Camp: BFF
Bad boy Seifer and Boy Scout Zell have never been the best of friends, but when their constant bickering hits breaking point, Squall and the gang decide that drastic action must take place. With the rest as mediators, how will Zell and Seifer survive 'camp: BFF' the camp designed to turn foe to friend? Rated M for language.
Disclaimer: Nope I don't own FFVIII or anything related to FF in general, if I did I probably wouldn't be writing fanfics….I'd be making canons :D
Chapter: 1: The plan commences!
"And then we blow them to smithereens!"
"Okay. Um. Thanks for the input Selphie but I don't think that's necessary"
"No probs! Just puttin' it out there!"
"Woof"
"Yes. Yes okay Angelo, what else?"
"Woof woof! Arf!"
"That's….actually a great idea!"
*panting sound*
Squall ran a hand through his hair, going over the current notes he had collected from the rest of the group, concerning what to do with the two troublesome blondes. He now had a clear idea about what was going to happen and decided it was time to let the rest of them know. He had gathered Selphie, Irvine, Quistis, Rinoa and Angelo (her dog) in the quad to discuss when and how they should go about settling Zell and Seifer's feuding once and for all. Squall stood up and cleared his throat.
"I gathered you guys all here to suggest…the plan."
Jaws hit the floor.
"A-Are you serious?" Irvine exclaimed, taking off his signature cowboy hat. "I thought that whole thing was like….not serious..."
Squall nodded. "I'm serious. Dead Leviathan serious, to be exact." He tried to push the image of his dead fish out of his head.
Selphie and Rinoa exchanged glances. "Don't you think you're being too harsh Squall…?" Rinoa replied sympathetically. "I mean…yeah they're annoying but….the plan is just…" she trailed off, wrapping her arms around Angelo.
Squall shook his head and kneeled in front of his significant other and her dog. "Remember when you couldn't find your favourite white dress the other day?" He asked the now paranoid looking young woman.
"Yeah…?"
"Well the reason is because…" Squall leant over and whispered the rest in her ear. "..psst…dress…psst..moomba…psst..t-board…psst…"
"Th-that BASTARD!" Rinoa exclaimed in rage, Angelo flinched in surprise. "They're both going to pay! I loved that dress…" She sniffed.
Irvine cleared his throat. "Yes…but what have they ever done to m-"
"-Well you didn't hear this from me, but…" Quistis brushed her long flaxen tresses from over her shoulder.
"Well?"
"Well Seifer said that Selphie was as short as a stump and that you, Irvine looked like Michael Jackson." She replied quickly averting her gaze.
"WH-WH-WHAAAT?"
"I DO NOT LIKE….LOOK LIKE MI-MI-MI-MI….MJ!?"
"STUMPY!? STUMPY!?"
Irvine grabbed Selphie by her shoulders, shaking her slightly in sheer panic. "B-babe! Do I look like MJ to you? DO I?" he exclaimed.
"Of course NOT" Selphie declared defiantly. "What about me! Do I look…stumpy?" Her bottom lip jutted out, quivering like she was on the verge of tears.
"LIKE….NEVER!" Irvine spat. "FUCK THOSE GUYS!"
"YEAH!"
Squall and Quistis both nodded to one another in silent agreement. Quistis pulled her laptop out from her satchel and lifted the lid. Immediately a detailed plan sprang open, around 6 pages long. The title of the document was titled "Friendship Rehabilitation" Quistis gestured to the others to come closer to the screen. "This is a basic outline of what's going to happen…I was hoping we could go over it and make it possible by next week, on Tuesday specifically." She explained.
"Tuesday..? What's significant about Tuesday?" Rinoa asked.
"For SeeD personnel that's when we start our end of year holidays." Quistis replied. "Plenty of time to carry out what we need to carry out to get these guys to sort out their differences. I already have the perfect place booked out, so accommodation is already covered."
"Wow Quistis, you're so efficient!" Rinoa replied enthusiastically. "So what place did you book for the rehab? Aren't places around this time really expensive to book?"
"Not to worry, I got the place for a real steal! It's not a huge place but it's perfect for what we're trying to accomplish." Quistis replied, almost bragging. "It's on the island closest to hell by the way."
"…."
"…."
"I-I see…."
"…yay?"
"Well…no wonder you got it for a steal…" Squall said dryly. "Who the hell plans holidays to visit the island closest to hell anyway?"
"We do, apparently" Quistis replied. "Anyway let's go over the plan."
