She pulled away from his house it was hard to see through the tears that were burning her eyes. She had to admit that she was a coward- was now and had always been a coward. Her feelings were no secret yet she'd walked through the last ten years as if they were. There was no other man for her and it didn't matter if he felt the same way. As his house disappeared from the view of her mirror, so was he. She felt something different as if he had given up; on what she didn't know but he wasn't the same. Something told her in her gut that she would never see him again and that wasn't acceptable.

Even if all she would ever have with him was friendship it was more than any other person had ever had with him. She knew him and he was a part of her. Regardless, of what took place from this moment on, he meant something, everything to her. He was the one that she measured all others against. He was the one who treated her like she wanted a man to treat her. He cared for her, took time with her, protected her and he was dedicated to her. Kevin, Sam and all the others before them never really knew who she was because she had always felt that she had to hide the real Penelope from them. Somehow, who she was felt less then she needed to be to make the others stay. Not Derek. He accepted her, loved her for exactly who she was.

She suddenly pulled the car off the road and killed the engine. Her tears had begun to dry and make her face itch. Her mascara was a hot mess of black smudge. Her stomach felt queasy. If this was how it would feel without him she knew she'd never survive. It couldn't be over. Didn't he know that if he vanished it would kill her? He'd never deliberately hurt her, she knew this as fact but why did things seem so final? More importantly, why was she allowing it to happen? She'd invested too much to just allow him the final word on this thing, whatever it was that was between them?

Derek felt numb. His present and his future had just driven away at his insistence. He knew it was for the best if not for him but at least for her. There was nothing left here for him without her. He was packed for a road trip but he realized that at that moment he was not coming back. How could he?

All the roads of his life lead him to this moment confirming everything that his past had taught him. He saw her tears and he knew she was trying to be strong by not turning back to speak her mind. He wondered how long it would take her to heal and move on. How long it would it take for her to realize that this was for the best. He had to get out of there and away from his past, his present…he didn't see a future without her. Savannah's parents were right; he'd killed her by proxy. He wanted to love her she should have been more than enough and he desperately wanted to give his heart to her. But the truth of the matter was that his heart was no longer his to give. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her dying in his arms, her eyes pleading to hear his declaration of love as her life slipped away. Even though she knew it was a lie it didn't matter to her she had always known the truth.

Morgan washed the dishes from breakfast not feeling anything but dread, his mind replaying the earlier moments of Penelope cooking breakfast for the two of them and he fought back second thoughts and his determination to live without her began to waver. He wanted a life with her, wanted the things that had been relegated to his dreams. She was safe now and he would have to be satisfied with living with the pain but she was worth it. Then why was his heart revolting, screaming and calling him a fool?

Was it fair to her to remain silent about how he felt about her? How could he not tell her, they told each other everything. Yet their lips had been sealed on the most important things. Things that could have saved so much time and at the least would have spared the feelings of the others they'd drug into their lives under false pretenses.

Ten years, they'd known each other ten years and still they had not perfected the dance of denial tripping over the feet of the obvious and losing count when it came to revealing what was really in their hearts. The music of possibility still played though now just a distant sonnet an echo faint and growing fainter.

Derek took one last look around the house, checking all the doors and windows to make sure they were closed and locked. This was it he was stubbornly holding on to his resolve to leave and not look back, convinced he was right to leave, right to protect her with his absence from her life and so he took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Penelope?"

There she stood in front of him, wide-eyed with a look of uncertainty hidden behind the red puffiness of her eyes. Her makeup smeared into a ridiculous mess yet she never looked more beautiful. He was speechless for a moment not knowing what to say.

"What are you doing here? Did you forget something?

"Yeah. I did. Can I come in?"

He stepped aside as she came in not waiting for his invitation. Then she turned to face him as he closed the door.

"Derek…" There was so much she wanted to say, to tell him that she didn't know where to begin. "I know what you're doing. I know that once I leave here I won't ever see you again, will I?"

"Penelope…"

"I'm right, aren't I? You're planning to leave and not say a word, to me or anyone, am I right? Tell me, Derek!"

"I don't know what you want me to say, honestly…"

"Honestly? We haven't been honest with each other since we've known each other."

"What are you talking about? I've never lied to you, Penelope!"

"That's not what I mean. We've been…or at least I've been holding something back. I've been afraid you would think I was crazy or silly but now I realize that if you're leaving, then I have nothing more to lose."

"Penelope, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you, but yes, I'm leaving. I can't risk you getting hurt. Savannah's parents were right, I'm bad news, I killed their daughter and I can't let that happen to you…"

"Derek, stop it! You're big and strong and you will always be my hero, but there are some things you can't control. Savannah's death was tragic, it was sad and I know you will always blame yourself, but, Derek, it wasn't your fault!"

