One Week Later…

Home of Derek Morgan – Thursday Morning

Derek was glad to be home. The doctors had finally discharged him and allowed him to recuperate under his own roof. His body was still sore but at least he felt more in control of his life. The team had been great doting over him like a baby and making sure he had everything he needed. Garcia especially had done everything imaginable to make him feel better. Still, his life had changed and he was forced to see things differently. He had to admit to himself that he was to blame for Savannah's death and it didn't matter what his family and friends said, it was his fault.

He made his way slowly to the kitchen to get the coffee started and to find something to eat for breakfast. It was the first time in a while that he felt hungry. Garcia had forced him to eat even though his stomach was numb and had given him no indication that it longed for food.

The doctors had ordered him to stay away from work for another month and he thought it would be as good a time as any to get away. He'd packed his bags and loaded his car the night before. He was going to head out later not sure where he was going but a road trip would help clear his head. In fact, he wasn't even sure if he was coming back at all. He couldn't shake what he had done to Savannah; he'd drawn her into his life under false pretenses, and led her to believe that his love belonged solely to her. Now she was dead, her parents had stopped by to see him a few days ago and had reminded him of his role in their daughter's brutal death. Their words stung but they had been the only ones honest enough to tell him the truth about what he had done.

The doorbell rang as he pulled the eggs from the refrigerator. Garcia had promised to stop by. He couldn't tell her he was leaving she'd only try to change his mind; this was for her good as well as his own. He had to protect her from him, his touch and if it meant leaving then he'd do it to keep her safe. He slowly made his way to the door and opened it.

"Well good morning, Handsome!" She said cheerfully.

"It is now, Beautiful." He responded.

She noticed the sadness in his demeanor even though he tried hard to hide it. She knew mornings were difficult for him because no doubt he had wrestled with nightmares and demons all night and the mornings found him weighed down with despair.

"I smell coffee."

She headed toward the kitchen with him close behind.

"I was just about to make some eggs and toast care to join me?"

"Why don't you sit and I'll whip up Penelope's special omelet."

"You don't have to do that…"

"I want to do it." She interrupted.

Derek threw up his hands in surrender and moved over to the coffeemaker and poured them both a cup of coffee. He watched her moved so easily around his kitchen. She knew where everything was, like it was her kitchen. She belonged here in his house, his kitchen but he'd messed things up and Karma was paying him back for being…for being him.

She had called his name twice and he didn't respond. As she set the plates on the table, he jumped slightly, still not aware that she had been trying to get his attention. She took the seat across from him watching him with worry in her eyes.

"Where'd you go?"

"What? Oh, I'm sorry Baby Girl."

"Derek, talk to me."

"I'm fine. Really."

"I'm the Goddess of All-Knowing, remember? Tell that to someone who doesn't know you better than you know yourself."

He took a sip from his cup and searched for the words to begin.

"Savannah's funeral is tomorrow."

"Oh."

"The Coroner finally released her body and her parents are burying her tomorrow."

"Okay. So, what time do you want me to pick you up?"

"I'm not going."

"What do you mean you're not going? Of course you're going."

"No, I'm not Garcia."

"Derek…"

"Her parents came by to see me just before I got discharged from the hospital. They asked me not to come to the services."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"It's okay. I understand, really. They blame me for her death…"

"No. They're just grieving, Derek. They don't really blame you…"

"Yeah, they do. They told me it was my fault…if I hadn't gotten involved with their daughter, knowing the life I led…my job…the list of enemies…my past…"

He got up and headed to the living room stopping at the front window. It was a sunny day out. It was odd how the world kept spinning, kept going as if nothing had happened. An innocent woman, who'd done nothing wrong except make the mistake of falling in love with him, had just been killed and nothing stopped to acknowledge that tragedy. It didn't make sense, nothing made sense.

He felt her hand on his shoulder waiting to say something, anything that had magical powers to take his pain away. There were no words, none at all.

"Derek, Savannah's death is not your fault."

"Penelope, please I don't…"

"I know you don't want to hear this but it's true. Savannah's parents are hurting, they need to blame someone, but you didn't do this!"

