Slytherin Dormitories

"Wake up, guys!" Theodore said cheerfully.

Artemis groaned and rolled over. Last night's Astronomy lesson had run late, and he was exhausted. Though used to working late and dealing with little sleep, Artemis was like any other human being (quite unfortunately) in the fact that he needed the proper amount of rest in order for his brain to function well.

Checking the time, he realized that it was already seven o'clock – two hours later than he normally woke up. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he eased himself out of bed and winced when his bare feet came in contact with the cold dungeon air.

"I hate morning people," Blaise moaned. "Why don't you come back around noon, when most reasonable people would wake up. Honestly, Theo."

"I'm not a morning person!" Theodore protested excitedly. "It's our first Hogsmeade weekend! Get up!" He deliberately bounced several times on Blaise's bed, before he slipped and landed right on top of Blaise's lumpy form underneath the covers.

"OW!"

Oh. Right. Artemis hurriedly pulled on his socks and slippers and got dressed. He was actually rather excited to see Hogsmeade – the only purely wizard city left in Great Britain. If only the founders had a better taste in names. Hopefully Sirius Black would be sleeping in today, even though he was anything but a reasonable person.

Hogsmeade

As they were walking off the stop, they noticed Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley.

"Where did Potter go?" Blaise asked.

"Before we left, our permission slips were checked by Professor McGonagall. His Muggle relatives didn't sign the permission slip for him. They don't like him much. Anyway, Professor McGonagall wouldn't let him go," said Ron.

"We're going to Honeydukes to get him some sweets," Hermione interrupted, changing the topic. "Do you guys want to come?"

"I don't see why not," Theodore said.

Artemis didn't care much for Honeydukes, but while there, he bought a small bar of chocolate anyway to help against the Dementors.

"Is that all you're getting?" Blaise asked. His arms were full of sweets - he had everything from ginger snaps and lollipops to jam tarts and candied nuts.

Artemis hated lollipops and couldn't understand why the nasty things existed in the first place. They were sorry excuses to charge people extra money for sugar - because, clearly, adding food coloring and artificial flavoring to pure sugar syrup on a stick warranted more than quadrupling the regular sum of the prices for raw materials. Even the name was annoying – he couldn't even say the word without grimacing. Why people still liked them enough to waste so much money buying them and keeping their devilish manufacturers in business was a mystery. It was almost as if they existed solely for the purpose of irking the living daylights out of Artemis. And another reason why he hated lollipops - they were so detestable that he felt compelled to waste precious time mulling over how much he hated them. In fact, Artemis could probably waste the entire chapter ranting about how terrible lollipops were, and why all the lollipops in the world should be destroyed in a great flaming bonfire of blaze and glory, and how that would be physically feasible (reference: The Journals of Artemis Fowl II, Volume 5: entry: May 17th). However, out of respect for my readers, and also because doing so would be a counter-intuitive waste of time, I have omitted this part of his biography, and instead included an abridged excerpt from the above reference in a separate note, for those of you seeking extra amusement.

"You're getting all that?" Artemis retorted.

"Touché."

Theodore looked at him. While he was not buying as much as Blaise, he had purchased a fairly decent amount of candy as well. "Are you just that stingy, or are you anorexic?"

Artemis glared at him. "I just dislike sugar. The chocolate is for the Dementors."

Blaise's eyes went wide. "Are you serious? Who in the world could ever dislike sugar?"

"It makes me ill," Artemis explained, with an exaggerated sigh.

"But you're so skinny already," Theodore teased, poking him in the ribs. Artemis swatted his arms away. "Are you sure you're not anorexic?"

"Just because I choose to eat regularly at meals instead of taking all of my reserve energy from junk food does not mean I am anorexic, Mother," he snapped. He wasn't that skinny - all right, maybe his muscles could use a little work (Butler had been telling him that since he was a child) and he had a lower-than-average percent body fat, but he wasn't some starving child in Africa. He would live perfectly well on what he had, currently. It wasn't as if he could be compared to the other boys at Hogwarts - all of them were a bit on the slim side, save for Crabbe, Goyle, and Neville Longbottom.

"I bet you I can wrap this strand of licorice around your waist," Blaise teased.

