I haven't spoken to Beyond since our conversation about our pasts, he has dropped by to bring me water and untie me to allow me to relieve myself. It has been at least a month and a half since I have last seen my apartment, my best friend, my Lawliet, or hell even the sky, all I have has is the little bathroom window to dictate day and night. I hated the cross I was bound to, it made my arms sore and made me feel venerable. All I have been able to do these past few days is sleep. Yesterday I fell asleep during broad daylight.
I awoke to complete darkness, "I wish I knew what time it was" I mumbled to myself. My stomach violently gurgled. I looked down realizing just how much weight I had lost, my collarbone was protruding from my neck, I was already pretty slender but damn it I was literally a stick now, I was noting but bones. No muscle, no fat.
All those months of training and there goes my chance in the Olympics.
I groaned at the feeling of my stomach rapidly contracting, begging for sustenance. I began to recite my favorite poem, attempting to get my mind off of the horrible feeling in my gut. I was just beginning to relax and fall asleep again when I heard a loud crash followed by Beyond yelling obscenities. "What the hell is he doing down there?" I quietly asked myself.

I hope he is okay...

What? No you don't you hate his fucking guts, remember he killed your best friend and ripped you from your life, including your boyfriend. You have no feelings or sympathy for this disgusting excuse for a man.

I drilled this into my mind, attempting to make it true, to make myself believe it, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop caring about him. Every time I thought about him I got that firey feeling in my stomach, almost like the one I got when I first met Lawli.
I was deep in thought, arguing with myself mostly, when the door opened. It was Beyond, the look on his face suggested he was attempting to hide frustration. "How are you Julie?" He spoke for the first time in what seemed like forever.
How do you think I am? I've been locked in the damn place for god knows how long after you completely ripped me away from my life.
"I-I'm fine" I said, still attempting to ignore my hunger pains and obvious aggravation. "You don't look fine" he replied with skepticism in his voice, "Are you hungry?" he questioned. "I have been up here for God knows how long without food" I snapped "Of corse I'm hungry." He came over I was scared my tone had angered him. I winced preparing myself for a slap to the face, another slice to my limbs, something to remind me I was his. Instead, Beyond whispered in my ear. "There is a dress for you in the top drawer over there ." I'll be waiting for you downstairs" he kissed me on the forehead before releasing me from the cross, I fell to the floor, and moved my stiff, sore arms.

Finally some relief from that wretched invention.

He picked me up off of the floor, held me close to him and stared deeply into my eyes. I stated back into his bright red eyes, they were so beautiful. I wondered why they were red, and whether it not they had anything to do with his bloodlust I will never understand him or his eyes, but I felt as though I wanted to know more, simultaneously I felt like I wanted to run away from him. Just as fast as he had grabbed me, he let me go, "I'll be waiting downstairs" he said awkwardly clearing his throat. He left the room, leaving me standing there to wonder what the hell got into him.
"Is he seriously leaving me alone in this room? Does he not remember what happened last time he did that..." I shivered
I don't think I want to.
I walked over to the drawers and opened the top one. I pulled out a red dress, though beautiful, left little to the imagination. "Where the hell does he get these clothes?" I whispered to myself, furrowing my brow at this butchered piece of cloth that I guessed could pass as a dress. I took a shower in the immaculate white bathroom. The warm water felt like heaven on my sore skin. I looked down at my thigh, the 'B' was still there, staring at me.
What if Lawli sees this?

What will he think?

Will he leave me?

A single tear shed down my face intermingling with the water at the thought of his reaction.

I exited the shower. I looked in the mirror for the first time in what seemed like forever. I looked odd, I had bags under my eyes, almost as dark as my boyfriend's. My hair was longer, almost to my hips, like I wanted it, but it looked damaged. My eyes usually a bright and beautiful blue, seemed cloudy and dull. My round face was beginning to cave in at my cheeks. Even my ears seemed different in some way.
What the hell is happening to me? I'm turning into someone I hardly recognize, physically and emotionally.
I tore myself away from the mirror drying my dripping body. I wrapped my hair and put on my dress. It fit perfectly, even though I had lost so much weight.

Was he planning for me to lose all of this weight? Does he take my measurements while I sleep or something?

I unwrapped my hair, I felt more beautiful than I have felt in a while, despite the symptoms of starvation. Even before I was kidnapped all I did was train and work on my PhD, and all Lawli did was...well... I'm not sure he never tells me the specifics of his career, all I knew was that he was the detective formally known as L, other than that, I was clueless. I breathed deeply, preparing myself for this "dinner."
I walked down stairs, remembering the terrible events that occurred the last time I was here. Something smelled delicious. "Did he really cook?" I questioned to myself. I followed the scent throughout the building, I got lost and turned around. I walked into the kitchen, and saw Beyond hung over a cookbook with a confused expression on his face. I halfway hid behind the doorframe, like a child peeking at their Christmas presents. I giggled childishly at his attempts to figure out what to do. He turned his head sharply, I hid myself a little more behind the doorframe. "Don't make fun of my inability to cook" he said, "I usually stick to things that remain refrigerated." I was unsure whether or not he was joking. "It smells delicious" I said timidly. "It will be done in a moment" he quietly said "wait in the dining room, 3rd room on the left." "Okay" I said walking towards the dining room. I sat down at the table in the middle of the room. The room was rather large, and was beautifully decorated. There was a fireplace on the far wall, it was lit filling the room with warmth. The walls were a deep red, like the color of red wine. I sat at the far seat, it was closest to the fire, as this dress wasn't the warmest. I sat there twiddling my thumbs, listening to my stomach growl I thought back to what happened in the kitchen, it made me think of L. I missed him, I knew he was looking tirelessly for me. I just wish I could hug him, I really hope he finds me soon, before my Beyond gets to me, before I fall in love with him. "I think it's too late to stop any feelings I may have for him...I think I'm starting to fall in lo-" Beyond abruptly walked through the door carrying a platter, effectively ending my sentence. "I don't cook, as you can see" he declared, lifting the cover of the platter. My mouth watered and my eyes widened at the first sight of food I had seen in a long time, my stomach growled demanding I partake in this questionable meal of mashed potatoes and a small portion of meat. "There is only enough here for one person" I said shyly. "Is this just for me?"
"I prefer strawberry jam, opposed to this" he claimed with a smile, "So yes, this is for you." I stared quizzically at the food and his smiling face.

