"You should go see her, Oliver."

"I can't," he whispered.

"Do you even know what she went through when she was brought here?" Diggle questioned.

His heart felt like a black pit. Oliver had mourned Laurel's death...he'd mourned Felicity's...he'd mourned the child that he'd felt like he'd never find. He knew now that Felicity and the baby were alive, but he couldn't bring himself to see either of them. He just didn't think that he could function if those walls tumbled down.

"She lost it when they took that baby away from her," Diggle explained. "And it was because we didn't know that Felicity had made Laurel promises… They had to sedate her, Oliver," he said and punctuated each word of his last statement. "She was trying to protect that child. Your child."

What did he say to that?

He felt bad for Felicity. He felt so incredibly guilty. Oliver knew that he should have found them months ago. They shouldn't have gone more than a few hours without being found. He knew that Laurel's death was on him. His daughter didn't have a mother because he had failed them both. Felicity was probably incredibly traumatized because he'd failed her.

"Oliver!"

"I can't see her!" he yelled as he turned to Oliver.

Diggle's tone was calmer as he stared at Oliver. "Let me ask you something. I want you to answer completely honestly."

Oliver just stared at him.

"Do you love Felicity?"

He just turned away from Diggle. That was the most stupid question he was fairly sure he'd ever heard. Why would he ask him that? Oliver just wanted to be left alone. He knew that he should go see Felicity, but he just couldn't. He knew that he should see his daughter, but he couldn't.

He just couldn't.

"Seriously, you're just going to go quiet now?" Diggle asked.

Oliver didn't answer. He wondered if he stayed silent if Diggle would just go away and leave him so that he could disappear.

Smack!

He closed his eyes and breathed through it. He didn't react. Diggle had just smacked him at the back of the head. It wasn't too hard, but it had certainly been unexpected.

"I should beat sense back into you!"

Oliver almost wished that Diggle would try. He doubted it would work, but then he would feel something else. It would also distract him from all the guilt he felt. He just wanted to get past this part… He needed to go back to his island. That seemed like the best option.

"You need to at least talk to them about letting the baby being in the room with Felicity," Diggle practically begged. "She's going to completely unravel… She needs it. That child could use someone familiar, I'm sure…"

Oliver was quiet. Diggle was right. He couldn't see them, but he could make their lives a little easier for the night. "Do it," he barely whispered. "Tell them that they require extra security…" He looked at Diggle. "Would you mind staying the night with them?" he requested. If he couldn't be with them…he could try to send in a familiar face as well. "Please?"

"Oliver, they would rather it be you."

"I know," he whispered. "But I can't—"

"When are you going to be able to?"

"I honestly don't know, John…"

"You have to stop torturing yourself, Oliver," Diggle insisted. "You weren't to blame in any of this. You need to accept that."

"I can't…not yet."

. . .

"Mom said that they found the baby and Felicity."

"They're at Starling General," he responded.

He'd been sitting downstairs not really watching what was on the TV. The TV was just mainly there for the ambiance of passersby. Oliver was fairly sure that it might scare anyone if they came upon him sitting in the dark alone with his thoughts.

"She also said that you won't see them."

"It's better that I don't."

"I know that when they found Laurel that you thought that they were all gone…and you mourned their losses," Thea continued. "But they're alive, Ollie! That's your daughter in the hospital! My niece! And when I found out that Felicity was alive, I thought that you'd be right there at her side—"

"Thea—"

"I remember staying up with you… You telling me how you blamed yourself for their deaths… How you loved Laurel, but not the way you loved Felicity…and how you regretted not telling her! So, why, Ollie, are you here?!"

"It's better this way, Speedy," Oliver explained all too calmly. He knew that it didn't seem to make sense to anyone else. He knew that he should take that as a clue that there was something wrong with his reasoning. It didn't matter. "Everyone I get close to…"

"Is that your reasoning for keeping your distance?" Thea demanded.

Oliver just stared at her. Thea was angry, confused, fiery, and obviously upset. He was doing it for her benefit too. He really couldn't bear to lose anyone else.

"That's BS!" she yelled at him.

