best for you."

A couple of big, fat tears slipped past her defenses and slid down her cheeks. "And you think I can't decide what that is? What happened, happened. It's not going to change whether I give my statement or not."

Sam thought about what he'd seen on the camera. As hard as it had been for him to watch someone degrade and humiliate her in such a way and not be able to do anything to stop what was happening, he knew it had been a thousand times worse for Jules to experience it first hand. Jules was used to taking care of herself; she didn't want or need anyone fighting her battles for her, but in this case, she hadn't been able to do anything to defend herself. He wished there was some way he could spare her the pain of having to tell the rest of the team about the worst aspects of what had happened. Maybe he couldn't stop her from having to tell the story but he could postpone the telling for a little while. He lifted the hand he was holding to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "No one is saying you can't give your statement, Jules. Sarge just doesn't want to push you. What harm would it cause to wait until tomorrow?"

Sarge went a different track, "Jules, you know how sedation works; we can't officially take your statement tonight anyway. However, we're your friends and we love you. If you need to talk about what happened, we'll listen."

Her battered lower lip trembled as she tried to get her emotions under control. She didn't really want to talk about what happened. It wouldn't hurt her feelings at all if she somehow never had to put to voice everything that had happened in that laundry room. Her insistence to give her statement came more from the need to treat what happened as just a normal call instead of something more. She opened her mouth to start but the words that came out had nothing to do with reliving what had happened. "Parker Douglas, the guard who was with me when the explosion happened. How is he?"

The four men exchanged looks with one another. The truth was they'd all been so concerned first with ending the standoff with the inmates and then with how Jules was to give any thought to the injured guard who had been rescued. Greg finally answered. "We haven't heard anything. I can have Sydney do some checking if it'll make you feel better."

Jules nodded. "He was in really rough shape the last I saw him."

Sam squeezed her hand and with his other traced the outline of jaw. "From the story I heard, it's because of you he got out of there when he did."

Ed nodded. "Yeah, Browning told us he'd gone in to rescue you but that you insisted he help Douglas instead."

Jules shrugged. "Like any of you would have done anything differently."

"Thanks, Sydney." Greg ended his call and returned his cell phone to its holster. "Parker Douglas is out of surgery. He's listed in critical but stable condition."

"Here?" Jules asked, her eyes back to playing peek-a-boo with her eyelids.

Greg shook his head, apparently foreseeing her trying to visit while still a patient herself. "No, he's at St. Pat's; he's also in ICU so they wouldn't let you see him even if he were in the same hospital. So you can just concentrate on your own recovery."

Sam leaned forward so that his head was practically lying on the pillow next to her. He could tell it was only a matter of time before her body had no choice but to give into the need to sleep that seemed to be coaxing her eyelids to close and remain closed. "You want some more soup or ice?"

She shook her head; her eyes closed but she forced them back open almost immediately. A yawn caught her off guard, once more causing her to wince. Without a thought to what Ed or the others might think about "mushy stuff," Sam gave her a quick but tender kiss. "Maybe a quick power nap until Sophie brings that shrimp risotto?"

This time she gave a slight nod before allowing her eyes to close completely. Sam kept his head where it was for several moments after she surrendered to the sleep her body needed. He forgot that the others were even in the room as he stared at her now peaceful, slumbering face. He could have been content to stay in that position for as long as she was able to sleep; he probably would have if Raf hadn't spoken.

"No doubt about it, Jules is badass personified. You won't get any arguments from me on that point. Practically from the day I started she seemed, I don't know, larger than life maybe, like nothing can stop her or get her down. What she lacks in physical size she more than makes up for with her confidence and presence. I don't know if it's because she's asleep or because she looks so battered, but right now she looks even smaller than her size, more vulnerable than I've ever seen her. Kind of scary."

"After all she's been through, what did you expect?" Spike turned toward Raf, his eyes narrow and his fists clenched. Now there was no doubt as to his mood. "She's hurt and she's been through hell; don't you think she has a right to not be at her 'badass' normal? You're really too much, you know?"

It was hard to tell who appeared to be the most shocked at Spike's outburst. Ed put a hand on the newest member's shoulder and Greg took a step closer to Spike. Sam found his voice first. "Spike, I don't think…"

The demolition expert whirled to face him, If he'd seemed upset with Raf, then he looked positively livid as he glared at the blond officer. "No, it's obvious you don't think. At least not about her. I expected more from you. I never figured you would put your own wants and needs above what Jules needs. I figured if any of us could see past that 'I'm invincible, nothing bothers me' façade Jules has patented, it would be you. But no, you bust up in here without any regard to what she went through. You make me sick. I'm sorry I ever called you a friend."

Without another word, Spike stormed out of the room. As the door closed, Raf shook his head. "What the hell was that about?"

"I tried to get him to talk to me earlier but he just kept insisting he didn't want to discuss it." Greg explained grimly. "I think it's time I forced the issue a little. Maybe during a ride back to the station. Sam, if the two of you need anything, call me."

Sam nodded his agreement but said nothing. He wasn't sure he could form words even if he tried. He was too blown away from Spike's diatribe to do much else. Thought he wasn't sure why he should, he felt guilty for whatever it was Spike thought he'd done to Jules. He also felt hurt. The last thing he'd ever want to do was hurt Jules but that was exactly what Spike was accusing him of.

