There is no possible way that I could possibly apologize for the length of the break that I have taken. Full details are given below in an author's note, for anyone who might be interested. For the rest, all I can say is that I hope you will eventually forgive me, both for the excessively long break as well as the lackluster quality of this chapter. Details are, as mentioned above, given below, but let it suffice to say that I can no longer write with any degree of reasonable competence, and that my failure shows through quite clearly here. You will find that the quality of this chapter is drastically different from those of the previous ones, poor as they were, and also that the style of writing has changed considerably, and not for the better. Nevertheless, I hope this will be a better alternative to my continued absence. Reviews, as always, are welcome, and so is feedback of any kind. You are also welcome to message me in case you have any queries whatsoever.

Chapter 5 - Ship of Theseus

"If all the wooden planks of Theseus' ship were taken apart, and replaced with others, then would it still remain the ship of Theseus?"

- Theseus' paradox, also known as "Ship of Theseus"

"Why are you here."

He paused in the middle of his ministrations, cocking his head ever so slightly. Despite the words, he knew that the statement she had just uttered was not a question – she was not asking him for the reason behind his continued presence; she was berating him.

Defeated and lifeless though her voice might be, the implication of that statement was beyond doubt. He felt a brief flare of irritation, and then pushed it deep back inside him. It would do no good to express the anger that he felt towards her, the resentment that simmered slowly but surely just underneath the surface of his skin. This was almost hypocritical of her. Konan wasn't a fool – she knew that he did not stay behind to care for her out of the goodness of the heart he did not have. He was a shinobi, and she was a burden. The logical result of this situation would have been for him to continue in pursuit of his true quarry – Orochimaru. Perhaps he would have even taken pity on her and put her out of her misery. And the Uchiha prided himself on his logic.

Instead, he was stuck here, taking care of a woman who meant nothing to him and was worth even less. There was no logic behind this – only the overpowering compulsion to ensure that his own life was safe. If he disobeyed Leader's orders and left her out here to die, there was no question that Pain would choose to make an example out of him, and Itachi had no doubts about Pain's preferred modes of disciplining his errant followers.

They usually did not survive the ordeal.

He resumed brushing her hair, choosing to disregard the question as surely as though it was another errant droplet. It was drizzling outside, and he was slightly damp, his long eyelashes quoted in jeweled mist. The air was cool, but thick, and the very touch of air smacked of the promise of heat. Tonight would be warm, and unpleasantly so. He would have to take special measures to ensure that Konan was comfortable.

He was surprised when she spoke again, and more than a little stung by her words, although he did not show his reaction. "I did not take you to be lacking in manners, Uchiha-san." Her voice was bland and colourless, and yet… there was something in the way she said it, the forced politeness, the slight lilt in her voice… she was mocking him. He regarded her silently, his hands stilling in the tangle that was her hair.

"Why are you here," she repeated, still not questioning him. "You are not an irrational man, and I mean nothing to you. With my chakra gone, I am unable to even be a potential ally. Then why would you waste your time and energy on me? I am sure there are other, better things on your itinerary, Uchiha-san."

He resumed brushing her hair. "Orders are orders, Konan-sama."

"Ah," she said humourlessly. "Pain's orders. You stay here because Pain asked you to stay, because he asked you to keep me alive. Or did he not?" She questioned him, her colourless eyes suddenly scanning his face for any sign of emotion, any giveaway. It was futile, and she knew it – he was far too well-trained, far too good a shinobi. He would give away nothing.

"You can leave, you know," she continued. "Formally, I still outrank you, although we both know how things stand in reality. I could order you to leave."

"I'm afraid that would do you no good," he breathed into the soft shell of her ear. He could feel her twitch ever so slightly as her body attempted to twist away from him, but even if she was no longer shinobi, she certainly still hadn't forgotten the training that had been drilled into her, and she remained as still as she had been earlier. "My orders outrank you, Konan-sama."

She shrugged. "I thought as much. Pain probably told you to look after me. I am supposed to go back to headquarters once I am well enough to travel, am I not? And you are stuck here taking care of me. What a poor deal for you, Uchiha-san. Clearly, this body is not going to heal any time soon, and when it does, then it will still take us months to reach the headquarters. I will still be weak, and even if I wasn't sickly anymore, I would not be able to travel fast anymore because there is no more chakra to help me. No, we will have to travel at an ordinary pace, like two other travelers on the road. How long do you think it will be before you are free to do as you please? A month? Two?"

