Welcome Master Hand. You have forty-three new messages. Playing message one:

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Master Hand, don't you ever pick up?

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Sorry, it's Jigglypuff. I thought we cleared up the 2000 Smash Dollar ticket for the front seat of that Noctowl City concert already…?!

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Master Hand, this is Samus. Some idiot in this mansion has stolen one of my…more powerful weapons. I need you to order some sort of an interrogation, quick.

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I'll place a call around the world—operator, get Beijing on board!

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Dish' ish Crazys Han'. Havs ya sheen Viva Piñahtaos?

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This is Entei, legendary lion of fire and a couple of volcanoes. You sent me an invitation to cook?

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Hello Master Hand, this is Skitty Simmy, head of Skitty Simmy's Super Sandwiches. I would like to thank you once again for letting me run my business in your mansion for this season, especially since I'm a one-pokѐmon operation and a small business. Be sure to stop by my stand for a free meal deal!

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Master Hand, the world has been saved. NightcoreToday just remixed 'Call Me Maybe'!

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It's-a me, Mario, and I hope your day is pathet—Master Hand? Uh…

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It's Marth. Master Hand, some prankster hid my hairbrush. I am not coming out of my room until it is in my hand and I've fixed my hair. I mean that.

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Hey Master Hand? Guess whaaaaat? Your favorite legendary is calling you to ask WHERE MY FRICKING LAUNDRY IS?!

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Peach calling. My hairbrush is missing for some reason…?

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Master Hand, this is Ike. At least five people I've run into so far today have lost their hairbrushes, including me. Marth told me to tell you he's still in his room and his phone died, Bowser won't brawl until he gets his back, and Jirachi asked me to ask you where you put her laundry. Why the heck does a pokѐmon need to wear clothes, anyway?

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This is Snake. I'm assuming that you're going to have me do the Smash Brotherhood 4 signup again this year?

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MASTER HAND! PIKACHU WAS SLEEPING IN THE LAUNDRY AGAIN!

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This is Lucario. I took my friend's advice and took a week off to go to that Hot Spring by Old Treasure Town. Just thought I'd let you know…More Pecha lemonade, please.

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Ring ring ring ring ring BANANA PHONE! Ring ring ring ring ring BANANA PHOOOOOOOOOONE!

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This is Moe the clam calling in to report for an accident. The teleporter to that secret world Starfy was telling you about somehow got opened and a whole flock of Bellybirds flew out. We got them out of the mansion, but they all roosted on the garage, and…well, you know how heavy just one of those things is. So the garage kinda…imploded. Samus, Peach, and Nana are up on the roof now trying to keep them from landing there. They've requested some spare backup if you have any. Sorry, Master Hand.

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Master Hand, this is Smash Union Bank. We have some unsecured transactions that we thought you might want to 'look over'. Thank you for choosing our services.

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Doctor—I mean, Master Hand? This is Doctor Mario. I caught that damned respiratory disease that's going around and I'm out sick. You'll have to outsource stuff until I'm feeling well enough to clean up the office from this virus. –coughs- Thanks for caring.

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This is Diddy. Someone took my furbrush, and no one even knew I had one. Who could've taken it…?

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These are the ANGRY BIRDS! Could we possibly get a contract to appear in your game sometime?

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Ganondorf, these are your backup singers Rachael and Renee. The Balbins drank all of our beer kegs dry. Do you want us to buy some more, or wait till later?

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This is Lucario again. You better not eat my stash of chocolate ice cream like you did the last time. If it's gone this time, I'll know you went looking for it, because I've hidden it. You've been warned.

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Master Hand! When do you check your answering machine?! I need my wash!

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Master Hand, help! A horde of carnivorous anteaters is—

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Owwww…Master Hand, this is King DDD. Could you ban illegal cactuses? Some pranksters stuck one in the back of my robe…A—OWWWWWWWW!

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This is Cooking Universally and we have called to thank you for supporting our company. Your set of recipe cards should be arriving this Thursday.

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Hey, Master Hand, are we having chili dogs tonight? I can't stand another frozen burrito…

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MASTER HAND…this…is Jirachi. Why aren't you slaving to my needs? Give me my laundry, and while you're at it, get someone to dash down to the store and pick me up some robin's egg blue ribbons to accent my normal ones.

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Ooo! Hey! Is this really Master Hand? The one who runs the tournament? This is Raikou, you know, the legendary of thunder? Did you take me out as an assist trophy so I could play as a normal smasher? I didn't think you would do that after all the times I screwed up! Thanks!

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Hey, it's Ness. The pet monkey I have doesn't seem to want to get along with some of the other smashers, including Diddy and DK.

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You know Master Hand, it's kind of insulting to get a pet monkey when SOME of the smashers are primates, also.

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Master Hand, the next brawl may possibly be canceled. Marth and Bowser are nowhere to be seen, Snake is grumbling about lists and signup sheets, and Diddy Kong is arguing with Ness over the pet monkey. Some BACKUP ASSISSTANCE would be APPRECIATED!

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This is Mewtwo. You may find this weird, but my night light blew up. Don't ask any questions. Just go to the store and get me a twenty pack of night light bulbs and two Winnie-the-Pooh night lights, the ones with Tigger holding a pie. Do NOT let word of this get out if you wanna live.

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Master Hand, this is Jirachi again. I'm still waiting on my laundry and ribbons, so do you mind getting me a Sudoku puzzle while I wait on your sorry ass?

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This is 5th Street Pharmacy. Your requested prescription from Dr. Mario has come in. Please come pick it up within the next 24 hours. Thank you!

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MASTER HAND! I HAVE TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE TONIGHT! I NEED MY HAIRBRUSH!

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Come visit the burrito palace, Burreehaw! Lunch buffets for only $24.95!

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Pikachu here at Skal-mart. Want me to pick up some deodorant?

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SAVE THE TWINKIES!

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It's Ness. Sorry about taking your hairbrush without asking, but I didn't think you'd need it. I had to brush out my pet monkey, but he kept hiding the hairbrushes until I was finally done. I borrowed a few other people's hairbrushes, too. Hopefully they don't notice…

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This is the WRITER'S COLLABORATION! We'd like to renew our contracts so we can continue torturing you all! How does 5.492 billion Smash dollars sound for a full renewal?! RANDOM!

End of message forty-three. End of—

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