So, here we go. The next part, freshly baked and served warm.

As always I hope you'll like it ;D

And thanks for your feedback. It is was keeps me going, because every time I see there's a new review I feel like *ding-ding-ding*dances around happily*gosh, I need to continuuuuueeee!*

XD

I had been stubborn about not crying in front of him and after leaving the house I climbed in my car and… fled. I drove without losing a thought about where I was driving to and I felt like my mind was being detached from my body. I wasn't really there. The drive went by in a blur and when I shut the motor off and took a real look where I was… I found myself in front of Stephen's house.

My mind found back to my body and with it reality came back. I began to laugh, a desperate, sick laughter. Randy's words, the way he'd acted towards me… the whole situation, it smashed down on me like a metal pipe, shattering my whole world and me with a sickening crack. My laughing died away and I could do nothing to stop the sharp cry of pain that escaped my throat. It was worse than anything I had ever felt in my whole life. I clutched the steering wheel hard, harder until my fingers, my hands, my arms began to hurt, to burn and cramp but it didn't stop the pain that filled my heart and my mind. Eventually I let go of the steering wheel and my hands slipped down, landing heavily on my legs and starting to rock back and forth I bit down on my lip… crying. I sat like this for I don't know how long. It could have been minutes or hours. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore…

It was a gentle hand that brought me back as it settled on my shoulder. My eyes burned and my throat hurt from crying and suddenly I felt much too exhausted to even flinch at the sudden and unexpected touch. All I could do was gaze up to its owner, trying to blink back the tears which just wouldn't stop falling. I wasn't surprised to find Stephen standing there, bracing against the car door as he reached through the open side window, but his expression told me that he was surprised to find me in front of his house. Into the surprise added heavy worry as I said his name, my voice breaking at the single word.

It was enough for him to pull me out of my car and into his house, where he steered me to his couch. He sat down beside me and except for handing me a Kleenex every once in a while he did nothing but wait patiently for me to speak. For three long hours… until I said it, making it even more real than I could bear.

"Randy… he broke up… "

I told him everything, every goddamn painful detail of what had happened and while I spoke I felt his hand settle back on my shoulder, felt him rub and squeeze it in an attempt to give comfort. Then I fell silent and it was the moment he pulled me into his arms and I fell and I started to cry again…

All that had happened yesterday.

And since then time seemed to stand still, keeping me prisoner in an all too real hell…

x

I would never have believed that a room could be so awfully quiet and empty. But it was and I was right in the middle of it, feeling lost. And I knew I shouldn't be here but I was and it was my own fucking fault, because once again I had done it.

I had been me and I had done a perfect job.

Sighing I got up from the bed and walked over to the window, gazing out and down onto the yard. It had been the right thing to do… but this had gotten out of hand. It should never have ended like that. It never was supposed to end at all, but this wasn't only about me and… and John. It was about Alanna. I couldn't lose her. Not her, not my girl…

Groaning I closed my eyes and rubbed my hands through my face, trying to shut out the memories which invaded my thoughts over and over again. It had never been my intention to hurt John like I had done but at some point I had lost the control about it and… I hauled things at him I never wanted to say. What I wanted was taking things slower and us being more careful when we weren't at home because people were talking and Sam's dad knew about us. Maybe John was right, maybe her dad couldn't do anything as long as she was okay with the situation. Still it was dangerous… Losing our jobs, our reputation was one thing and it would be bad enough, but I just couldn't risk losing the custody for Ally.

John had always been so carefree about all this and sometimes I wished I could be like him, could feel like he did. Carefree, optimistic, confident. It had probably been what made me snap in the first place, the fact that he didn't seem to understand how serious our situation was. Law gave a damn shit about love. And John being John tried to convince me that the world was still all perfect, that there was no reason to worry.

I wanted to save both, our relationship and the custody for Ally and then I had to go and break up with him. We still could be together this very moment if we both hadn't been ourselves for once …

Bracing on the windowsill I hung my head, taking a shuddering breath. Randy Orton, the biggest bastard ever. I felt like crying and I wished I could, I owed it to John, but the tears just wouldn't fall. Ever since the moment John left I felt broken and it hurt beyond words yet I felt numb. My body, my mind… my heart. He left and he took his love with him, leaving me defenseless against it all. Against myself.

