Until Dawn

Chapter Eleven

I woke up to a gentle constriction around my skull and a much smaller amount of pain to deal with. My head was still throbbing and my back ached, but it seemed that the unintended nap and lack of movement had helped my body's healing process. I blinked open my eyes, noticing immediately the dimness of the light and assuming that I had been out for quite some time if the pure darkness outside the windows told me anything.

I looked up at Alex's profile, noticing that she too had fallen asleep, with her head resting against the window, her lips slightly parted and her breath fogging up the glass. Her thick, black rimmed glasses were adorably crooked, perched on the tip of her perfect nose and I smiled at the sight, acknowledging how much younger she looked while she was sleeping. She looked much more like the carefree, young woman I had travelled the world with, the crinkles around her eyes and mouth missing with her face completely relaxed.

I knew that if she opened those sparkling gray eyes that I would see devilish amusement mixed with a glint of that ever present sarcasm. She honestly hadn't changed that much over the years, I mused to myself as I studied the slant of her jawline and the gentle curve of her cheekbone. The electric blue hair tips were gone and her emotions were a little more guarded, but she looked exactly the same and she still possessed the same realistic though humorous attitude that she always had.

I was pulled from my thoughts by Watson twisting around in her seat, her eyes falling on me and her face lighting up with a grin. "Hey, Chapman, you're awake! How you doing?"

I exhaled quietly, feeling Alex's body shift as she begun to wake up and gave Janae a small smile. "I feel like shit, but better than before."

"That's about as good as we could have hoped for," Janae turned back to the road, glancing back at me in the mirror. "We're about an hour or so away from sunrise, so I figured that we'd find a place and give everyone some rest. Haven't had some proper sleep since that city outside of New York, and I think we could all use a real bed."

"That sounds fucking fantastic," Alex's low voice rumbled as she slowly blinked open her eyes with a grimace. "My back is fucking killing me."

"You're telling me," I muttered, smiling when Alex looked down at me with sleepy eyes. "Though, I have a pretty good pillow."

"If only we were all so lucky," Janae answered as Alex chuckled, gently running her knuckles over my cheek. "Well, the map says there's a town a little way down the road, so I'll pull over there."

"Sounds good," I said, feeling sleep pull at me as Alex continued to caress my cheek, causing my eyes to flutter closed. "Sounds very, very good."

/

The town was indeed small as we pulled up in front of a tiny but comfortable looking motel. With the help of Alex, I managed to step out of the Hummer, gripping the raven haired woman's forearm as the world tilted before finally straightening back to normal. I released a sigh of relief, grateful for Alex's guiding hand on the small of my back as she led me towards a room after receiving a key from an exhausted looking Nicky.

"I'm in the car with you guys next time," Nicky said as she continued on to her room. "Ma fuckin' criticized Morello's driving until she was almost in tears and the ghetto girls drove me fuckin' crazy with all that Beyoncé talk. Bitch has a nice ass, but I don't want to hear about it for six hours straight."

I chuckled as Alex opened the door to what I assumed was the room we were going to be sharing, and I felt a tingle slide down my spine at the thought. I'd shared a bed with Alex since we left Litchfield, and had just spent the last several hours using her as a pillow, but this felt different.

And I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it.

"Here," Alex helped me sit down on the bed, her breath caressing my cheek as leant behind me to fluff up my pillow. I tilted my head away slightly, finding myself curiously uncomfortable until Alex finally pulled away, looking at me with dark, unreadable eyes. She tilted her head, studying me, before reaching out to gently touch my cheek. My heart desperately wanted to give in to the love that was being offered and my body wanted the human touch, craved the feeling of Alex's hands on my skin. But my mind... my mind still had doubts. Hesitant fingertips on my cheek turned into a loving caress of Alex's thumb sliding along my jawline.

"You may not come running to me again, not with your problems, not with your love, not with your need or sadness or anger." The words were like a tape playing over and over in my head, nonstop since Alex had turned me away back in Litchfield. "You may never come to me again. Ever."

I pulled away.

"Alex, don't," I whispered, feeling my heart clench as Alex's eyes immediately became guarded, her hand pulling away as if it had been burnt by my words.

"Piper, seriously?" she said, running her fingers through her dark hair in frustration. "What the fuck is going on with you? One second, you're fine with me touching you and then next, you go all cold on me. It's been like this since the second we left Litchfield."

"Alex," I sighed, leaning back on the bed in exhaustion. "I'm not trying to be cold, I just-"

"You just what, Pipes?" Alex interrupted me angrily. "You just want me one moment and then change your mind the next, like you always do?"

"What? No!" I frowned, wondering how this had all gone downhill so quickly. "Look, Alex, I still remember every fucking word you said to me back at Litchfield and-"

"What are you talking about?"

"Will you just shut up for one second and let me explain!" I exclaimed, mildly satisfied when Alex's mouth snapped shut with an audible click. "Thank you. Alex, before all this shit happened, you told me that I could never go to you again. And I realize that these are extreme circumstances, and things have changed since we broke out Litchfield, but nothings really changed. I still picked Larry and I don't... I don't regret that."

"W-what?" Alex stuttered, her tone heavy with disbelief as she stared at me with wide eyes. "Seriously? After everything that we've been through out here, you still pick Larry over me? You don't even know if he's alive, Piper!"