She was throwing words at him, and he let each one sink in, flinching unnoticeably. It wasn't as though what she said had not previously occurred to him. There was no way that she would be ready to face the road before at least another couple of weeks, and even then, they would have to travel as civilians did. In all likelihood their travel would be delayed even further, because while on the road they would be highly vulnerable and it would be the best place for Orochimaru to attack them. The snake-nin was strong, and it would be challenging enough for Itachi to face him without any encumbrances. The fact that he now had a helpless charge to protect would not be wasted on their enemy. All in all, it was highly unlikely that they would reach their destination until at least a month and a half from the current date.

She suddenly turned, imposing the full weight of her colourless grey gaze on him. He faced her, noticing the small imperfections in her face through his fractured red gaze. She was gaining some colour and weight, although she was still sickly. Her recovery had been very gradual, and at times he wondered if it was because she didn't want to heal. Certainly, he could think of nothing that was left for her in this life after her recovery.

But then again, he barely knew her at all.

"What if I told you there was a way?" Her voice was so soft that he could barely hear her, close as they were. "You could go off and do whatever you wanted, Uchiha. Nobody would stop you. Maybe you could even visit your little brother. Oh, stop it –" He had glared at her sharply – "You didn't really think that we didn't know about him, did you?" Her voice was mocking again. "Do you not remember? Pain is God. God knows everything."

There was the slightest tremor in his voice when he spoke again, so tiny as to be imperceptible. "My brother has nothing to do with Pain, and I have no interest in him. He is a weakling, and I should have not spared his life on the night I killed my family."

"Perhaps," she mused. "But you did, and there is something to be said about that. And you are wrong about one thing – your brother used to be a weakling, yes. But he's spent a considerable period of time with Orochimaru, has he not? I hardly think "weak" would describe him any longer. Although I do wonder what that Snake wants with him. The young and the beautiful do have the most alarming way of disappearing where he is concerned…"

If he had been a lesser man, then he would have crushed her throat. The words she uttered were nothing less than a veiled threat, a soft dagger pressing against his ribs. She was letting him know that they – that Pain – knew about his brother, that they knew that he had been spared, and more worryingly, that they knew that he was the only other person with the Sharingan, and that those tools were as of now effectively in the hands of Orochimaru. It was no secret that there was no love lost between the missing sannin and Akatsuki. If Pain considered the other Sharingan a threat, then he would ensure that they were disabled.

Were you planning to have Sasuke killed?

But he was no lesser or greater than Itachi Uchiha, and he knew that the best face to express at this moment was one of impassivity. "His interest in Orochimaru is probably simply another way of him attempting to gain power that he does not possess and could not possibly expect to. There is nothing to worry about, Konan-sama."

She held his gaze. Her eyes were unwavering. "Perhaps. Perhaps not." She looked away, smiling in a way that barely touched the rest of his face. Her eyes were as hooded as they had ever been. "What do you think Orochimaru will do to your brother, Itachi-san?" She spoke his name as though it was a caress, the slightest tilt at the very end to signify her amusement. "He does have rather sick tendencies, does he not? You probably did not know this, but I had the misfortune to run into him once in my youth, and I can assure you that it was not a pleasant experience. The question is whether you are going to allow it to happen to your brother or not, and I don't think you are, Itachi-san, despite your apparent indifference towards the same. You see –" she smiled, once again that hooded, enigmatic, deeply unhappy smile – "I know a thing or two about pretending to be indifferent towards the ones we love. Do you really take me for a fool?"

He chose not to reply, instead looking back at her steadily. The topic of Sasuke was not one that he wished to discuss with anyone, especially not members of Akatsuki, but there was something more to this conversation. It was not a warning; it was simply as though Konan was trying to seal a bargain with him, the contents of which were yet unknown. It certainly must have been important to her if she had been willing to part with two such deeply personal experiences in order to simply attempt to persuade him. He filed them away for later consideration.

"You could still protect your brother, Uchiha-san. Rescue him from Orochimaru before it's too late for him. But you'll never be able to do that if I'm here with you. I'm simply going to slow you down, and if you attempt to protect me, then you will leave yourself vulnerable to Orochimaru's attacks. No, if I'm here, then you shall not be able to pursue your brother for at least the next month or two. And you know what he can do with that kind of time."

Every word coming from her mouth was true, however much he hated it, and they fell like bricks. Orochimaru had had Sasuke for years, and had only recently used him in combat. It was clear that whatever knowledge he was hoping to impart to Sasuke had been transferred, and that now the Snake was going to utilize him in some manner or the other. It was hard to believe that the sannin would give up the opportunity to utilize the Sharingan, something which he had coveted ever since he had been in the Akatsuki with Itachi. It was also clear that if he attempted to fight with Konan still with him, she would be invariably thrust into the middle of the fight, where he would be obliged to protect her. She would become his weak spot, the chink in his proverbial armour. He might not be able to both protect her and defeat Orochimaru. Moreover, even if he did not himself actively pursue the sannin now, the latter would almost certainly come to them. Battle was inevitable, and it would be much harder because he had a civilian he had to ensure no harm came to.