God, the way he had looked at me… the way his voice had sounded. He'd been so desperate and I… pushed him away. Schizophrenic, isn't it? I wanted to hold him yet I pushed him away with all my might. It killed me to see him like that yet I did my best to make it worse. I wanted to protect him yet I was the one who hurt him so very much.

I loved this man more than my own life and there were no words to describe the love I felt for him, but no matter how much I loved him… Ally was and would always be the most important person in my life.

Absentmindedly fishing in the pocket of my cargo I watched the sun go down, dyeing the horizon with the soft and calming colors only a sundown could create. And in between there was a thin line of the one color I loved so much… it was the blue of John's eyes. I had to take a deep breath as a cutting ache flashed through my chest, emerging from all the pain that lingered there since yesterday.

My fingers closed around my cell and hesitantly I pulled it out. I knew there would be no missed call from John, no message from him. Why should he want to contact me after what I had done? Yet I gazed at its screen and… found a message. My heartbeat accelerated for a moment but it wasn't from John and my heart dropped in disappointment. The message was from Stephen.

John's here at my place. I hope you're already thinking of a good way to make up to him for the bullshit you've done. I guess I don't need to tell you how much you hurt him, so apologize to him before it's too late.

No, Stephen didn't need to tell me how much I had hurt John. I had seen it in his eyes as I made our world fall apart and that image was haunting me. Again my eyes burned but the tears still refused to fall… And yes, I was tried to think of a way to make things good again between him and me, but I had no fucking idea how. All I could do was to go to him, tell him that I never meant what I said, that I never wanted to break up with him. Tell him how sorry I was… and hope he would give me a second… no, a third chance. It would be my third chance, wouldn't it? My first chance had been back then when I broke up with Sam and moved in with him, because I knew that I wanted, needed to be with him, although I hadn't been sure about my own feelings. And because I hadn't been sure I didn't take the chance he gave me and pushed him around instead, started an emotional back and forth… and toyed with him. And when I finally knew what I wanted he gave me a second chance. After all I had done to him.

I puffed a mirthless chuckle into the quietness of the room. John had gone through a lot of shit back then just because I couldn't make up my mind. The pain I had caused him had been more than enough for a lifetime and now I had done it again, so why should he forgive me?

Because he loves you and no matter what you've done, he knows that you love him, too…

Sighing heavily I sat on the edge of the windowsill, opening Stephen's message again. I was glad that John was with him because he was safe there.

Good to hear he's with you. I know that I'm a bastard and believe me, if I could turn back time I would do it.

Hitting the send button I stared at the screen, chewing on my lips while pondering if I should call Stephen… not John. I knew I wouldn't be able to spill even one word if I heard his voice now. Here we go, wasn't that poor? I loved that man more than my own life and it scared the shit out of me to talk to him. And why? Because I never learned to apologize properly. Because I was nothing than a selfish asshole, an egotistical bastard. Inconsiderate and emotionally stunted. Wasn't it a wonder that someone like John, someone who carried his heart on his tongue, who was so damn loving and caring, loyal… and precious… could love someone like me the way he did? He would give up everything he'd fought so hard for, just like that, for me. And I rewarded him with… nothing but more pain.

"Fuck…" I muttered and let my head fall lightly against the window, rolling it against the cool glass.

Christ, I was able to think all this, so why couldn't I simply tell him that?! It shouldn't be that hard and difficult, right? This was John, my John, the one person could tell anything. It had always been like that so why couldn't I do it now?

Because you're scared to death that he won't listen to you, that he won't give you another chance. That you managed to drive him away for good.

My cell vibrated in my hand. Another message from Stephen.

Don't tell me, tell him.

After a hesitant second I hit the call button and he answered immediately.

"Yer know tha yer an asshole, don't yer?" he greeted me, his voice hushed but definitely chiding and I closed my eyes, rubbing my temple against a slight pounding in my head.

"Yeah, that's what I'm telling myself all the time, thank you very much," I sighed down the line and heard him huff.

For a moment there was quietness and it was awkward and accusing.

It was Stephen who broke it, voice still hushed: "Yer really need to talk to him."

I pushed myself away from the windowsill and walked over to the bed where I sat down heavily, my free hand reaching out for an old and worn tee. It was John's shirt, the one he'd worn the night before.

"I know," I whispered, letting my fingertips brush lovingly over the fabric before burying my fingers in it to lift it to my face, inhaling John's scent which emanated from it. "I'm scared, Stephen."

