A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. I didn't originally plan to cut it off here, but a) I'm exhausted and need to actually sleep, and b) I didn't want to shortchange the next part of the story by trying to cram it into this chapter. Feel free to send me hate mail for doing this to you guys two chapters in a row, I'll understand. Happy Friday!
SANTANA
After a classic Lopez family celebratory meal (Taco Bell, we're kind of smart ass-y that way), I subtly plant the idea of going to a movie in my parents' minds. My dad has been working like crazy, and my mom's schedule rarely matches up with his, so we don't get much family time. They agree with surprising ease, and my game plan is in action. I've thought this little plan out pretty carefully, so I've already picked a movie to sell them on and a show time. Now it's time for step 2.
"Okay, well Quinn and I are going to go get ready," I say, standing from the table.
"We need to be heading out the door in 20 minutes, so don't linger," Dad says.
"Yup, we'll be back in a little bit."
Once we're in my room, Quinn gives me a peeved look and continues to the bathroom without a word. I'm taken aback, but don't immediately say anything. Instead, I follow her into the bathroom and wrap my arms around her waist from behind. She looks at me in the mirror, and then steps purposefully out of my embrace.
"Whoa, what's your problem?" I ask.
"You said we were going to talk. You said you'd "make it worth my while." And somehow, we're heading out to an 8:00pm movie. So I guess you just forgot about the supposedly important conversation we were going to have?"
I stifle a laugh, but my grin cannot be suppressed. Of course, this just irritates Quinn even more, so I quickly interject before she gets legitimately pissed.
"Lucy Q! Where is the trust? Honestly, it's like you don't even know me. I thought we might want to actually be alone for a little bit tonight. It's all part of the plan to make that happen."
"Oh," Quinn says, looking apologetic. "So what's the plan?"
"You are going to go lie down on the bed, and I'm going to go downstairs to tell Mom and Dad you fell asleep, and that I'm going to stay with you, but they should go to the movie and spend some time together for once," I tell her proudly. I put a fair amount of thought into this.
"Nice, use the pregnant girl for your sneaky schemes," Quinn retorts jokingly. "You are so nefarious, Santana Lopez…I love it."
"Did you seriously just call me nefarious? Me?"
Quinn looks at me steadily and slowly raises her eyebrow with a slight tilt of her head.
"Okay, you might have a point. But I still can't believe you used the word nefarious outside of an SAT study group, you nerd. And don't knock the plan, if it works, it works."
"Fine, I'm a nerd," she says with a "whatever" shrug of her shoulders as she walks over and kisses me on the lips gently. "But you knew exactly what it means, so you're a nerd too," she whispers before walking into the bedroom and hopping on the bed.
I turn and scowl at her, readying my response before she interrupts.
"Better hurry, hot stuff. I don't want to actually fall asleep on you."
I don't bother responding, because I'm practically running out the door to break the news to my hopefully unsuspecting parents.
QUINN
Santana actually just ran out the door as if I could fall asleep right now. Silly girl.
I can't really explain why I want this so badly. I mean, in some part of my brain I know that I should think this is wrong somehow, but nothing in my entire life has ever actually felt this right. I've spent my entire life trying to be the perfect little girl my daddy expected, and for what? Lucy became Quinn—no, Lucy became a Fabray, worthy of his love and affection, until I made one terrible mistake. All of that work, all of my misery, for nothing. My father, in all his good Christian morality, threw me and his unborn grandchild out on the street as if it were nothing. And then we have good old Judy, who, in all her submissive cowardice, just let him. I want to ask them if they think that's what Jesus would have done, but I also hope I never have to see them again. Being Russell Fabray's daughter has caused me nothing but sadness, and I'm so done with it.
But with Santana I've always felt safe. She has always loved me no matter what. That I had once been Lucy didn't even faze her. She's stood beside me, unwavering, from the very beginning. When I was scared to be the Cheerios co-captain, when I failed a test for the first time, when my father grounded me because I was watching MTV, when I finally came to her and told her I was pregnant with Noah Puckerman's baby—Santana was always there to listen, or empathize, or tell me to "stop being a little bitch."