Derek turned and walked to the couch and sat down not sure if he wanted to hear anymore. This is why he didn't mention that he was leaving. This was the right thing, or was it?

"How do I live with the fact that she's gone? I knew I'd never be able to give her what she wanted or what she deserved. I was never all in."

Penelope saw him breaking again before her eyes and she quickly rushed to his side and sat next to him on the couch.

"She should have been enough but something inside me…something was blocking me from…"

"He tried to stand, to move away from her. He couldn't think when she was so close but she grabbed his arm holding him in place.

"Stop running, Derek. We both need to stop running."

This time the tears were his and he fought in vain to keep them from falling down his face. It didn't matter she was the only one he trusted to see him cry.

"I wanted to love Kevin. He wanted a future with me but the thought of living forever with him…it-it wasn't what I pictured for my happily ever after. Then came Sam; poor Sam, trying not to make the mistakes Kevin made but he's not…"

She stopped not sure if she should go any further. He turned slowly to look into her eyes, waiting for her to go on.

"He's not what?"

"Not what, who. He's not you."

Boom! There it was. She was fully exposed for him to see. She saw his eyes widen not sure he was hearing her correctly. His silence made her feel even more vulnerable.

"What did you say?"

He knew exactly what she had said.

"He's not you, Derek."

"Penelope…"

"Derek, I came back to tell you something. I know you're leaving and if you do, I know I'll never see you again. So, I have nothing to lose because if you walk out that door, I'll lose everything that has ever mattered to me."

"Penelope. I can't imagine my life without you. I'm afraid that if I stay I'll destroy your life just like I…"

"Shh…" She interrupted him with the light touch of her hand against his lips. "Derek, I love you. I've always loved you. Ten years I've felt this way and trying to deny that what I feel for you could be managed and pushed back behind some hidden corner of my heart but I can't. It…this feeling won't be quiet, it won't let me deny it any longer!"

Derek pulled her against his body and held her resting his chin on her head.

"I love you Penelope. I've always loved you from the moment I saw you, arms filled with files, and the way you turned and looked at me when I called you Gomez." He chuckled. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want anything to happen to you because someone is trying to get back at me…it would kill me…if…"

"No 'ifs', Derek. Not anymore. It's just us taking a chance on happiness and on each other. I don't want to live in the past and I don't want my happiness to hinge on my past or your past anymore! That was then, this is now. We can't keep letting what happened a long time ago hold our future in it's hands."

"I didn't love her, you know. I wanted to but I couldn't love her. I thought something was wrong with me, that I was broken some how. She died needing me to love her and even then all I thought about was you; getting to you knowing that you would make everything, make me alright."

"Well, I'm here now but you've got to stop running. You have to stop blaming yourself for things that you can't change."

"How do I do that? How do I erase the pain I've caused? I want to be free to love you with no ghosts from the past. I want to love you like you deserve to be loved, here and now."

"Then do it! It won't be easy because the Derek Morgan I know and love never does anything easy. We just take it each moment at a time."

He pulled her even tighter and she relaxed in his embrace. He could feel her smiling against him and he closed his eyes and inhaled her. The two sat in silence for a moment before speaking again.

"So you think you know me, huh?" He teased.

"Better than you know yourself." She teased back.

"So what else do you know?"

"I know that if you let yourself, we could make each other very happy."

"Are you sure you know what you're asking for?"

"I've never been more sure about anything in my whole life."

For the first time he felt at home. He'd lived in this house for almost eight years yet it had been missing something and now he knew what that missing factor was; her. Just then he remembered that his car was packed, gassed up and ready to go. He had a whole month before having to report back to work per doctor's orders. The team had been given two weeks off themselves and suddenly he had an idea. He pulled away from her slightly and puzzled she looked at him.

"Hey, Baby Girl?"

"Yeah?"

"You up for a road trip?"

"Sure! I'd go anywhere with you, Handsome!"

Smiling into her eyes, he leaned down and gently kissed her on the lips. He kissed her again for all the times he'd thought about it, dreamt about it and again he felt that feeling of home as they began a new dance, one of acceptance and acknowledgement. This dance was one that would take a while to complete but that didn't matter. He loved her and she loved him and the music they heard now was sweet and melodic and had been written just for them.

It had been a long ten-year journey that had finally brought them to each other. As they sat in each other's embrace they both silently realized that the biggest gain comes after you have nothing more to lose. Life had stripped them of the fear and excuses that had given them a hiding place for so long. They were ready now for a new beginning with each other letting go of a past that threatened to deny them a future. Now this was real time…their time to truly live and love.

I think the greatest illusion we have is that denial protects us. It's actually the biggest distortion and lie. In fact, staying asleep is what's killing us. - Eve Ensler