Quistis and the others discussed the rehabilitation plan for hours until late into the night. They had decided that the plan would commence in exactly 3 days from tonight. Quistis would head over the next day with a few other SeeDs to set things up and return on the day with the Ragnarock to transport the victims-err-patients to their holiday destination. Meanwhile Selphie and Rinoa would convince Zell's mother and Seifer's friends that the gang were going on a surprised holiday. Irvine and Squall would both try convincing Zell and Seifer that they had won an awesome holiday and 'help' them onto the Ragnarock on the day as well. In Squall's eyes it was foolproof, or so he hoped.
*************** [The big Day] *****************
Birds chirped in the early morning even though the sun had barely risen and darkness still blanketed the garden. The boisterous blonde had already awoken from his slumber, excited for the day ahead. He hadn't slept a wink, but he didn't feel the slightest bit tired as he grabbed his bags and luggage and moved them towards his door. According to Irvine, he had won a ski trip in the snowy Vienne Mountains of Trabia. When asked how he had won, Irvine mentioned the hotdog eating contest he had won a few weeks back. Zell had thought the chance to eat tons of hotdogs was the prize but apparently not, this was a huge surprise for him. Zell loved T-boarding around Balamb but nothing beat real skiing, he began air boxing in his room to contain his anticipation.
*knock knock*
"Yo! Come in!"
A tired-looking Irvine trudged into the excited blonde's room. Irvine was so tired he didn't even bother to wear his signature cowboy hat; his hair was still tousled from bed and tied hastily into a ponytail. How Zell managed to store so much energy, the sharpshooter would never understand.
"So…like…*yawn*…you ready to go?" Irvine asked, yawning half way through his sentences.
"um DUH! I am SO ready!" Zell exclaimed punching the air. "Let's goooooooooo!"
Irvine felt bad for the poor guy; he didn't want to be there when Zell's dreams of skiing in the mountains were shattered. The guy might actually start crying.
"Alright…let's go." Irvine replied sleepily, helping Zell with one of his bags.
Leaving the garden, Zell entered the Ragnarock and noticed that the ship was pretty crowded; everyone else was there…even Seifer much to his dissatisfaction, he only hoped the asshole wouldn't ruin his holiday. As the Ragnarock took off he walked over to the taller blonde as he was the only other person that was down in the ship foyer for some reason. He eyed Seifer's bags and noticed weird gear like tackle boxes and fishing rods.
"Dude what's with the fishing stuff?" Zell asked smugly. "Don't tell me you're gonna be fishing in the ice? Can't you ski? Hahaha"
Seifer turned and flashed him an irritated yet confused look. "What the fuck are you talking about? Why the hell would it be snowing in FH?" he barked.
Zell blinked, now he was confused. "Errrr we aren't going to FH, dumbass! We're going to Trabia! How did you get that mixed up?" Zell snapped back.
Seifer got up and eyed the shorter man. Squall had specifically told him that they were going to Fisherman's Horizon for a fishing holiday, how the hell was the dumb chicken spouting something completely different? He crossed his arms and leant against the foyer window, something felt weird.
"Well maybe they're making two stops, retard."
"Doubt it."
"And why's that?"
"Because we passed FH ages ago."
"Wait…what!?"
Seifer spun around and looked out the foyer window, it was impossible to see properly with all the clouds flurrying past, especially at the high speed the Ragnarock was flying at. He squinted against the glass as the Ragnarock lowered altitude and noticed that surely they were now flying above land….were they above…Timber?
"What. The. Fuck."
Zell smugly grinned in all his know-it-allism. "Told ya so, biiiiieeetttcchh"
Seifer walked over the martial artist, grabbed his jacket collar and dragged him over to the window. "H-HEY WHAT THE HELL MAN! LET GO, DICKHEAD!" Zell barked as Seifer did so. When Seifer did let Zell go he promptly shoved the taller male away. "WHAT?"
"Look out the window, dipshit!" Seifer spat. "If we're skiing in Trabia then why are we over Timber right now!?"
"…"
"…"
"Cos! We're taking a longer route DUUUHHHH"
"Oh Hyne…this guy is fucking clueless…"
"Whatcha say, you motherfucker?"
"I'll show YOU, you little bitch!"
"GRAAGHH-"
"HNNNGH"
"UGHH"
Rinoa shifted weight from one foot to the other. "I think they're fighting down there." She mumbled, tired. "Someone should go help down there."
"Yeah….*yawn* someone should."
"Woof"
"Yeah…"
"Oh fine…I'll go"
Rinoa decided she'd clear the air down there; she was used to waking up early and had woken up 10% less grumpy than the rest of her friends. As she took the elevator down, the sound of insults flying, grunting and clattering of gear grew louder. The young raven haired woman sighed; maybe she should've brought Quistis down with her.
