Well, yeah... no comment, this is more than long overdue... -_-

Hope there are still some fellow traveler of the Centon-ship out there ;)

Enjoy, guys!

I had no idea how long I was already staring at Phil's house, yet into nothing, while I sat in my car. Thinking. My mind was replaying the conversation with Phil over and over again and Phil's demeanor, the façade he'd tried to put up, could have worked with anyone who didn't know him better. But I did, didn't I? I knew him better. Maybe not as good as Stephen knew him, but good enough to see that he had been tripping over himself, that he had felt caught. His surprise about Stephen's sprained wrist though had been real. The flicker of guilt in his eyes. Real. Just as the worry I had seen there and the need to run off and right to Stephen. It had been so very obvious and so unlike Phil to give those, if tiny signs, away. Although I wasn't sure if he was aware that his façade hadn't worked at all.

I knew the battle he was fighting with himself. Just as Randy and Stephen knew it. We all had been there.

Phil was probably thinking, feeling that he should not, could not and would not call Stephen, let alone go to him although he wanted to, yet wanted not to do it. A scary feeling that pulled you down into a spiral and it was so very hard to get out of it again.

So… Phil wanted Stephen. I even dared to say he was in love with him. Badly. But he couldn't accept it, maybe because Stephen was a man, maybe because he was his best friend, maybe because of the fear to lose someone he loved and, since we were talking about Phil, maybe because it meant to let someone too deep into his heart… although it had already happened. And maybe it was all of this combined. And because Phil wasn't able to handle the situation, he simply had pushed Stephen away as far as even possible, finding himself alone and lost and scared. Wishing that Stephen was there to comfort him.

It hurts… to know that the very thing that causes you pain is the only thing that can make everything good again.

Time… it was what Phil needed. At least I hoped so. And maybe a little push or two into the right direction, that was why I had told him to take care of Stephen and how much he meant to him. On so many levels. Told him not to hurt him.

But he had hurt Stephen already, hadn't he? The thing was, if he kept treating Stephen like this, the pain he would cause would be so much worse. For both of them. And maybe Phil was trying to convince himself that he wasn't really having this kind of feelings for Stephen or maybe he knew that he was in love and thought that keeping distance would make it go away. Whatever it was he was thinking, it was nothing more and nothing less that kidding himself.

The thing was… except gentle little pushes with words, there was nothing I really could do to help Stephen and that was practically nothing and made me feel like I just had failed at being a good friend. Knowing that I had never met someone with so many moats, drawbridges, portcullis and walls around them as Phil had built around himself didn't help a bit. So all I could do now was to try to place the right push at the right moment and be there for Stephen, whether this would end good or not.

And Stephen… I wasn't sure how long Stephen would be able to go on like this and if someone asked me, I'd say not much longer. It was only a matter of time until Stephen would break down but I hoped that Phil would make up his mind before that would happen. I prayed. I didn't want to see Stephen fall to pieces…

With a sigh I eventually wrenched my eyes away from Phil's house and started the car to head home where Randy was waiting for me. To talk, about what had happened, about what would be.

A part of me still couldn't believe that Randy was back. Back at my side. This all, it was like a bad movie and I had no fucking words for how grateful I was that it had an happy end now. But those pictures of Randy, how he'd looked as I picked him up from the police and later in the bathroom… when he stood in the living room, gazing at our family portrait… so sad.

And seeing Randy cry was still something that cut deep and right into my very core.

The way to my house flew by, nothing more than a blur as I drove on autopilot. My mind was still clinging to the last night. It had been cute, this shy and submissive side Randy had shown yesterday and I told myself not to think of it as cute. The last days had been wearing down on Randy and he had been grateful, just as I had been grateful that the horror was over. He had just wanted to give the lead to me, maybe tried to make amends this way. If I was honest, it wasn't the Randy I wanted. I didn't want him to beg and to crawl, to be submissive. I wanted my Randy, the man I had known for years. Strong, proud. A fighter. I wanted this man and I wanted him to be honest and to trust me that we could work things out and fend any shit off. We could do it. We always had. But this man was back now, wasn't he? He wanted to fight, together with me. For Ally and for us. Randy loved me and I never should have doubted him.

It almost killed me to lie in bed beside him without at least holding his hand. Huh, I was that addicted to him. I fucking needed him, needed to feel him and it had taken me, what, five minutes? I could never have spent the night beside him without holding him in my arms and God help me, kiss him.

That kiss… it had been so perfect. Perfect because for days I had been sure that I had lost the love of his life. Perfect and precious. Just like falling asleep and waking up with Randy in my arms, realizing that this hadn't just been a dream had been perfect and precious. I had spent half of the night with listening to his breathing and this cute, tiny snores and just savoring the feeling of holding him.

