Hiya everyone! Sorry it's been so long, remember how I said I hurt my arm? Well…turned out I had broken it! So typing and planning my chapters become practically impossible :( But have no fear my arm is freed and I can type and write without pain! Woop
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Arthur followed Merlin out of the catacombs still clutching his hand. His skin was so soft and smooth and he could just feel the edges of the silver that outlined his narrow wrists. It was heart-breaking to Arthur that something so beautiful should be marred by those pieces of evil. Arthur had never wished for much in his life, he was born a prince; he was never hungry or thirsty, he was dressed in the best clothes money could afford and he was taught by some of the most gifted tutors Camelot had to offer and yet when Arthur looked at Merlin, he found himself wanting.
He wanted Merlin, the young warlock was beautiful, and he possessed an air of innocence around him, despite his magic. And when he did show his power, Arthur wasn't afraid, he was awed. Merlin came to life when he used magic, and despite Cenred's chains he looked free.
Arthur tightened his grip knowing they were nearing the main castle and knowing that he would have to let go of his hand soon.
Merlin looked down at where Arthur clasped his hand tightly and felt a strange lurch in his stomach, Arthur's hand felt lovely in his, like it belonged there. Merlin shut his eyes and shook his head. Arthur was just comforting him in the darkness, he couldn't read anything into the contact. But Merlin couldn't help himself in imagining what it would be like for Arthur to hold his hand out of affection and desire. Merlin had never known desire but looking at Arthur's hand in his now, he knew that part of him wanted that desire and affection very much.
Arthur's grip unexpectedly tightened and Merlin turned to look at the handsome young prince.
'What is it?' Merlin asked.
'Nothing, sorry,' Arthur apologised.
'If you're worried about the sword I promise I'll put it somewhere safe,' Merlin said, he couldn't see Arthur's eyes straight so looking into his soul as to what he was worried about was impossible.
'No, that's not it,' Arthur replied.
'Then what's wrong?' Merlin asked.
'Nothing, don't worry about it,' Arthur replied, turning to smile at Merlin this time looking straight into Merlin's eyes. Merlin seized the opportunity and looked straight in trying to uncover the truth.
Arthur knew Merlin would find out now, he had to hear what his mind was screaming, and that he was in love with the young warlock, that he would do anything for him, and yet Merlin just frowned.
'Are you doing something?' Merlin asked staring into Arthur's eyes with an unwavering gaze.
'What do you mean?' Arthur asked worried.
'There are times when I look into your soul and I see nothing, almost as if you were trying to hide something from me,' Merlin explained 'And yet other times your thoughts are easy to see.'
'I'm not doing anything consciously,' Arthur replied confused. Did this mean Merlin couldn't see Arthur's feelings for him?
'Hmm, maybe you're just strong minded?' Merlin wondered out loud.
'But then why would you be able to see some things and not others?' Arthur questioned.
'I don't know,' Merlin sighed 'Perhaps I am just tired today.'
'You should get some sleep,' Arthur said, moving his other hand up to grip Merlin's shoulder savouring the contact.
'No,' Merlin shook his head and resumed their walk 'I need to meet Kilgharrah.'
'Now?' Arthur questioned shocked, 'But it's getting dark.'
'I can handle it,' Merlin replied.
'I'll go with you,' Arthur offered.
'No, that's okay, I think this is something me and Kilgharrah need to work out ourselves.' Merlin replied.
'Okay,' Arthur reasoned, 'then we'll keep searching the books to see if there is anything that will free you.'
'Thank you,' Merlin replied, though he was barely smiling.
'You will be free Merlin I promise you,' Arthur replied.
Merlin turned back to look at the young prince, 'how can you possibly promise that?' Merlin asked in disbelief.
'Like your friends tell you, you have a good heart, and I believe you were made for greater things than to be Cenred's slave,' Arthur said.
'At one point I was,' Merlin replied looking down at his feet.
'What do you mean?' Arthur asked confused.
'I'm not sure you will believe me even if I tell you Arthur,' Merlin replied.
'Try me, I don't think you can surprise me any more Merlin,' Arthur said smiling.
'Well, all my life I looked up at the stars I knew my destiny, it was unchanging and I looked forward to it all my life,' Merlin said.
'What was it?' Arthur asked curious.
'You,' Merlin said raising his eyes to look at Arthurs.
Arthur stared at Merlin in shock; did he just say what he thought he said?
'Me?' Arthur questioned his voice slightly higher than normal.
'Hard to believe isn't it?' Merlin said laughing. 'At one point my destiny was to stand beside the once and future king and help guide and protect him as he united the lands of Albion and brought peace and magic back to the land.'
'And I was meant to be this once and future king?' Arthur asked sceptically.
'Yes, a lot of things were meant to happen that have not come to pass, because of this destinies have been changed, different relationships have been formed and it's my entire fault,' Merlin said sighing.
