Jasper let out a silent sigh as he entered his and Alice's room after saying good bye to her. The next few hours would be quiet again, too quiet for him.

He usually welcomed the silence when he wanted to read, but it could be oppressing and dreadful as well when he had nothing to keep himself occupied with. Sure, there were tons of things a young man like him could do, but sometimes he just craved his wife's presence and nothing else.

He inhaled deeply to let the scent of his beautiful, little pixie wash over him and comfort him while she wasn't here, and he immediately felt a little better. When he took another step further into the room however, something on the bed caught his eye and suddenly a long groan escaped him.

On his side of the bed were clothes for him to wear and he was certain that Alice had been the one to put them there. It was the outfit for the party - the red shirt and a pair of black slacks. She had put a little bottle of perfume next to it, but he just shook his head as he noticed it lying there.

It wasn't even Saturday yet.

Her excitement must have taken over again, but he was already used to it by now - there was just no stopping her.

Or maybe his mate had just needed something to busy herself with while she felt so annoyed with Edward. They usually got along so well and were really close – yes, Jasper had no trouble feeling the true sibling love between them which had quickly built when they had joined this family. Right now something was a little off, but he had his mind on other things and did not feel the need to worry about their quarrel as well.

He glanced at the perfume again and clenched his jaw - she should know that he wasn't a fan of artificial smells. Of course the perfumes she bought were all natural substances and actually quite expensive, but he was still not happy to see it lying there.

Especially the thought of using it for the party made him tense up as he stood there by the bed. He guessed that Alice wanted him to use it so he would smell it for the entire time he was among humans and wouldn't be able to pick up their smells so easily, but it would also keep him from smelling his beautiful wife's scent which always served to calm him. Additionally, his siblings wore the smell of home - calmness, happiness and secureness were what he associated with this scent, and he really wanted to have that surrounding him instead of having the sharp smell of perfume burn at his nose. So if he had to decide what would help him most... he'd say being able to smell his family was more important to him than not being able to smell any humans or smelling nothing else at all.

He didn't like berating his smart and beautiful wife, but he would have to ask her not to use any of this herself - just in case she was planning on wearing some. Why she would ever consider using substances that only served to cover up or even ruin her scent, he would never understand.

Shaking his head lightly, he made his way back to the door so he could leave the room. Sooner or later - at least that what it seemed like - he would have to get used to humans again and he realised it now as the day of the party was getting close. Humans would surround him and naturally, they would think that he was one of them. Human, young, carefree. Maybe broody just like Edward was, eventually a little shy or arrogant - who cared. As long as they wouldn't know his true nature, wouldn't find out what they really were, the family should be fine. IF he wouldn't lose it again, that is.

Then they would hopefully never find out.

Jasper reached the hallway and Alice's scent was still so heavy in the air, he could follow her trail down the stairs and out of the house and wherever else she had been just now. Heck, he could easily find his way to school with his eyes closed with this wonderful scent guiding him. Alice was incredible and wonderful and so unique, and she was his wife - he still didn't understand how he could ever be so lucky to have met her after all the things he had done in his life. He had tortured and tyrannised, killed and destroyed - but here he was: in a house full of loving people who had taken him and his wife in without a second thought.

They still believed in him even though he had made them move several times already - but they did not care that he was more trouble than he was worth. The emotions coming off his new parents had never been snubbing or careless. They were truly happy that he and Alice were a part of their family now, and they did not regret having allowed them into their hearts and their home. So many years had passed since the last time he was allowed to feel the love of a parent, and he would have never believed how much he had actually missed it. He was an adult, a soldier, and he had lived so many years already... but Carlisle and Esme had brought back these feelings of secureness and unconditional love that had always surrounded him throughout his childhood.

His ears picked up a sound and he turned his head in the direction it was coming from. It wasn't hard to guess who it was now that his wife, his siblings and his father had left the house.

Esme came up the stairs carrying a laundry basket in her arms and as soon as she reached the upper step, her face brightened up with one of her loving smiles.

"Are you all right, honey? Do you need anything?"

He let out a short chuckle as she constantly asked everyone this question. "No, Esme, I'm fine."

