Gabriel was still in shell shock. Riley was pregnant, with his child. The choirs of his thoughts pulled his mind in different directions. Thoughts about Elly, about Riley, the future, the past. His felt like he was buzzing, confused, too much to process, too much he had to do right now.
He parked the car in the parking garage. Gabriel had to sit with his hands still on the keys for a moment. To collect himself.
The ex-solider moved his hand to fix his hair and caught a glimpse of his face in the sideview mirror. Was he crying. He took a breath and relized tears had been falling from his blue eyes and onto his gentle stuble. He was going to be a father. Riley…he still loved her…what about Elly. He gasped out one sob then dried his face on his t-shirt.
He gulped and tried to get it together.
It broke his heart to see Riley so upset. Seeing her so broken hurt almost as badly as her rejection of him.
Her place was a mess and she was a mess. He was just pondering that now. What had happened to her? Was Riley just as upset as him. Gabriel frowned and his faced twisted in perplexity as he tried to recall his partner's behavior as of late.
When he focused on his memories of Agent Neal recently Gabriel's stomach dropped like a rock. He had to remind himself to breath.
She had been so unhappy. Why was he so insensitive? Gabirel now saw every time he talked about Elly in front of Riley, everytime he avoided hanging out with Riley, everytime he acted indifferent toward her attempts to talk about what happened. He had interpreted the sensitive look on her face as pity.
Gabriel cursed himself, his stupidity, this usless chip, and all the gods that be.
She might have regreted what she had said. He saw that now. She might have still wanted him… He had screwed it all up. Not her, all this time he had blamed it on Riley, comparing her to Amiela.
Now he felt like a jerk. He had been so focuased on distracting himself, and healing from her words. "I would never want to be with you" had haunted him for these few months. He had put as much distance between himself and that day as possible. He had lied to himself about his feelings for her.
But, Gabriel paused. If she wanted to have something between them, why did she shut him down.
Well why did he flirt with another girl the day after they slept together? Defense mechanism he reasoned. Maybe it was her initial reaction to a proximity she wasn't used to. Maybe she was afraid. Maybe it was their jobs that stopped her. Maybe it was the age difference. He decided to ask her.
Gabriel thought about rushing back right now and professing his love and apologies to Riley.
But he owed Elly more than that. He had used her to protect himself from his feelings and now he had to be true and honest. He loved Riley Neal and Elly may be the sweetest girlfriend ever, but this wasn't fair to her.
He reached inside his glove department and took out the napkin with Elly's number on it. The crumpled Ernie's one. From the very first day they met.
Gabriel got out of the car. He had really screwed up. Would either woman forgive him? He hoped his future was not as bleak as the cement gray garage walls.
The walk around the block and into the meusam was the longest 300 yards of his life.
Coming through the black doors he looked around. It was a small muesam, certinally no Smithsonian. A tour group leaving obstructed his view for a moment.
When they passed he saw Elly staring straight at him, arms crossed, and a slightly irritated look about her face (But not real irritation, she was hard to upset). Her sons were on their phones at one of the tables. When Gabriel approached, Elly cracked a smile, but it soon evaporated when she saw his face, replacing it with a look of worry and concern.
"Is everything all right"
"Ya, El, I… We gotta talk"
She was concerned now. She touched his arm and he guided her over to a chair. They made some cautious small talk as they sat down at a café table.
Gabriel fessed up and rambled for a solid eight or nine minutes, about Riley, about the baby, about his mistakes, how sorry he was.
She nodded the entire time with a hard to read expression. It unnerved him to see her not talk for so long.
"Im so sorry, El, You look so done right now, but im trying to apologize. I loved her but I told myself and you a different story. Don't say its ok, because its not. Ill grab my stuff and get gone as soon as possible" he finished, his eyes red and his voice hoarse.
"Its ok, Gabirel." She reached out and touched his hand with her gentle fingers.
She continued "I had a great time with you, but we got serious pretty fast. You were rushing it to the point that I had a feeling you were running from something. I talked to you that day in Ernie's because you looked so lost. You were looking at kids and couples out the window like you were on the outside looking in, if you know what I mean. You will be a great father, Gabe."
She paused then went on, "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but this will not break my heart, I have been through much much worse relationships. I have great memories from this one and I am happy with my family. Take as long as you want to get your stuff back, you are always welcome at my house"
"Lets not loose touch, Gabe. I know you will be busy but I need those dimples in my life." She gave his hand a squeeze.
He didn't know what to say. She understood his speechlessness.
"Don't be sorry Gabe, I want you to be happy."
He wiped the threat of tears from the corner of his eye and hugged her.
He had to apologize to the boys for skipping out on the museuam trip and then left Elly to explain things to them.
He walked out the doors and started striding briskly towards the parking garage. Thinking about Riley, waiting for him, and everything he had to say to her, everything he had to ask her, he started sprinting down the street.
He flew into his car and speeded all the way home. Traffic rules? Nah, he could delete the tickets with the chip.
He screeched into his normal parking spot and nearly fell over himself to get up the stairs.
When Gabriel threw open the door to her apartment (no one had apparently locked it) he heard no one. All the lights were off. He felt panic rising in his chest. He flipped on the kitchen light. The apartment was in the same disorganization as before. He leaped to her bedroom door and tore it wide open. His heart ripped in half.
Her room was the same mess. Exept two crushing details were different then when he had left. Riley wasn't there. And her drawers and closet were left open, and emptied.
All her clothes were gone. After closer inspection Gabriel found a note on her pillow.
Hey Gabriel, I hope things went well with Elly.
I left to take some vacation time for a bit.
Please don't look for me, I am so sorry about everything.
He ripped the note into ten pieces, gritting his teeth. He could practically feel his love for her get angry and sad and a million other reactions. The frusteration got to his head first. He hurled the lamp against the wall and then smashed and yelled at every breakable iteam on her nightstand.
Gripping the edge of her bed, and his heart thudding against his chest, Gabriel's wrath broke down. He wept and clenched the covers in his fist.
He had to find her. That was his mission now.