What did he do to this food? Did he poison it? No, no he "loves" me besides, I doubt he would kill me in such a tame way. Does he expect something in return? Oh god I sure hope not.

"Well" he questioned, "are you going to eat? Or state at it?" I looked at him and nervously chuckled. I pulled the platter closer to me. I winced at the thought of what he may have done to this meal. I stared up at him and chuckled nervously, he looked so proud of what he had cooked. I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I really didn't want to die in the process. I grabbed the fork and I felt my heart beat faster.

Why are you so nervous? If he wanted to kill you he definitely wouldn't do it this way. Calm down.

I relaxed at my thoughts. I took a reluctant bite. It didn't taste like it was poisoned, actually it tasted pretty good. I greedily took another bite, completely oblivious to the fact that Beyond left the room. He returned with a jar of what seemed to be his jar of jam. He sat at the table in the chair at the other side of the table. "Are you enjoying your meal?" He asked me, giggling at my eating. "It's delicious" I said blushing at how much of a pig I looked, "thank you." I stared at him for a while with a puzzled look on my face "So," I began "why did you cook for me" I questioned pushing away my plate, full from my meal. "Well, wanted to talk to you" he said "Julie, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about what happened to you, back at the orphanage." I froze. "What are you talking about?" I asked, tears welling in my eyes. Thinking back on what happened surprised me. "I tried so hard to stop him, I couldn't protect you." I felt myself cry. "I don't want to talk about this" I firmly declared, bolting up out of my chair. I stormed for the door, I was arms length from the door before Beyond pinned me against the wall, his hips pinning mine to the wall tightly, almost painfully. "JULIE" he yelled with anger in his voice. "Listen to me!" "No!" I bravely replied. I squirmed and squiggled trying to release myself from his tight grip. "Let me go!" I screamed at him, continuously struggling to get away. We were like this for some time, until I finally felt a sharp object tear the side if the dress, I gasped. "Damn it Julie" he loudly cried, pressing the knife farther into my side, "don't make me do this to you." I closed my eyes tightly at the feeling of the cold metal knife against my skin. "Okay, okay," I said through shallow breaths. "I'm listening."
"I have been wanting to tell you this for years, so you can know exactly what happened on the night you were attacked."he explained "I tried to stop him." I felt warm tears run down my face, remembering the pain I woke up with the following night in the hospital. I don't remember the attack, or anything preceding the it, but I have snippets in my head. All I clearly remember is a crowbar, a pool of blood, and sirens. "Why did it still happen then!?" I shouted, not completely meaning to. "Do you not believe me?!" He psychotically shouted, his voice cracking. He backed away from me. He threw the knife he had been holding down, and pulled off his shirt, revealing a scar or the left side of his lower abdomen, right above his hip. "I got this trying to fight him off of you" he shouted with pain in his voice. I looked into his beautiful, bright red eyes, I saw pain, sadness, he seemed mad in his own way. Despite my personal hatred towards him, I believed him, I didn't want to, but there was a part of me that felt as though he was telling me the truth. "I got this struggling to protect you" he explained his voice still gruff.
"I-I didn't know" I explained through , "I haven't been able to remember any-" Beyond came closer to me effectively ending my thought. He pressed his forehead to mine, cradling my face. "I love you Julie, I never stopped and I never will," he muttered. "L could never love you half as much as me."
I stared in shock. I pushed Beyond back, effectively causing him to trip over his own feet landing on the floor. "How fucking dare you!" I shouted. "You have absolutely no right to compare yourself to him he loves me!" Beyond chuckled as he pulled himself onto his feet. "Love you?" He chuckled, "That man isn't capable of love, all he has ever done is use people to get what he wants." I shook my head "You obviously don't know him" I said slowly creeping closer to the door. "Do you not believe me?" He said "when is the last time he TOLD you he loved you?" "He tells me he loves me every time I see him" I proudly declared.
"How often do you see him"
There was a silence. I actually don't see him very often, since he is always working on a case. Whenever he works on a case he won't allow me near him, in case something goes wrong. "If you were mine I wouldn't leave you questioning whether or not I loved you" He said. "I have never questioned L's love" I yelled. "Why are you getting so emotional? " He inquired."It's a harmless statement."
"I-I..." I was at a loss for words. I hadn't really thought about my relationship with L. It was true he seemed cold and distant at times, I always just thought it was a part of his personality, nothing personally against me. Beyond closed the door, and came closer to me. He stood about a foot away from me and asked the question that sent me over the edge. "If he loves you so much then why hasn't he found you?" The words escaped his lips almost in slow motion. I snapped. "Shut the hell up!" I screamed, pushing him even further away from me, completely forgetting the murderous capabilities of my captor. "I don't care how much you claim to care for me, you mean will never mean as much to me as L will!" He fell where he stood, eyes locked on the floor. "You did once."