I believe in God, and I believe in right and wrong, but I can't believe for a second that God would make something supposedly wrong feel so completely right. My only regret in any of this has been that I messed it up so badly at first and almost lost everything. I'm pretty sure that Santana is a gift to me, sent to be my beacon back to the shore when I can't find my way. So I don't question why I want her close to me, why I want to show her how much I love her, why I want to make her feel good. The "why" doesn't matter, in the end. Being with her is really all that matters.
SANTANA
My parents don't even question my story and head for the door. Mom turns to me after my dad has gone into the garage and holds her arms open. I roll my eyes and walk into her embrace, laughing when she squeezes me.
"Take good care of her, mija," she says followed by kiss to my temple.
She lets me go and I look at her, trying to read her meaning.
"Of course!" I respond as lightly as I can.
Mom looks as if she wants to say something else, but nods with a quick, tight smile and heads into the garage, closing the door behind her.
I realize that my heart is pounding. I don't want to hope that my mom already knows about me and Quinn, and is totally cool with it, because that's a dangerous thing to hope for. Quinn is pregnant and has had a very dramatic couple of days. Mom is probably just worried. Paranoid, much?
It's not hard to turn my attentions to the girl upstairs on my bed, and my face breaks into a smile. Before I know it I've bounded up the stairwell and burst through the door. Quinn is reclining against the pillows on my bed. She's got a notebook in her lap and she's writing furiously. After a second she looks up at me and gives me one of those megawatt smiles that just absolutely make my day.
"Hi, love. I was just writing you a quick note, but I'm done now. Ready to talk?"
"Definitely. I set the timer on my phone so we know when the movie is over and can get ourselves, um, situated appropriately," I tell her, realizing how awkward I sound and wincing.
Quinn smiles mildly.
"Good idea. So I was thinking…we could both use showers after dancing around like crazy today…"
"Q, the point of this is to talk first. And can I please have my note?"
My heart is fluttering erratically at the thought of being in a shower with Quinn. Literally one of the hottest fantasies I've ever had, and she's apparently all for it.
"The note is for after," she says, like it's no big deal. "And I know, I was just teasing you. Let's talk."
"You are a cruel, cruel bitch, Quinn Fabray. You're lucky I love you so," I tell her as I climb onto the bed next to her.
"The luckiest, actually," Quinn replies, placing a light kiss on my lips.
I smile at that, because I still can't believe that we're here together and she loves me too and I get to kiss her whenever I want. We sit and study each other for a long moment, not really sure where to start. Finally, I feel the courage wash over me and I just say what I'm thinking.
"I want us to be together, Quinn. Like, officially together. I know we can't tell anyone or anything, but I want to be yours, and I absolutely want you to be mine. But here's the thing, I don't want anything that happens from here on out to ruin our friendship. I think just being your friend would probably be the most difficult thing in the world, but I would do that to keep you in my life. I'm scared, Q. I believe in us and I want this, but I'm still afraid of what it could do to us. I'm going to need help being brave sometimes."
I look from her face to my hands for a second, then pick my eyes back up to hers.
"But what really matters is that I love you, Quinn. I've always loved you. I'll do whatever you ask of me."
Quinn presses a teary kiss to my lips as her hands cup my face.
"First of all, I love you too, Santana. I love you so much," she begins.
QUINN
Santana smiles at me, waiting for whatever else I have to say. I look into her deep brown eyes and I just know that there was never a choice for me besides her.
"After I kissed you on your birthday, I was so angry. Angry at you for making me love you," I pause and smile at her ruefully, "angry at the world, but mostly I was angry at me. I felt like a coward because I couldn't be with you and I wanted to be so badly. I hated myself, San, and it made it hard to care about anything I did. I'd made it impossible for you to even be my friend, and I knew I deserved everything you ever said to me."
"Quinn, I-"
"No, babe, please just let me explain everything. I promise I'll make it quick, and it ends on a happy note, so…" I give her a light kiss, "let me finish. Where was I? Oh right, I deserved what I got. So when I got pregnant, I felt like I deserved that too, in a sense. I only slept with Puck because I thought I'd feel closer to you anyway-"
Santana's eyes widen in surprise, and she opens her mouth to speak again.