'How can it be?' Arthur questioned, he didn't believe for one minute that he was the once and future king, that he was meant to bring peace and magic back to the five kingdoms? That was ridiculous to even consider.
'When I signed my life away to Cenred, everything changed, the stars swapped places and nothing has ever been clear to me since that moment.' Merlin said, a look of deep depression in his eyes that Arthur did not like the look of.
'Merlin, whether it was your fault or not, you should not blame yourself, my life is my life and I have never known any different, therefore I cannot mourn for a life I never knew, and neither should you.' Arthur said.
'Maybe you shouldn't,' Merlin said 'but I will always mourn that life and the freedom I could have had.'
'You are a brave man Merlin.' Arthur said not knowing how to comfort him.
'I don't feel it,' Merlin said.
'Well I do, and your friends do,' Arthur replied.
'I consider you one you know,' Merlin said smiling slightly.
'What?' Arthur asked.
'A friend, despite my magic and your history, I find myself liking you Arthur Pendragon and wishing things were different.' Merlin said.
Arthur felt his heart leap, it wasn't a romantic proposal by any means, but it was sentimental and it cheered Arthur no end to know that Merlin considered him a friend.
'Who would have thought it, that the king of Camelot was friends with the leader of the council of shadows?' Arthur said, his eyes crinkling with laughter.
'Certainly not I,' Merlin said laughing with the young king.
'When are you going?' Arthur asked sobering.
'I will go now, inform Archer and Will of my leaving, I do not want them to worry?' Merlin requested.
'Of course,' Arthur replied.
They both entered the castle's corridors and they both reluctantly let go of each other's hands as they were to go in different directions. Arthur looked down longingly at the beautiful sword Merlin held in his hand and wished that things were different so he would have a chance to be worthy of such a weapon. But in his heart he knew that he still had far too many questions about magic and its uses to trust it in his kingdom, therefore wielding the sword was impossible. That didn't stop him wishing though.
'You'll be okay?' Merlin asked, for some reason leaving Arthur, made Merlin worry, like he had to be there to protect him; Merlin forced himself to be rational, in his original destiny that might have been the case but in this one, Arthur was not Merlin's to protect.
'Of course,' Arthur smiled, 'I'll wait for you.'
And Arthur had never meant something so much in his entire life, he would wait for Merlin, he would wait until his views on magic changed, he would wait for him to free himself, he would wait until this war had ended and Albion was united in peace, he would wait for Merlin to love him, he would wait as long as it took.
'See you,' Merlin said still drawing out his departure despite the fact he would only be gone a short while. With a sigh Merlin drew himself together bowed low to Arthur and then turned and walked towards Camelot's courtyard and out into town where he mounted Ophelia and set off towards the clearing in Camelot's forest.
Merlin found the clearing with relative ease allowing his mind's eye to guide him. Kilgharrah was already there lying grazing on the grass his golden scales glinting in the moonlight.
'I never thought I would see the night sky again,' Kilgharrah said turning golden eyes up towards the black starlit night.
'How does it feel to be free?' Merlin asked dismounting Ophelia and tying her to a nearby tree.
'Man so often takes freedom for granted, now that I have it, I find myself awed by the concept,' Kilgharrah said.
'What do you mean?' Merlin asked, he was engaging in a conversation with one of the wisest ancient creatures to walk Albion, and Merlin felt a little over awed.
'Where shall I go? Where shall I fly? I wonder at times how far the sky goes and what its limits are; I feel a thirst in my blood and fire to test them.' Kilgharrah said.
'And I would join you my dragon, if I were free to fly with you,' Merlin said.
'I will try everything I can to free you Merlin,' Kilgharrah said 'You are my dragon lord and it pains me to see your wings shackled.'
'Do you have any ideas?' Merlin asked.
'Why not try the blade?' Kilgharrah said nodding his large scaly head towards Excalibur which was clasped in Merlin's hands.
Merlin looked down at the dangerous blade and lifted its pointed edge to the silver that encased his left wrist, he took a deep breath and sliced downwards, but the silver didn't give, it just shined a soft gold before turning back to its normal silvery tone.
Merlin sighed and turned back to look at the dragon.
'Hmm, this may prove more difficult than anticipated' Kilgharrah said.
Merlin swore in the old religion and flung the sword away from him watching as it landed on the side that said 'cast me away' and rolled his eyes at the irony.
'This is hopeless, I don't want to harm Arthur or Camelot, I can't, and it would destroy him and me' Merlin said.
'You feel something for the young king.' Kilgharrah said, it was not a question.
'He is my friend,' Merlin said.
'Is that all you feel?' Kilgharrah asked.
Merlin turned his eyes to look at the dragon and saw what he was getting at. The dragon suspected a romantic attachment to Arthur.
'I like him, I like him a lot, but nothing can come of it,' Merlin said.
'How easily you give up hope, young warlock,' Kilgharrah said 'that may be your problem.'
'My problem?' Merlin asked.
'Yes, Merlin, the more you give in to despair, the more your light fades and you give yourself over to Cenred.' Kilgharrah said.
