AN: Anyone still reading this?

-o-

Aria sat in her bedroom, a roll of papyrus laying across her lap a quill in hand. It was the latest writing tool from Rome from what Arthur had told her. At first she didn't know what she was going to do with such a thing and then she realized she could write her story. A chronicle of her adventures with the great General Arthur and his knights. In any sense it was keeping her mind off the darker things. Like what had caused her to be trapped in her bedroom for so long. The truth was her body was healed enough that she could leave if she wished. But she wasn't ready to face the world, not just yet. She knew she'd have to leave the fort at some point. After all a mission would come up sooner or later.

"How's the prettiest female knight doing?" She looked up to see Lancelot and smiled.

"I'm the only female knight." She near drawled.

"Which is why you're the prettiest." He said with a wink and dazzling smile.

"Very nice…" she muttered with a smile.

"What are you doing?" He asked walking in.

"Just chicken scratch…" She said setting the things aside before slowly getting up.

"Oh you don't have to." Lancelot said and she smiled.

"I'm fine." She slowly stood up straight, her back aching as she did. It was still raw from everything she had gone through. "So what can I do for you?" She asked.

"Just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Better… Can even hold up a sword without my back ripping open."

"So you'll be taking care of those scoundrels in the cellar soon then?" Arias jaw clenched as she looked off.

"Yeah… Soon."

"I didn't mean to bring it up…" Lancelot said.

"It's fine." She said.

"How's everything?" He asked.

"I told you my back is okay, so I'm-."

"I mean with… the lady bits."

"That's a nice way of asking if I've had my monthly visit."

"Well…" He ran his fingers through her hair. "Have you?"

"I won't know for another two weeks." Aria said.

"Do you feel-."

"Pregnant?" Aria asked with an edge to her voice.

"I'm sorry I asked."

"You should be." Aria said. "What happens with my body is none of your concern."

"Well actually it is. If you become with child-." A hand set on his shoulder making him turn to look. "Tristan." He said.

"It's no one's business but hers." Tristan said. "And anyone she chooses to make her business… Which isn't you or anyone else. Now… She needs to rest. So get gone." Lancelot merely nodded before walking out. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine… Thank you standing up for me." He nodded as he shut the door and looked around. "What's that behind your back?" She asked and he gave a sheepish shrug.

"Venora said I should bring flowers… But I couldn't find any I thought you'd like so I uhm… I brought you a mace." He brought it out from behind him and Aria smiled.

"A mace, I've never had one before!" she said taking it in hand. "Oh it's beautiful Tristan thank you." He nodded with a smile. "You know me so well."

"Well I try." He said and she smiled as she carried it over to her desk and set it down. "Can't wait to use it."

"How's your back?"

"Good, thanks for fetching that mint for me. It soothes the wounds."

"I brought more." He said setting it down by a water bowl.

"I've… had my monthly visit but that doesn't mean I'm not with child." He slowly looked to her. "I just thought you should know. I just thought if it was my business it was your business." He nodded with a smile.

"If you think so."

"I do." She said.

"When will your next monthly visit come?" he asked walking to her.

"Three weeks give or take a few days or maybe not at all…" She muttered as she slowly walked over to her bed and sat down. "There's a good chance it won't happen though."

"Positive thinking is good."

"It's not just positive thinking." She ran her fingers through her hair. "I… Took steps to make sure what was done to me wouldn't cause a child."

"I know." Tristan said.

"You know?" She asked.

"I saw Venora slip you something into your morning porridge. I knew Venora would never poison you so I made other assumptions."

"Are you mad…" he walked to her as he shook his head.

"You didn't do this because you thought I'd leave you-."

"No." she said.

"Because I would raise the child as if it were my own… They'd never have to know how they truly came to be. No one would have to know in fact. It would be who took your honor and-."

"It's gallant of you to offer such a thing but claiming you took my honor would in fact take your honor. My chastity and honor may have been taken from me but there's no reason your honor should be taken as well… That's why I did what I did."

