Summer
Ned stark and Jon snow belong to George R.R. Martin
"Now why is it daring doodoo that you deprive power from me!" It pans out to show spike reading a book "daring doo and shitty poo" a fan made book. Sold for 3$ on the Internet. He heard twilight yell "spike we have to go the comic con!" "Okay" the two hop in an air ballon but as the float the see a terrorist balloon "ALAH" the terrorist shout "yeah, ALALALALA!" The see pinkie pie in a balloon with a deployable browning on the edge she shoots down the terrorist balloon. "Oh hi twi! Where you headin?" "To the con of book of comic!" Says spike "CAN I COME TO?!" "Uh sure." Says twity fighty fucky shity. The arrive to the comic con with spike in a stroller. The see someone dressed as superman walk by, "uhh derpy FUCK THIS COMIC CON, YOU KNOW WALNUTS, FARCHIE?!" Shouts spike he takes of his trucks and ducks blankey to reveal a farchie and walnuts shirt. " uh hey yeah two year old fucko superman's a comic character." " whoa it's a comic,man" pinkie pie looks confused. "Wait, is the very hungry caterpillar a comic?" Spike responds with "it's kinda like Star Wars and Star Trek, same thing. Twilight, can you be a lamb and find me a hot babe dragon?" "No" "why not?" "Because I'm a pony with free will." Spikes voice cracks. "Twi, stop crying. (Sniff sniff)" spike walks outside "stork, take me to the hot babe factory" a shape blocks the sun and a stork comes and snatches spike. The cutie mark crusaders are at the comic con selling doctor who scarfs applebloom says "maybe it would be better if we trade of doing solo tasks?" Sweety belle nods at scootaloo, scootaloo starts choking out applebloom with a tartis scarf as sweety belle stands there laughing. "Ugh glurkeh, help" says applebloom being choked out "now why on earth would I help YOU?" Sweety belle says. She throws down her scarf and puts on fingerless black gloves. She walks up to applebloom grabs her chin "LOOK AT ME!" She repositions her face to look at her. "You crazy little fuck-face! You can just meezle into the dark mossy corner of the shit filled dungeon you crawled out of, oh wait you can't." "Glaker, why not?" "Cause I'm gonna kill you." She starts punching out applebloom "uhh stop!" "No, you snot nosed fuck" she takes a packet of orange kool aid and rubs the dust on appleblooms bloody lips. "Now I kiss you, but there ain't no consequences cus you yellow." "God, ugh (gasp) save me" groans applebloom. Sweety belle grabs her face once again, "I'm not Savin anyone." She turns away as she walks off she snaps her fingers and scootaloo tightens the the scarf and applebloom dies. Pinky pie and twilight are running and scoping the area for spike. They over hear a conversation between star swirl the bearded (looking like Justin bieber) and discord
(D=discord, ssb=star swirl )
D: fuck you!
Ssb: batman can truly kick Supes' but!
D: how much superman have you read?
Ssb: none... But I've seen man of steel
D:(immediately following the previous sentence and groaning) Man of steel?
Ssb: yeah! I loved it, the had a faithful and honest depiction of superman
D:fuck you! Lets get your brain checked
Ssb...no
D: NO? FUCK YOU LET'S GO
ssb: you can go.
The two witness discord grab star swirl and starts slamming into everything "fuck you star, you fuck, time to DIE!" The see discord fucking toast ssb.
Spike is dropped in a factory of baby dragons, "now, where's my turquoise?"
The stork calmly looks down and says "we don't eat turquoise." "But why not?" "Because storks don't eat, we just deliver babies." "NO TAKE ME BACK!" "I don't have another break for 27 hours." "But then ill have missed the comic con!" " I know." "Fuck this." Spike jumps through all the clouds breaks through the ceiling of the comic con building and lands in his stroller. "Spike where were you?" "With the storks" pinkie pie swishes her finger round the side of her head.
Later
(Hearts and hooves
DATE 2/14/14 LOCATION PONY VILLE( yeah I know this date and shit is pointless but its my story)
It opens inside a bedroom in an appartment with silver spoon and diamond tiara
Diamond: those stupid crusaders need to go suck a fucking coc-
A loud BANG spread across the land the top half of diamond tiaras head flew into pieces as she flew and hit the wall behind her
Silver spoon: DIAMOND(sniff) OH MY GOD , WHAT HAPPENED WHAT HAPPENED
The image and sound begin to fade as the words " 3 and a half hours earlier" appear on the faded screen
In hell
Discord is crying on his throne when star swirl the bearded comes in looking like a cross between Ned stark and Jon snow with a one handed sword and Leather armor with a Swedish accent. he bent at the knee and said
Ssb; lord satan you have been bellowing all day long I have come to request an explanation
Discord: huh star my land is of fire but my heart of ice I wish to love one and they to me, but I can't so to fill they lust I'm eating Hogg-n-doss and watching soap operas(sniff)
Ssb: I'm sorry lord I shall set out to find you one to love( this bit won't be concluded any time soon)
Meanwhile
Twilight:spike spike
Spike: what?.
Twilight: I wanted to tell you fluttershy and rainbow dash are in canter lot for hearts and hooves day so you can't play with angel
Spike GODDAMMIT!
They hear a great BUMP WUMP
Twilight: uhh... Hold on spike
Twilight walked to the window and saw pinkie pie in a giant mascot heart costume, stumbling trying not to fall
Pinkie pie: woah uhh you've stolen my HEART,I may be cuckoo for coco puffs but I'm even more cuckoo for you, my HEART beats for you
Will you be my valentine?
Pinkie then fell down with a CRASH!
Pinkie pie: and it looks like you've swept me of my feet
Spike: ENOUGH WITH THE PUNS!
Pinkie pie entered the house without her costume
Pinkie pie: HAPPY HEART AND HOOVES DAY!
