SANTANA

I am mid-air, rotating through a backflip. I've spotted the floor, and I know that the speed of my rotation and the velocity of my body will bring me around for a smooth landing. We've been doing ground stunts for an hour now, and I'm in the miraculous bubble known as "the zone." It's almost as if I've reached a weird Asian zen state at the intersection of distracted by Quinn and aggressively angry at Quinn. My intensity is evident in the height of my jumps and the tight rotation of my spins, I'm not overthinking my movements because I can't think about anything but the girl I left in my bedroom.

"Lopez!" I'm too distracted to even grimace at the grating noise of Coach Sylvester's voice.

I jog over to Coach and await whatever assault she's about to lay on me.

"I'm not going to lie to you, mini J. Lo, you've got me somewhat impressed. If there is one thing Sue Sylvester knows, it's a cheerleader in the zone. You're going to run sweet, slow Brittany through your typical routine and then you're going to take the lead. Do you know your spotting and positioning in that role?"

I stiffen at the insinuation that Brittany is dumb, but manage to keep my face blank.

"Yes, Coach."

"Good. You're my new and improved Fabray. I get all of the talent and good looks, with the added bonus of the ethnic diversity afforded by your slightly darker, but not threateningly so, skin tone. It's a win-win. However, I want to make it clear that you will be required to sign an abstinence pledge promising that you will allow no one, boy or girl, near your lady bits. Also, I will expect you to either quit the Glee Club or take it down. Think you can handle all that, Cha-cha DiGregorio?"

From the second Coach mentions Quinn my whole body is on edge. I could never be an "improved" version of our former captain. She's basically perfect. But when Coach specifies that her ridiculous abstinence pledge applies to anyone, "boy or girl," I immediately zone out and feel my stomach give a violent lurch that threatens to expel the Gatorade I just drank.

She can't possibly know, she's just saying that because she's ridiculous—if she's worried about another pregnancy, why mention girls? Shit, Coach asked me a question I think.

I give her a sharp nod, not sure what exactly her question was, but also not trusting my voice at this point.

"Good. You are officially Head Cheerio. Don't screw it up. Now get to work."

"Yes, Coach." I jog off to gather my teammates and run through the routine.

"Listen up, bitches, we're going to run through the Nationals routine. Britt- you'll take my usual spot. Who thinks they can step into Brittany's spot?" I scan the crowd until I see a hand go up. "Alright, Ali, it's all you. We'll take it at 75% speed without music so we can get used to our new roles, and we'll stop to work through key points. Any questions? No? Okay good. Let's get started."

I'm pleasantly surprised that not a single soul challenges my de facto leadership. It occurs to me that Coach probably didn't announce my captaincy for this very reason; she wanted to see if they'd simply follow me without her making them. Natural born leader. And bitch. Suck it, Sylvester.

Brittany is absolutely beaming at me as we move into our new starting positions, and I give her a quick wink before I count off to start the routine.

"5, 6, 7, 8!"

I've run this routine so many times I feel like I can do anyone's part easily, but I've watched Quinn so closely this is like second nature. We run through the dance routine, which is simple even without music because everyone does the same thing. Moving into the ground stunts is a little more complicated. Mine and Britt's handsprings and flips mirror each other, and she's basically art in motion, so I know she'll nail it. Ali has to take on a whole different sequence, and so do I.

"Okay, hold up. Looking good so far. Brittany, walk Ali through your order of flips. I need two spotters to watch me run through Qui- um, my flips before we try it all together."

I don't bother glancing at Coach, since I know she caught my slip. I let out a slight sigh as I realize that I'll probably always think of this spot as Quinn's. Somehow, she's still at the forefront of my mind. I can actually see her in my mind's eye, like she's hovering in front of me as I work. I look past her, but realize I still notice the little details of this invisible Quinn in my vision. I wonder briefly if I'm actually going insane.

"Nice job, Santana," one of the Cheerio guys says to me, and I realize with a start that I've just done my entire sequence without registering a single jump or flip. In the zone feels a lot like obsessing over Quinn and it's freaking me the fuck out.

"Uh, thanks. I'm going to run it one more time."