"Wait! Will you just listen, please?" I cut her off.
"Do I get to ask questions at the end?" Santana asks, frustrated.
"You can ask me whatever you want," I promise her.
"Fine, continue."
"Why thank you. So I got pregnant and I was scared, and I felt like I was just reaping all of the bad karma I'd accrued. I wanted to talk to you so badly, but I was afraid to tell you everything I'm telling you now, and I was afraid of letting myself feel exactly how I feel now. And you know what? I was right to be afraid, because this is absolutely terrifying, but the best decision I ever made was to be brave enough to come here and talk to you, and to kiss you that first night. And the craziest thing is that I don't know if I would have been able to do that if I hadn't gotten pregnant and kicked out of my house, because I would have been trying so hard to make myself fit what my parents wanted for me. So getting pregnant, losing everything, it's been the best thing that could have happened to me, because not one single day has passed since July 10th that I haven't thought about how it felt to kiss you. And not one single day has passed that I haven't wanted to kiss you again. I've belonged to you since that day, if only in my heart. So yes, Santana, God, yes…I want to be yours and yours alone, and I want you all to myself," I tell her sincerely before adding with a smile, "And now you may ask your questions."
Santana shakes her head and just leans in to kiss me. It's a full, passionate kiss and I am filled up with joy.
Kissing Santana is like a little slice of heaven. She has these full, pouty lips that are so soft and gentle, and she knows how to use them perfectly. Once she's entranced me with the slow, sensual movement of those lips on mine, she always seems to know the perfect moment to slide her tongue out and run it along the seam of my lips, or slip it out to pull one of my lips between hers, or glide it against my own tongue in a caress that sends flames throughout my entire body. Every moment that our mouths are in contact feels like another step towards finding everything I never knew I was looking for.
If she was just good with her mouth Santana would be a gifted kisser, but that is just the main focus of her skills. While she's entangling her mouth with mine, she somehow manages to place her hands perfectly even though so far she has been carefully restrained from escalating our contact beyond an epic make out session. She cups my face lovingly, runs her fingertips along my neck, down my back, up my arms. She brushes my hair back behind my ear in a gesture that is so adoring I can barely handle it. She shows her love with every soft caress of her hands, every time she wraps her arms around my body and encases me in her protective grasp. I've never felt as safe as I do in her arms.
Somehow, she manages to outdo herself even further with the simple power of her eyes. Santana looks at me as if the world starts and stops in my eyes. She studies me carefully, and I'm sure if someone quizzed her she could draw my face from memory. Her eyes glide easily from lighthearted, almost laughing, to intense and attentive. Santana's deep brown irises occasionally catch the light just right, turning them a deep russet. No matter the color, looking into her eyes leaves me breathless.
"Tana," I whisper between kisses.
"Yes, beautiful?" she whispers back, covering me in goosebumps yet again.
"I want…"
Santana doesn't stop, but slows her movements briefly before placing a chaste kiss to my lips and pulling back.
"I want more, too, Quinn." Santana looks hesitant, and my stomach drops. "But I don't want to rush things. I want you to be sure. I want to…court you." Her shyness is so damn cute.
"You've already courted me, San. You've been courting me for over a year, even if we didn't realize it."
Santana looks dubious. She's looking pointedly away from me, and I can tell she's trying to decide if she should say something. I wait patiently for once, not wanting to push her.
"I know how Puck treated you," she finally says, so softly I have to lean slightly forward. "I want everything between us to show you how incredible and special you are. I want you to choose me every single time we're together. I want you to feel nothing but love in every single touch we share."
I close my eyes and revel in having Santana say these words to me. I still can't even believe this is happening.
"I'm choosing you right now. I want to show you how much I love you; I want to feel you everywhere. God, I don't even know what I'm doing, all I know is that I want more with you. Besides, you promised you'd make the talking worth my while, remember?"
Santana's eyes are burning into mine. She is stock still, until she nods once and closes the gap to kiss me gently.
"Okay," she breathes against my lips, and my heart soars.