Another huff and then a sigh. Faintly I heard steps coming through the line and then a door being opened and closed again. More steps and I guessed that he had left the house, probably to make sure John wouldn't hear him talking to me.

Then: "Yer should be scared, Randy. It's not John's style to leave like he left yer. Ever lost a thought tha yer have pushed him a bit too hard this time?"

Lying back onto the bed I put the tee on the spot over my heart, staring up at the ceiling. The fact that Stephen threw such a comment at me meant that John had mentioned something like that or that he'd heard something between the lines. My heart missed a beat, settling for a too fast and painful stumbling.

"Christ, Stephen, why do you think am I scared to talk to him?" I snapped at him. But this wasn't Stephen's fault, it was mine and I had no right to be like that towards him and so I added much softer: "I'm sorry, I… don't know what's wrong with me… "

Again quietness fell but only for a moment. This time it was me who spoke first.

"I never wanted to break up with him, I… fuck… I just wanted to take things a bit slower and then I snapped and somehow I… I wanted to stop but I couldn't…" I said, my voice taking on a desperate tone and my fingers twisted into the tee.

"Yeah, sounds like the Randy I knew before the two of yer got together. Yer know, the asshole-self yer pulled all too often. The one who only John and myself put up with. Question is, why is tha Randy back?" Stephen replied slowly, thoughtfully and I felt my heart plummeting to my tummy because it wasn't pleasant to hear that from a good friend like him. "John told me tha yer are afraid tha people talk about the two of yer. I understand tha yer are afraid tha it might have consequences if someone finds out about it but yer not alone. Yer know I'm there for the two of yer, even Punk and Sam and I know tha a lot other people would be okay with it, too. Believe me. Yer have the shared custody for yer daughter and why should Sam try to take it away from yer? Tha's why I wouldn't care about her dad. Tha leaves John and yer worries about yer job and yer reputation. And now tell me, what's more important: yer job and reputation or the love of yer life?"

I listened to his words as he told me all those things I already knew. Things I didn't want to admit to myself. And so I said nothing and Stephen understood.

His voice was gentle as he said: "Do something before it's too late."

"I want to… but I don't know what, how…" I whispered harshly at the bitter incapability of being the man John deserved. "I need time, Stephen. Promise you take care of him."

If anyone it was Stephen who I trusted enough to ask this.

"Promise. But don't wait too long," he warned quietly. "I gotta go now…"

I muttered a bye and got one in reply before the line fell dead and I was alone again in this awfully quiet and empty room. My eyes were still fixed on the ceiling as my hand which held the cell fell lifelessly onto the mattress, while the other kept holding the shirt tightly against my chest. The room was darkening more and more, the remaining daylight barely illuminating it with a soft crimson and for no apparent reason it fed the pain in me. Well, maybe because it dimmed my already lousy mood even more. Yeah… it pulled me down and honestly I didn't have the strength to fight it…

After long minutes there was a soft knock at the door. A moment later it opened and she stepped in, whispering my name. There had been times when I loved to hear her say my name like that but now it only set a wave of hot guilt free and I knew I shouldn't be here, that I should leave as fast as even possible yet I couldn't stand the thought of being alone in an empty hotel room. It was hard enough to be in this empty room. Sam switched the lights on and I had to narrow my eyes against the sudden glaring brightness. I heard her steps come closer and felt the mattress dip as she sat onto the bed.

"Ally asked me to give Daddy and… Daddy John a kiss," she said and I hoped that she wouldn't lean in to really deliver that kiss.

She didn't. And I was grateful for it and I was also grateful that Alanna was with her grandparents.

"Dinner's ready," she added and the mattress bounced a bit as she shifted, leaning over me and our gazes locked. "You haven't eaten since you came here. Aren't you hungry, Ran?"

I winced as she called me that. It was the first time ever since I broke up with her that she called me by my pet name. It was wrong… The right to call me Ran belonged to John and only wrapped in that warm voice of his it sounded right.

"Sam, please… don't. Don't call me that," I muttered as rolled over to sit up, undercooled as I said those words… avoiding her hurt look. "And no, I'm not hungry, but thanks. I could do with a beer though."

With that I got up and made my way out of the room, heading towards the kitchen while Sam followed behind. I could feel her sharp eyes directed at me, a stare she had given me much too often in the past. It meant she wanted to talk… about things.