Twilight: hey pinkie
Pinkie pie: hey do you want to see movie
Twilight: sure(shout) SPIKE ME AND PINKY ARE GOING TO A MOVIE, YOUR GONNA HAVE TO BE BY YOURSELF FOR AWHILE OKAY?
Spike:( shout from a distance) ALRIGHT I PROMISE TO BE A GOOD BOY!
The two leave and enter a movie theatre, the camera pans up to show the sign says PORN THEATRE
Spike sends a telegram to rarity saying "babe come over I got a cool super badass present for you
12minutes later
Rarity arrives
Rarity: spike I was about to invite you to my house before I got your note
Spike: rarity I was wondering wi w will you marry me?
Rarity:(sigh) spike we've literally been together for 2 weeks so no
After a meltdown from spike he falls Asleep
Meanwhile
Apple bloom: crusaders it hearts and hooves day. And we all need super special somepony's
The other two murmured in agreement
Apple bloom: and we haven't found one !
The same murmuring occurred
Apple bloom: we gotta impress some phillies
The three spread out sweetie belle saw a Philly who had a Brett Dixon hat and had syringes full of ecstasy
Sweetie belle walked over to druggy
Druggy:hey do you suck dicks f'r nickels?
Sweetie belle: uhh no
Druggy: y'sure cause I got a nickel with'r name on it... Ya just gotta talk to mista willy down'ere
Druggy pointed to his dick
Out of nowhere police ponies came in and took away druggy
Druggy: hear my words YOU'LL SUCK MY DICK'N GET'R NICKEL
apple bloom found a Philly who was jerking off and just left him alone
Scootaloo found no pony and was sad
Later
Spike woke up to see rarity sleeping and took ou RING POP! He then put it on rarity. Rarity then woke up explained that it doesn't work that way and spike had another meltdown he ran to his local convienient store and sees a sign that says "sweet love sale. all candy 95% off!"
Spike: oh my god ninety five... That means like a candy bar is like 5cents I need money!
Spike ran home
Spike: twilight always drops change in the chairs
21 minutes later
Spike: what the shit? No change i mean I ju-... Wait rainbow dash and fluttershy are gone so I can take money. Spike ran like hell to flutter shy and rainbow dashes house. He busted down there locked door and found a locked box titled "savings" spike brought a hammer with him and he smashed the box to see $ 100 he took the money and bolted to the convenient store. He bought all the candy he could and loaded it in big burlap sacks. He then ran to the station were they were preparing the floats to the "hearts and hooves day parade" hopped on one and drove off
Later
Twilight and pinkie are emerging from the porn theatre twilight is puking up a storm
Pinkie pie: I loved it it was so elegant.,. Oh don't worry twilight it's just that that movie made you feel so many thins you body ca-
The parade float is passing by as spike is singing tub thumping by chumbawumba and stuffing his face with candy
Spike: he sings a song to remind of the good times he sings a song to remind him if the BEST times!
Later
Diamond tiara: stupid crusaders you can't even get a super special somepony me and silver spoon already have some
The two show the crusaders fake paper meche phillies
3minutes later
Applebloom: scootaloo I'm just gonna say it,your lesbian you don't like dick you like vaginas
(Scootaloo isn't lesbian just for the record)
Scootaloo: REALY!?
Sweetie belle: yeah
Apple bloom and sweetie bell winked at each other
Another three minutes later
The crusaders are on top of a building with a sniper rifle they had borrowed from pinkie pie
Apple bloom: here's our plan ill kill diamond tiara and silver spoon, me and sweetie will take there super special somepony's, and you scoots, will go find somepony else.
Apple bloom looked down the scope she shot once and waited a minute and in that minute you could hear" WHAT HAPPENED!" Than apple bloom shot again and the screams came to an end
Apple bloom:(still looking down the scope) oh god! Crusaders we screwed up
Scootaloo: How?
Apple bloom: there super special some ponies are totally fake
Sweetie belle: how do you know that?
Apple bloom: because with this scope I can get a real close view of them and there paper mete
Scootaloo: let me see that!
Apple bloom alright
Scootaloo starts looking through the scope
Apple bloom: see one of them is even falling apart!
Sweetie belle: what are we gonna do?!
Apple bloom: well we can ask my sister!
The others chanted "YEAH!" In unison
36.8minutes later (and at sweet apple acre)
The crusaders are at the door to apple jacks room
Apple bloom: crusaders if we take what apple jack says to heart it may even become our super special talent
Once again the others chanted"YEAH!" The were laughing, joking, the were all bubbly, the opened the door to see apple jack fucking wiona. When apple jack noticed them she stopped and hid under her bed. The crusaders shut the door. The looked as if they saw the devil himself(oh wait they've done that before :))
Apple bloom: OKAY crusaders! NEW PLAN!
36.467753585478568747846848866874575785590003464255575minutes later (and at sugar cube corner)
Pinkie pie: twilight I just don't get it that movie was fantastic!
Twilight:(sitting on pinkies bed with a face as pale as the snow and greenish cheeks and a puke bowl by her side) pinkie it was literally called "rape the pizza pony"
Twilight was having another puking session when the crusaders came in
Apple bloom: pinkie pie can you tell us how to get some phillies to like us so they can be our super special some-pony
Pinkie pie: I have just the solution
Pinkie moved the bed(not bothering twilight as she had passed out on the bed) and under the bed is a key slot pinkie pie moved the heart shaped bed and under that was the key she put the key in its respected hole and a compartment opened up. And a case accented from said compartment. Pinkie pie went over to her lamp put the key in the lamp shade and then part of the wall opened up and in the wall compartment was a key. She took the wall key and unlocked the case and in the case was a pink bow and heart tipped arrows
Pinkie pie: alright this is a magic bow with magic arrows! If you shoot somepony with it they will love you FOREVER! You may borrow this bow. But if you don't return it, (imitating zod from man of steel) I WILL FIND IT!
