(*throws shitty chapter at you* I'M SSSOOORRRYYY *runs away frantically*)

"I met Cronus."

An inhuman noise came from Mituna's end of the phone. Sollux, despite himself, had to try not to laugh.

"W-what'd he do? Where'd you meet him?"

Sollux shifted, cradling the phone between his shoulder and his ear.

"I was with his younger brother. Eridan's my age."

"No way. You stay away from those Amporas. They're nothing but trouble."

"You said that about the Makara family, too."

Listening to Mituna speak was like listing to Sollux speak. His brother's voice was familiar, comforting, even. They had the same tone, the same lisp. Their father was always away, business, he said, so the two were closer than normal. Closer than I'd like to be if I weren't blind. Cronus had been rude, but Sollux had to agree that Mituna was a bit bumbling and, well, idiotic.

"I-I know! But there are a lot of shady people out there!"

"E.D.'s not shady. He's actually pretty nice."

"I'm telling you, you can't trust him."

Sollux bit his lip and jabbed the "end call" button. No way was his older brother going to tell him who to hang out with. He'd been so bored, blind, alone, and pathetic, and finally he'd met someone who'd look past his eyesight (or lack thereof) and just want to be friends. Eridan was like a second Aradia.

BUT YOU'RE NOT DATING. NO HOMO, BRO.

Groaning, Sollux felt his way to the living room and sank down onto the couch. Yeah, he'd only known Eridan for a few days, but he could say that the "shady" young man was, besides Aradia and Mituna, one of the best people he'd ever met.

THIS ISN'T SOME STUPID LOVE STORY. ERIDAN'S YOUR FRIEND, NOT YOUR FUTURE DATE OR SOMETHING.

…why do you keep making references to romance?

MAYBE YOU DO LIKE HIM. MAYBE YOU'RE JUST TOO SCARED TO ADMIT IT. MAYBE THAT'S WHY I, YOUR INNER KARKAT, AM INSITING THAT HE IS NOT YOUR DATE. BECAUSE MAYBE HE IS. OR, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT HIM TO BE.

Shut up!

"Ungh…" Sollux ran his fingers through his hair, trying to shake out the voice in his head. His inner Karkat was, in fact, making a very intelligent point, but Sollux refused to go along with it.

SEE? YOU'RE TOO SCARED. WHAT A STUBBORN ASSHOLE.

"SHUT UP!"

Did I just say that aloud?

YES.

Hopefully no one heard me.

Sollux could almost picture a tiny Karkat on his shoulder talking to him. He contemplated calling the guy and telling him to stop mentally abusing him (both figuratively and literally), but he knew that that would seem crazy.

Can you just leave?

NO. I'M HERE TO GUIDE YOU.

Some guide you are.

AT LEAST YOU ADMITTED THAT I HAD A POINT. YOU REALLY LIKE ERIDAN. LISTEN TO ME. YOU. LIKE. HIM. I AM GUIDING YOU.

Where is this conversation going?

I DON'T REALLY KNOW. JUST STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUBBORN AND CONTEMPLATE THE IDEA.

"I am mentally defective," Sollux announced to the wall.

"Not only am I talking to an imaginary Karkat, but I am complaining about said imaginary Karkat to a wall."

(I decided to go read some Black Butler fanfiction and I found one where even the summary made me want to dump Faygo all over my computer. It was just basically EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER x SOME CRAPPY OC and EVERYONE wanted to marry her and *le gasp* HER FRIEND fell in love with Undertaker and so oh no! she couldn't have him for herself!

That's why I stopped making OCs for my fandoms years ago.

If you're reading this and that's your fanfiction, terribly sorry, but if you're going to write stupid self-indulgent stories, which I do sometimes, please don't post them on here! Keep 'em secret, they're better that way!

All right, done ranting, gute nacht lieblings! *blows kisses*)