Yet, there was no way out of his predicament. Pain had ordered him to take care of her, and Pain's word was absolute. God did not accept dissent.

And besides, if he had to fight either one of them, he would choose Orochimaru over Pain any day. He would still have a chance of survival.

He was trapped. He could not leave her, not if he wanted to live. If she did not die of exposure, then Orochimaru would certainly ensure that she did not survive past a few hours when he left her here. She could not defend herself, and Pain had explicitly tasked him with ensuring her survival until he was able to ferry her safely back to headquarters. And yet…

"What do you suggest?" He breathed softly.

Her face broke into a smile, the first time that he had seen something close to joy on her face, even though it could hardly be called that. Her eyes were weary, but triumphant. Her words came out in a whisper.

"Kill me."

Kill me.

She had been thinking about her situation for a while now, and had come to the conclusion that she was, to put it impolitely, well and truly fucked. There was nothing left for her in this world, nothing that she could do. Nagato had made Yahiko a promise – that he would protect her – but Nagato was gone, and with him, his humanity. Pain was bound by Nagato's promise, but Pain failed to understand that protecting her consisted of more than just keeping her alive.

She would never be healed. That much was certain, from what Kakuzu said, and although she did not trust the renegade nin, she could feel the truth of his words inside her. There was not even a single drop of chakra inside her anymore, not hers or anyone else's. Everything that made her a kuniochi had been taken from her. Training did no good unless there was chakra to go with it.

So her ability to use herself as a weapon had been taken from her. She could no longer be Pain's tool, could no longer carry out his wishes. She served him no further purpose; Yahiko's vision could no longer benefit from having her within the fabric of his plan. Quite simply, she was purposeless.

Purposeless, and a burden. Nagato had sworn to look after her, but would she not simply be hindering him by existing? Even now, she had no means to protect herself, and Nagato had allocated the Uchiha to ensure her wellbeing. The rest of her life would be spent like this – with someone looking after her. If she could, she would have retired to live an ordinary life in some or the other village, but she knew that that was not possible – her proximity to Akatsuki's leader would ensure that she would always face death threats, and Nagato, bound by the weight of his promise would always, always protect her.

She would be his weak spot.

And he might die because of her.

It was her fault, her weakness that had led to Yahiko's death all those years ago. If she had not allowed herself to be captured, then Yahiko would never have had to stab himself – he had sacrificed his own life for her inferior one. That day, if her life had not been in peril, then Yahiko would not have died, Nagato would not have had to take on the burden he bore till today. Nagato carried the weight of Yahiko's dreams, Konan of his death.

It had been her fault, her weakness. And they had lost more than Yahiko that day – Yahiko's death had killed Nagato, destroyed him and left nothing but Pain. And Konan was nothing without her boys, her anchors, her companions since childhood. The twist of guilt ran deep in her belly; her sorrow was what fueled her bones, that intense, painful grief that had faded her before it was her time. Konan was nothing more than Yahiko and Nagato, and now only the barest shadows of both remained.

Her helplessness was what had caused their deaths on that rainy day so long ago, when Nagato's body had starved, when he had taken what remained of Yahiko as his own. When she had first slipped her hand into that of Yahiko-who-was-not, a man she would later call Deva. Her helplessness had destroyed them, had destroyed Nagato once, and she would not let it be her helplessness that put him in danger once again. She was Nagato's weakness, and Nagato's weakness could no longer defend herself. It was her duty to ensure that her life could in no way negatively impact his. She could not achieve this, not while her heart was still beating inside her chest.

There is nothing more that I can do.

Konan's purpose, the reason for her existence, was Nagato. Yahiko's dreams had faded, and the only reason she worked for them was because they were now Nagato's objectives. The two pillars that had made her who she was had been reduced to one, and her entire life was built around Nagato, because he was all she had. There was nothing beyond Nagato, no purpose. All that was Konan was in place solely to serve Nagato, to ensure his continued existence. All her years of experience, every drop of blood she had ever shed, were for him.

And now, she could be of no further use to him. She could not protect Nagato, could not help him. Her life was built around ensuring that Nagato was still alive, but if her very existence put him in danger, than was she not a contradiction? Would it not be safer for her to be removed from his chessboard entirely, so that he not lose the game while trying to protect a pawn?