3hours later(so at night)
Pipsqueak is walking down the street
When applebloom is sneaking up on him with the draws backthr bow. the sound making her skin crawl she shot and pipsqueak shot to the ground as if gravity had been increased 1billion fold
Apple bloom: (whispering) run! RUN! The crusaders ran of into the night
later
Spike is lounging around when twilight enters.
"What's up twi?"
"Spike this Wednesday is mine and pinkies 1 year anniversary! We're gonna be gone until Thursday morning, so you'll need a babysitter,". Twilight said
"Who's gonna be my babysitter?" Spike groaned.
"Actually it's rarity!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! And sweetie belle!
"Sweetie belle?"
"Yes… what's wrong with that?"
Spike looks utterly pissed off
"No, it's nothing twilight." He says with his teeth clenched together.
As twilight exits the room. Spike starts screaming in his pillow.
3 days later
Rarity enters the treehouse, by her side are the cutie mark crusaders.
Twilight explains spikes curfew (4:00) and he can't drink soda nor eat ice cream. Then twilight leaves.
Spike approaches rarity
" why are THEY here?"spike asks
"I can't leave sweetie Alone at home, but the crusaders "have to meet every Wednesday!" So there here" she responds.
"But then we can't make out!"
"I know love, perhaps they won't include you in there meeting."
"Of course there gonna include me!"
9:25 p.m.
Spike enters his bedroom the cmc
Are there with doctors equipment
"Oh doctor applebloom, our patient is here!" Sweetie belle says.
"Thank you nurse sweetie belle!" -She responds- "scoots…"
Scootaloo grabs spike grabs spike
"Hey what the-"
Scootaloo puts him on a stretcher.
"Thank you nurse scoots." -Doctor apple bloom Says-"Sweetie, equipment list please!"
"Scalpel, blood bags, and 2big band aids, and anesthesia!" Sweetie responds.
"What're you doing?" Spike asks
"Surgery!" Apple bloom says
Sweetie bell injects spike with anesthesia.
"What the shit are you (yawn) fucking bitches uhh"
Spike falls asleep.
25 minutes later
Rarity Is reading a book when she hears "scootaloo you can't just" another voice cut in "apple let go, stop I-"
Rarity looked confused
"Girls, is everything all right?"
"Yeah!" They all said in unison, before resuming there bickering
Rarity marched up the stairs, she opened the door to see the cmc over spike with spikes hand cut open and the skin peeled back a bit
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" She yelled
"Uhh surgery!" Apple responded
Rarity ran to the window and vomited into some bushes. She wiped her mouth
" WHAT'S wrong his hand?" She shouted
"Nothing.…" scoots said
"Then why "operate" on it?"
"We have band-aids ". Said sweetie
"That won't do it, push the skin back to where it was, I'm going out for 10-15 minutes!"
Rarity left she ran to a convenient store. In the Parking lot she saw pinkie and twilight in the store purchasing alcohol.
"Oh god"- she thought "if they see me they'll know that I'm not looking after the girls!"
She found a man with a Stetson and a big hoodie.
"Oh god…" she thought
She found a lead pipe by the convenient store dumpster she approached the man
She hit his head with the lead pipe
"Ohh shit meh Robber person robber!" The man says
"Shut up"
"YEAHHHH take it all!"
The man strips naked and runs off
2.5 minutes later
Rarity enters
Pinkie notices her but is convinced she's some hooligan
"Hey! If my friend rarity saw you shed give you a stern talking to!" Pinkie said.
" Kay brah," she said
"Pinkie, I need a $5 bill from you" -twilight says-"hey you look like our friend rarity." Twilight slips pinkies fiver on the counter.
"Hmm she seems nice."
" she's a little pretentious…"
"Bitch, don't talk smack 'bout 'er shit faced!"
" hey! I am a respectful citizen of ponyville!"
"And a fuckface!"
The man behind a counter slips them a brown paper bag
"Come on pinkie,lets go"
The two barged off
The clerk was of foreign nationality and didn't know English very well
"Hello wo-man!"
"Hi"-rarity removes her extra clothing- "can I get some bandages?"
"Band aid?"
"No, bandage? Like a mummy."
"OHHHH mummy! Ugh mummy?"
"Yes"
28 seconds later the man gives her a box of bandage.
Outside twilight looks in again. she enters as rarity's leaving
"Rarity?"
Rarity puts back on her Stetson
"No brah, Im Brett!"
Twilight removes the hat
"What are you doing? you should be watching spike and the girls."
Rarity runs to twilight's house
Pinkie shouted with glee "free hat!"
5 minutes later
Rarity barges in she hears spike crying she realizes the anesthesia wore of. She runs up stairs.
"Rarity! There hurting me!"
Rarity kneels down and starts applying the bandage.
After 5minutes the bandage is all on
"Now if you play with spike, play gently" rarity said
She went down stairs and started reading.
"So spike what do you wanna play?" Apple bloom asked.
"Uhh how about the game were you fuck off and let me kiss rarity?"
"Eww gross no!" The cmc said
Spike gets the blood bags and drinks there contents
"Hurr I'm a vampire!" He said trying to scare them off
"AHH" they say jokingly.
They all started a game of "run from the vampire!"they were laughing and having fun(spike thinking they wee scared and would leave the house) until sweetie got a stick and hit spike in the foot. To which spikes eyes played attack and defend with tears. Thankfully spike didn't cry but now he REALLY wanted them to fuck off
He withdrew a pocket watch.
"Ok your getting tired and shit."
"No we're not"
" don't deny it, when I snaps fingers who'll fuck off and won't like me until tomorrow when you'll think I'm real sexy and fierce."
"That's not happening"
"Yuh huh"
Scoots took the watch, she swung it at spike. It hit him in the cheek. Spike started crying. Beginning nearly silent but after 1 minute it was almost to the point were rarity could hear it.
