A/N: As always, thank you for your lovely reviews, they mean a lot to me.

When Elsie opens her eyes, their bedroom is bathed in bright light and she can hear the birds sing through the open window. Summer isn't far away now. Next to her, Charles is still asleep, a content expression on his face. She smiles. You deserve it, love.

She gets up, takes her cardigan and makes her way downstairs. On the kitchen table, she finds a note from William, obviously written in haste, informing her he would be away for the day. She smiles again. Enjoy life, my pet.

Charles finds his wife sitting in the kitchen, her account book in front of her. She's still wearing her nightgown, holds a pen in one hand and plays with some loose strands of hair with her other one. There you are, Elsie.

Her eyes wander over the charts continuously, resting only rarely on a number that needs to be corrected. He leans against the door frame, content to just watch her for a while. I will never tire of looking at you, my sweet.

She sees him standing in the doorway from the corner of her eye, feels how his eyes rest on her and smiles for a third time this morning. Then, suddenly, it hits her. The pen falls from her hand and she looks up, realization dawning on her face. This can't be. She turns to her husband and feels tears coming to her eyes. She can't help herself. Oh God. This can't be.

Charles heard her humming as he made his way up to their little cottage. The last rays of sunshine filled the garden with beautiful light and as he saw her taking the washing from the line, saw how carefree and happy she seemed, he couldn't help but stare a bit.

It had been months since their wedding, but she still amazed him every day. After a few moments, he walked to her and put his arms around her from behind.

Elsie startled a little before she relaxed into the embrace of her husband. She had been lost in thought, thinking about her life in Yorkshire and how it made her happier than she could have ever expected. Thinking about how happy he made her.

She had always dreaded being so far away from her family in Scotland so suddenly, had been afraid that it was too much of a change in such a short lapse of time. But things had turned out just fine. She had made friends, grew very fond of Charles family and loved having her own household to run while still being independent in a way, working in the local shop for a few days each week. And now, with the little addition to their family on the way, she had everything she needed to be thoroughly happy.

Charles felt her head turning on his shoulder, looked into her dark eyes seconds later and saw her beautiful smile forming on her lips. "Hi, love." she said, her smile widening. He bent down and kissed her lightly, considering that they were standing in the front garden.

Elsie turned around then, took his hands and placed them on her perfectly rounded belly. "Hello, little one." he said, a broad smile spreading over his face as he felt their baby moving. He still couldn't take it in sometimes.

As soon as the laundry was in the basket, they went into the cottage hand in hand. "Care for some dinner?" Elsie asked. Charles closed the door behind them. "I think I've got a better idea." he said, smirking. She raised an eyebrow and glanced at him in faked horror. Then Elsie Carson kissed her husband senseless.

As soon as the door closes behind her, Elsie walks. Walks out of the village and passes their cottage, for she can't face him just yet. Walks until she reaches the bench on the hill, under the big oak, and finally sits down. How can this be?

Her mind gets flooded with pictures of times long gone. Pictures of William, asleep on his Papa's chest. Taking his first steps in the kitchen. Grabbing strands of her hair.

Pictures of Alice as well, crawling around the furniture in excitement. Taking a nap on the doormat. Saying Mama for the first time. Mama. Mama.

And now, they were going to have another baby. I cannot do this.

The tears start falling and she doesn't want them to. She should be so happy about this. And yet, the fear encloses her, leaves no space for anything else. In the end, everything comes down to it. This one moment she still cannot grasp and will never be able to understand. Why her? Why my baby?

A mother should protect her children. And I haven't protected you. Not enough. She's been at this point so often. And she knows that she is wrong to think of it all as her fault. But it still hurts so much. And she simply doesn't know how she can do it yet again, go through it all, knowing what might happen. I cannot do this.

But just then, she notices that her hand lies on her stomach, lingers there. How it got there, she doesn't know. Unconscious action can be a blessing, in this case it is what makes her realize that, while all fear and guilt will certainly always be a part of her, being a mother with all her heart is as well. And no child of her should ever think it isn't wanted, for that could never be true. She wills her tears to stop. I'm sorry, little one. I'm so sorry.

She sat at the edge of the bed, a wet flannel in her hand and looked down at the small form of her daughter. Her damp curls clung to her face and she grimaced every now and then, lost in her feverish dreams.

Elsie pushed the strands of hair away softly and caressed Alice's cheek. "It's alright, Allie, Mama is here. You're alright, I'm right here." she said quietly, trying to sound confident.

She hadn't slept properly for three days and exhaustion started to take a toll on her. But she couldn't leave her baby alone, not now, with her fever not breaking and the doctor being at a loss about what was wrong with her. Silently, Elsie concentrated on her daughter's breathing and realized that it was a bit ragged.

Just in that moment, the door opened and Charles slipped in. Elsie looked up at him and asked: "Is William alright?" He went over to her and started to stroke her shoulders.

"He's just fine. Mother spoils him rotten, I'm afraid. She sends her love." Elsie gave him a small smile. "How is she, love?" he asked then, his voice calm and rational. And with that, a dam broke.

She let out a sob and felt Charles arms around her in an instant. "She'll be fine, you know." he said after letting her cry for a while and caressed her hair softly. "Our Allie is a fighter, Elsie. Just like you."

Elsie felt how her husband's embrace gave her the strength she so desperately needed. She willed herself to stop crying, it wouldn't do to dwell on it all now.

She stepped back, cupped Charles cheek and kissed him, thanked him with a few whispered words and took her place at the edge of the bed again. Willing her daughter to get better. Willing her daughter to live.

"I'll make us a cup of tea." Charles said from the door before he went out. In the kitchen, he prayed for everything to turn out all right.

When Charles sits down next to her, Elsie takes his hand. He moves his thumb over her knuckles lightly, again and again, knowing she will talk to him when she is ready. After a few minutes, she faces him and he can see fear in her eyes. Fear, but determination as well.

"We're going to have a baby."

And everything makes sense now. Oh my love. Oh Elsie.

Charles clasps her hands in his and smiles at her. It's alright to be scared, love. But for now, we're going to be happy.

Elsie smiles back at him and he pulls her into his arms, holds her tight. Her fear is pushed back by his certainty, her happiness awakened by his own. He nuzzles her hair. That's the spirit, love.

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