„You're doing it wrong, Clary. Try again", Alec said as I tried to hit the target with my arrow. Again I missed. He sighed.
„Let's try again tomorrow. Maybe it's just not your day", he said and started to tidy up the training room.
„You can leave if you want. Jace isn't there yet but you can wait in his room"
„Ok. Bye" , I waved at him and almost ran to Jaces room. Again I couldn't hit this damn target. Why can't I learn how to shoot this arrow? Even Alec is getting tired of me!
That's what I thought back then. You might think: You're a beginner. You just have to practice more. But I didn't thought this way. I thought I'm the most stupid person on earth. And when I think of what I did then I really was. I know better now but I can't change the past. It all happened this way, if I want it or not.
I locked myself in the bathroom, not wanting to let anyone see my tears. I felt even weaker. I took a blade this time, wanting to make it hurt more. The blade was much sharper than the razor blade I normally used.
Maybe I should have known that someday I would cut too deep. Maybe if I wasn't so angry at myself for failing at training and being to stupid to even punish myself properly I would have cared but I didn't. I let the blood flow freely, hoping it would end soon. Maybe you want to know how it felt. I felt dizzy and weak. I heard those distant voices that cried my name and felt something pulling at me. Then there was nothing.
Maybe you think I survived because I'm talking to you now but you're wrong. I died this day. I never knew that Jace tried to save me. I never knew that he took his life because he thought my death was his fault. I can tell now that I should have talk to somebody. Maybe this someone could have helped me. Maybe it wouldn't have ended this way. I can't change what happened but maybe I can give a message to all those who have the same problems: Talk to someone. It helps.
I know that I didn't update for a very long time. I also know that this chapter is extremely short but I wanted to end this story and I also wanted to give a message. Maybe you like this chapter, maybe you don't but still I hope that you understand what I mean with this. I am not sure about what I wrote and if you really don't like it give me some inspiration and I write this again. Anyway: Thank you for reading!