Down below
Rarity was on her iPod listening to music
"It's raining men, hallelujah it's rain-" then she heard a "thump". From spikes room.
"Remember to play nice up there!"
Upstairs the cmc were trying to stop spike from crying. They stuff a pillow in his face
"He's pounding and kicking!" Sweetie said.
"Scoot, legs. Sweetie, arms." Apple said.
The two grab spikes limbs. After 2minutes spike passed out.
"What, now what do we do?" Scoots. asked. M
"Don't worry." Applebloom said.
1.5 minutes later
The cmc are stuffing spike in the closet that previously held the typewriter.
A minute later rarity enters.
" girls having fun?- wait, where's spike?" She asked
Apple bloom stepped in front of the cmc
"We're playing hide and seek, and BOY is he good at hiding!" She said thinking up there cover story on the spot.
"Oh, we'll its 10:00 now , when are you going to sleep?"
"We're not sleeping" sweetie says in a stern voice
"Um, okay, we'll I'm going to sleep so... Quiet down."
10:25 p.m.
Spike opens his eyes, he looks around, he knows he's in the typewriter closet, he turns to where the typewriter once was, there is a safe in its place.
The safe is marked "in case of emergency."
"What?" Spike asked himself in hushed voice, for he knew the cmc were out there, and he knew he could use the contents of the safe to make them fuck off.
He sees a screen and marked buttons, clearly the combination lock. Spike knew the combo for everything twilight had "5923". Spike entered as a combo. The safe opened and he saw a 357 magnum sitting there
"Well, I guess y'don't need friendship after all" he said.
But the cmc heard his remark
"He's awake!" A filly spike identified as scootaloo, said
Spike took the gun, he found a pair of jeans, he put those on and concealed the gun in his pocket, as it was a snub nose.
He witnessed the door open. The
cmc standing there in confusion
"Apple, what do we do now?" Scootaloo asked
"Uhh well I told Sweetie to think of a plan for when he woke up." Applebloom responded trying to put all the attention and rage off of her.
"No you didn't!" Sweetie yelled
"Crusaders!"- applebloom said-"spike is awake! That's the important part."
Spike didn't like them observing him like an animal, them looking at him with confusion in there eyes, there eyes may be different colors and sizes, but at that moment, the resembled one another. Six eyes starring at spike, he hated it. Spike didn't love them to begin with but now there eyes seemed to be locked onto him. Spike began to cry.
"Aghhhh!" Spike cried standing there
"Shut 'Im up!" Apple bloom demands
"No! No!" Spike yells
They pull spike to the ground. The right side hit the carpeted floor. He withdraws his gun.
"Get back!" Spike stated.
The cmc back up with great fear.
"Just calm down!" Sweetie said
"Fuck off!" Spike yelled.-"where's the yellow one?"
Applebloom jumped on spikes back
Spike fell back. Apple bloom grunted in pain. Spike just criesand cries He wanted nothing more than for them to puts the gun against apple's head.
"Listen, I'm gonna blow her brains out if you come closer!" Spike said
Sweety steps forward, spike pulls the trigger. Apple bloom yells in pain, then passed out. Spike shoots the gun at the wall. Rubber stickies with wires shoot out. It was a taser disguised as a 357 magnum.
The other two throw spike unto his bed. Spike points the gun at the electrical socket. He shoots it. The lights go out.
"Ahah!"-spike laughed-"now you can't see me"
The two remaining crusaders looked confused. Sweetie screamed and then was silent. Scootaloo went and sat in the corner. A dark apparition falls in front of her. The figure raised its fist. It came into her head like a wrecking ball. She passed out.
10:45 p.m.
Rarity is asleep: spike comes in a red robe with a staff.
"Wake up, love cakes." Spike says
Rarity wakes up
"How did you get rid of the girls?" She asks
"There knocked out somewhere…"
"WHAT?"
"What? they'll be out for an hour…"
"YOU KNOCKED OUT THE THREE GIRLS I WAS SUPPOSED TO WATCH? YOU FUCKING HALF BRAINED NINCOMPOOP!"
Spike starts crying.
"I just wanted to-"
"PHYSICALLY HARM MY SISTER AND HER FRIENDS!"
"No! I wanted to make out with you!"
"YOU SELFISH PIG! WHERE ARE THEY?!¿¡?!"
"In the back yard!" Spike cries.
10:50 pm
Apple bloom awakens in a pipe of owl shit. She is Dazed when rarity comes up to her. Rarity sees a burn on the side of her head.
"Apple bloom oh my god!" She yelled
"Ow oh god" apple moaned.
Spike comes and carries apple bloom into the house
Rarity runs up to scootaloo who has a black eye and is bleeding from her nose.
"Scootaloo Wake up…" rarity said
Scoots opens her eyes. But doesn't speak. Spike takes her into the house.
Rarity starts weeping when she sees sweetie with three teeth missing two black eyes a near broken nose and bruises all over her face.
"Just, take her in." She sobbed
Spike took sweetie into the house.
Spike put all three in his bed and started watching a book program (keeping up with the kardashians of course)in the guest room as he fell asleep.
Midnight:
Spike is asleep
The crusaders enter with a bowl of hot water.
Sweetie is nearly blind and needs to be guided through the house.
"Do it apple!" Scoot says
Apple bloom put spikes hand in the bowl.
12:01
The crusaders see a dark splotch on the blanket.
"What should we do now apple?" Scootaloo asked.
"We TROLL!" She responded
The two leave leaving sweetie to watch spike
12:15
The two enter the room. Apple bloom
Wearing a 1960's batman suit, and scootaloo dressed as a 1960's robin. Scoots is holding a wiffel ball bat.
Apple bloom starts jumping on the bed shouting as scootaloo starts hitting spike with the wiffel ball bat.
Spike starts shaking and crying.
Apple bloom then pounces on spike like a fucking maniac. Spieke screams in terror Before he is engulfed in the cape.