I cringed at her words, knowing the truth of them; that my once fiancé and best friend might now actually be zombie food. "I realize that, Alex, but that's not what I meant. I don't pick Larry now; I just don't regret picking him then. Back at Litch, before everything went to complete hell, not to mention the fact that Larry actually dumped me before we broke out; it was the right choice for me. The life that I wanted, the kind of partner I wanted, it was Larry. I don't regret that and I won't. I was with him for five years and I loved him. I mean, your endgame for us was a beach in Cambodia, doing X with three strangers in drag and I don't want that, even now."

"And so what, everything that's happened between us means nothing to you? Just because I said that there was a chance, a fucking chance, that Cambodia could be in the cards for us," Alex scoffed, shaking her head as she looked up in the ceiling in what I knew was an attempt to hold back tears. "Am I just here for your convenience now? Like I was in Litchfield and like I was ten years ago?"

I leant my head back against the pillow, laughing mirthlessly at the direction this conversation was heading in. It was always the same and I wondered if Alex would ever be able to get over the fact that I left her in the first place, as if my reasons hadn't been good enough.

Not that I ever expected to be forgiven for the extremely shitty thing that I did, leaving her when her mother died, but it would be nice if it didn't come up in every argument we ever have.

"Alex," I sighed, feeling the last of my energy begin to drain away. "You were never just a convenience for me; not ten years ago or in Litchfield and especially not now. I loved you, Alex."

"Yes, ten years ago you loved me until things got rough and then-"

"Yes!" I shouted, finally at the end of my well known temper. "Yes, Alex, I fucking left you, when your mother died, like the fucking horse's ass that I am. I know! But you always seem to forget the facts, like for instance, my complete hatred of you sleeping with your mules, even towards the end. Not to mention the fact you put me in danger on an almost daily basis, or that I was sometimes left stranded in places for weeks on end, alone, when I hardly even spoke the language! You manipulated me with sex and adventure so that I would carry drug money for you and if I hadn't left you when I did, I would have done it again. So yes, I am a horse's ass but I don't fucking regret that either."

Alex stared back at me in silence, seeming almost as shocked as I was at my angry outburst. I exhaled wearily and leant back against the pillows once more, having leant forwards for emphasis in my tirade and feeling my entire body ache with the effort. I watched as Alex shook her head, finally turning her body away from me and resting her hands on her hips as she stared at the blank motel wall. We stayed there like that for what felt like hours, until Alex's shoulders drooped and I heard the words that I never expected from her mouth.

"I'm sorry."

To say I was completely shocked would be a severe understatement. "Excuse me?"

"I said, I'm sorry," Alex finally turned back to face me, her mask completely lowered as she stared back at me sincerely. "I'm sorry, okay? I fucked up, a lot, and I know that. Even before you left, I knew that you were going to leave because I was so completely fucking everything up. But... I loved you, you know? I fucking loved you, Piper and it hurt so much when you left that I just blocked out all that stupid shit I did because it wasn't fucking fair."

She walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, reaching up to wipe a stray tear from her eye as she spoke. "And when you got to Litchfield, it was like a second chance for us, even though you were engaged. And I fucked that up too by lying and putting you in that damn place to begin with, but you know what? I don't regret that either, because it meant that I got a chance to be with you again, so I guess that mean that we're both assholes."

I managed a smile, despite the pain that was once again radiating in my skull as Alex turned her head to face me. "I don't regret it either. I mean, I would have preferred to see you again on the outside, instead of in prison where I was starved out and harassed by bible freaks, but I don't regret that second chance."

Alex smiled back at me, though it was somewhat watery, before sighing and resting her hands on her thighs as she stared into my eyes. "So, what now? I mean, are we just going to keep acting the way we've been acting since we got out of Litchfield? Do you want me to pretend like I'm not completely in love with you, so much that it drives me to fucking distraction? Because I don't know if I can do that."

I couldn't help but smile at her words, getting nudging her with one of my extended feet and before shrugging. "I honestly don't know, Al. I haven't got any plans and I truthfully have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I have no fucking clue about anything right now, except the fact that my head is a complete mess and I really just want to go to sleep."

Alex murmured her agreement, shifting on the bed and reaching out to gently touch the bandage that had been wrapped around my skull. "How's your pain?"

"I feel like the whole SHU choir has been in my head for the last twenty four hours," I sighed, earning a confused expression and a raised eyebrow from my ex-lover. I chuckled softly, wincing at the searing pain it caused in my skull before continuing. "It fucking hurts."

"Mm," Alex frowned in sympathy before gently grabbing my feet and pulling until I was lying flat on my back. She carefully pulled the blanket out from underneath my body before tucking it around me, a small smile on her lips as she gently pushed the hair off my forehead. "Well, you should get some sleep, then. You'll feel better in the morning."

"Where are you going?" I asked as I watched Alex move away from the bed. She stopped at the door and gave me a small smile before shrugging her shoulders.

"I'm not really tired, so I'm going to see what Nicky's up to. Sleep and I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

I only nodded, watching as Alex opened the door and slipped through it; closing it almost silently behind her once she'd switched off the light. I looked at the window, watching as a few rays of sunlight slipped past the curtains and illuminated the tiny dust particles in the air as I waited for sleep to take me, partly grateful that Alex had left but mostly wishing that she lying right beside me.