Richelle Mead owns the VA and Bloodlines series.

Sorry this chapter took SOOOO long. This was possibly the hardest chapter I've ever had to write. You'll understand why when you read it. Hopefully. I can't wait until Sydney is out if reeducation. Seriously, it's the worst. But hey! Only 3 1/2 months left until Silver Shadows!

P.S. Who's a Pride and Prejudice fan here? Have you watched The Lizzie Bennet Diaries? I just did and it's AMAZING! And I just found out they're releasing a book based on it that's going to be Lizzie's journal during her whole video blog. I'm so super excited for that, I can't even explain it.

"And what sort of...magical ability does the vampire have?" Alvarez inquired, stumbling over her words a little.

She'd recently taken to calling Adrian "the vampire". Part of me was annoyed and offended by the generalization. It seemed so racist when she said it like that. But with the compulsion pumping through me, I couldn't utter a word against her. I was beginning to lose it.

Adrian had once told me about what it felt like, dealing with spirit madness. He'd said something about knowing your thinking was wrong, but not being able to do anything about it. That was how I felt. Part of me knew my thoughts and words were wrong, but I couldn't fight them. Adrian had also said, "If you can't trust your own mind, what can you trust?"

I thought about that a lot these days. I clung to it with everything I had in me, every ounce of fire Adrian used to say he saw in me. But it was getting harder to separate my thoughts from the Alchemists, what with the almost constant chorus of propaganda playing in my cell. They'd even added new sound bites to the loop, clips they must have recorded from my sessions with Dr. Alvarez. Clips of my voice saying things, admitting things that I was certain I'd never admitted.

"Adrian and I had a pretty big fight after... He got drunk with a human girl and he... He bit her."

"I looked into his eyes... I didn't want to love him... he made me fall in love with him."

It became harder and harder to discredit the audio loops when it was my own voice saying these things. The compulsion was slowly building inside, becoming stronger every day. The guards that escorted me from room to room barely had to do more than ask me to follow them places. I was desperate to please. So when Alvarez asked what type of magic Adrian possessed, I answered immediately.

"Spirit magic," I told her, feeling pleased and guilty all at the same time. My emotions were all over the place, but as long as I answered each question correctly I was rewarded with smiles and human contact, which was much better than sitting in my boiling cell all by myself. Even if my only companion was Alvarez.

She smiled gently, but I could see a twitch in her jaw that betrayed her discomfort at the subject. "And what sort of... skills do spirit users possess?"

"Healing, compulsion, dream walking," I listed. "Adrian's especially good at dream walking. And reading auras."

"So you've seen the vampire use his magic on people before?"

"Yes," I nodded. "He's even used it on me before. He's visited my dreams and healed me."

Alvarez's brown eyes nearly bulged from her head, but she quickly composed herself, brushing a stray hair behind her ear and taking a breath. "Have you seen him use compulsion?"

My body tensed, naturally knowing this was a trap, but my lips formed the words anyway. "Yes, he's used it a few times. Mostly to get us out of trouble."

"So he uses compulsion regularly, you'd say?" She sat forward in her chair, finally getting over her fear at the topic. "He uses it to get his way?"

"He..." I wanted to say he only used compulsion to keep us from getting into trouble. I wanted to say he used it wisely and with discretion. But I couldn't help but think about the time he'd compelled a gardener to let us into someone's backyard. Or the time he'd compelled a store clerk to find herbs for my spell to locate Marcus. Adrian did use compulsion to get his way. It was only to do good, but even so, he was still imposing his will on another. "Yes," I answered, finally. "Yes, he does, sometimes."

"Are you sure he never used it on you?"

My eyes snapped up to meet hers. Her dark gaze was so intense I felt the urge to look away.

"If he's healed you, invaded your dreams and used compulsion right in front of you, what was to stop him from using it on you?"

I didn't have a good answer. I know he wouldn't do that wasn't going to convince her. And how did I know that? I didn't think Adrian was capable of something like that, but I didn't think him capable of feeding from a drugged human girl either and he'd done that.

When I didn't answer right away, Dr. Alvarez smiled and patted my shoulder. "It's okay, Sydney. Why don't you think on that for a while and we'll discuss it more in our next session?" Her voice turned suddenly perky to go with the smile she'd plastered on. "You have a visitor coming by today anyway. Guards!" she called. "Make sure Sydney has a few minutes in the bathroom before you take her back to her room."

The guards nodded as they filed into the therapy room. Usually I'd be disappointed at such a short session with Dr. A.—I really hated being in my cell—but talk of a visitor had me biting my lip in anxiety. Who could it be? Someone who knew where I was, but who? I found myself, thirty minutes later, hoping that Zoe was about to walk through my cell door. I hadn't seen my sister since she and my father had brought me into reeducation. I wondered if she still hated me. I wondered if her hating me wasn't completely her fault the way I'd tried to tell myself.

