The sun was well into the sky by the time I woke up, only to find Marcilene already gone. How long ago did she leave? I checked my phone, hoping for a message as some form of explanation. Nothing. I got out of bed to check for a note. Nothing.
My internal struggle began. Why am I drinking? I never drink. I have to do my biology report. I have to eat something. I need some water. My thoughts raced. Maybe… Last night was a dream.
The shower was warm and refreshing, scrubbing the sex and sweat off my body, getting rid of the possibility of rejection. I always get rejected. Even through the showers' heat, I could still feel the hot tears burn my eyes. Marcilene wouldn't do that. Would she? I shook my head angrily and got out of the shower.
Summer is so hot. Heat. Hot. Sweating. My room had an averagely sized window that I pushed open as far as I could, but the air was stagnant. Picking up my hair to tie it up, I began feeling the beads of sweat at the nape of my neck. Focusing on a biology lap report wasn't even the hardest part in this heat, it was keeping my mind off Marcilene. I decided to text her, it had been a few hours since she left, I assumed, and it was early afternoon.
"Hey! Marcilene, where did you go? :)" I was hoping that stupid smiling face emoji made me sound cool with it. Her usually instant replies weren't followed this time, though. Maybe she's busy? Concern flooded my mind, but I forced myself to shrug and focus on my biology, switching the phone on loud. Just in case.
Dinner time. Not even halfway through my report. Where is Marcilene? Why hasn't she replied? I decided to go spend some quality time with my friends at dinner, feeling brave and rebellious as I left my phone on my bed.
A whole hour had gone by, while my group and I chatted about college, sitting at dinner and picking at our food. I went to go check my phone. There it was. A text. A reply. Marcilene!
"Hey, yeah. Had some stuff to do." Stay chill, Phoebe.
"Oh, like what? Sorry, you must have been really busy this morning! Didn't even say goodbye?"
"Yep…"
Okay what the fuck is going on. My panic mode activated as I frantically searched for ways to deduce her blunt messages.
"Marcilene… Are you okay? :)" That damn smiley face. I was disgusted with myself.
She didn't reply for another hour, as I sat on my bed, beginning to understand how she could have ever gone for me. The tears stung my eyes again, and I gave in. I felt used, worthless. Everything I could have offered someone, I did. I am so fucking stupid what the fuck how could you do this you never do this for gods sake you are 19 you should be better than this you dumb shit
My rambling went on. I couldn't make it stop.
The phone buzzed.
Wiping my face, I reached for it, feeling the disappointment and heaviness that was aching my chest.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just leave me alone for a fucking while. Okay?"
I started crying, bawling my eyes out. I've only known her for one day, stop it Phoebe. Fucking stop! All I could think of was the connection. It was so powerful, it was like we were meant to be. Maybe she just acted like it. The phone buzzed again. What now?
"Sorry, okay yeah that was mean. There's just a lot of stuff on right now. I do like you. Sorry I left. But… Uh yeah I'll see you around?"
Fuming. Anger. Hatred. Fury.
"No, you listen here Marcilene. You told me last night that you wouldn't do this to me. I gave everything of myself to you, and this happens? We had a connection. Have a nice life."
I shook my head until I was dizzy, and did some push ups to get the anger out of me. I had to do something. I wanted to scream. Marcilene, you bitch. Self centered bitch. We had something. It was beautiful. But I chose to forget her.
There was silence between us for a month, but not a day went by that she left my mind.
Life was back to normal. My friendships were settling into place, I had a good work routine, even joined a gym! My hair remained bright pink and I was happy.
Until I saw Marcilene again.
She was stick thin. Her curves gone, her hair lacking the volume and life. She had rings around her eyes, it looked as if she had forgotten how to be happy. I was frozen in shock. Marcilene. The joyous, devil-may-care, black haired beauty had lost herself. My legs unfreezed themselves as I ran towards her, hugging her.
"Hey… Peebles." Her voice was haggard, it sounded like she'd lived through a war. Her smile faint, weak, but she looked genuine.
The rush was so powerful, I couldn't help myself. I kissed her, right then and there.
And she kissed me back.