WOW thanks for all the reviews guys even though most of them were from sKyLaR KnIgHt who reviewed every single chapter! So shout out to you!
You will all be glad to know that I have broken up from university for the summer now, so I have bugger all to do, other than update my stories, so you may start getting them a lot more frequently, hurrah!
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Merlin didn't ride Ophelia back into Camelot instead he walked besides her lost in his own thoughts. By finally brining hope back into his life, the stars had started moving again; finally he could get some answers. What he hadn't expected was to see Arthur's secret. To think that he had been hiding it since Merlin had first arrived…And Merlin hadn't seen it!
When he remembered looking into Arthur's eyes now, the truth was easy to see; Arthur loved him, he may not trust him, but he loved him. Merlin felt a twinge of excitement, and wondered what Arthur would say when he confronted him. Although Arthur felt the same way, Merlin could still be rejected; so much was happening in Camelot, and romance would certainly add to Arthur's problems, though Kilgharrah had assured Merlin that his love would bring Arthur hope.
Merlin wanted to be free of Cenred's chains now more than anything, he wanted nothing between him and Arthur. He knew now that he would fight for Arthur, but he didn't have to know that, Merlin was still determined to change Arthur's mind on magic and maybe by being closer to him he could change that.
He wondered what his friends would think and whether they would be upset. For years they had been telling Merlin to seek out the female companionship Cenred had offered him and that Will and Archer had so frequently indulged in. But Merlin had never felt the need to indulge in Cenred's whores for he was too consumed by his situation and his want for freedom. But maybe that wasn't the only reason, looking back now Merlin acknowledged that girls held no attraction for him, but then neither had men. Maybe his destiny had been clear all along and the only person he was meant for was Arthur.
He wondered at Arthur's desires too, was he just attracted to Merlin because of his power? Did Arthur actually desire the male form? Or was Merlin just an anomaly? He longed to ask him and he quickened his pace with excitement.
He knew whatever Arthur's decision, time was running short, Cenred wouldn't stay patient for long and soon he would venture into Camelot's borders to sign the final treaty taking Merlin back with him. Unless Merlin could figure out a way to break his chains, his romance with Arthur was futile. Was it worth committing to Arthur when Cenred could take him away so easily? And if he failed he knew eventually that he would meet Arthur in battle not as lovers but as an enemy, and Merlin didn't know how he could kill him. He would sooner die than harm Arthur. But on the other hand Merlin didn't want to subject another person to the life he endured; he didn't want another sorcerer to feel the pain of Cenred's tortures or to have the deaths of Camelot on their shoulders. He couldn't subject another person to that.
Merlin wished for once in his life he could be selfish, to act on his own desires without his subconscious filling his head with guilt. The castle of Camelot loomed into view and Merlin sighed and hurried his step, he nodded to the castle guard and led Ophelia into her stable next to Will and Archer's horses. He brushed down Ophelia's white coat and then left her to find his friends.
'When do you think he'll be back?' Gwaine asked from where he was slouched on Arthur's throne.
'When he's ready,' Archer replied.
'That's a rather vague answer,' Gwaine replied, picking his feet up and dangling them over the side of Arthur's throne.
'You know Gwaine, if you want this to go faster you could, oh I don't know…help?' Arthur said sarcastically from where he sat at the round table leafing through one of Gaius's many books hoping that there would be something that could save Merlin.
It seemed to Arthur that with every hour, he fell even more in love with Merlin. Right now he was petrified to the idea that he was out there on his own, not because he feared what he would do with his magic, but because Arthur wasn't with him. From the way Will and Archer were fidgeting in their seats, they didn't much like leaving him either.
After Will's tapping foot got to levels of excruciating annoyance Archer finally put his hand on Will's leg forcing his heel to the floor.
'Sorry,' Will replied turning back to a book in front of him.
'Merlin can look after himself,' Archer said 'you know that.'
'I know,' Will replied 'but he shouldn't have to.'
'Has anyone got anything?' Arthur asked glaring down at the book in front of him.
'No, sire,' Archer replied 'If the answer is out there, I think the dragon and Merlin are probably going to be the ones to figure it out.'