He nods at me seriously and I realize I don't even know his name. I'll have to ask Quinn later so I don't embarrass myself by asking him. If she's still there…

I close my eyes briefly against the onslaught of fear that my best friend will be gone and I will die a little when I get home. Focus.

I jump up and arch my back, reaching for the floor. She'll be there. I feel the slight give of the mat underneath my hands and tighten my abs and hip flexors to swing my legs over. Just be ready in case she isn't. I look at the break in the bleachers as I come right side up, then repeat the process two more times. After the third back handspring I jump into a backflip, pulling my arms and legs in tight. It doesn't matter either way. When my feet hit the ground, I immediately focus some of my momentum and the energy of my jump into twisting my body; my legs stay straight this time as my feet fly up and over my head. You'll always forgive her. I spot the floor and come down neatly, poised to grab the hands of the guys on either side of me. I flip forward with their hands guiding me, my feet landing on their flexed thighs. Because you love her. At this point in the real routine, the pyramid will have been built up just behind us, and I will be flipped up to the top. I've completely nailed Quinn's tumbles, and I let out a breathy laugh of relief. I hop down from my perch on the guys' legs and look at my feet, running the back of my hand across my forehead and eyes to wipe away some sweat and surreptitiously clear my eyes of a few tears.

"That was perfect, dude. Definitely better than Quinn's first try at it," No-Name is giving me a big old flirty grin and I automatically roll my eyes.

"Yeah, well…" I realize I have no good comeback because I don't loathe/love Quinn anymore, I just love her, and my snark at this point would probably only serve to put that on display. "I've practiced it before." Lie. "I should probably go show Britt my old routine," Lie again, "so we can finish up and get out of here." At least that true, I do want to get out of here so I can find out of Quinn has decided to be the amazing girl I know she is or the biggest asshole on earth.

I walk away before he can respond. I'm not in the mood for any guy right now, let alone one who thinks he can get in with me by comparing me to the incomparable Quinn Fabray.

"How we doing over here, girls? Britt- did you want to run through my sequence?"

Brittany looks at me like I've just asked her if she wants to help me with my stats homework. I look at her pointedly and incline head my slightly.

"Yeah, sure. Good idea…?" She responds slowly, trying to figure out what I want her to do.

"Okay. Ali, are you good on Britt's jumps?"

"I think so, I'm just not positive about the timing," Ali says confidently. She's a freshman, and I'm surprised she's willing to actually speak in my presence, especially to admit she's not 100% perfect at something. I like her a hell of a lot more now than I did yesterday.

"No worries, we'll work on that when we get the group together. B, let's go work the sequence at the mats. The rest of you, grab a quick drink, then work base set up and flyer positioning for the baskets. No tossing yet, just lead into the set ups."

I turn and walk with Brittany to the mats.

"You know I don't need help with this, and Coach probably knows that too. What's up?"

"Quinn stayed over last night." I watch her reaction carefully, and am not disappointed.

Brittany's mouth drops open and then quickly snaps shut, her eyes have widened comically, and her head shakes quickly back in forth before her mouth breaks into a huge smile.

"What? No way! That's amazing, Santana. So are you guys friends again now? Is that why you weren't in school today? Hang on, I'm going to do the first flip so it looks like we're working."

I watch her do a quick back handspring and then go back to talking. I move my hands like I'm explaining what to do.

"Well, there's more to it, which I promise we will talk about when we have more time, but basically we fought and I left her with an ultimatum…" I take in Britt's blank look and realize that word is confusing her, "…a decision…that she needs to either be my friend and learn to talk things through or leave the house by the time I get back because I can't let her ruin me again." My voice is strained with worry, and I know it's obvious to my uber intuitive friend.

Brittany's face is expressionless, but her eyes are thoughtful. She nods a couple of times, then turns on the mat and perfectly executes the entire sequence of jumps and flips I used to do in the routine.

She walks back towards me.

"She'll still be there," she says without stopping.

I follow her back towards the group, willing myself to trust Britt's insightfulness.

"Let's take it from the end of the dance routine to the start of the pyramid set up. We'll run this until we've got it, so really focus on making this as seamless as possible."

Everyone moves into the positions they finish the dance routine in.