There was nothing more in this world for her. She could do nothing but wait to die, and that wait might be punctuated by his death. He had always been constrained by his need to look after her, to take care of her, and this would only increase the burden that he carried on those slim, emaciated shoulders. There was no way in which she could help him, nothing that she could do. The Nagato she knew might have once needed her companionship, her presence, but Pain was an automaton, Pain needed nothing but power. He would only benefit from her absence.

In essence, the only way she could help Nagato right now was to die.

And so, she must eliminate herself.

"Kill me," she repeated, looking at the Uchiha's face once again. He had gone unnaturally still and cold, donning his impassive mask once again. "Or if you fear that Pain's repercussions shall be direct, let me kill myself. If you leave now, I can assure you that I will attempt to die as quickly as possible. Let me die, Itachi Uchiha, and then you can go wherever you want, do whatever you want to do."

He looked back at her, silent, and she wondered if he was pondering over her suggestion. Knowing the Uchiha, he was likely weighing the pros and cons of the decision. She hoped that he would see the light. "I would be nothing but a burden to you. Without me on your hands, you are free to pursue Orochimaru. You will not have to protect me; you shall not be hindered."

He stared at her pensively, and finally spoke. "Impossible."

She could hear a tinny noise in her ears, quiet frustration closing in on her. Her heart began to beat faster, and she had to quell the annoyance that rose in her throat like bile. Why does he not understand? "I would not be of any benefit to you, Uchiha. You gain nothing by keeping me alive, and lose everything with it. I cannot be your ally, and if you hope that by keeping me alive Pain would look upon you with favour, you are sorely mistaken."

"I do not think you understand me, Konan-sama," he cut her off quietly. "Leader-sama has asked me to deliver you to Akatsuki base safely. I am fairly sure that he meant you, and not just your body. Do you really think that he would spare me if I let you die? I have explicit orders to ensure your survival, Konan-sama, and if I left you here to die, then I would simply be trading slim chances of survival with nonexistent ones. I understand that your injuries have affected you, but I am certain that you cannot possibly be delusional enough to believe that I could defeat him in combat, and neither would you want that outcome. Forgive me, Konan-sama, but your life is not worth mine."

She stared at him through narrowed eyes. "Then why are you putting it at risk? Am I worth more to you than your brother, Uchiha Itachi? Is that how little regard you have for your own blood? Do you think you can fool us? Ever since you have left that village, you have been taking active steps in order to ensure your brother's survival and welfare. Why did you choose to accompany Kisame to the Leaf during the first attempt to capture the Kyuubi jinchuuriki? The original team selected for that mission were Deidara and Sasori, but you volunteered your services instead. Was it not because you wanted to see your brother?"

She threw her words at him like knives. "Every moment that you wait here with me, your brother is in graver danger than before. Every time you bring me my meal or sweep the room, Orochimaru could be doing unspeakable things to your blood. You know him, Itachi-san, you know what he can do to get his hands on the Sharingan. Is that how you want to see your brother next? Blind? Transformed into one of the Snake's monsters? Am I really worth that much to you?

"Your fear of Pain is making you irrational. Otherwise, you would understand that there is no other way for you out of this. You will not abandon me because you are sure you would incur Pain's wrath in the process. But every moment that you spend saving yourself from Pain, your brother spends in far greater peril. And you have made the wrong choice, Itachi-san, and shown that despite all your strengths, you are clearly lacking in something: imagination.

"Pain has tasked you with ensuring my safety. But even Pain cannot control everything. There are a thousand ways in which I could die, Itachi-san, and many in which there was simply nothing that you could have done. Will you incur Pain's wrath? Undoubtedly. But it will not be as harsh as it will be once Orochimaru kills me when we are travelling towards headquarters. You can protect me from an assailant – you cannot protect me from my own body's failings."

His eyes had widened infinitesimally. A common man would perhaps not be able to make the distinction, but she knew that what it really meant was that he was stunned. Perhaps now he would be able to see the logic in her proposal. There were a thousand ways in which she could die naturally, and although the Uchiha would certainly have to bear the brunt of Pain's anger, it would be nothing compared to what it would be should he fail to protect her on the battlefield. Pain was rational – he knew that everybody had certain limitations. He recognized that the Uchiha was a valuable ally, and though Nagato would surely bay for his blood, Pain would be able to suppress that part of him. But if the Uchiha failed in his duty, if he let her die by Orochimaru's hand, then Nagato's anger would only reinforce Pain's brutality. Pain did not tolerate disobedience.

He surprised her then. "Why?"

"What?" She said, momentarily distracted. She had not expected his question.