12:20
Apple bloom shows spike mercy and gets off spike. He has 3 broken toes. A broken nose. 1black eyes. A dislocated shoulder. 5missing teeth. And a finger nail completely ripped off. In addition to the "surgery" the performed on spike.
Spike screams
"HELP!'"
Apple bloom kicks spike in the head. Rarity barges in
"SPIKE!"
" he hurt us!" Apple says.
"So you hurt him back?"
"Yeah."
10 minutes later at sweet apple acres.
The phone rings.
Applejack is asleep
Granny Smith shouts "you big retard! Macintosh! Get the phone!"
Granny then goes back to sleep
Big Mac gets the phone.
"Hello?" He asks
"Hi it's rarity…"
"Where's twi?"
"Out, apple bloom needs to be picked up a.s.a.p. she wasn't. Behaving very well."
"I'm not picking her up."
"What?"
"I'm going to sleep, bring her by if you need to, but I'm not picking her up."
Rarity hangs up.
"Why were you on the phone?" Spike asks
"I'm calling a carriage, were taking apple bloom home."
Spike starts laughing he runs to his room and points at apple.
"Fuck you mere earth pony shitty!"
"What're you talking bout?" She asked
"Your going home!" He sneered
"Nothing will stop, the cutie mark crusaders!" Apple beams.
Rarity enters the room
"Apple bloom, the carriage will be here in 5 minutes, were taking you home." She said
7 minutes later.
There riding in the carriage when it stops at sweet apple acres
"I'm coming to!" Scoots said
"Me too!" Sweetie said
"my little sister needs to see if its fine with Big Mac!" Rarity said
"It is." Apple bloom said
"How so you know this?"
"He's my brother."
Spike and rarity drove home. They totally made out, then watched trucks and ducks before going to bed
1 Month later
spike is reading daring do and the shitty poo. he throws down his book. "Twilight!,..twi! Twi?" Spike walks down the stairs to see a note "spike, went to pinkies house, see you soon :)" the note had on it. "Woah I gotta tell her my amazing play ideas"
Meanwhile
The cutie mark crusaders walk out of a stage performance "apple bloom, how did you like it?" "I loved it!" "Hey maybe theatre Is our super special talent!" "Lets find a play we can be in!"
Meanwhile:
discord is at a karaoke bar. "Babeh lock then door 'n' turn turn the light down low!"
"Get of the stage" someone shouts people start throwing shit at him, discord sits down and starts to cry "(huff) wahhhh help pupuh please!"
1hour
The bar has a for sale sight on the door. Discord has $125, 000,
in his hand.
"Soon I can have beautiful Shakespeare plays be performed".
Later
Twilight enters the house with pinkie pie
"Twilight, why is it you think I SHOULDN'T have 13 shotguns, 9smg's, 3 rifles, a deployable browning, and a compound bow?"
"Obviously be-" twilights response is cut off by spike shouting "twilight!" "Yes." "I have an extraordinary play ideas!
It cuts to spike talking to discord
"You want a play performed at my theatre?"
"Yes sir"
"Okay"
Later
The cutie mark crusaders are looking at a poster on a light post. "We can be in a play!" "YEAH"
1 week later
Spike has a cast list
"Aha! The leading actors/actresses! The leading lady, rarity, the rest, the crusaders."
Discord barges in
"spike, you fool, I can't get a magic wand to blast sparkles!"
Then put in the sparkles in post"
"Post?"
"Yeah. Post"
"It's a stage production, THERE IS NO POST!"
"Discord, you work for me now, have the sparkles be practical effects, or add them in post."
"But I-"
"Do you want business?"
"Yes."
"Then have the sparkles!"
The start of production
Spike is wearing a barrette, and is wearing a white shirt and jeans "okay let's go!"
(From here until the end of the first rehearsal it shall look like a play script)
The Mistress of Love and the King
Mistress of love: rarity
King: sweetie belle
Jester: apple bloom
Guards: pipsqueak twilight
Crook: scootaloo
Enter mistress
Mistress: I love love!
Enter crook
Crook snatches mistress
Enter guards
Guards kill crook
King comes
King: your ugly
Mistress: I love you
Mistress waves magic wand
King:I LOVE YOU!
Mistress and king start kissing
END
Spike looks pissed off "god dammit! Your so bad"
Twilight walks up to spike "were giving it our all."
"FUCK YOU! CUT CUT CUT!"
Discord pushes spike out of the way
"I can be the director."
Everyone shouts "YEAH!"Spike starts crying
"Okay, bitches, bye! You fucking blubbery fat ass whales can go suck a spicy hot dick with peppers on it!"
Spike runs off
Performing day
"King, I used magic to make you love me. "
A high pitched ominous can be heard "trucking snitch I found you snitch!" Ben the looney runs down the aisle some pushes out there shoe-knife and puts it out in the Aisle, thus making Ben cut himself and die. Spike is one he girders where the lights hang, "what? Scootaloo's now the king? But what about the kissing scene? What are they saying? Hey, I didn't wright that In! The will pay for there crimes."
"I don't care mistress,I LOVE-"
a knife drops into scootaloo,s head, spike jumps from the ceiling with a gun "die die die die die" he runs and grabs rarity "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Shouts rarity
"You have ruined my play.." Spike guns down discord.
"Now I ruin you!"
Spike goes to rarity's house
2 days later
"Officer James,officer Gordon"
the police lieutenant says
"After the attack on that play the other day the leading lady was kidnapped, your going with detective Nielsen to crack this case." The group head to the theatre. The windows are boarded. Officer Jim looks frightened
"Detective, I don't think we can enter." The detective starts stripping down the boards
"we physically CAN enter, it's just someone will be pissed off."
They enter the building, there is dust everywhere. They hear an ominous from backstage.
"Jesus .h. Christ! Is someone here?"
Officer James says.
"No, I would've known."
Detective Nielsen responds. The go backstage, the see the eyes of discords dead corpse light up.
