Welcome Master Hand. You have thirty-nine unplayed messages. Playing message one:
Master Hand sighed. He had only expected thirteen…
(beep)
Hi Master Hand, it's Nana! Popo and I are making card houses with Yoshi, Ness, and Lucas! You can come over if you want to play with us, you know! Bye!
(beep)
It's-a Mister Awesome—
"WAAAARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Er, Wario. Listen, you know those plates that were in the cabinet that had the sign that said 'Delicate: Do not touch'? They were okay to use, right? Right?
SMASH!
"Hi Master Hand, it's Peach. Don't worry; I've got everything under control!"
(beep)
Listen Master Hand…it's me, Meta Knight…you know the three o'clock parade? …Kirby wants to see it…so I'll…be taking him…Could you tell me…what time it starts? Thanks…
(beep)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It WORKED! It actually, really WORKED! Oh hey Master Hand, it's Luigi here. Mewtwo and Meta Knight and me were working on a group project and I got it to work! Of course, it has a few glitches in it, but other than that it's perfect! We just need one or two more test subjects to add to our test group. Mewtwo said that just me and MK wouldn't be adequate test subjects. Can you reference anyone to us? Thanks.
(beep)
Excuse me Master Hand, but this is Red. The power just went off a few minutes ago and everyone is wondering what happened. Peach is calling the power company as we speak. Do you know anything?
(beep)
Don't worry Master Hand, I'm solving the problem. Just don't be angry with us; the mistake was completely unexpected!
(beep)
It's Peach again. AAPCO said that they'd had a 'distribution problem' and that the power would be back on once they found out exactly what had happened. Bye.
(beep)
It's Meta Knight, and I'm taking Kirby to the—AAAIIIIEEEEEEEE!
"No, it's Jigglypuff, and there's no way I'm letting MK take Kirby to the parade. Sorry to both of you, but I had the feeling Master Hand would've asked me to help…"
Stop abbreviating my title!
"I'll be stopping by a few shops, so Kirby and I won't be home 'till late."
I will not surrender!
"Oh, and Meta Knight is NOT coming with us. I'll make sure he doesn't follow us; don't worry."
What—
"Bye bye, Master Hand!"
(beep)
"It's Luigi. The power should be back on in a few minutes. Mewtwo and his awesome girlfriend—"
GIRLFRIEND?!
"Luigi! You swore you wouldn't speak of us like that!"
"Uh, friend, Uxie got the machine fixed. They're helping me modify it as we speak."
"You're the only one speaking. And we're doing all the work. You're just talking."
"Um, well, whatever. Bye."
(beep)
This is Skitty Simmy, the super sandwich maker! Could I make a reservation to run my stand at your place for a while? If so, what's your pricing and ground rules? Call me back at 1-749-SSSIMMY, okay? Thank you for your time!
(Master Hand set a record for speed writing right then and there.)
(beep)
Master Hand? I didn't have to do 'cooking duty' back in Hyrule; why do I have to do it here? Either way, I need a vacation. Badly.
(beep)
Master Hand, it's Marth. Where did Kirby go? I need him. He was…um…thoughtful enough to give me my own pile of leaves…right here in my bedroom. How do I get rid of them without hurting his feelings? I need to know. Soon…Could you make it VERY soon? Please, I'm begging you! I don't wanna die by—
(beep)
Greetings, Master Hand, it's Olimar! The majority of my pikmin want to make a leaf pile, but there seem to be none left. Do you know what happened to them?
(beep)
I told you not to do that, DDD…
"Owwwww…whatever. How was I supposed to know that you were right, ROB?"
You idiot.
"Hold on, I need to find my phone."
(beep)
Hey Master Hand, it's DDD. That last message? Just delete it. Oh, and when's dinner? I'm STARVED!
(beep)
-Leavin' togeeeeeeeetheeeeeeeeeeer…oh hey Master Hand, it's Jirachi. I know I'm not a smasher, but I AM the legendary pokémon of wish granting. For some reason I can't wish up a TV guide, so could you get me one? I need the schedule for my sci-fi movies tonight. If you listen to me and give me the guide, thanks. If not, well…you don't wanna hear. So long…
(beep)
It's Pikachu here. I'm hiding because I'm not sure how stable the power is right now. If anyone needs me at all, I'm hiding at Ollie's Bargain Outlet in the party isle. And that is NOT the party that you are probably thinking of. Don't tell anyone where I am; I'm not sure if I want to try and power the whole mansion or not.