Tilting her head to the side, she looked back at him. "We could go hunting if you like. Just give me half an hour to finish the laundry and then we can leave."

He distorted his mouth a little. "I was planning on going for a hunt tomorrow before the...," he said awkwardly as the thought was pushing itself back to the forefront of his mind and he just trailed off at the end.

She stepped up to him, put the basket on the floor and placed a hand on his upper arm, rubbing it comfortingly. "Before the party? That's a great idea. Is someone coming with you?" she asked and glanced up at him with curious eyes.

He had feared that he would insult her by not agreeing to her nice offer, but she did not seem like she would mind that he was going with someone else. That was good to know, because then he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. "I asked Emmett and he said he would come."

She laughed as she heard that. "As if my big boy would ever say no to a hunt. Are you looking for bears?"

"Hm, maybe," he replied. "Whatever puts up a fight."

"Ah." She nodded knowingly before letting out a sigh when her eyes fell on the basket she had put on the floor just moments ago. "Do you need me to wash anything for you, Jasper? I was just going through the rooms to collect some dirty laundry for washing."

"No, thank you. But tomorrow after the hunt."

"And before the party," she added with a raised finger and a smile. Her eyes twinkled when she looked at him, and he could feel so much happiness and pride coming off of her. He had been so sure that he couldn't possibly be the cause for these emotions of hers that she was experiencing for a while now, not after everything he had done to them. But right now she was directing these feelings at him.

It felt so good to feel the love of a mother, to make her proud and see her happy. He had never wanted to disappoint her in the first place, but he was sure that he had done so many times already. Too many times.

For a moment his mind went blank as he got the feeling that maybe she was just giving him yet another chance. Sooner or later these constant chances she and Carlisle were giving him would be used up.

He couldn't let them down again.

And he couldn't let his wife down again.

He dreaded the moment she would see how his lousy self-control was threatening the security she has found here with this family. She had told him how lost she had felt when she first woke up in a field after the change. She had been all alone with no knowledge of where or what she was – she didn't even know who she was. All she remembered was her first name.

Driven by hunger she had killed and aimlessly roamed the country with visions of people she had never met, showing her a possible future that brought hope to her lonely heart. She didn't think she belonged anywhere until her visions had led her to him, and then helped them find their future coven and family where they would find security, happiness and a sense of belonging.

His loving mate had no memory of her previous life - not even the tiniest glimpse of her past revealed itself to her like it was supposed to remain a mystery for all eternity. He didn't know if that was sad, or if it was better that way – all he knew was that he could never square it with his conscience to deprive her of what they had found here as this was the safest choice for both of them, especially for her.

The smile disappeared from Esme's face and she looked at him with concern thick in her golden eyes. "What's wrong, love?" she asked worriedly. "You are projecting."

He tensed up when she said that, and without noticing he held his breath which made him seem even more tense.

He had never meant for her to feel his doubts and worry, to burden her with this annoying habit of his to overthink everything and letting her suffer for his lack of control over the influence of his gift.

It had gotten worse lately and now he realised that he really needed something to distract himself enough so he would hopefully be more in control and focus on other things than worrying.

"Oh Jasper, I'm sorry," she suddenly murmured.

He focussed his eyes on her and frowned, but the sudden change must have alarmed her as she took a step back, staring at him with wide eyes.

"You are sorry for what, Esme? You didn't do anything," he told her.

She relaxed slightly at his words, heaving a sigh despite the frown that was still etched across her son's face. "I did not mean to sound accusing or anything like that. I was just worried."

"Worried?"

The emotions coming off her were clearly showing him that she was feeling worried, but also slightly embarrassed. Jasper did not understand why.

She looked apologetically up at him. "I thought you weren't feeling well," she muttered. "You know you can talk to me, don't you, Jazzy?"

"Sure," he said tonelessly.

He was confusing her. He was clearly confusing her, because otherwise she would have told him what was really worrying her. If he was projecting at a relaxed moment like this while he was at home with Esme, then what was going to happen if he was surrounded by lots of strangers in a place he did not know?

"Come," she suddenly said and the smile that appeared on her face did not just lighten up the hallway, but also the atmosphere in the house and his mood.