"Holy cats, the dead guys talking!"
Officer Jim shouts
Detective Nielsen walks up to it
"What the hell? OAHHHH!" Discords body gets up
"What do youWANT?!"
When he shouts "WANT!" All the lights turn on. Officer James runs off but a light falls and kills him.
"Shut the fuck up"
Detective Nielsen draws his gun and shoots discord. discord falls and says
"Ohh, spike the dragons your man."
The lights start flickering, the. The shut off and the ominous starts again.
"Detective Gordon? Gordon? Ohh fuck!"
Detective Gordon is crucified on the wall.
Detective Nielsen runs to twilights house. He busts down the door
"Where the fuck is he!?"
Pinkie pie and twilight walk from upstairs
"Where is who? Twilight asks
"Your dragon I did a background check on 'Im and he lives here, he is under arrest. So I ask you again where is he!?" Nielsen says.
Pinkie pie walks up to him
"She don't have tuh answer to ya!"
Nielsen Shoots pinkie pie in the knee
"He's no here is he?" Nielsen asks. He walks off. He looks at his notepad, he walks to rarity's house. He opens the door… he sees rarity with half her face caved in, and a broken jaw. She walks to Nielsen "kill me.…" she says
"What happened" he asks
"No!"
Spike hops down from the ceiling with his trucks and ducks blankey as a cape 3d glasses, and a stove pipe hat when he talks he has a fake formal British accent
"What do you want in my home?"
"The girl."
"Oh no! She ruined my play, so I crush her!"
Nielsen points his gun at spike
"Listen you little SHIT! Your gonna get in my police car, and your gonna get a fucking life sentence!" Nielsen shouts
Spikes face turns red
"(Sniff sniff) man just fuck off, the bitch is mine, okay?" Spike takes his gun, he shoots and kills rarity and shoots Nielsen in the leg. He jumps in the cop car and drives off.
1 hour later
"Daring do, you can't run forever"
Spike is sitting in the car driving down the road.
"Hey what?"
Spike sees a group of kids in wife beaters around a fire In an alley. Spike puts on his jeans and cuts his shirt sleeves off. He holsters his m911 and walks out of the car
"Yo yo homes" spike says "what you doin' at that fire?"
"Cockin' meth." A junky replies
"You got guns?" Spike asks
"Slips has a AK47." The junkie says
"Is he the leader?" Spike asks
"Yes" the junkie says
"Is it because of his gun?"Spike asks
"Yes" the junkee says
Spike draws his gun and kills slips. He takes his Ak47.
"New rules, Im leader, give me a map" says spike
A junkie hands him a town map.
"Okay get your shanks, were going to that wear house." Says spike
Twilight walks into a hospital room. Pinkie pie is on the hospital bed one of her legs in a sling
"Fuckkin detective fuck, surgery gonna set me back 1,500 bucks fuck" pinkie pie says
Twilight walks over to pinkie pie
"Pinkie, they repossessed your balloon"
"WHAT?"
Pinkie gets up, she limps towards the window, she sees 2 balloons towing her balloon with the browning on it.
"Twilight, under the sheet."
Twilight checks under the sheet and sees a dragon-uv sniper rifle she hands it to pinkie, pinkie shoots twice, twilight can hear screaming. Pinkie drops her gun, it lands In a dumpster. She takes out her phone
"Hi bob, Sniped a balloon... Tools in the near by dumpster…Frame the old fuck downstairs.
Later
A man is walking down a corridor in a warehouse. He sees the door open spike walks in
"Hey, get outta here!"
"'Ts just you?"
"Yeah so what?"
Spike pulls out his AK47 and kills the man
"Set up the kitchen." Spike says
A gang of police officers enter, one of them being detective Nielsen.
"Put your hands on your head" Nielsen says
"Why?" Asks spike
"Because we have more firepower"
"You have mere handguns!"
Nielsen turns and gives a thumbs up, the s.w.a.t. Team came in bearing s.m.g.'s.
"Now we outnumber you too, make your move wisely" Nielsen says smugly
"Uhh,"
Another gang enters bearing ak's and some l.m.g's
The leader of gang #2 says "you coppers will live if you just go!"
The cops scramble out.
"You are our gang now!"
Meanwhile
Discord is in hell
" STAR,"
Star swirl the bearded enters looking just like tobuscus.
"Star, you never found me love!"
"So?"
"DO IT YOU CURLY HAIRED FUCK!"
"Okay sir. DARKNESS TO REDNESS TO WHITENESS!" Star vanishes
He appears in front of a mall. He enters the mall. He sees a woman who has multi colored hair.
"Hey, I know a man who would love u forever !"
"He got money?"
"No"
"Then come back when he does fool!"
Ssb exits crying when he sees a wanted note for spike "300,000 reward" is written on it
Star goes back down to hell he comes up and jacks a car and drives away
Later
The gang leader is on a stage in the warehouse
"Okay ,dragon your now a dealer, Eastside Is crack, west side is meth, your on crack.
Later
Spike is in an alley with a suit case with an array of crack bricks. Someone walks by, a 7 year old filly, male.
"Hey, ya want a bit of crack?"
"AGHHH MOMMY HE WANTS TO SELL ME CRACK!"
"Shut up!"
"AGHHHHH"
"I'll kill you!"
"He's gonna kill me!"
Spike grabs a lead pipe and beats the kid to death with it and drops it in a dumpster when he opens it, he sees a sniper rifle. He puts in on his back and continues dealing crack. By the end of the day he's sold All his crack and goes home
Later
Ssb is driving when he sees spike walking down the street.
"hey! Get in the car!"
"What?"
Ssb grabs spike and starts violently shaking him.
"NO AGHHHH!"
Ssb accidentally drops him
"UH FUCK"
"HAHA!"
Spike takes a knife and shanks his tires. He runs back to the gang warehouse. He goes to the gang leader
"What chu woun foo!"
