Welcome Master Hand. You have thirty-five new messages. Playing message one:

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It's DK. I have to take a day off to track down King K. Rool. He just stole my gold banana horde.

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This is Ganondorf. Please, PLEASE take away that cast iron pan from Zelda! It's a dangerous weapon!

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It's your most favoritest legendary pokѐmon Master Hand! I'm going out to dinner tonight and I needed a date, so I wrote your name down. I know you'll enjoy it, 'cause it's at one of the most expense restaurants in town! Oh, and you only need to bring tip money; I already used money from your bank account to pay for it in advance. See you in a few hours!

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It's Pikachu. Peach hired me as her unofficial shopper since I spend so much time in town. …Anything you need me to get?

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Erm, Master Hand? You know my last message about carnivorous anteaters? …Um…Anteaters ARE carnivorous, aren't they?

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Toon Link here. If I'm Toon Link and then other dimension Link is just called Link, does that mean that there's a Toon Ganondorf, or does he have another name, like Zelda and Tetra?

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It's Samus. Some people are saying that some of the fight dynamics are kind of redundant. But you know what the mansion says? They unanimously sent a picture with squares on it that says 'REDUNDANCY—Never too much of a good thing!' So I think that's decided.

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Master Hand, it's Jigglypuff. If you dare tell anyone about that video of me and Pikachu in that closet, you'll wish you had a washing machine and a sewing kit with plenty of patches.

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Greetings, Master Hand, this is Olimar. I would like to kindly request that you mow the lawn when my pikmin aren't outside playing.

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Master Hand, this is Nana. Ganondorf hired Wolf to steal my signature jacket and make it into a kite. Which one of them should I beat up?

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It's Wolf. I just heard Nana calling you, and I say she should beat up Ganondorf.

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Master Hand, this is Link. I'm at the Juggling for Idiots class at the library with ROB. Could you tell someone to make sure that Ganon doesn't use my sword as a fruit skewer?

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Master Hand, this is Snake calling. Do you find it in the least bit disturbing that Pit is using a picture of you for his archery practice?

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It's Pichu. What's a 'mouse trap'?

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Try the Baconator and the Son of Baconator. New at Barry's Bar-B-Q. (Disclaimer: Yes, I know Wendy's owns it. But there is no Wendy's in the Smash-verse yet, so deal with it)

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MASTER HAND, THIS IS THE DARK SIDE CALLING. WE NOW SERVE WAFFLES AND FRUIT ALONG WITH OUR COOKIES.

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This is Kirby. I've been called by five different legendary pokѐmon today. Do you have any idea how they got my number?

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Hey Master Hand, it's Skitty Simmy! Thanks for letting my relatives come over for the family reunion! I left some extra sandwiches in the pantry for you. They're in the third cabinet from the back door.

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Master Hand! A tribe of Skitty has invaded the mansion! Where did they come from?!

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AAAAAAAAHHH! MASTER HAND! FIRST NESS STOLE MY HAIRBRUSH FOR THAT MONKEY, AND NOW THERE'S A MOB OF PINK AND WHITE CATS THAT TOOK IT! WHO'S NEXT, WOLF?!

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Wolf here. Could you get me a new hairbrush in time for the next br—AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

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This is Mewtwo speaking. Is that Whack-a-Mole masquerade party still going on tomorrow? If it is, I'll go as the person with the hammer.

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It's Nana. I have everything figured out. Ganondorf stole my coat and hired Wolf to make a kite out of it. Wolf was a chicken and asked Ike to take it. Ike was going to use it on his fighting dummy, but I caught him and Wolf before they could get away and got my coat back. Now I'm off to beat up Ganondorf again! Bye Master Hand!

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Master Hand, this is Lucario. Thanks for the offer, but I would NOT like to be roommates with Marth. Do you even know how much time he spends fixing his hair?

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Aghhh…Master Hand, this is Doctor Mario. Some fool mixed fake blackberries in Yoshi's smoothie. I have one in my office so that you can see for yourself. They're actually quite real-looking.

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This is Wolf—

"The IDIOT—"

-Who is calling to ask for a little assistance in getting un-hung off the chandelier in the west quarter main hallway.

"Why did I even buy that—"

Punishing Nana would also be appreciated, as will speed.

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This is the ANGRY BIRDS! When will we get an answer?

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It's Starfy. I finally got my moveset all figured out for if I join the game. You see, I—AGH GIANT LAVA SPRAYING TURTLE!

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Overload, overload, it's a CUTE overload; don't you want to take us home, cute cute cute cute overload—

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M-m-m-Master Hand? It's Luigi…I got locked down in the cellar without a flashlight or my—EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—

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This is your local public library calling. The 295 books, DVDs, CDs, and playaways you requested have arrived. You have four days before they will be returned to circulation. Thank you, and have a nice day.

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This is the roofing man. I heard you needed a major repair job done. I promise you that my rates are the lowest in town.

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Master Hand, this is Ness. Can I take the pet monkey to that new amusement park?

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This is Meta Knight here. Do you have anything for me to do that does NOT require social interaction, especially with idiots like a certain fat penguin?

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Hey, Master Hand? This is Ike. Do you know how it feels to hang from a chandelier by your underwear for two hours? Yeah, we didn't think so.

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End of message thirty-five. End of messages. Press one to—

Beeeeeeeeeeeep

Messages deleted. No new messages available.