"Why do you want to die?" He elucidated slowly, painfully. "Why do you want me to let you die? What would you possibly gain from this bargain?"

She met his gaze levelly. "Do you really have to ask me that question, Uchiha-san?"

Her right hand unconsciously pressed over the space where her chakra centre had been. There was nothing within her anymore, nothing that made her of any worth whatsoever. There was no alternative to the path that she had already chosen.

Her actions were not lost on him. "You will not be a shinobi any longer," he said, thinking out loud. "But surely, there is something beyond that for you. Surely, that cannot be the only reason you want to die." He felt pity swell in his heart once more, something that he mercilessly squashed. He could not afford to feel any emotion for her.

"Something like what? Family? Nobody in Akatsuki has any family, Uchiha-san, as I am sure you have learned by now. There is nothing left for me in this world, and I would fare better if I were out of it, now that there is nothing left which I can accomplish. What use am I if everything that makes me who I am is gone?"

Because that was the truth. Everything that made her Konan, everything that defined her, was gone, scattered to the winds. The Amegakure where she had grown up, her childhood with the boys and Jiraiya, all taken from her. Two of them were dead, and of the third, only a shadow remained. Her reason for existence beyond that dreary day when they had lost Yahiko had been Nagato – to protect him, to be his companion through whatever he had to go through. Now, she could no longer protect him, and Pain did not require companionship. Everything that made Konan had died a long time ago, and now the final thread that held her to life had snapped.

She looked at him, willing him to understand. Surely, he would be able to empathise with her, even if a little. Her death made absolutely no difference to him, so why would he be concerned with the reasons behind it?

"You disgust me."

Those three words of his fell like bombs, each one a tiny little explosion inside the centre of her brain. She was still, her shock taking over her. She had not expected that Uchiha Itachi would ever speak in such a manner, that he, of all people, would say something so undeniably coarse and frankly rude.

He did not allow her to speak, not that she would have been able to if it was possible, continuing with what was increasingly seeming like a tirade. "You are so inherently obsessed with yourself and your own pain, Konan-sama. There is nothing beyond yourself. You sit there, expecting me to listen to your little tale of woe and empathise, that I will feel some pity for you. You want to die because you feel helpless, useless, but you fail to understand that the only reason you feel as though you could not live any longer is because you make no effort whatsoever to make yourself feel useful. Orochimaru hasn't disabled you, Konan-san – you were waiting around for someone to come and give you an excuse to do what you really want to do: kill yourself! I wonder if you really fought against Orochimaru at all. Did you want to die during that fight, Konan-sama? Did you want him to kill you? Did you let him put his hands inside you, twisting and grabbing at your intestines, letting him pull you apart –"

She slapped him.

Her pants were the only sound in the room once the lingering echo of the sound of her hand hitting his face had faded away. Both of them were sitting in the same exact places, but now Itachi was impassive and silent once again while Konan reeled in anger, her body desperately gulping down air in order to ease the churning inside. Her face was twisted in rage, and she was trembling with its force. If she could have, she would have killed him in that instant.

"What I do or choose not to do," she finally enunciated, breathing deeply through her nose, her delicate, wasted features still pulled into a grimace. "Has nothing to do with you. My proposal still stands, Uchiha, and if you really wanted to be effective and wanted to protect your brother, then you would take it."

He stood up in one fluid movement, shrugging off her anger as easily as though it was rain, and made towards the door. Just before leaving, he paused, resting his hand on the doorframe. "If you wanted to be of use, then you would find a way to ensure that you were."

There is no possible way to explain my absence but to say that I had, quite simply, given up. Real life caught up with me, folks, and I gave up reading and writing for more than a year. As a result, I am sure you can feel the difference. I could not write very well, but the quality of my writing was certainly better than what it is now. I reread the old chapters of Creased before I started on this one, and believe me, I could feel the difference. Once again, I would like to apologize for the same.

The title of this chapter refers to an old paradox in Greek mythology. If Theseus' ship, when in harbour, was completely replaced with new wood, then would it continue to be the same ship as before? Some think that it would, others that it wouldn't. It's a very popular thought question. I am sure that the context in this chapter is obvious, but I would like to elaborate a little on it regardless: if Konan, whose sole purpose in life concerned Nagato in every manner, can no longer fulfill the objective that she had reduced her existence into anymore, will she still be Konan?

As of now, I cannot assure you that I will upload any further, although I will try my very best to. Reviews and feedback will of course help with that, although I do not expect anything, what after the extraordinarily long hiatus and the poor quality of my offering after that. Nevertheless, should some lone, kindhearted soul strive to brighten my day today, I can assure you that you are positively brilliant and that I love you dearly.

Much love.