Hadn't I ignored her to spend time with Adrian? Hadn't I lied to her over and over and ignored her feelings to spend time with a vampire?

Adrian! I ignored her to spend time with Adrian, because I loved him. But I loved Zoe, too. She was my sister. How could I treat her that way? Dr. Alvarez's words rang in my mind.

"What was to stop him from using compulsion on you?"

But Adrian couldn't have—wouldn't have—used magic to separate me from my sister. Sure, he didn't like her very much, had called her a scourge on our romance more than once, but he wouldn't... I would remember if he'd done that. But I wouldn't, I realized. I wouldn't remember being compelled by a spirit user. Adrian had a power that no living creature should have, and he had the means to use it against me to get what he wanted.

I still couldn't believe he'd do something like that to me, but I couldn't justify it if he had. If he'd compelled me then he really was a monster.

"Sydney."

I jerked my head up, realizing that the door had slid open while I was lost in my thoughts. When I saw who was standing there I felt disgust, but it was mixed with a startling indifference that made me feel numb inside.

"Dad," I said quietly. "What are you doing here?"

Jared Sage entered the room, his eyes taking in my prison. Whatever his thoughts on my accommodations were, he didn't reveal them to me. Instead he stopped a few feet away and motioned for me to stand up. The guards were waiting in the open doorway behind him.

"Dr. Alvarez and her superiors say you're doing better." His voice was just as indifferent as I felt at seeing him. There was no overwhelming emotion from seeing his daughter locked away, or wearing the thin jumpsuit that showed just how much weight I'd lost since coming here. "It will take a long time for you to recover completely, but it doesn't look like a total waste anymore. I'm..." His eyes scanned my cell and my face before he pursed his lips. "I'm proud of the progress you're making, Sydney. I'm sure with the doctors here helping you, you'll be healthy again soon enough."

If I'd been in my right mind at the time, I'm sure that glowing approval from my father would have made me feel sick. But, because of the compulsion or loneliness or some sick loyalty to my father, I wasn't sure, my chest swelled with pride, knowing he thought I was doing well here. He placed a hand on my shoulder, patting it awkwardly.

"The divorce hearing is coming up soon," he told me. "We have to present a united front in court."

The divorce. I'd forgotten all about that. It hadn't happened already? How long had I been here?

"Dr. Alvarez understands how important this hearing is to you and your sister's future within the Alchemists. She's agreed to help you... sort out your thoughts about your mother."

"I'm going to the hearing?" I asked, hope flooding my chest. Had I made it through reeducation? Was it almost over?

Dad blinked and studied my face. "Yes, you'll be in court for the hearing. There will be precautions set in place, but I'm sure you'll feel much better as the date approaches. Dr. Alvarez and the others will see to it that you're comfortable on the day."

I wasn't sure what that meant, but I could only imagine it would mean extra therapy with Dr. A. for a while.

"You're doing well, Sydney," Dad said and that strange pang of pride struck me again. "This is a good opportunity for you. Don't screw it up."

With that he turned and left, pushing past the guards and leaving me alone.

I considered my father's words for a long time.

I knew I was losing it in here. Reeducation had gotten to me, the compulsion they were using on me was leaving me uncertain about a lot of things. But I knew I wasn't me. I knew it was the Alchemists making me see my world differently, see my friends differently. If I could get out of here to go to my parents' divorce hearing, if I could get them to release me, I would be okay. I would be able to shake off their compulsion and get my freedom back.

###

As happened so many times since coming to reeducation, I underestimated the Alchemists commitment to destroying my soul.

Not only did my sessions with Alvarez become more intense—she now not only pushed me to admit my sins with Adrian, but things my mother had done and said over the years that showed anti-Alchemist views—but I now saw her twice a day. My daily shot of compulsion kept me acquiescent, but I think Dr. A. knew she wasn't getting through to me enough. She wanted total obedience, not just guilt. She didn't want me to bend to her will, she wanted me to break. And that was proving harder than she expected. Unfortunately, for me, it was proving to be far too easy.

After each session I questioned a little more, believed in myself and my memories a little less. They played more and more audio clips of me admitting my sins, along with the usual propaganda. My cell was still uncomfortable to the point where I preferred to be in the therapy room and they were still keeping me drugged so my magic wouldn't work. I wondered all the time why no one had ever asked about my magic after the incident with Ian, but I was thankful. As long as Alvarez didn't ask me about it, I didn't have to mention it to her.

I still thought I'd be okay, even with the extra therapy and compulsion shots. But then, after therapy one day when I was escorted back to my cell, I found three men dressed in business casual, the standard glittering lilies on their cheeks, waiting for me.