"I bet you I can wrap that strand of licorice around Crabbe and Goyle's waists, too, you greedy pig," Artemis pointed out. It had to be three feet long, at least.

"Point taken." Blaise shook his head. "You don't need that chocolate against the Dementors - you're perfectly safe from them. Anyone who doesn't like sugar has no soul."

Ron and Hermione peered around the shelves. "What has no soul?" the redhead demanded.

"He does!" Blaise said accusingly, pointing a finger at Artemis. "He doesn't like sugar!"

"You don't?" Weasley asked, horror-struck.

"Here we go again," Artemis muttered. "It gives me slight nausea," he explained.

Weasley shook his head. "I'll never understand you, Fowl, you know that?"

He and Granger had bought one of everything in the store. "We're sharing with Harry," she said, explaining their large purchase, "since he can't go. Artemis, are you sure you're only buying that?"

"Quite sure. I'll be fine, honestly."

"There's roasted nuts and sugarless mints in the back," Granger said. "You should have a look at those."

"Maybe later. I would prefer some tea at the Three Broomsticks right now."

The trip had been rather enjoyable. Potter was missing out. Artemis supposed, though, that after a few years, when they had exhausted the attractions that the small town had to offer, it would get boring. Artemis noted with amusement that the Weasley twins could probably work at Zonko's Joke Shop one day. They would love it.

"Us? Zonko's?" they said, feigning shock.

"I think that we'd - "

" - go a little above and beyond that."

"Thanks for asking, though."

"Want a sweet?"

They offered Artemis a little pastry. He looked at it. Even without performing any diagnostic spells on it, it was quite obvious that something seemed off. "Nice try."

They sighed. "Slytherins - "

" - far too untrusting."

"They probably hexed it to turn your hair red," Blaise said in a mockingly dreamy tone. "Or turn you into a bird."

Artemis mentally slapped himself at his friend's awful pun.

As they walked away from the shop, they ran into Draco. "Associating with Mudbloods, aren't you?"

They stared at him, shocked. "What is wrong with you? You never had a problem with Granger before..." Theodore said.

"Does it look like I care?" Draco walked off.

"That doesn't even make sense," Blaise said. "Please don't tell me that he's are actually going back to listening to his father. What did he do over the summer, anyway?"

"Maybe he has to get it out of his system. I mean, we all know Lucius Malfoy isn't exactly the nicest guy," Theodore pointed out.

"I've been meaning to confront him about his behavior, but I honestly don't know when," Artemis confessed. "I need an opportune time when everyone else is gone so that what I say will actually stick. All the same, we must keep an eye on him before things get too out of hand, like that incident with the troll back in first year. I have a feeling that we may have to have a long talk with him later."

"Professor?"

It had been a somewhat quiet week; the boys chose to spend their free time back in the dungeons with Professor Snape. Lupin had, admittedly, been a good teacher despite his shabby outward appearance - and Professor Snape was clearly miffed about this, having missed out on the Defense Against the Dark Arts post yet again. For some reason, Draco was not there.

"Probably thinks he's too good for us," Blaise sniffed. "We're all the sort high-class purebloods his Daddy dearest 'approves of', aren't we? What's gotten to him?"

"His father probably wanted him to stay away from us since I've 'poisoned' you with 'blood-traitor ideals'," Artemis said.

"That's ridiculous."

"Excuse me?" Professor Snape had just walked out of his store room with a large stack of papers.

"I want to learn about the Dementors," Artemis said, changing the subject. Professor Snape seemed extremely stressed, as of late, and Artemis didn't think that knowledge of one of his students misbehaving would help. Taking such an insignificant subject all the way up to their Head of House would only hinder the efficiency Slytherin House was so famous for. "I believe that there is a spell called a Patronus to block it, am I right?"

"That is correct, Mr. Fowl. It's a very advanced spell, however."

"That's what you said about nonverbal magic," Blaise complained. "At least teach us this one, in case we ever 'run afoul' of one of those Dementors always lurking about outside of the castle."

Professor Snape sighed. "It's a rather tricky spell to master. Basically, a Patronus is a projection of your happy thoughts, but it also wards away Dementors since it cannot feel despair. Each wizard's Patronus is unique, although some wizards may share the same Patronus or change their own after facing a traumatic experience."

"How do you make one?"