(beep)
Eh…Master Hand? This is Falco, and I'm stuck in the hallway. It seems that there's an enormous pile of leaves bursting out of someone's room and up to the ceiling. I'd trek through, normally, but there sounds like there might be a few other things in that pile than leaves and sticks.
(beep)
I GOT NO CHILI DOGS! WHERE CAN I FIND SOME?!
(beep)
It's Snake. Samus is gone, so I'm taking advantage of the opportunity. The new passkey to my room is 5J39SE227. Make sure you enter it right on the first time…of course, what business would you have in my room anyway?
(beep)
It's Peach. Now that I'm finished with Wario…*giggle* I'm about to go shopping! Is there anything you need? I'm leaving in an hour.
(beep)
It's Red. I'm going out training, so don't expect us to help you move your paintings now. Before you complain, face the fact that you had all day. We'll be back before ten, but we aren't going to be going anywhere except bed at that time. Just giving you a warning in advance; bye.
(beep)
It's Lucario here. Did you happen to take my chocolate out of the fridge? If you did, fork it over before I brutally murder you.
(beep)
It's Jirachi. Where is my freaking TV guide, Master Hand? I have an hour before I come over there and beat you into a glove myself.
(beep)
ABAJABAJIBAJABABAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !
(beep)
Hi Master Hand! Have you ever played Bomb It 2?
(beep)
Hey Master Hand, it's Nana again! Me and my brother are getting together a baseball game, but we need more players. Do you wanna play? If not, can you tell someone else so they can play with us? Thank you!
(beep)
(Master Hand covered his ears. Explosions went off, tires squealed, babies cried, and people scraped their nails across chalkboards-)
It's the King of Awesome here. That's my new ringtone. Liiiiiiiike it? I hope nobody does!
(beep)
It's Lucario again. I'm not kidding, I will tear up the Mansion until I find the thief.
(beep)
Master Hand, it's Pichu. Lucario and Toon Link were fighting over some chocolate that Toon Link took. Most of the smashers have managed to get him under control, but there's still some trouble. Please help; he's scary when he's mad!
(beep)
Master Hand, it's Jirachi. My shows should be starting soon.
(beep)
Master Hand. Where is my frickin' TV guide?
(beep)
Master Hand, are you trying to push my buttons? WHERE is the FREAKING TV GUIDE?! When I ASK for something, I'm going to GET IT, DAMN YOU!
(beep)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING MASTER HAND?! I HOPE YOU'RE NOT DOING SOMETHING USELESS LIKE DRINKING ALL MY COFFEE!"
(Master Hand pushed his cup of coffee to the side of his desk.)
(beep)
Hey Master Hand, it's Fox. Wolf did not lose the key card to his Landmaster exactly. Heh heh heh…
(beep)
Master Hand, you better thank your lucky stars that Ike gave me an extra TV guide. If he hadn't, then you would've been hung up on Peach's clothes line. Next time, you might not be so lucky. Bye…
(beep)
It's Ganondorf. Can you ban nightcore songs in the mansion? If you—AGH!
"Hi Master Hand, it's Nana again! Please disregard everything Ganondork said; he's apparently out of his mind. Bye bye!"
(beep)
Uh, Master Hand? It's Marth…I'm…still sitting here in a corner waiting for help. When will you be getting rid of the…leaves, maybe?
(beep)
Hey Master Hand, it's Luigi. About those power outages messages…they were all fakes, so don't believe them…You believe me calling you and telling you this, right?
New message added. Playing message 40
"What—"
(beep)
"Hello Master Hand? It's Doctor Mario. I need a pay raise."
End of message forty. End of messages. Press 1 if you want to save these messages. Press 2 to delete single messages. Press 3 to delete—
Messages deleted. No more messages currently available.
So much for his hot coffee…