"Are you feeling okay?" Tristan asked. "Has the herbs done anything-."

"There's a little pain but, I'm bleeding so that's normal…" Tristan walked to her and set his hand on her lower stomach.

"May I be honest?"

"Of course."

"Even if the child wasn't mine… I was looking forward to being a father."

"I'm sor-."

"Don't ever be sorry. You made the right decision for you… Besides we don't know if what happened came to anything at all." Aria took a deep breath afraid of what she was going to ask.

"We'll… We'll still have them… right? Someday?"

"If that is what you wish…"

"Only after we make sure they can be free of Roman rule…"

"You still wish to rise up against them…"

"Don't you?" She asked.

"I… Am happy…"

"So am I… But if I had children… how could I ever be happy knowing they would be taken from me?" he slowly nodded.

"After our service comes to an end why don't we just leave… Ride off where they can't find us."

"The sun rises and sets on the roman empire Tristan… There is nowhere we could run where they would not find us you know that."

"Yes the sun rises and sets on the roman empire so how do you plan on rising up against them and concurring them with such a vast army…"

"We will have an army of our own."

"How?"

"I haven't figured that out yet…"

"Well… When you do… Let me know."

"Will you stand at my side?"

"I would stand at your side before the gates of hell let alone the roman empire."

"In my eyes… They are one in the same…"

"Then they are the same in my eyes." he took her hand in his. "Your enemy's are my enemy's." she smiled softly.

-o-

Three days had passed since that night and Aria found herself feeling stronger then ever. She had convinced Tristan to go out to Venoras watering hole and live her to her healing. That hadn't been the plan at all though. She would not be sitting idle in her room as she had been. No. She had men to tend to. She steadily walked out of her room and nodded at her guards.

"Evening boys."

"Evening Aria." They said with nods. She began to walk and they began to follow her. She came to a stop and turned to look at them. "We have orders." They said in unison.

"Where I am going and what I'm about to do, it's all going to be hard to see."

"You two can stay back I will go with her." Aria turned to see Arthur. As her guards walked back to her room she looked over Author. "So the day has come for your vengeance." Her jaw clenched. "Before you go, can we talk?" he asked opening the door to his room. She slowly nodded as she walked through his door into the chambers he shared with Lancelot. She smiled seeing two beds. One on one side of the room pristinely made the other with tossed around sheets, and hay missing from the mattress.

"Let me guess that would be Lancelots bed?"

"Bed?" Author asked looking to it. "I call it a sty." Aria smiled before turning to look at him.

"You took a mentors tone with me…" She said looking him over. "Am I about to be schooled?"

"You were going down to kill those men yes?"

"It would eventually lead to their deaths yes…"

"So you planned on torturing them first?"

"It's what they deserve isn't it?"

"Doing such won't bring back what was taken."

"And what was taken Arthur?" she asked taking a tone with him that she never had before.

"I do not presume to know what you went through. I couldn't though, because you won't let anyone know what happened. Have you even told-."

"Everyone knows what happened…" She said quickly her anger flying. "Everyone knows Arthur."

"You are embarrassed."

"Wouldn't you be?" She asked.

"They forced them-."

"I'm a warrior it doesn't matter if they forced themselves before me I should have fought them off of me!" Her tone was full of rage but her eyes were wide and filled with agony. "I should have fought them off…"

"You were overpowered."

"I shouldn't have been."

"You are a woman they were men."

"That shouldn't matter!" She bellowed her voice shaking with rage.

"No… It shouldn't…"

"I am stronger than most men."

"You are." He said taking a step towards and she took a shaking breath as she rushed back. Arthur put his hands slowly.

"I didn't mean to move at you so fast."

"It's not you." She said her jaw clenching. "It's me… Every sound, every sudden movement… I wish I had become pregnant… at least I'd be useful as a mother…"

"What does that mean?" He asked. "You are not with child then."