He blinked his eyes, but looked after her when she walked down the hall and turned around once to wave him closer when he just remained standing there at the door of his and Alice's room. "Come," she said again, then turned back around and started descending the stairs.

It was quite obvious that he did not understand what his mother was getting at or what she had in store for him, but after another moment of hesitation he slowly followed after her.

Her sweet scent led him down the stairs and through the foyer into the living room, where he found her standing by the shelves that were heavily laden with books and pictures.

Jasper did not know why she wanted him to follow her and why she stood there by the shelves, but he knew that she was feeling oddly content. A little tingling sensation, like she was internally chuckling joined in, and he found himself losing the frown that was etched upon his forehead which seemed to be one of the reasons for her amusement.

"I'm not going to bite, love, come here," she said with a little smile.

He approached her slowly, looking apprehensive. Despite the time that had passed, he was still feeling somewhat uncomfortable and on alert when he was facing something unknown. He knew it wasn't going to be anything bad or threatening - this was Esme and she seemed relaxed and in a good mood, and she had never once tried to fool him or acted differently than what her emotions would suggest.

Coming to a halt just a few feet from her, she gave him a little nod, before reaching past one of their fake family pictures that were meant to fool humans if they would, for whatever reason, enter their house and were supposed to find the typical, cosy little home of an average middle-class family.

She grabbed a thin envelope and pulled it out from between two books that looked like they were thick, old novels. With ease she fished the documents from the envelope and then held them in her hands, looking up at him.

"These are houses we own or consider buying," she told him when he just stared at her.

"Some are hidden deep in the forest, some are located in a bit more suburban area. Different houses, different styles, different locations."

She had expected him to say something, or at least show some kind of reaction, but neither his face nor his gift betrayed him and gave her a hint of what was going on inside her boy's head.

Sighing, she walked past him and sat down on their comfortable couch, patting a spot on the sitting surface next to her and looking expectantly up at him.

He started to feel like an idiot as he just could not imagine what she was trying to tell him with that. Or why she would keep documents like these in the living room instead of in Carlisle's office or hidden in one of their 'secret' drawers. But nevertheless, he followed suit and sat down next to her, then looked at the deeds of ownership and documents with house information she was holding in her hands.

"See?" she asked and held one sheet up for him to look at.

He scanned over the details of a house in Ohio, then glanced back at her face, still wondering what she was trying to tell him with that. Was she going to make him choose a house so they could go on with their lives and he wouldn't threaten their safety anymore as he would live far, far away from them? Well, she just said that some were hidden deep in the forest... that would be perfect to hide a dangerous creature like him. Yes, it started to make sense now. The party was going to be some kind of test, a trial, and if he wasn't going to pass they would get rid of him.

Her maternal care shone through by that act and he had to admit that even though he felt a pang of hurt of seeing that he wouldn't be welcome anymore, he also felt a sense of thankfulness that she would make sure he wouldn't have to lead the nomad life again.

For a short moment a sense of fury bubbled up and burned his throat as it was trying to coax a growl from him when he realised that maybe they didn't want him to be a nomad because that would mean they might cross paths again. If he was to choose a house of theirs, they would always know where he was and that would minimise the risk of having him expose them.

He found that that was actually a smart move, and he had to admit that he would have just destroyed the one who would pose a threat to his coven, but of course he was thankful that they wouldn't burden his Alice with the loss of her mate.

Alice.

No, they would not take her from him! He knew she was safe here with them, but he would not let that happen. Never.

The fury that had already diminished was coming back full force and when he felt that it reached his eyes and more than likely tinted them black, Esme's soft voice caught his attention.

"Oh Jasper," she tzked and shook her head disapprovingly. He could feel a hint of nervousness rolling off of her, but the annoyance she felt with herself was stronger.

"I am showing you this to hopefully alleviate your doubts and not to make them worse. I am not trying to insult you or make you nervous. And I would never doubt my own son, Jasper," she said while looking him deep in the eye.