"So you really think drinking is a good idea?"

"Right now? Yeah," I replied wearily as I helped myself to a beer and in addition to a bottle of Scotch on my way to the living room.

Sam had changed only few things after I had moved out, yet this house didn't feel like a home to me anymore. I was a guest, nothing more, nothing less. A guest who wasn't very nice to his host. Setting the bottles down onto the coffee table I turned around to her and her stare softened immediately. Obviously I looked as miserable as I felt.

"Thanks, Sam. Really. Thank you for letting me stay here."

"It's okay… Randy," she replied and I watched her brows furrow lightly and her lips become a thin line, like always when she was worried, and with that she stepped closer to me. "You don't look good…"

Nodding I let myself fall onto the couch, resting my head against the backrest as I slipped deeper into the thick cushion.

"Huh, yeah… I don't feel good."

My voice was a mere whisper. I suddenly felt tired and I liked the prospect of a short and alcohol-saturated evening with a hopefully dreamless sleep afterwards. From the corner of my eye I saw her reach out to me, but she pulled her hand back before it touched me. We had become friends again over the past three years and things were quite easy between us, yet touching was still awkward, even if it was only a pat on the shoulder. I leaned forward, opening the beer and took a hearty gulp, a second, a third, took the Scotch and leaned back, placing it beside me.

"You don't need to stay here, Sam. This is gonna be ugly…" I warned her quietly because yes, I planned on drinking myself far beyond oblivion.

"You want to get drunk? Okay, but I'm not leaving you alone down here and risk that something happens to you without anyone noticing it."

She turned towards me and pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around them. Okay, so I would have audience. Sam knew me and she knew how this would end.

Cocking her head a bit she asked after a moment: "What happened?"

"I screwed up," I replied curtly, busying myself with the Scotch.

I hissed as the liquid burned its way down my throat and sent some beer right after it to wash the burning away. She nodded slowly.

"Well, you already said that. But you must've screwed up big time if John really kicked you out. I mean, we're talking about John. If anyone in this world is able and willed to put up with all the shit you dish out than it's him and…"

My head snapped around to her, the glare I sent her making her fall silent but I immediately averted my face. It wasn't Stephen's fault and it wasn't hers.

"God knows I had a hard time to admit it to myself but the two of you were the perfect couple. Really," she continued gingerly, eyeing me carefully. "After all that had happened and the past three years… I never thought that anything could destroy your relationship. Ever. What happened, Randy?"

Nothing except me…

Instead of answering her question I focused on getting drunk, ignoring her sighs, huffs, her insistent saying my name and worried stare. My mind drifted off, diving into obscured corners of my memories, pulling drawers open to free them. Memories of him…

Those sparkling baby blues. His scent, the way his skin felt under my touch. The way he kissed me awake every morning… his warm voice, whispering my name while we made love…

I stifled a sudden sob and took a few deep breaths, before his name dropped from my lips in a pained plea.

And again Sam reached out to me while wiping with the other hand over her cheeks. Absurd. This… was absurd. I was sitting here after losing the love of my life and my ex-wife was trying to comfort me although I dumped her for him. And all that just because I was unable to get a grip on my life.

Before she could touch me I inched away from her and put the Scotch to my lips, drinking it without a stop and it was pure will that prevented me from throwing up as my stomach cramped. With every single gulp I came closer to my goal of fading into blackness and I doubled my effort. With success. A low groan escaped my throat as I set the almost empty bottle beside me, my hand slipping down onto the cushion. Faintly I noticed Sam taking the bottle away and I wanted to protest, but all I managed was a shuddering moan as my stomach cramped again.

Johnny…

I noticed a dull, increasing buzzing in my ears. She whispered my name, deeply worried and very slowly I turned my face into Sam's direction, blinking as I tried to focus on her through my blurring vision and the alcohol induced haze that engulfed my mind as the alcohol finally hit me full force. The dull buzzing in my ears became louder every second and then my vision began to darken as I allowed my body to shut down, to slip into the approaching sleep… or maybe even unconsciousness.

The last thing I saw were her eyes… coming closer… and closer… or maybe I was only imagining it? And the last thing I felt… was… a touch… on my face… my neck… or… maybe I was only… imagining it…

For all those who thought that this is gonna be in Randy's POV… well… I'm trying myself on both POV's aaaand flashbacks from Randy's POV.

Good? ;3