'What will you two do when Merlin is free?' Percival now asked curious, and watched as everyone turned their heads to look at Will and Archer.
'I've not known a life away from Merlin,' Will said.
'Me neither,' Archer joined in 'but it would be nice to maybe get away from everything for a while.'
'Yeah a break would be good,' Will said still glaring down at the books in front of him.
'I thought you three were practically joined at the hip?' Leon asked.
'We are, but as Merlin said, fighting for Cenred was never what we wanted from life,' Archer said.
'You blame Merlin for that?' Elyan asked.
'Of course not, Merlin didn't force us into anything we signed our life away on our own terms,' Will replied.
'I'd love to know how,' Lancelot butted in from where he sat alone with Gwen on the other side of the table refusing to touch any of the books in front of him.
'We all would,' Arthur said joining in the conversation.
'Well, we can't tell you,' Archer said shrugging.
'You're that loyal to that tyrant?' Lancelot asked.
'Of course not, but we can't tell you without risking Merlin's life,' Archer said.
'Which means more to us than all of yours put together,' Will added and Archer nodded in agreement.
'Why?' Lancelot asked 'What's so special about him besides his magic and his predicament?'
Archer glared at Lancelot from where he sat; the new knight was beginning to get on his nerves.
'He has a pure heart, and despite what Cenred forces him to do, despite what tortures Cenred inflicts upon him, he remains true to himself.' Archer said.
'He doesn't give way to madness or evil, and he doesn't use his magic for revenge,' Will said 'I admire him.'
There was a long pause while everyone looked at Will and Archer.
'Me too,' Arthur said watching as his knights eyebrows all rose at his statement.
'He certainly doesn't behave like the evil mad sorcerer rumour makes him out to be,' Gwen said from where she sat next to Lancelot, catching her husband's expression though she added 'but I don't know if I would trust him.'
'My father raised me to believe that all magic users are evil and not to be trusted,' Arthur said 'But when I look at Merlin I can't help but see exactly the opposite.' Arthur said to a room which was stunned into silence.
'I'm glad you think so Arthur,' Merlin's voice suddenly interrupted from where he had entered the courtroom.
'Merlin!' Will and Archer shouted jumping instantly to their feet but Merlin kept his gaze locked on Arthur's.
Arthur didn't break the gaze, he could feel his heart pounding in relief that Merlin was here, and he was okay. He lowered his gaze to Merlin's neck and spied the silver choker, showing that he still hadn't found a way to break Cenred's hold on him. But he forced himself to be calm, they still had time.
Arthur returned his gaze back to Merlin's eyes, unafraid knowing, that Merlin didn't know about his attraction and love for the warlock, but for some reason Merlin's eyes sparked with humour that Arthur wasn't expecting.
'Merlin?' Will asked walking forwards, Arthur watched as Merlin reluctantly withdrew his gaze from Arthur.
'Everything okay?' Archer asked.
'Yes, our efforts at removing my chains failed but Kilgharrah is going to think some more,' Merlin said.
'Oh,' Archer said sounding disappointed.
'He did help with one thing though,' Merlin said and Arthur watched confused as Merlin turned his eyes back to himself 'He helped restore my sight and my hope.'
Arthur felt his heart drop to his stomach, did that mean what he thought it meant? No wonder Merlin was looking at him, he could finally see Arthur's secret, and by the look in his eye he found the situation humorous. Arthur had never felt more embarrassed and quickly lowered his eyes.
'You can see the stars again?' Gaius asked intrigued.
'I can see something's, but the future is always changing, however it is much clearer than it was before,' Merlin said.
'Well at least that's some good news,' Archer said reaching forward to clasp Merlin's shoulder.
'Indeed it is,' Merlin replied still watching Arthur.
'You can see the future then?' Gwen asked confused.
'Yes it is part of my gift, I also see the truth in people my lady,' Merlin said.
'Yeah, he sees it very clearly,' Gwaine said sulkily having already felt Merlin's power.
'Well not in everyone,' Merlin said ignoring Archer and Will's surprised expression 'but after tonight I believe that has been corrected.'
Now Arthur had confirmation he felt like a complete and utter fool, Merlin was a grand powerful warlock who was a tool for Cenred; of course he wouldn't find anything of interest in Arthur's desire, other than something to amuse him. Arthur felt like he was going to be sick.