"The trick is to think of an extremely powerful, happy memory while you say the incantation. It's hard enough to conjure a Patronus under normal circumstances; it's even tricker with a Dementor sapping away all of your happiness."

"What's the incantation?" Theodore asked. "Can't you at least tell us now, so we can practice?"

The Potions Master rubbed his forehead. "I suppose it can't hurt to teach you. It's Expecto Patronum."

"Expecto Patronum!" Blaise cried. Nothing happened.

"You must lose yourself in the memory, Mr. Zabini. Merely having it floating around will do you no good."

"Expecto Patronum!" he tried again. This time, he managed to create a wispy, silver smoke before it dissipated. "It's a start," Professor Snape said. "But not in my dungeon, boys: I have work to grade."

The boys obediently left the man alone.

"What's bugging him?" Blaise asked, still annoyed at being chased out. "First Draco, and now Professor Snape? The first quarter isn't even over yet and things are already starting to suck."

Artemis shrugged. "He hates Lupin. Finally, a competent Defense teacher at whom he can't exactly laugh at."

A happy memory that he could lose himself in. A happy memory that he could lose himself in.

Artemis thought and thought.

They were currently in the Slytherin common rooms. Suddenly, one of the Prefects came charging in.

"Everyone report to the Great Hall immediately. Sirius Black has been sighted in Hogwarts."

Immediately, the common room exploded into a cacophony of discussion.

"What? How?"

"Are we going to die?"

"I knew those stupid Dementors were useless!"

"Where's Professor Snape?"

"If he gets rid of Potter, maybe we can win the Cup again this year."

"Oh my gosh, who said that?"

"Enough," Professor Snape snarled, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. A very helpful skill, whenever one wanted to regain control over a large group of rowdy, excited teenagers. Having a big, epicly billowing cloak also helps, too. "Everyone, you heard him. To the Great Hall immediately."

The real story was leaked once they arrived. Sirius Black had somehow found his way into the castle, and demanded to be allowed into the Gryffindor dormitories. When the portrait of the Fat Lady refused, he slashed her picture with a knife. She was now hiding…somewhere, and had been replaced by Sir Cadogan.

Artemis was not too concerned about what had become of the Gryffindor dorms. What he was worried about was the fact that Black had, true to his predictions, successfully gained entrance to the castle without running into a single Dementor. If there was a way in…there would be a way out.

As a result of the attack, all students now had to sleep in the Great Hall while the teachers investigated the entire incident.

"Pssst. Artemis," Blaise whispered. "You're a genius. If the attack was during the day, when Harry would have been in classes, why did Black go after the Gryffindor dorms?"

"Perhaps he wanted to wait there for Potter. Who knows how the mind of a madman works," Artemis said. Though Blaise does have a good point. The circumstances are awfully suspicious.

"Maybe he was looking for something else of importance," Theodore suggested.

"Lights out, everybody!" Percy Weasley, Prefect and Head Boy (also known as Humongous Bighead, courtesy of his brothers Fred and George, something Artemis agreed to wholeheartedly), ordered loudly.

Still, some whispering persisted. "Quiet!" he yelled obnoxiously.

The lights faded, and everyone went to sleep.

That night, Artemis dreamed – only it was not a dream, but a memory.

Captain Short and the Commander eventually came up, dragging Butler and another man, still in Butler's arms. Butler set him down on the ground. Artemis jumped up and ran over. One second he was this scheming intellectual, and the next – he was just a kid. A kid who had lost his father, found him, and saved him.

"Is he alive?" he asked calmly, trying to regain his composure, but obviously failing.

"Ugly, yes, but alive," Captain Short said.

"He's been tortured and beaten," the Butler said, checking the man's vitals. "For information."

Artemis was silent, slowly taking in the form of his father. The sun was rising over the bay now – the night had been especially brief, given that it was summertime in the Arctic. The arriving light, if anything, sharpened his father's injuries.

"But he didn't say anything," Artemis said. "He was brave. He cared about…whatever the information was, so much that he sustained their brutality for nearly two years without giving up –" he choked on his own voice.

His father was alive. His father was alive. He had given up nearly everything for him, but he was alive.

It was almost a minute before he stopped crying.

A/N: I apologize for the short chapter. The extra, on why Artemis Fowl II hates lollipops, is posted on my profile.