It actually surprised him. But Thea wasn't the first person to yell at him and rant about how his actions were wrong. Oliver just couldn't bring himself to get close to Felicity and that baby, only to have them snatched away again. He just couldn't do that.

"Mom says you don't even care about the baby!" Thea continued. "What happens to her…or who takes care of her…or how or even where she's raised!"

"Mr. Diggle is watching over both of them and—"

Thea opened her mouth to continue her rant when the doorbell rang. It was late. Oliver could tell that Thea hadn't been expecting anyone by the surprised look on her face. But maybe it was Roy? Maybe he'd been worried about Thea? Their mother had been in bed asleep for some time, so she wouldn't have been expecting anyone. They both moved towards the foyer and then the door.

Oliver pulled open the door and his heart sank at who was on their doorstep. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He didn't know how he was still even on his own feet.

"We're sorry to interrupt," the officer said. "But our captain said you should have these, Mr. Queen." He held out a manila envelope. The two officers just stood there and waited.

"What is it?"

"Letters addressed to you, Mr. Queen, were found," the officer reported. "They're only copies, but the originals will be released to you once the investigation is complete and over."

Hesitantly, he reached out and took the folder. "Letters?"

"Written for you, Mr. Queen, from Ms. Lance," the other officer spoke up and explained. "They were found between the mattress and the box spring. The last one, I believe, was found between the bed and the wall."

He just stared at the envelope. Laurel had written him letters? Oliver hadn't expected that. He just didn't know what to say or do with that.

"Thank you, Officers," Thea said. "We do appreciate the thought in making sure my brother received these."

The officers nodded. "Mr. Queen. Miss Queen." And with that, they were gone.

Thea closed the door and put a hand on his arm. "That was thoughtful," she said gently. "They probably realized that you were going to be up…"

"Here," he said as he held out the envelope. His hand shook. Oliver didn't think he could handle reading the words though. What if Laurel blamed him? He already blamed himself. What if Laurel hated him? He already hated himself.

"What? Aren't you going to read them?" Thea asked. She was obviously shocked and confused by his actions.

"No."

"Why not?" Thea demanded. She was loud and angry again. "These are her last words to you, Ollie. They're addressed to you. The police already read them and came out here this late at night to make sure you got them."

Oliver looked up at Thea. As he stared at her, he couldn't help but think how she'd changed. Thea was all grown up. He'd missed that. He'd missed five years of her life because of the island and he'd found himself wondering if that really had been for the best. If he hadn't gone on the Queen's Gambit. Would he and Thea be the people they were? Or would they have been out of control and spoiled?

"I'm afraid," Oliver finally confided quietly as he continued to hold out the envelope. His hand was still shaking, he was barely holding onto it.

"Afraid of what?"

Thea still didn't take the envelope from him. "Afraid of the words…"

"Do you want me to read it first—"

"This…it means I failed…" Oliver told her. "I already know I have, but this…this reinforces the fact."

The envelope fell from his shaking grasp. It hit the floor with a thud. Nether of them bent down to pick it up in any kind of hurry. Instead, they both stared down at it.

. . .

"Did you sleep?"

"No."

"Neither did I."

Oliver sighed. "I can't, Digg…"

"What are you going to do, Oliver? Have you even thought about that? Everyone's waiting for your decisions," Diggle reminded him. "What are you going to do with Felicity? What are you going to do with the baby? Are you going to figure out a name for that baby? Are you going to let Felicity take the baby home? Are you taking the baby home so that you, your mom, and Thea can raise her?"

Oliver just stared at him.

"When are you going to realize that you have to make decisions, Oliver?"

"You want more than that," Oliver finally spoke up. "Everyone wants more, but I—"

"You're failing them right now," Diggle said, beating him to the punch. "Do you think that Felicity understands that you don't want to see her because you feel like you failed them? No. She thinks you must hate her. Laurel's dead and there was nothing she could do to stop that—"

"I don't—"

"You and I know that, but she doesn't," Diggle continued. His voice was strong and determined. "You love Felicity, Oliver. We all know that. You're only hurting both of you by avoiding her…"

Oliver swallowed hard. He still felt like avoiding them and keeping his distance was the best thing to do, but how could he hurt them? Diggle was the one who had been staying with the Felicity and the baby… He knew firsthand if she was suffering. Thea and his mother, the look on their faces the night before. Oliver just felt like none of them understood. But Diggle and Felicity, they had always been the ones who understood and could see him for who he was. There was no pretending with them.