"I've bled."

"That does not mean."

"I took steps Arthur." His eyes widened.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't you dare judge me, you have not the parts that would allow you the right to do such." She said and he slowly nodded.

"I do not judge. Of course I do not judge…" He said and her jaw clenched. "So no child."

"No."

"Are you happy?"

"I don't think I'm capable of such an emotion anymore." Her jaw clenched.

"Aria…"

"The laughed…" She said her voice shaking as she looked out a window. "They laughed at me Arthur." She looked to him. "They laughed as they thrust into me so feverishly as if what they were doing wasn't completely ruining my life…"

"You want justice."

"I want their heads on spikes." She said.

"Will that bring you peace?"

"I will never have peace."

"Aria let me help you." He said. "Tell me how can I help you?"

"Don't stand in my way." He slowly nodded.

"You go with my blessing."

"I didn't need it in the first place." She said before storming out. Arthur took a deep breath as he sat in his chair. Something had shifted deep within her. A darkness had grown where there had once been light. Arthur took a deep breath before grabbing his sword and heading out. He took his time as he walked to the dungeon. As he neared it he could hear muffled screams. It seemed Aria had already started her good work.

When he got to the door he made sure to be quiet as he let it swing open. He slowly made his way down the stone stairs to see Aria standing before the tortured men. They were screaming in muffled tones, having no tongues to speak with. After all Tristan had cut them out. He tilted his head seeing she wasn't doing anything. She was just staring at them. They were screaming at her mere presence, she was that terrifying. Aria slowly turned and looked to him. She had known he had been there all along. Arthur walked down the steps and came to a halt before her.

"They scream, and scream, and yet I haven't done anything…" She said. "They are cowards!" she shouted her voice reverberating off the walls as the men behind her jumped and screamed in response. "They are cowards…" she said more quietly as she looked back to author. "They are cowards and unworthy of my sword."

"I agree." She said.

"I won't waste my blade on them…"

"You shouldn't." he said.

"I don't want them dead…" She said her voice shaking.

"You don't?" he asked. "But before-."

"I know what I said before." She said.

"Death is too quick, and torturing, I couldn't last long enough to give them what they deserved…"

"We could leave them here."

"Too kind." She said her jaw clenching.

"I could send them to Rom to face a council."

"No… Too many already know." She said and Arthur nodded. "Just… I wish I could make them walk through life feeling as I do…"

"And how do you feel?"

"Less then what I was before I came into contact with them."

"We'll think of something…" Arthur said and her jaw clenched. "Come… Let us think on something else."

"I can think of nothing else." Arthur smiled.

"Let me try to get your mind off it?"

"You can try, but it is futile."

"I think not…" He took her hand in his and led her up the stairs. As they walked down the hall neither noticed Tristan who was gazing at them from around a corner. "Your friend has missed you in your healing…" Aria smiled as they walked into the barn and her horse greeted her with a loud nay.

"Hello darling…" she said and Arthur smiled seeing her eyes giving the smallest of smiles.

"Go for a ride?" He asked and Arias jaw clenched.

"I… Can't." she said and he looked to her.

"The movement, and… My back it's still not…"

"We'll take it slow." He said.

"I cannot ride…" She said before turning and walking off. Arthur took a deep breath as he watched this before petting Teleri who looked sad.

"Don't worry… She just needs more time." He said and the horse seemed to nod at his words. Tristan watched as Aria came back from the barn. She headed straight to her room and he felt obliged to follow. He couldn't though. If he wanted to see her he would have to go through her window as usual. So that's what he did. He walked outside and climbed up the wall. He peeked into the window and what he saw was distressing. Aria was curled into the ball on the floor her arms wrapped around herself. Her body racked as she sobbed silently.

Tristan slowly climbed in through the window and walked to her. He slowly knelt down at her side and set his hands on her back. Instantly her racking stopped and her expression became blank. He rubbed his hand on her back in a small circle before slowly moving his other hand over her hair.