"Sydney," one of the men said, smiling at me in a way that made my skin crawl. I'd never met him before and I wished he'd go away and take the others with him. All I wanted was my empty cell and my hard concrete floor to sleep on. "My name is Richard Forman, I'm the supervisor of this center. How are you? I hope you're feeling alright today. We have a special treat for you."

Dread pooled in my stomach. What sort of treat could this man have for me? But then, suddenly and with no reason, my dread turned into hope. Maybe they were letting me go! Or, at least, giving me a real room with an actual bed. I hadn't slept on a real bed since... Since my last night with Adrian.

I found myself more shocked by the fact that I hadn't remembered that last night with Adrian in what had to be weeks, then by the three men standing around a fold up cot in the middle of my room. How could I not think about that night? It was the last time I'd been with him, the last time we'd talked. What was even more shocking was the notable lack of longing that usually accompanied thoughts of Adrian. Instead all I could think about was Alvarez's new mantra.

"What was to stop him from using compulsion on you, Sydney? He could have made you believe anything."

It hurt to repeat those words in my head, but I did. All the time.

"Sydney, why don't you jump up here for us and we'll get this over with real quick?" Richard said, far too cheery while standing in my dank dungeon. But the compulsion to please kicked in and I found myself climbing up onto the cot.

It wasn't until I was on the cot that I noticed the folding table set up beside it. A piece of equipment much like Wolfe's tattoo machine sat beside the head of the cot, a dozen small bottles of ink beside it. They were going to re-ink me. For some reason this didn't upset me nearly as much as it should.

"Lay back, sweetheart," the man next to the machine said. I guessed he'd be the one tattooing me. My guess turned out to be correct when the man sat down in a folding chair beside the cot. "I'm David. What do you say we take care of this quickly so you can go about your day?"

The part of me that knew how stupid this was was laughing uncontrollably,—go back to what? Rocking in the corner and listening to Alchemist talk-radio?—but the other part smiled and did as he said.

I don't know what they put in my shiny new lily tattoo, but I felt dizzy and nauseous by the time David was done. He'd used bottle after bottle of ink. They each must have had some different strength of compulsion in them.

The third man in the room was an Alchemist hierophant, a sort of priest in our ranks. After each bottle of ink tattooed on my cheek he'd step forward and have me repeat the usual inking ritual.

"Our words are your words, our goals are your goals, our beliefs are your beliefs."

The hierophant made me repeat a few other commands, but by the time we were finished I felt so tired and sick I wasn't sure what I was saying. After the last part of the ritual was completed he nodded to the other two men and left the room.

"What was in that?" I gritted out, trying to sit up on the cot. "I feel sick."

David gave me a sympathetic look. "Lots of goodies that will help make you feel better, but to do their job properly you're probably going to feel like hell for a little while. Drink a lot of water and sleep it off, I say."

"Yes, rest up. Jared wants you in good shape for the hearing." That was the first man again, Richard. "You'll feel much better by then."

He patted my shoulder gently, then retreated from the room as well. The last man, David, gave me one last concerned glance as he collected his instruments. "Would you like me to leave the cot? I'm sure Mr. Forman would allow it under the circumstances. It would be a lot more comfortable than the floor."

I looked down at the cot I was still sitting on, then over to the corner of the room I usually slept in. Yes, even the hard, lumpy cot would be heaven after sleeping on concrete for so long. "Yes, thank you."

He nodded and left me to rest, telling me again to drink lots of water. I couldn't imagine why he seemed so concerned. I'd been inked a few times in the past and, aside from a sore cheek, it wasn't too bad.

The moment the door to the room closed, I was plunged into darkness, except for one brilliant beam of light, coming from a box in the wall. I jumped off the cot, still feeling dizzy, and went to examine the light. There was a small, dark shape inside of it. On closer inspection I realized it was a cross. Not my usual gold cross that I always wore, but a small wooden one with a pretty flower pattern painted on it.

As I traced my fingers over the glass it suddenly opened, allowing me to reach in and grab the necklace. When I did, the lights in the room faded up, leaving me in a comfortable glow.

"You're doing so well, Sydney," a voice praised through the speakers in the room. "This is your reward for coming so far since you entered reeducation. We hope it will remind you of your true path and keep you from the darkness that tempts you away from it."

I studied the cross in the dim light, running my finger over the flowers. It was clearly hand painted. The detail was intricate and beautiful. I remembered wearing it, but couldn't seem to remember where I'd gotten it. The chain was cheap, brass. Maybe it had been a present. From one of my sisters, perhaps? I clasped the chain around my neck and straightened the cross over my jumpsuit, then went back over to the cot.

I really did need to rest.