"But I did! Penelope, I did this! I didn't stab her but I put her in that room, I pulled her into danger…it's my fault!"

She let her forehead rest on his back. His body was stiff and unyielding. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close. Soon he let go and stopped resisting her embrace. Still holding back the tears he kept his gaze fixed on the world outside.

"You'll get through this. I know it doesn't seem remotely possible but you'll get through it."

"How?"

"Baby, if I knew you'd be through it already. I don't know but I do know one thing."

"What?"

He turned to face her without breaking their contact.

"I'll be with you all the way. We'll figure it out together."

Derek pulled away from her and walked to the couch and sat down. She didn't know what to think but his pulling away made her feel rejected. She had to remind herself that this was not about her it was about him. Instead of sitting with him on the couch she took the chair next to the couch and waited for him to speak again even though she wasn't sure he would.

"You deserve better."

"Derek, what are you talking about?"

"I don't want you wasting your time on me. I'm not worth it."

"Derek…"

"No Penelope. I mean it. Stop putting your life on hold for me. Besides, you have a great guy that's been more than patient. Don't let me be the cause of you losing Sam. I really couldn't handle being responsible for any more pain."

She was losing him right before her eyes. Her best friend was trying to tell her that he was walking out of her life. She hadn't seen this coming; they were always there for each other. He was the one constant in her life and she was his. She took her role as his God-given solace seriously. Now, her heart was breaking and she was helpless to mend the parts of him that were broken.

He saw more damage. Her eyes filled with water again and he was responsible. He hated himself more if that was possible but he knew the pain that he was causing her now would save her from more pain later if he allowed her in his life any longer. He loved her beyond words beyond anything that made sense. He couldn't explain it. It defied explanation, which was okay with him. She deserved real happiness with a man that wasn't tarnished or broken and he was all of that and more.

"What are you saying? Friends are supposed to be there for each when times are tough. Derek, you've been there for me during the worse times of my life, why can't I be there for you?"

"Penelope, I love you but how can you have a life when you're trying to fix mine? I want you to be happy and I want you to be safe."

"I am safe as long as you're my Noir Hero…"

"I'm nobody's hero. Ask Savannah's parents."

Just as she was about to respond her phone rang. It was Hotch and they had a case. There couldn't be a worse time to leave. The team needed some time off but it wasn't going to be today.

He glanced at her knowingly. He knew what that ring meant. Another sign that life went on regardless. It was for the best; he'd be gone when they got back and she and the rest of them would be free of him.

"I've got to go." Her voice shaky.

"I know a new case, right?"

"I don't want to leave you… not like this."

"I'll be fine. Really."

They both stood and headed toward the front door. He was close enough to touch her; he needed to touch her but then he'd have second thoughts about leaving. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from telling her what he should have told her ten years ago before things got out of control. Now he couldn't tell her, not now, not ever. She had his heart tucked safely next to hers and she didn't have a clue that the extra beat in her chest was his, the rhythm of his heartbeat.

She stepped out onto the porch something was wrong; it felt like goodbye and her spirit was telling her to go back and yell or scream or whatever it took to make him understand. Her heart was yelling at her to stop holding back what he needed to know. He had her heart held in a special secret place next to his and he was clueless that it wasn't wishful thinking and it wasn't an echo that he heard when the room was quiet and the air was still. That rumble, that smooth beat was her heart beating in sync with his.

He watched her get in the car and start the engine. She didn't look back as she made that seemingly long walk to Esther. She felt his eyes on her back for once she wanted to be the strong one. She feared what she'd find when she returned. Slowly she backed the long orange caddy out of the driveway and whispered the words to herself that she did not have the courage to say to him.

"I love you Derek Morgan."

He felt empty what would life be without her being there? He thought to himself. She was such a part of him best friend, his God-given solace and his anchor. Now he was drowning and he had nothing to grab hold of. He'd been a fool holding on to the notion that she would want a life with him. It didn't matter now, she was free, safe and for that his pain was worthwhile. The words came so easy, effortless and he had no problem letting them fall from his lips as her car disappeared from sight.

"I love you Penelope Garcia."