"You don't have to hide…" He said. "Not with me…" Sorrow flashed across her expression and he took her in his arms. As soon as he held her to his chest she let out a violent sob as tears flooded down her cheeks and she let out a scream of agony. "That's it… There's no shame." She cried harder, more violently. "There's no shame Aria…" She turned and wrapped her arms around him as she buried her head into the crook of his neck.

"All I have is shame Tristan…"

"No… No." He said and she cried harder at his words.

-o-

Tristan slowly walked through the hallways of the castle. He had been forced to leave Aria in bed alone. She had long cried herself to sleep and he didn't blame her for doing such. Still morning fast approached and he didn't want to be caught in her bedroom when no man was supposed to be there over night. He would go to her now though, telling the guards that he was there to address her wounds as he did most mornings after resting with her in bed.

This morning would be different though. As he came around the corner towards Arias room he halted. The knights and Author were in wait. They slowly turned and looked to him. Arthur walked forward his jaw set in a firm line.

"You were with her?"

"No."

"Tristan I'd understand." Tristans jaw clenched as he looked over Arthur.

"She was… Upset. I had to."

"You are a good man, I would have expected nothing less from you. We need to talk though." He turned and looked to the nights. "All of us." They instantly walked together to the meeting room where the round table awaited. They all took a seat and looked around at one another. They were silent for a long moment before Gawain took a deep breath.

"This table feels empty without her." Gawain said and they all nodded.

"What have we come here to discuss I wish to see to her." Tristan said.

"We heard her screaming." Galahad said.

"I've never heard screams like that…" Lucan said his jaw clenching as he did.

"We heard her sobbing."

"She's finally allowed herself to come to terms with what has happened." Tristan said as he shifted in his seat. "I don't like talking about her behind her back."

"There is a darkness in her." Arthur said. "When they took her chastity they took something much more precious as well… Her fire. That fire which fuels her battle instinct… She feels as though she is useless to us now…"

"But she is not. She's just injured." Bors said.

"She needs time to heal…" Gawain said.

"She may not have it." Lancelot said. "We are Knights to Rome… As such we do not get to rest we do not get to heal not unless we are flat on our backs and close to death. Aria has been seen walking around."

"Lanelot makes a good point." Arthur said. "That's why I've written to Rome." They looked to him.

"Because of her services to the Roman Empire, and her single handed saving of Badon hill they granted Aria many things. Property after her release from service. Gold to be awarded. And one request. I took it upon myself to ask her request."

"Time off?" Tristan asked.

"Release of her knighthood." Arthur said and everyone stared at him.

"You realize she will hate you right?" Galahad asked.

"It wasn't granted." Arthur said. "But what was granted was two weeks for us all to regroup under guise of setting up a new households protection for a roman family moving here in the spring. We leave tomorrow… I have secured a carriage for Aria because she cannot ride, not with her back."

"Teleri won't like it." Tristan said.

"As silly as it sounds I think that horse has a mind… and a personality." Lancelot said.

"Someone will have to ride her… Tristan. I think she only will trust you besides Aria."

"Indeed." He nodded.

"Who will ride in the carriage with Aria?" Bors asked.

"I thought we might invite Venora… She is with Child, I would not separate her from you during that time. Jols will run the watering hole in her place."

"A good idea."

"Do I get a say?" They all turned to see Aria. She was standing in the doorway her battle garments on. For the past few weeks she had been wearing dresses, her usual battle wear far too tight for her back to take.

"Aria… you're… Dressed." Lancelot said.

"Have I been walking around naked as of late?" she asked and they all smiled at her jest.

"Are you alright?" Bors asked.

"Me?" She inquired. "I'm just peachy." She said as she walked to her usual seat. "After all you say we're going on a vacation." She slowly sat down making sure her back did not hit the back of her chair.