'Excuse me,' Arthur said moving toward the council rooms doors.
'Sire?' Gaius questioned.
'Sudden headache Gaius,' Arthur said not looking up, keeping his eyes steadfastly down.
'I can give you a tonic?' Gaius suggested.
'No worries, I'm sure it will pass.' Arthur said.
Once out of the council rooms Arthur fled to his chambers ignoring the shocked looks of the servants and courtiers he passed who looked perplexed at his rushed pace. Arthur had never felt such despair, even when he knew the war with Cenred had been lost. Then he had felt the loss for his people and his kingdom but now what he felt was much more personal, rejection hit home like bricks.
Arthur stumbled into his room and walked over to his bed where he sat on the edge. George knocked and came in but Arthur sent him away with a wave of his hand. He didn't want to look at anyone for at least a week, he felt as if everyone knew his secret and was laughing at him.
Arthur sighed and dropped his head into his hands; how had he gotten here? One minute he was terrified of the thought of Cenred's ultimate weapon being in Camelot and now Arthur never wanted him to leave, never wanted him gone from his side. He only hoped that Merlin could ignore his helpless infatuation and move on.
There was a knock on the door, but Arthur just collapsed back onto his bed and stared at the canopy.
The knock came again.
'Go away George I'm fine,' Arthur said, his voice strangely broken.
'Arthur it's me,' Merlin's voice came from behind the wooden door and Arthur felt his breath hitch and his heart stop.
Had he come to humiliate him some more? Arthur felt his cheeks heat as tears began to run down his face.
'Arthur?' Merlin called again, but Arthur refused to reply hoping he would think he was asleep. However after a pause of twenty seconds the door opened and Merlin stepped into Arthur's chamber immediately focussing his gaze onto where Arthur lay on his back refusing to look at him.
'I didn't say enter,' Arthur said coldly.
'Arthur, will you please look at me?' Merlin whispered, his voice sounding strangely broken which Arthur didn't understand what did Merlin have to be upset about?
'No,' Arthur replied rolling onto his side giving Merlin his back 'I won't let you see anything more.'
'I'm sorry Arthur, I can't help it,' Merlin said sighing.
'Really?' Arthur said sniffing 'you looked like you couldn't get enough in the council room.'
'Arthur, please?' Merlin said.
'No, I won't let you humiliate me Merlin, I'm still the king of Camelot and I deserve respect,' Arthur said.
'And you have mine,' Merlin whispered.
Arthur heard him take a few steps forward and then felt the bed dip as he seated himself on the edge.
'You forget your place sorcerer,' Arthur said his voice ladened with venom, he couldn't do this now, couldn't face Merlin's rejection so early, he felt as if his heart was breaking.
'Arthur you have to listen to me,' Merlin whispered, but got no response.
'Please,' Merlin practically begged his voice breaking.
'I can't do this now Merlin,' Arthur replied.
'But you don't even know what I'm going to say,' Merlin replied.
'I don't need your magical talent to know what you're going to say Merlin,' Arthur said.
Suddenly Arthur felt a gust of magic hit his back and was shocked when he was forcefully pulled over to lie on his other side facing Merlin whose eyes were glowing a brilliant gold.
'How dare you?' Arthur thundered looking straight into his eyes now, not bothered about what Merlin would see. He was going to reject him and force magic on him?
'Arthur…' Merlin started but Arthur cut him off by leaning up onto his elbow and grasped Merlin by the lapels of his cloak.
'I could have you killed for that,' Arthur said glaring into his face and watched as Merlin winced from his hold and his words.
The wince was enough for Arthur to let him go, despite everything he still loved Merlin and he didn't want to hurt him, he never wanted to hurt him.
'That would be illogical,' Merlin whispered.
'Really?' Arthur asked spitefully 'I think it would solve a lot of problems.'
Instead of a heated comeback Arthur was expecting Merlin unexpectedly reached out a trembling hand and stroked two fingers down the side of Arthur's face, Arthur couldn't help the twinge of pleasure that shot through him at Merlin's touch.