"Laurel," he started and then paused a minute. He looked down and closed his eyes as he tried to keep his composure. "Laurel wrote me letters… The police found them… They brought them to me last night."

"What do they say?" Diggle questioned.

Oliver opened his eyes, lifted his head, and looked right at his friend. "She said a lot of things…" He swallowed again. "But she did say that Felicity took care of her and the baby… One letter, she had Felicity write. She was dying and she wanted me to know that Felicity was going to make sure that our child was with me and that Felicity would take care of both of us."

"What did Laurel say in there about her feelings for you?"

He had hoped that he wouldn't push that. Diggle knew him all too well though. He could probably see there was more from just looking at his face. "She said that she loved me… That she thought she understood what kind of man I really was… That even though sleeping together had been a mistake, that our child wasn't… That she wanted me to be happy…"

"Nothing in there about hating you?"

"No."

"She wants you and Felicity to be together?"

"Yes," Oliver barely got out.

Diggle just stared at him.

"I don't deserve that," Oliver blurted out.

"Oliver, of all the people I know…you and Felicity are two of those people who really deserve happiness…" Diggle told him. "She might drive you crazy, but I think she keeps you sane too…"

"I'm bad for her—"

"Don't you think that's her choice?"

. . .

"You're not doing it right!"

"Ms. Smoak, I really need you to stay in your bed."

"She's screaming because you're not doing it right!"

"Ms. Smoak, I've been taking care of babies practically my whole life—"

"Are we interrupting?"

It was like the world stopped. They were all looking at them. The nurse looked especially shocked. Maybe it was because he'd been brooding in the hallways the night before or maybe it was because he was Oliver Queen. Either way, it seemed like the nurse had forgotten what she was doing.

"Do you think we could have a few minutes?" DIggle spoke up.

"Su-sure," the nurse finally responded and nodded before leaving the baby.

Felicity was immediately trying to get out of the bed, her attention on the baby in the plastic basinet who was still screaming.

"Hey, I've got her," Oliver said as he put his hand on the blanket that was still covering Felicity's legs before moving over to the basinet. He stared down at the screaming squirming infant for a moment. She was beautiful. He looked her over and repositioned the diaper a bit before snapping up the outfit she was in. "You're okay," he whispered. "You're safe, Little One." He picked her up and she immediately was quiet. Oliver cradled her in his arms for a moment as he looked down at her. He swore she smiled up at him.

"She knows who you are," Felicity whispered.

"I'm just oddly good with babies," Oliver told them. He walked towards Felicity and slowly handed the baby over to her. "But I think she'd rather be with you."

"She's yours," Felicity told him.

He could hear the hint of sadness in her voice. He took a moment before looking at her. She was looking right at him. Her big blue eyes staring at him from behind her glasses. How he'd missed her… She still seemed to be able to see right through him. "I know," he whispered. "But Laurel said that you were her mom…"

"Laurel?"

"The police found letters."

Felicity nodded.

Oliver suddenly wondered if she'd held out hope that maybe Laurel had been okay. If she had been taken somewhere and saved. Even without their bodies, he'd mourned Felicity and the baby. It wasn't that he'd wanted to give up. It was that he just couldn't bear to continue how he had been.

"Did you read them?" Felicity asked.

He watched her with the baby. Felicity was so good with her. He hadn't ever thought of Felicity as a mother…or how she was with children. It hadn't been anything they'd run into. But she was good with her. They looked so natural together…

"I did," he whispered.

"I didn't know what they all said," Felicity told him. Her attention was on the baby the whole time. "I forgot about them… After he took Laurel… I didn't think to look… I was too concerned about what could happen."

"She said that you took care of her… That she trusted you… That she knew that you were a good person… And she said that you'd taken care of the baby since she was born, that you were her mother…" Oliver filled her in.

Felicity shook her head. "Laurel's her mother," she argued. "I was just happy to be there and help out…"

"You sure look like her mom," Diggle spoke up.

And he was right.