"I could have a pillow brought…" Arthur said.

"I swear I will punch you in the face if you ever offer such a thing to me again." Aria said and he smiled. "As for riding in a carriage. I won't. I will ride Teleri or not at all."

"You can't move fast enough on Teleri, your body can't handle the movement." Arthur said.

"I know what my body can and can't handle." Aria said.

"If woads attack…" Tristan said carefully. "You may not be-."

"I love you Tristan but do shut up… How can I get my pride back when you all intend to baby me."

"We're not trying to baby you." Lucan said and she looked to him. "Aria when I first met you I was unsure. Unsure if I wanted to fight beside a woman. I didn't think you would have my back… But you did. You had my…" his jaw clenched. "You had my brothers back too… You did everything you could to save him. I vowed to myself after I would forever keep your interest in my mind. I think we all have made this vow at some point just like you have made your own vow to look out for us." Her jaw clenched. "You have looked after these men for years, and I since the very second you took me as brother in arms…" she looked to Lucan. "Let us look after you as you have looked after us. Ride in the carriage, by the time the two weeks are over you'll be able to ride Teleri back to Badon hill."

"Fine." She said her jaw clenching. "There is one more matter to discuss, one which pains me to admit as a knight." She said looking to Arthur.

"What is it?"

"I cannot wield a sword." She said her jaw clenching. "My back prevents me… Nor…" Her jaw clenched. "Nor can I handle a bow."

"I've already thought of such." Gawain said and she looked to him. "I've refurbished a crossbow for you. "It has a crank one that is easy to use."

"You've shot a crossbow before?" Arthur asked.

"Of course." She said. "We all have, it was a part of basic training. Thank you Gawain." She said to him. "But It may be too heavy."

"Jols." He said and Jols brought it over he set it down before Aria who looked it over. "Try." Gawain said. She picked it up in hand and quirked an eyebrow.

"It's…"

"Light…" Gawain said with a smile making her look to him. "Yes I know… I hollowed parts of it. It still shoots straight. I wouldn't allow you a weapon which wouldn't."

"Thank you I can wield this I am sure." Aria said standing up and moving it from hand to hand. She aimed it and smiled seeing her back didn't ache at the movement. She took a deep breath feeling the weapon in her hands. "For the first time in some time… I feel capable again…" She looked to Gawain. "Thank you my brother."

"Of course." He said with a smile and a nod.

"So…" Aria turned to Arthur. "When do we leave?" He smiled.

"Straight away if you wish." She nodded. "Bors inform your lady."

"Indeed." He said with a smile as he got up and headed out. Aria smiled as she looked over the crossbow.

"Before you go." Aria said. "Jols." He carried in a chest and opened it up. "Inside are my weapons. I may not be able to protect you by hand with them, but that doesn't mean my weapons can't be of use. Please wield these and keep them until I can carry them once more."

"We will." They said and Aria nodded before walking off.

"She seems better." Lancelot said with a smile as the others nodded. Tristan did not nod though he instead was watching Aria as she left. He slowly got up and walked from the room, going unnoticed by everyone but Author. He walked to Arias room and looked over her guards.

"May I see her?" They nodded before stepping aside. Tristan walked in and spotted Aria before a trunk throwing different items in. He slowly walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her body. She went rigid at his touch, slowly she relaxed and he kissed the back of her head.

"You've fooled them." He said.

"Good…" She said softly as she slowly sunk back into him. "I so badly want this pain over with Tristan…"

"I know." He said. "Whatever I can do please just tell me."

"Just be here… With me."

"Nothing could keep me from you." She turned and wrapped her arms around him. Tristan held onto her tightly all the while he stared out the window and hoped that this break from Knighthood was just what Aria needed.

The sad fact of the mother was this though, Aria didn't want a break from knighthood. All she wanted was knighthood. The thing she wanted most in this world was to feel as she did before she ever came in contact with the men who had took pleasure in her pain.