Greg left, intending to track Spike down and force him to talk. Ed rubbed his face wearily. "I knew something was bothering him. I thought it had something to do with the fact that Jules was injured in a blast. I know it's a big deal for him especially after what happened with Lew."

Raf frowned. "None of what he said seemed to about the bomb that went off. I don't know. Man, it seemed like he had a major beef with you, Sam. Like you had done something to hurt Jules. That's crazy though 'cause we all know you'd step in front of a bullet or runaway train to protect her if you could."

"I know what's wrong with him." Jules's quiet voice startled them.

Sam looked at her but her eyes were still closed. There was a tremble in the hand he was holding. Only because he knew her so well could he tell she was trying not to break down completely. Again he lifted her hand and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. Raf was right; he'd step in front of any bullet, runaway train, or anything that threatened to harm her if he could. He just didn't know how to protect her from all of this. "What is it, Jules?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She opened her eyes but stared up at the ceiling. It was as if she didn't want to take a chance of looking directly at anyone. "It's bad enough that Spike is letting what happened today change the way he treats me; I don't want the rest of you to think badly of me as well."

Ed was quick to move closer to the bed so that he was standing near her shoulder. He reached down and used his thumb to gently turn her head just slightly so she was looking at him. "Listen to me and listen to me good. Nothing about anything that happened today could ever make any of us think badly of you. You are a damn fine cop and a helluva strong woman. Whatever is eating at Spike has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. I know he cares too much for you for that, just like we all do. I believe that and I need you to believe it as well. Can you do that?"

Jules didn't answer, but a couple more fat tears slipped down her cheeks. Ed sighed and glanced over at Sam before returning his gaze to Jules. "Okay, you've been through a lot and you need to rest. Raf and I are going to get out of here and let you do that. Soph will be here in a little while with good food and we'll check on you tomorrow. Don't worry about Spike; he's going to be fine and so are you. We won't have it any other way. Get some rest and let Sam over here spoil you a little."

Jules gave just the slightest nod. Both Ed and Raf said their goodbyes and quietly left the room. As soon as he was alone with her, Sam left his chair and eased up on the side of the bed with her. He gathered her gently in his arms and pulled her as close to him as he could without risking hurting her. Silently he dared anyone to come in and give him a hard time about it. He kissed the top of her head as the dam on her emotions burst and she began to sob. She buried her face against his chest.

He rubbed her back gently and didn't pressure her to talk. A few of his own tears made tracks down his face to fall into her hair. As much as he loved their friends and had known they'd needed to be there to make sure Jules was okay, he was glad they'd left. After everything that had happened, she needed this release, but he knew there was no way she would have allowed herself to have it in the presence of the rest of the team. Hell, if it hadn't been for the lingering effects of the sedation drugs still coursing through her veins, she probably wouldn't be letting him see it either. She had too much pride to appear what she would think was weak in front of them. It didn't matter that no one would think that of her, or that anyone on the team, Sam especially, would clock anyone who dared suggest it.

Sam knew she didn't want reassurances or soothing platitudes no matter how honest they were. So he simply held her until the onslaught of tears had subsided. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a clean handkerchief and handed it to her. Then as she wiped her face and blew her nose, he reached back to the cup of now mostly melted ice. He exchanged the cup for the handkerchief which he set on the nightstand in case it was needed again.

Only once the cup was empty and had been returned to the stand as well did he speak. "Jules, you don't have talk about anything you don't want to talk about. You know that. You also know I'd do anything to erase away all the pain you're feeling. I wish I had some magic that would heal your leg, your ribs, every bruise on your beautiful body, but I don't. I can't do anything about the pain in your heart either and that kills me. I hate that Spike's upset and normally that would be bother me more as well. Right now though, all I care about is you."

He brushed away the lingering tears from her face as he spoke. She wouldn't quite meet his eyes but Sam knew she was listening. He kissed her forehead and then continued. "I can't fix what's wrong with Spike, but I know Sarge will do what he can. I also know that Spike being upset is upsetting you and I want to do something about that. So what can I do to help you? Whatever it is, you know I'll do it."

Jules sniffled. She carefully weighed her words before she spoke. She wasn't ready to talk about what Snake had done to her, but she wanted to give him some sort of explanation. She wanted to take the pain from his eyes as much as he wanted to take away hers. But would the truth only add to his pain? She took as deep a breath as she could without aggravating her bruised ribs.

"Something happened while I was in that laundry room. Something that while I know I'll have to talk about it soon, I'm not ready to do so now. I knew someone was watching on the snake cam and saw everything. I just didn't know who. Now I know it was Spike on the other side. I wish he hadn't seen it; I wish no one had seen it; I wish it hadn't happened, but it did and I can't change that. I just hope eventually Spike can look at me without thinking about what he witnessed. I don't think I can stand it if he doesn't."

Sam's heart caught in his throat. Everything Spike had said and his reactions would make perfect sense if what Jules was saying were true. Only it wasn't. Spike hadn't been on the other side of the snake cam as Jules believed. He didn't, couldn't, know what had happened in that laundry room. He kissed her again and tightened his hold just a little.

"Jules, Spike didn't see anything what happened while you were being held. He wasn't operating the snake cam today; I was."