'What are you doing?' Arthur asked his voice much quieter.
'You're such an idiot,' Merlin whispered, bringing his face so close to Arthur's he thought he could count the eyelashes that framed Merlin's beautiful blue eyes, that were flecked slightly with gold from his earlier magic.
Arthur felt his heart stop again. Had he been wrong? Did Merlin actually feel something for him? Arthur forced himself to hope, staring into Merlin's blue eyes, Arthur knew that he would know all of this, all of his doubts all of his hopes and dreams and almost certainly the depth of his love for him.
Arthur watched as Merlin smiled as if sensing his thoughts, Merlin's hand came up to brush Arthur's blonde hair back from his forehead, then taking the plunge he slowly slipped forwards and hesitantly brushed his lips against his. Arthur kept his eyes wide open in shock unbelieving that this beautiful boy was kissing him, that he shared his feelings. As if realising what was happening Arthur closed his eyes and deepened this kiss, prising Merlin's lips apart and moulding his lips to his.
He sucked gently on Merlin's bottom lip drawing it into his mouth and revelling in the soft groan that came with it. Arthur brought his hands up to cup Merlin's face determined to bring him even closer, he slipped his tongue into Merlin's mouth tasting and exploring; this was so new for him, having never explored his sexuality more than a few hesitant kisses with visiting noble girls.
Kissing them was nothing like kissing Merlin though, pleasure rushed through his veins and all he wanted was to have more of him, he didn't want to stop. Loving someone made all the difference Arthur realised, and Arthur had never loved harder than this.
Merlin withdrew and pulled back to stare into Arthur's eyes and Arthur gazed back unafraid. Merlin sighed happily and leant forwards and rested his head on Arthur's shoulders, Arthur surprised again at the contact didn't really know what to do. As king he was so used to hiding his feelings and acting as the man Camelot expected of him. He wasn't used to expressing emotion. Arthur was determined not to ruin this though with his inexperience and gently threaded a hand through Merlin's raven hair feeling the soft locks, and the other he placed on Merlin's waist in a comforting gesture, having the boy so close he couldn't resist leaning down and kissing his head.
'I watched you storm out the council room and I knew I had to follow,' Merlin said his head still on Arthur's shoulder 'I couldn't allow you to walk away thinking I didn't feel the same.'
'Who would have thought this would happen?' Arthur said more to himself than Merlin, starting a gentle rocking pattern with Merlin in his arms.
'Certainly not me, and certainly not Cenred,' Merlin joked softly snorting 'I wouldn't have been allowed an inch in Camelot's borders if he suspected.'
'We do make an unique pairing,' Arthur said.
Merlin drew back and looked back into Arthur's eyes quietly thrilled that he was able to see his soul clearly again.
'Why couldn't you see it before?' Arthur asked stroking his hand into Merlin's hair not wanting to relinquish contact.
'I don't really know, I was depressed Arthur,' Merlin said standing much to Arthur's displeasure and moving to stand by the window.
'I had long given up on freedom, on love and hope, my magic is good, I'm good, and when I fall into despair it seems my magic falters. With Kilgharrah's guidance I went into deep meditation and focussed on those I loved and those who gave me happiness, at first I thought of Will and Archer, but eventually it was you who I focussed on, and It made me realise how much I cared about you, how much I wanted you,' Merlin said.
'You gave me hope and that hope unlocked my magic and finally I can start seeing again,' Merlin finished turning back to look at Arthur.
'So you found my secret out then?' Arthur smiled at him.
'Yes, once I realised my feelings for you, seeing yours wasn't difficult; you were screaming them so loudly,' Merlin laughed.
'I wondered why you hadn't said anything, I felt for sure that you were just silently rejecting me,' Arthur whispered.
Merlin walked back over to the bed and cupped Arthur's jaw 'I may have been raised by Cenred, but I could never be so cruel.'
'I know,' Arthur replied closing his hands over Merlin's 'What do we do now?'
Merlin sighed and sat back on the bed 'I don't know to be honest Arthur, I know what I want but getting that isn't going to be easy.'
'You still need to be freed,' Arthur said tracing his hands over the silver that encased Merlin's wrists.
