Hey, here is the next chapter! I just wanted to thank those who supported this story so far! It's nice to know that people actually like it. :)

Maybe I made some grammar mistakes. Feel free to correct me. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments.

Chapter 2

It burned but it didn't matter. I've hurt them more than I was hurting myself.

It was never enough.

I looked into the mirror and regarded my reflexion closely. It didn't change. The same green eyes. The same freckles. The same red hair. Maybe a little paler than usually.

My eyes lost their shine, thought. And my hair wasn't as curly and lively as it was before. It was dull and the strains hung down lifelessly. Maybe I was dying?

But I couldn't die. It would bring them more pain. I wasn't going to die. I was hurting myself as a reparation of their pain.

I turned my attention back to my bleeding arm. Maybe one more cut?

I looked at the clock: 12:30.

Jace was picking me up in 30 minutes. There wasn't time for another cut anymore. I needed to take care of the wound and hide it so he wouldn't see what I've done.

It would cause him even more pain if he knew. Why wasn't I capable of doing something without hurting the people I love?

I felt a tear making its way down my cheek and wiped it away quickly. I didn't deserve to cry. I wasn't worth it. I wasn't even worth it to die.

You don't know much about me. You just know that I was a girl who was hurting herself for reasons I bet you don't understood. You may think that I was stupid. I was, to be honest. But I didn't saw another way out. I thought that hurting myself was the only method to ease the pain of my beloved.

Just like I said: stupid.

I heard the doorbell ringing just as I exited the bathroom after my daily routine. I wore a long-sleeved sweatshirt. It was easy to hide my scars in winter.

I opened the door to reveal Jace. His hair was covered in snowflakes and his cheeks were rosy from the cold wind.

„Hi" he breathed and smiled down at me. I opened the door further to let him in.

„Hi to you too" I replied and forced a smile. I could have sworn I saw his eyes darken for a second. Maybe he thought of last night? I had left as quickly as I could after I stopped crying. I was angry at myself. I made Jace unhappy again. Why couldn't I do anything right?

Maybe you think that I had to have done something right because I had such a nice boyfriend. Believe me. You're dead wrong. I thought that it was just our blood that made Jace stay by my side.

We went up to my room. Jace went straight up to my bed and sat down.

„Sooo. How are you?" I asked as I sat down beside him, carefully letting some space between us.
I wanted to touch him but I couldn't. That was a punishment for the missed cut this morning.

There was an awkward silent between us until Jace spoke.

„Why are you asking me that? After all I've done to you, you're asking me how I'm feeling?!" he said angrily.

„J-Jace..." I stuttered, my eyes wide. He was going to scream at me again. I was so sure but he proved me wrong. Suddenly I was in his arms.

„I'm so sorry" Jace whispered. „Clary. I love you. I never wanted to scream at you. I'm so sorry."

„Jace" I said quietly.

I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve his apologize at all! He should have been angry at me! Should have yelled at me! He should have left me for someone he deserved more! But he didn't.

You don't know how hard it is to be with someone you think you aren't worthy for. Or maybe you do? For those who don't: It's the most painful thing that can happen to you. It's more painful than cutting yourself. That was the reason I let him stay.

I hope you liked it! :) If you don't feel free to tell me! If this chapter sucks I can rewrite it. That's no problem. :D And it also would be nice if you give me some inspiration for the next chapter(s)! :)