"Someone tried to mug me!"
"So"
The conversation is ended by the police barging in with all kinds of guns
"Looks like a wough foo!"
A shooting match starts the leader is the 1st to die because he hopped on a cops back. Spike shoots 2 cops with his sniper,4with his m911, and 2 with his AK47. He then books its and runs to the top of the building. Spike can see a cop with a grenade launcher enter the building, followed by his fellow gang members screaming. Detective Nielsen runs up.
"Freeze!"
"No!"
Nielsen shoots spike and he falls into a dumpster.
Later ssb takes spikes limp body and turns him into the police but spike awakes with his guns and escapes. Ssb goes to the girl in the mall
"Now he has money"
She looks at the $300,000
"That's not enough money!"
" we'll ", (sniff) NUGGET BISCUIT DO U LIKE MY SWORD, AGHHHHHHHHHHNHHBVHBBVGGGGGFCFCFHGGRYG!"
He grabs the lady's head and breaks her neck.
Twilight is reading a book when spike kicks the door open
"Bitch, your mine!"
Pinkie pie enters the room
" spike I'm takin those guns, I can add them to my collection! "
"But, I would've Concorde ponyville… (triple sniffle double huff) NO WAGHHHHH NO NO NO NO." Spike Is taken to a hospital and after 2 surgeries, he is released. But an ominous Is heard saying
"You broke her neck?! You fuck!"
Everyone is running because the don't know what's going on, but spike smirks and says, "oh satan"
Six weeks later
Mlpfimacdnd
Daring do: ROLL INITIATIVE!
Twilight Is in a book store (get the irony?)
She walks through some isles
"Dungeons and dragons?" She says
She sees books and the red box for 4th edition. She smiles,
"Ever since that ride trip everyone's been distancing theme selves from each other, maybe this will help everyone become close friends again."
MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC ALTERNATIVE CANNON DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS. (Mlpfimacdnd)
Twilight enters the library
"Spike! Spike?"
She enters spikes room.
Spike is fapping insanely quick his grubby hand slapping the flesh behind his 0.5inch erect penis while looking at rarity trying on dresses via big ass telescope and eating gems
When all of the sudden twilight enters
in (Reference to anyone who gets it!)
" for the love of god spike, not again" she sighs.
" oh uh sorry :)" spike says.
"We'll anyway, I found a game you, me, and the gang can play!"
" to be honest twilight, that trip YOU made sucked such penis, I…I can't even put it into words, like i cant even think about seeing those ass-hats ever again,but! I'm open to stuff, so what's your idea?"
"We'll, I thought we could play dungeons and dragons!"
"That nerd game?"
"Yes it's commonly played by so called nerds, but it's-"
"A poor mans world of Warcraft at a table?"
"No! Look this can bring us closer as friends"
"Who?"
"You,me,rainbow,fluttershy,big Mac,the cmc…"
"Blah blah blah… "I'm twilight, Im a nerd I wanna okay dnd and lick my own asshole!""
"Spike! Watch your tongue! We're playing dungeons and dragons!"
"Ughh fine! Is pinky gonna play?"
"Of course!"
Twilight walks off
25 minutes later.
Rainbow dash is sitting in a 1960
Style ice cream bar. She's at the bar chugging hot fudge sundaes and banana splits, fluttershy is trying to get the jukebox working.
"Rainbow, if this is an attempt to sooth your feeling of isolation, it won't work. Ice cream doesn't have any alcoholic properties." Fluty says
"You can shut that big fucking mouth of yours!"
"Rainbow, the sundaes aren't effecting your mind like alcohol would."
"That's a fat crock of shit. I have a brain freeze that would make spike cry!"
"So your brain freeze isn't that bad?"
Twilight enters the ice cream shop
"Rainbow! I was wondering…would you and fluttershy want to play dungeons and dragons?" She asks
Fluttershy shouts "yes sure!" Regardless of rainbows opinion
Pinky is on her bed polishing a arrow head. Spike enters
"Spike, what's up?"
"Twilight wants you to play dungeons and dragons or something."
"SURE! Ill play!"
1 week later
Everyone is at the table
Twilight: dm
Spike: fighter.
Big Mac:ranger
Rainbow: barbarian
Pinkie:warlord
Sweety belle: assassin.
Fluttershy: thief
Apple bloom: wizard
Scootaloo: rogue
Pinkie stands up, starts grabbing her crotch, and flipping off everyone
"Fuck you! I don't need to kiss the dms ass, I've done that shit in real life!"
Game start
Pinkie and the cmc are in a meadow
"Pinkie you are the warlord you must lead the crusaders!" Applebloom says
"Uh… okay!"
Rainbow and flutter are in a abandoned town.
Big Mac is in the woods.
Spike appears by the town
Irl:
"Fighter beets barbarian!" Spike says
"Yeah right"rainbow responds
"Fuck you, you fucking hound, ya shit guzzler I'm gonna kill you!"
In game:
Spike enters the town.
Twilight says " you all somehow know that you must migrate to the snow caps to fight a dragon who will conquer the world! You and your factions all want the glory for yourselves!"
Factions:
Spike
Big Mac
Rainbow and fluttershy
The cmc and pinkie pie.
"We'll rainbow, we can stock up In this town here!" Flutter says.
They start putting food in there packs. They start talking about a plan to kill the dragon. Spike walks down the streets until he hears them. He takes a rock and throws it through the window.
Fluttershy gets spooked and runs out of the house. Once she's out spike bashes her with his sword hilt, knocking her out.
Big Mac.
A deer trots through the wood, it laps some water from the river. An arrow spits through one knee.
Irl
"Do I break its armor class?" Big Mac asks
"Mac, it has no ac, roll for damage."
Twilight responds
Big Mac rolls a d12
"3!" Big Mac says
"It doesn't die, it's hp is 12."twilight says.
