My Saving Grace
By: NormanReedus
Two Days
It's been two weeks since Kozik and I have been home, and we've been stronger than ever. The guys of SAMCRO went home, as well as SAMTAZ, Nomads and the other charters. The Monday after, just two days ago, was my doctor's appointment. Happy demanded that he was going to be the one taking me to the doctor, so without fussing with him; he went along with Kozik. The news I received killed me, literally. I couldn't have kids—and what hurt the most was that Koz and I both wanted kids.
The doctor put a light on things, though. She told us that with the scar tissue I had from the trauma, there was a slim chance that I could get pregnant, but it wasn't enough. It hurt to hear that I couldn't bear children, much less Kozik's. That made both he and Happy upset—deep down, Happy always wanted me to have the life that I never got, he wanted nieces and nephews.
After we left the doctors, we went to the house that Kozik, Happy and I lived in. Tears fell from my eyes as I walked through the door. I ran in our room and laid on the bed—I wanted kids… I wanted his kids.
It's been two days since Kozik spoke to me. He hasn't even been around the house that we three shared, it really hurt. I sighed and sat on the bed thinking about him. The two weeks after being back was going great until the news from the doctor. I laid onto the bed, sobbing loudly.
"Camilla…" I heard Happy's rough voice coming through the threshold. I rolled over and looked at him, my tear stained cheeks shining as the sunset hit me.
"What?" I asked, sitting up. He grimaced down, sitting on the bed carefully beside me. He took my hands in his and leaned his head down, kissing them. I felt a tear drop fall onto my hands, I knew he was crying. It's been a long time since I'd seen this sight.
"I'm so sorry, baby girl." He said, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me in his lap. I laid my head on his shoulder and sobbed, "Why don't you and Koz go up to the lake house for a little bit? Everything is fine down here, nothing to worry about. I talked to Lee and he set it up."
"Does he still love me?" I asked in his neck, he nodded.
"Of course I still love you, baby." I heard Kozik say, coming into the room. I looked up at back to him. He walked over to me and took me from Happy's lap and sat on the bed, hugging me against him. Happy leaned over and kissed my head, before he got up.
"Take care of her." He said walking out of the room. I looked up at Kozik, tears falling down my cheeks.
"You haven't talked to me in two days." I said, through the tears. His face softened and licked over his lips.
"That wasn't your fault, baby. I just…" He paused, "I was just thinking about some things. It hurts you know?"
I nodded, "Yeah, I know. The only thing I wanted after I met you, was to have kids with you." I sighed, "And now… I can't. God Koz, I'm so sorry." I buried my head in his neck. His hands ran up and down my back, holding me closer to him.
"It's not your fault baby. You couldn't have done anything about it." He said, "Don't be sorry baby."
"Maybe we can be that slim chance, one day." I said, looking at him. He smiled sadly and pressed his lips to mine for a small sweet kiss. I got off his lap and walked out of the bedroom. Happy was sitting at the table, cleaning his gun. His black eyes looked up at me, lightened up slightly.
"I thought cleaning guns was our thing." I said, leaning against the doorjamb of the kitchen. He chuckled and nodded me over. I walked and sat beside him at the table and grabbed his H&K USP and took it apart.
"Hey babe, what are you wanting to eat tonight?" Kozik asked, walking into the kitchen. I shrugged and looked at Happy, whose face was blank.
"Whatever yal want, I will cook." I said, cleaning the barrel of the gun. Once I was finished, I re-assembled the gun and set it in front of Happy. I got up and kissed Happy's head, as Kozik sat down to clean his gun. They began talking about runs, Happy wanted to transfer Nomad to be able to be closer to Ma.
I sighed loudly, the never said anything about what particularly to eat, so deciding myself taking the hamburger meat out of the fridge and noodles for spaghetti. I started to brown the meat, and boil the noodles. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag. I grabbed a colander and drained the meat. I put the meat back in the pan, then drained the noodles. I grabbed the spaghetti sauce and poured it over the meat, letting it season. I took out the parmesan cheese and plates. I filled three glasses up with tea.
"Okay boys, time to eat." I said, fixing their plates. I walked into the bedroom and changed. I walked back into the kitchen and grabbed my plate. What caught my eye was my guys weren't at the table eating, they were in the living room watching a movie, Boondock Saints. We always sat at the table to eat—Happy was the clean freak of the family.
I fixed my plate and walked into the living room, taking my seat on the couch beside Kozik. He smiled at me as I propped up my feet on the coffee table. Happy furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me, "That ain't for feet."
"Guess what brother? You are sitting in my recliner!" I exclaimed, batting my eyelashes. He growled and turned back to his foot, "How's the spaghetti?"
"Amazing like always." Kozik replied, kissing my temple. I smiled and took a bite, it was pretty good. I ate quickly and put our plates in the dishwasher, added detergent and turned it on. I walked back into the living room and sat back in my seat, leaning against Kozik. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head, I stretched out, putting my feet in Happy's lap.
"Hap, rub my feet please." I whined and pouted. He grunted, but complied and massaged my feet. I started laughing, the looked at me like I grew three heads.
"The Tacoma Killa rubbing feet—the things he does for his sissy." I taunted, making Kozik laugh. Happy's brooding eyes adverted to mine, glaring slightly at me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "I'm the only one that can soften that hard ass brown candy shell."
"You're a bitch." He said, looking at me, but continued to rub my feet.
"I know, before you finish, pop my toes." I said, sticking my tongue out at him.
"Brat." He said, folding his hand down on my toes, popping them all. I growled out and sat up quickly, drawing my feet to me. I scowled at him, watching him laugh and bat his eyelashes. My phone rang, I looked down and it was an unknown caller. I furrowed my eyebrows and answered it, putting it on speakerphone.
"Hello?" I asked, hearing hard breathing. Happy got up and sat beside me, "Is anyone there?"
"You're gonna die Camilla Lowman." A dark voice said, "I'm going to kill you slowly."
"Who the fuck is this?" Happy growled out, hearing the dial tone. I sat back in the couch, staring at my phone. Happy grabbed his phone and called Juice to run the numbers through his system. I started shaking, what if it was Salazar? Kozik called Lee, who called for church.
I ran into the bedroom and changed quickly, then ran back into the living room. It seemed like everything was going in slow motion. Guns shots rang out, I felt pain in my side. I felt a large body fall on me, covering my own. Loud tire squeals sounded outside, gunshots rang out from our house.
"Camilla? Koz, is she okay?" Happy asked, walking quickly into the house. I breathed heavily, feeling the pain from my side spread. I winced as Kozik hovered over me, taking my hands in his hands.
"I hurt." I whispered, tears falling out of my eyes. Panic flashed over Kozik's face, he looked to Happy and shook his head.
"Call 911 now!" Kozik yelled, taking me in his arms. Happy grabbed the phone and called 911. Kozik cradled me in his arms, running outside. After calling 911, Happy called Lee and the guys.
"Lee and them are going to meet us there." He told Kozik, who just nodded. I smiled weakly and ran my fingers through his hair.
"I love you Koz, remember that." I whispered, closing my eyes and slipping into blackness.