Even though the baby had dark hair, how they were…they looked right together. Diggle had been right about a lot of things. Oliver really did need to make some decisions. He couldn't be disconnected from them or the world. He needed to be part of it and cope with the pain and anger that filled him. "She still needs a name," he said quietly.

"Laurel wanted to name her after your mother… Something light and hopeful for the first name," Felicity told him. Her tone was gentle and quiet and thoughtful.

"Laurel said she didn't want the baby named after her," he said aloud more as a statement than anything else. He knew Laurel's wishes. She'd made them clear. He wouldn't go against her wishes. And he knew that they really did need to name the baby. He needed to be that child's father and she needed to know where her home was and that she was loved. He had no worries of spoiling, that was a guarantee.

"Is it horrible to just Google names that mean light or hope or similar names?" Diggle questioned.

"I don't see any problem in it," Felicity spoke up. She looked up at Oliver. "Maybe you should hold her while Diggle reads you names."

Oliver smiled at her. He knew that she was trying to get him to 'accept' the baby as his. He had no doubts, he was just trying to ease himself back in. He actually really wanted to hug Felicity and not let her go, but he was still a little scared to touch her…or the baby…afraid that he'd hurt them. Instead, he sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Felicity held the baby. "This is good…" He looked up at Felicity and then Diggle in turn. "I do need you two to help me with this…"

"You'll know when you hear it," Felicity told him.

"Let's just steer clear of names like Blanket and names that are just spelled flat out ugly," Diggle told them.

Oliver laughed. "You going to weed them out then?"

"Damn right," Diggle said as he moved closer to them with his phone. "So…there're virtue names… Hope, Faith, Verity, Honor, Patience, Constance, Temperance, Joy, True… Names that mean hope…besides Hope since I already said that… Asha…skip…Nadine…skip…skip…"

Oliver laughed again.

"Names that mean light… Skip…Alina…uh skip…Clara…Eleanor…Eliora…skip skip…and Helen…another skip…Lucy…Nora…"

"Wait," Oliver spoke up suddenly. "Lucy…"

"You like it?"

"It's simple…and pretty…" Oliver said. He looked at Felicity. "Right?"

Felicity smiled at him. "Do you really like it?"

"I think so?"

"Lucy Moira Queen," Felicity said slowly as she looked down at the baby.

"It sounds good, right?" Oliver asked and was looking between them.

"I think it's beautiful…" Felicity told him as she looked from the baby to him. She stared at him for a moment. "Are you sure?"

He thought about it for a moment. He thought Lucy was pretty and he thought that Laurel might like it. There was also the fact that it started with an 'L' like Laurel's name. Oliver looked down at his daughter. "Lucy," he repeated as he stared down at her. It fit. At least he hoped it did. He was sure that his mother and sister would tell him later…though he had a feeling that Thea would love it no matter what her name was.

"Glad that's figured out," Diggle said. "Now, we just need to figure out if they're going to release you two…"

"But where will I go?" Felicity asked.

Oliver could see the sudden worry in her. He remembered what Laurel had written and what Diggle had said. No matter what Felicity said, she was that child's mother, even if it wasn't a biological connection. "We're going to go home…to he mansion…at least for tonight," Oliver said. "We can figure everything out later…"

"I don't know if-"

"Don't worry about anyone else right now," Oliver told her. He knew that she hadn't ever seemed comfortable in the mansion and there was the general scare factor of his mother. Thea wouldn't hurt her…unless she wouldn't let her hold Lucy.

"Okay," Felicity said quietly. "But I'm thinking we're going to have to stop and get some things."

"Like a car seat," DIggle spoke up. "I'll get one of those while you get them discharged…" He headed out of the room without another word.

"I have no idea what to get a baby…" Oliver told her. "I'm going to be useless…"

"Thea's younger than you."

"True," Oliver said. "I know they need love and attention and baby food and milk and bottles and blankets and diapers…"

Felicity smiled at him. "No baby food yet."

"See."

"But she will need bottles, formula, blankets, diapers…and clothes…and a crib…maybe a swing… She likes to be rocked," Felicity told him.

"I can be taught."

"Oh, I know…"

"I missed you," he whispered suddenly as he stared at her.

"I missed you."

. . .

TBC…