In game:
The arrow pieces through the deers knee. It falls to the ground.
Irl
"FUCK! Now I gotta punch it tuh death". Big Mac shouts
"You know you have a short sword right?" Spike asks
"It'll break if I stab the deer"
Twilight interjects
"It's not gonna break I-"
"FUCK YOU 'TS GONNA BREAK!"
In game:
Big Mac approaches the fallen harmless creature. It squeels as it wished it could run free. The red haired ranger approaches. He lifts the deers head. He hits the deers head until blood gushed from its eyes. The ranger cried, for his fists hurt. He picked up the now blinded deer and threw it on the ground. It's teeth fell out. It wasn't dead, but it was in great agony. He lifted it one more time and split it in half on his knee.
Spike/rainbow:
Spike makes sure flutter is out cold. He kicks down the door. Rainbow knew a battle was in order.
"We'll we have a midget in a tin can!"
"As suppose to a cavemare?"
"Yeah!"
They charge at each other rainbow swings her axe it misses spike skims rainbows leg with a jab. Rainbow bitch slaps spike. Spike falls to the ground crying. Rainbow spits on spike and starts walking towards fluttershy. Spike jumps up and grabs rainbow. He puts his sword against her neck.
"Fighter beats barbarian. Admit it!" Spike says.
Fluttershy gets up and shoots spike with her hand bow spike lets go of rainbow and removes the bolt. Rainbow uses her rage attack daily power. Spikes hp drops to -8
"He's not getting up." Rainbow says to fluttershy.
"Hey I have an idea!" Says flutter
"What's that?" Rainbow asks
Fluttershy takes chains and shackles from her bag. The two look at spike, barely conscious. Rainbow drags spike by the scales on his head to the Corner. The two go off to calculate the amount of chains they needed. it took them 10 minutes. that was spikes 10 minutes of peace. The two approaches spike with there chains. Spike moans in disapproval , But he realizes that is futile. The two approach with devilish smiles on there faces. Spikes disapproving moans turned into the closest thing he had to a scream. Rainbow gets some cloth and straps it over spikes mouth. Stopping him from making noise. After the better part of an hour spike had his hands and legs bound behind his back. There are chains on his neck, arms , and Chest linking to both walls of the corner he was in.
Cmc/pinkie
the group walk through the town. The enter the building to see that spike had succumb to the pain and was unconscious. Rainbow and flutter entered.
"Again?" Rainbow asked.
Sweety came up and threw fluttershy down on the ground. Rainbow pulled back sweeties head and punched. her out. Scoot shot rainbow with her hand-bow.
"Ow shit!"
Rainbow tried to pull out the boult but it broke.
Fluttershy and sweetie arose.
Apple bloom zapped the two, they fell, they were struggling to get up when pinkie gave them a hand. The rose until there feet were 2 feet off the ground.
Sweetie and scoots ran and put there short swords under there foe's necks. Apple bloom continued zapping them, giving the two increasingly agonizing pain. Pinkie paced around the room.
"Why did you show spike mercy?" She asked. The two didn't answer half in resentment, and half do to with the pain.
"Shall I ask the dragon himself?" She asked. The two again gave no response. Pinkie paced towards spike. She tore the cloth of him.
"Why did they show you mercy."pinkie asked. Spike looked dazed for a minute as he was waking up but he started groaning out: "I don't know, I had a battle with the blue one. Her friend needed to help her. The beat me up but instead of proving there better ness and coolness in the ultimate way by killing me, they locked me up"
"Thank you spike. Kill them!"
The two fillies stabbed rainbow and flutter through there throats, killing them.
"Your gonna save me now right" Asked spike
"Something like that"
As the group left scoots stabbed spike in the head.
They started marching through the woods. The were by a waterfall When Big Mac jumped from the tree. He knocked pinkie into a river. Apple bloom started zapping Big Mac. Big Mac started marching toward apple. He killed her with one punch. Pinkie pushed Big Mac out of the way she forced his head in the river until he drowned.
"Yeah pinkie!" They shouted. Pinkie forced them off the waterfall. She ventured back to town took spikes things. She left for the snow caps.
Along the way she found stones of everyone. The arose from the ground.
"You are a team again!" Twilight said
Everyone simultaneously sigh. They venture for 2 hours until they reach the snow caps. The dragon slaps the ground.
"Are you trying to stop me?"
They all say "yes"
After 3 minutes.
Big Mac, flutter, sweetie, and scootaloo are perched on tree branches shooting at the dragon.
Rainbow and spike are bashing him.
Pinkie is making the dragon stuff mud in his eyes blinding him, as applebloom zaps him.
After 15 minutes of repetition the dragon dies.
Then a battle royal starts. Everyone starts fighting applebloom starts zapping, but rainbow dash kills her , then spike stabs her. Pinkie makes them all rise up, and slap against each other, at least until Big Mac kills her with his bow. When they fall flutter and scoots die. Sweety Big Mac became incapacitated. So sweetie broke his neck. But then spike decapitated her.
End of game.
"Okay guys that was dnd!" Twilight says.
Everyone begins to mingle about the session twilight makes it clear if they play again they'll have the same characters.
Big mac tries to kill everyone in real life, so he gets arrested Then everyone leaves.
Epilog
"So spike, how did you like it?"twilight asks
"It was okay I guess." Spike responds
"Spike, I know a liar when I see one, you loved it!"
"Know I didn't !"
"Yeah you did"
Spike starts to Cry
"I HATED IT AND I HATE YOU! RAINBOW WAS BEING A FUCKING BITCH THE WHOLE TIME! YOU BASICALLY JUST LET US LOOSE TO FUCK EACH OTHER OVER! I HELPED OUT PINKIE BUT SHE WAS A FUCKING COCK SUCKING BITCHY SHIT AND KILLED MEEEEEEEEEE!"
Twilight smirks
"You loved it"
As twilight leaves the room spike is screaming at the top of his lungs.