'I have no choice in the matter!' Merlin yelled.
'I know that, but you do not have to give up on hope, you have a pure soul Merlin, one that is pure enough for magic like yours to reside in, you give up on hope and you give up on your magic, it is this reason that your gift at foresight is failing.' Kilgharrah said.
Merlin felt tears begin to start at the corner of his eyes.
'I don't want to give up Kilgharrah, I don't, but every day I am forced to do the bidding of an evil mad man, my magic is used for evil, I feel constantly the bite of Cenred's silver in my skin reminding me in every breath I take that I belong to him. I am forced to watch my friends sacrifice their life and their dreams for me, I cannot help but turn to despair.' Merlin cried.
'You need to start believing in yourself again Merlin, perhaps then you will receive your freedom,' Kilgharrah said.
Merlin sighed and slumped to the damp grass below him. He rolled onto his back and gazed up at the night sky before him. He focused on the stars above him and asked them silently for answers. He watched as their shapes seemed to move and sparkle spelling out answers that Merlin couldn't read.
'Focus Merlin and fill your heart with love and hope,' Kilgharrah said.
Merlin closed his eyes and thought of his friends; Will and Archer, his friends, the two men he would do anything to save. He remembered their teasing ways and the way they would smile at him and encourage him, and hold him at night when he screamed from the memories of Cenred's tortures. They would do anything for him, and Merlin thought he had never loved someone more.
Then Arthur's face swam into his mind and he looked upon his handsome features and felt the flare of desire that came with it. Merlin saw so much of himself in Arthur; here was a man looking for his place in the world and struggling with the chains that his father bound him with. Admittedly Arthur's chains were metaphorical and of the mind, but they were still there guarding his thoughts on magic. Clouding his judgment and turning his thoughts into utter confusion.
He remembered as Arthur held his hand, the way he would look at him with respect that he had never seen before. And suddenly he saw it; when he had gazed into Arthur's eyes and hit that wall, it was because he hadn't wanted to believe, hadn't wanted to hope that Arthur could feel something for him, but now seeing him in his mind he saw his secret. Arthur desired him, Arthur had fallen in love with him, and he was terrified at the prospect.
Merlin felt tears escape his closed eyes as he basked in Arthur's love, not even from Archer and Will had he felt something so strong. This was real, and Merlin almost cried out with joy, Arthur could be his. He forced himself to acknowledge the fact that he was falling too; from his urge to protect the king to his unwillingness to let go of his hand and his want to help his kingdom. Yes, Merlin was falling fast and hard for the young king. This instead of scaring him though, filled his heart with hope, he would find a way to free himself, and he would find a way to be with Arthur.
Merlin opened his eyes and gasped, the stars shone so brightly, they twinkled like candlelight in darkness, the future was still unclear but Merlin read the hope in the stars, he saw his destiny clearly; his destiny was to be with Arthur, the stars didn't tell him for how long, or even if he would succeed in freeing himself of Cenred's chains, but they told him transparently that he belonged with Arthur Pendragon, Merlin had never felt happiness like it.
'You have restored your sight Merlin,' Kilgharrah said proudly observing him from his perch on the grass not far away.
'Not all of it,' Merlin whispered still overwhelmed, 'the future is still unclear.'
'The future is never clear young warlock, decisions change and people change, but do not doubt that your foresight is back.' Kilgharrah said.
'They don't tell me how to break my chains though,' Merlin said.
'No, those pieces of jewellery are magic of the oldest kind, and it will take magic of a similar kind to free you.' Kilgharrah said.
'What about you, you are of the old magic?' Merlin asked.
'Not old enough Merlin,' Kilgharrah said sighing, 'Go, go back to your king and tell him of your love, and I will think on this some more.'
'Tell him?' Merlin asked shocked 'I can't.'
'Why ever not, when you know he feels the same?' The dragon asked.
'Arthur is in the middle of a war, feelings like ours will only distract him,' Merlin said.
'I think the young king needs some distraction, I think he needs something to fight for, I think like yourself young warlock, he needs hope, and you can give him that,' Kilgharrah said.
'You really think so?' Merlin asked.
'You are two sides of the same coin Merlin, you need each other,' the dragon replied.
'What about the sword?' Merlin asked nodding to where he had threw it on the grass not far away.
'I will carry it in my claws and place it where none shall find it,' the dragon said.
'Where?' Merlin asked
'I think at the bottom of the lake of Avalon would be a good place,' the dragon replied.
Merlin nodded in acceptance and turned his thoughts back towards Arthur and his love for him. He would tell Arthur, he would tell him everything he possibly could without revealing Cenred's secrets, he would fight to change his thoughts on magic, and maybe, just maybe he would fight for Camelot too.
Woop! Merlin is no longer oblivious….hurrah! Let me know what you thought and if you have any suggestions then I'm all ears, unless of course I hate them, then I will ignore them! :)
Please review!