Her words were like a soothing balm to his ragged emotions and thoughts, and while his eyes slowly changed back to a lighter colour, she gave him an apologetic as well as an embarrassed smile. "These are our family homes, and we will always live there together as a family. No matter what happens. I apologise as I realise now that this comes at the completely wrong time. You must think I am already preparing for us to move because I doubt your self-control. That is wrong, Jazz, please believe me."

He took a deep breath before hanging his head as he was unsure how to react to what she was trying to tell him. He wanted to object, but realised that he only wanted to do so because he was convinced his self-control wasn't strong enough. His mother clearly did not doubt his ability to keep his cool around humans for a second.

"Some of these houses we have had for over twenty years, longer than we know you. We have always had several so we could move whenever we felt it safer to settle down in a new place for whatever reason. I wanted you to see them so you would realise that we are always prepared - that is what we have always done. That is why we are able to live our lives this way. It's simply a safety measure and not a proof of our doubts or mistrust."

She was genuine and she did indeed manage to make him feel more at ease. The tension vanished from his body and his shoulders sagged a little, giving him a more relaxed look.

A little laugh rang out, making Esme sound like an excited little girl, and she placed the documents onto the coffee table in front of them in order to quickly search through them. "This is my favourite," she whispered and tapped a sheet of paper with her outstretched index finger.

He suddenly felt so much better, and he started smirking and glanced sideways at her. "Why?"

"It has so much potential. The entrance hall is so beautiful and the house has just the right size for us. It is surrounded by thick woods and oh my, the view! Jazzy, you'll love the view! It's breathtaking even on the ground floor. There is a river going past the house, separating the backyard from the woods... we'll just need to make some changes to the constellation of the rooms. There are several tiny rooms in the house and I would much prefer for it to be friendlier, more open. I don't want to live in a dark cave, that's not us," she told her son, shaking her head lightly.

"That sounds wonderful, Esme," he agreed. Her excitement for this house was quite contagious, especially when you're an empath.

"Unfortunately we need to wait a little longer as we used to live in that area about thirty years ago," she told him and let out a deep sigh. "But that just gives me more time to make plans for the renovations and rebuilding."

"Esme... may I ask you a question?"

She looked at him and nodded. "Anything, dear."

"Why do you spend so much time looking for houses and renovating them when we are constantly running the risk of having to move?" he asked her, then averted his eyes as he realised he was only asking because he was once again talking about himself and his bloodlust.

She sighed, then reached out and gently gripped his chin in between her fingers to turn his head back to her so he would have to look at her. "Living in empty halls or dilapidated houses isn't helping anyone. We need this as a cover and just like everybody else we deserve to have a place where we feel comfortable and at home. We cannot constantly put ourselves down for what we are. We cannot change it, so we have to accept it. Our instincts are a part of us, but so is our will. You are trying so hard, Jasper, I can see that every single day. What more can you ask of yourself?"

"I just don't want to fail this coven, endanger my mate or anyone else," Jasper said in an oddly emotionless voice, like he couldn't allow himself to show his mother how deep his unwillingness to admit to his fears and therefore show weakness was rooted. He didn't want to appear weak, but Esme's gentle, motherly way of talking to him somehow made him open up to her and talk about it.

"There is no reason to be nervous or afraid. We take care of each other and you are never alone, dear. There is a strength from the bottom of your heart, the urge to protect and to live a life in peace - and that's what matters and what bonds us together as a family, Jazzy."

"You really have no doubts," he stated matter-of-factly.

She looked him deep in the eye and smiled. "Not a single one."

Jasper... *sigh* He is worrying too much... but in the next chapter it's finally time for the partay, weee! I'm excited for that, hope you are too ;-) (But Jasper isn't, obviously.)

And OMG, an Emmy-free chapter! O.O I thought it was not possible but I guess I was wrong, LOL

I am so sorry that the updates take so long, but I managed to use up all my Internet gb pretty early last month (it's supposed to be unlimited, gah!) and am also working on Emmy's story to keep him occupied. Right now I have the feeling that it is working (at least it seems like it... still - keep your fingers crossed!)... but Edward is constantly trying to take over the reins in that story and make it his so he and I are having a little battle of wills. I'll update that story later today, btw *grins*

Thanks for reading!