"I'm gonna go ahead and stop you all right there," Coach says, "We're going to run this part live, right now. Music and everything."

I want to protest, because I know this is dangerous, but I'm pretty certain she won't listen. I just got named captain and going against Sue Sylvester is like fighting the laws of physics—pointless. Quinn would've said something. You need to say something.

"Cue music," I hear Coach yell at her minions.

The music comes on and instinctively I start moving, taking my mark as I wait for the choreographed tandem flips behind me to be completed. I'm just a few beats from starting my sequence when I hear an awful smack, a collective gasp, and bodies hitting the ground. I turn around and see Britt and Ali lying on the floor next to each other. Oh shit.

I an instant I'm kneeling beside them. Brittany has pulled her feet in so they are flat on the floor, and her hands are behind her head. She's looking up and taking deep breaths, and I can tell she's just had the wind knocked out of her and gotten a few bumps and bruises. Ali, on the other hand, is still. Her eyes flutter open, but she looks dazed. I can see the underside of her eye and her cheek starting to swell.

"Ali, don't move okay?"

She looks at me in confusion, and then fear.

"I'm so sorry. Is Brittany okay? I knew my timing was off."

I feel sick to my stomach. I never should've let Coach make us go at this full speed.

"It's not your fault…" I want to explain that it's my fault, but I'm interrupted by Coach coming over with the athletic trainer in tow.

"Get back, Lopez. Practice is over. Tell the team we'll be back in the gym tomorrow at 4 and then send everybody home."

I stand and nod mutely, then turn to help Brittany up.

"Britt…I'm sorry. Are you okay? This is my fault," I whisper to my best friend.

"I'm fine, and it's not your fault, it's Coach's fault. And really it's my own fault for not working with Ali more."

I roll my eyes and shake my head.

"We'll talk about all of the ways you're wrong in a minute, let me get these guys out of here."

I walk over to where most of the squad has gathered and take a deep breath.

"Okay, guys, we're done for the day. We're back in the gym tomorrow at 4. Make sure you guys stretch really well and ice anything that's hurting. See you tomorrow."

They look kind of dejected as they head off to the locker room, and I feel a flash of guilt. Part of being the captain is regulating Coach's crazy and I had failed on my very first day. The squad knew that as well as I did.

I walked back over to Britt, who was stretching out her muscles slowly. She popped back up when I got to her.

"Do you need a ride home?" I wanted to talk to her more, and I felt responsible for her getting hurt.

"You drove here?" Brittany looks somehow both impressed and concerned.

We start walking for the exit. Britt's got her bag so I guess she doesn't need anything in the locker room.

"Well, yeah. My parents weren't home and I was pissed at Quinn and you were already here," I explained with a shrug.

"I still would've come to get you, San." Britt is giving me a look as if to say "duh."

"I know, B. I just was running late and didn't think to ask until it was too late anyway. I guess you have your mom's car today?"

"Yeah. Thanks for offering to illegally drive me home though." She gives me a grin that eases some of the tension I feel.

"Anytime." I tell her with laugh.

"Do you want me to follow you home, though?" Brittany is looking at me seriously.

I doubt she's worried about me driving illegally; she's probably worried about what will happen when I get home. I am too, but I consider the possibility of Quinn being there and having to send Britt away, and that just seems mean. No, I've got to face this alone.

"I'll be okay. I'll call you if she isn't there, I'm sure."

We've reached the parking lot, and we're standing next to my car.

"Huh? No, I meant do you want me to follow you home because you don't have a permit and could be arrested or something if you're caught. I already told you that Quinn will be there, and she will."

Without even thinking about it I pull Brittany into a tight hug. She hugs me back and I hear her whisper urgently.

"This is it Santana. You've got her back. Don't let her go again. I love you."

I pull away and give her a slightly watery smile.

"I love you too, B. You're the best."

"I know. And I'm following you home just in case," she says as she starts walking backwards to her car.

I roll my eyes at her and get in my car, filled with a nervous excitement. I trust Britt's intuition, but the nerves are still there. Even if Quinn is at home, there is plenty to be nervous about.

I see Britt get in her mom's car and take a deep breath before starting the engine. I feel like I'm on the precipice of a life changing moment. Only one way to find out.