'Yes,' Merlin said 'and if I am to help you in this war your views on magic need to change.'
Arthur bristled and pulled his hands back and turned his head to the side sighing.
'it's not that easy Merlin, all my life I've been taught sorcery is bad, and while I can honestly say most of those my father killed didn't deserve death, some of them were evil.' Arthur said.
'Any form of power can corrupt Arthur, not just magic, it is how you use that power that makes you who you are, not power itself,' Merlin said.
'When did you get so wise?' Arthur said turning back to look at him.
'When I saw the reality of this world,' Merlin replied.
'I wish I could take all your pain away,' Arthur whispered.
Merlin leant it and kissed Arthur slightly again relishing in the touch. He was allowed to do this, he was kissing the handsome young king that had captured his attention from the very moment he had set foot in Camelot, despite their obstacles and their problems, nothing had ever felt so right.
'I love you Arthur,' Merlin whispered confidently against Arthur's lips, he had nothing to fear as he saw the reciprocation in Arthur's soul.
'I love you too,' Arthur whispered back.
'I will not let this evil win Arthur, I won't let Cenred win, I will fight this, I will fight for you, and I will bring Camelot victory and peace,' Merlin said his eyes cold.
Arthur felt his heartbeat quicken, Merlin in all his time in Camelot had never appeared the dangerous sorcerer rumour had made him out to be. But looking in his eyes now, Arthur knew that he was capable, Merlin was easily capable of the destruction that so many feared.
'I would not have you lose who you are,' Arthur said stroking his hand down Merlin's chest to where his pure heart lied.
'Then keep me grounded,' Merlin replied placing his hand over Arthur's.
'Always,' Arthur said and took the promise to heart. He decided then and there that he would be there for Merlin; he would make sure his power didn't corrupt; he knew that together they would be the perfect team.
'Stay?' Arthur requested, then immediately flushed at his boldness and watched as Merlin's eyes widened.
'Arthur I…' Merlin started.
'No, no, nothing like that,' Arthur stuttered 'just stay with me.'
Merlin gazed into Arthur's eyes, he felt strangely emotional at Arthur's request. He never wanted to be away from the king again, he felt like he belonged with him.
'Of course,' Merlin replied then kicked of his shoes and cloak and his black tunic revealing his thin sleeveless undershirt underneath, pretending not notice Arthur's wide eyes that surveyed his form. He kept his undershirt and trousers on, not wanting this relationship to go too fast and watched as Arthur slid under the sheet and held them open for him invitingly. Merlin didn't hesitate and slipped straight into Arthur's arms which tightened around him.
'Merlin,' Arthur said 'the lights.'
Merlin turned his head from where he had snuggled it into Arthur's chest and turned to survey the king's chambers. He knew what Arthur was asking for and smiled at the knowledge that Arthur was requesting this off him. Maybe getting him to accept magic was going to be less trying than he suspected.
'Ácolitusas æcyrf,' Merlin whispered, the words were unnecessary but he wanted Arthur to become used to them.
Arthur watched as his chambers were turned to blackness all except Merlin's eyes which shone brighter than any candle light, he stared until they faded to blue and he could hardly make them out against the night. He had thought Merlin beautiful, but when his eyes shone with magic Arthur knew that there was no one to equal the sorcerer in the whole of Albion. He was a very lucky man.
Arthur noted that he was more preoccupied with Merlin's beauty than the magic or the haunting words that came out of his mouth. Perhaps magic could be used for good. Holding Merlin in his arms he knew that he was holding innocence and purity personified and that it came with the gift of magic. He realised then and there that magic couldn't be evil if it had picked someone as good as Merlin to reside in.
'Stop thinking so loud,' Merlin said from where he was using Arthur's chest as his pillow.
'Sorry, so much has changed,' Arthur said, 'you can't actually read my thoughts can you?'
'Not really, it's more the stuff you try to hide,' Merlin replied.
'You're very powerful Merlin,' Arthur whispered and reached down and clasped Merlin's hand in his feeling its silky unblemished texture, 'but I'm not afraid of you.'
'That's good,' Merlin replied and smiled into the darkness. There was always hope.
Oooh my longest chapter yet! What did you think? Please review they make me happy =]