"Um guys what're you do-"
"YOU"
"eeeek!"
The once orderly foyer area was now a mess with cards, fishing equipment and winter clothing strewn all over the floor and seats. The stacked luggage had fallen over and the two males were in the middle of it all, throwing punches and gear at each other. Rinoa reaffirmed the fact that these two needed this camp once again in her head.
Seifer threw an accusing finger her way. "Where the HELL are we really going?" he shouted. "WHY am I not fishing right now?"
"Well…you see…"
"Hey Rin! What's going on? We're just taking the long way to Trabia, right?" Zell asked with bright eyes.
"Sorry Zell…"
"WHA-"
"We're heeeeeeeerreeee" Selphie's voice echoed from above.
It hadn't even been 20 minutes and the Ragnarock had already reached its destination, the foyer vibrated as the airship began to descend, a loud hiss rang throughout the corridor as the airship burned the last remnants of fuel for a softer landing. Warm air rushed into the foyer as the doors of the airship opened slowly, bright sunlight quickly flooded in as the doors fully opened and the ship landed.
As the warm air grew intensely warmer Zell came to the sudden realization that they probably were not in the snowy Alps of Trabia right now. The warm humid breeze blew flecks of sand near the entrance of the ship and the wailing and roaring of monsters could be heard from the far distance. Feint vibrations could be felt from the floor as nearby Hexadragons plodded around in the distance.
"Um…." Zell began, mouth dry. "Are we on the Island closest to Heaven…or Hell?"
"Only Hell has Hexadragons….dipshit" Seifer slowly replied.
"How do you know-"
"-If you look that way you can see one taking a dump over there."
"Oh. I see."
The elevator hummed as the rest of the group headed down into the foyer. Squall almost felt bad when he witnessed the once enthusiastic Zell standing frozen in place, the life sucked right out of him. Squall reminded himself that this was all for the greater good.
Seifer whirled around and began to approach sullen looking brunette. His once arrogant default facial expression was now a deeply pissed off looking one.
"What is this shit, asshole? You told me I was going fishing!" Seifer growled.
"I…I thought I was gonna go…skiing…go skiing.." Zell weakly echoed from behind.
"And you are…once we finish this one exercise." Quistis declared walking towards the entrance, gesturing everyone else to follow.
"Bullshit…." Seifer said, not moving.
By now everyone was at the entrance, except Seifer. The tall blonde male had his arms crossed over his chest and was adamant on not budging.
Quistis sighed and placed a hand on her hip. "Look, Seifer…" She said slowly. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way…"
Seifer shook his head with the stubbornness of a child. "How about no way, bitch!" he replied.
"Fine!" Quistis responded, fuming. "I wonder what we should do with this?" Quistis reached down next to one of the many storage crates and brandished the one item of Seifers that no one dared to touch. His sacred gunblade, Hyperion. Even Squall couldn't help but gasp at Quistis's sheer act of bravery in touching that thing.
"OI!" Seifer roared. "DON'T touch that!"
Quistis smirked. "Come over here and get it then."
As Seifer ran over to rescue his beloved weapon, he suddenly felt something spring toward him from the shadows.
"Now, Angelo!" Rinoa shouted.
Seifer felt himself loose balance as Angelo leaped onto him, knocking him onto the floor. He heard a distinct clicking sound like a lock snapping into place. When he opened his eyes the first thing he came face to face with was the glint of metal around his wrist and the absolutely terrified looking Zell close-by. Seifer stared in shock. He couldn't believe it; he had been handcuffed to Zell…by a dog.
"Goooood boy, Angelo!" Rinoa cooed at Angelo, ruffling his fur.
"Heeeeeeeeey, what gives!?" Zell snapped. "Isn't this a bit much?"
Seifer yanked at the handcuffs. "What is this shit!?" He spat. "What the hell are you guys doing? Are you crazy?"
Squall glanced around sheepishly, even he began to think this was turning out to be a ridiculous way to start the plan off, but whatever Quistis's idea with the handcuffs was….it was working. The pissed off Seifer dragged the now apathetic Zell off the airship as Quistis lured him away from the Ragnarock with the gunblade as bait. If they kept this up, getting to two of them to the campgrounds would be easy. Keeping them there…was probably going to be the hard part.
A/N: To anyone who's actually reading this, I'm sorry I took so long to upload another chapter! ." I really wasn't sure if I was going to continue this, but a whole lot of terrible things happened this year which kind of put me off writing. I promise that my next chapter will not take as long! Please R&R to let me know what you think! This chapter wasn't that funny, but the next ones hopefully will be. See ya next chapter!