And then I had spent half of the morning with sorting my thoughts out. Not that there had been a doubt left, it was more a storing bad feelings and worries away and… well, process everything. Thinking about it now he should have told Randy that he just needed a little time to himself

A sigh passed my lips.

Randy wanted to make it up to me and I wanted to make up to him. And maybe we should just draw a line under all this and make it a new start.

There was still the first problem though. I didn't want to hide anymore and he was afraid to get out of the closet, so we had to find a way that made him feel as comfortable as possible under the given circumstances.

Randy and Ally were my family and God knew, if anyone ever dared to take Ally away from Randy, I would make their lifes a hell…

I pulled into the driveway and shut the car down and for a moment I sat there, pondering if I should tell Stephen about my little conversation with Phil, but Stephen didn't want him to talk to Phil, so… Keeping it to himself was probably better.

I got out of my car, grabbed Randy's stuff and made my way over to the front door. Funny how my heart suddenly began to run and jump in love and excitement. That was how it felt to fall in love all over again with the one you already love. Quickly slipping into the house I threw my keyes on the counter and his bags to the ground and hurried to the living room, finding it empty. Just as the kitchen was empty. I could have ran up to the bedroom now, but something told me I should look somewhere else and my feet were already moving in that direction before my head caught up.

The door to the utility room was ajar, a thin ray of light falling through it. Laying my hand on the door that gave way without making a sound, my eyes immediately jumped to a special place in there. The washer. And on it sat Randy, his face hidden against his drawn up knees and obviously he hadn't noticed me yet. It was the place where I had almost kissed him for the first time. This utility room was the place where Randy had remembered what had happened between us in that night when I had picked his drunken ass up from the pub.

It had become some kind of a hideaway for Randy, this washer.

For a few seconds I just kept gazing at him, before I said quietly: "Hey, Babe…"

Lifting his head, he gave me with a bright smile as I approached him slowly.

"Johnny…" he sighed, scooting a little to let his legs dangle over the edge of the washer.

He held our family portrait in his hand and I felt a sweet tugging in my chest. Stepping up to him, I put my hands on his knees, pulled them apart and moved to stand between his legs, before I took the picture out of his hand, placed a kiss on it and put it aside carefully.

"Missed you, babe," I murmured and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him flush against me and breathed a kiss to his lips.

Immediately his feet locked behind my thighs and his arms circled my neck as he clung to me like a little octopus. I loved it. A peck to my lips, a second and a third.

"Missed you, too, Johnny…" he purred lowly. "So much…"

There was a soft nip at my bottom lip, asking for entrance and smiling I parted my lips. Tongues met half-way, eager yet gentle, falling into a slow and sweet dance and the tiny moans and happy little sighs he graced me with tasted so very addictive. My hands roamed, sneaked under his shirt… warm, soft skin against my palms… wonderful…

"Love you," Randy whispered against my lips as the kiss broke.

"And I love you," I whispered back, breathing a kiss to the corners of his mouth. "Ran, I… sorry that I haven't said a word that I needed a little time for myself this morning. I should have known you would worry and… I'm sorry. Didn't want to make you feel bad…"

"Don't worry, Johnny. You needed time and that's okay." A peck on my lips. "How was your little conversation with Phil?" he asked as he drew back a bit, his eyes roaming my face.

Relieved eyes. Sparkling eyes. Glowing with happiness. And being honest with myself, I couldn't remember when I had seen them sparkle like this the last time before all of this happened and it meant that… I had been blind. I should have seen that there was something on his mind, should have known it… but now it was okay, wasn't it? It would never happen again.

"He's in love with Stephen," I replied, trailing my fingers up his spine, causing him to shiver lightly and to arch against me.

There was a tiny sound of surprise, just like he'd given me when I told him about Stephen being in love with Phil. A cute sound.

"So everybody is gay now?" he mumbled, grinning.

"Obviously we infected them," I grinned back and winked at him, but my voice became more serious again when I spoke again. "The problem is that he's scared."

"To let someone in?" he hummed, playing with the short hair on the back of my neck, the gentle caress sending a tingle down my spine.

"Yeah, probably. And that he is in love with his best friend, that he could lose him," I sighed. "He didn't admit it but it was written all over his face. He was so… confused… The worst thing is that I can't tell him what Stephen feels for him. Stephen would never talk to me again and I'm not sure how Phil would handle it right now. I think he hasn't reached the point yet that he can accept it and want it. And Stephen… he didn't want me to talk to Phil. Even if I tell him about it now, it wouldn't help him get even one step further. He'd probably scare Phil away now."

Another hum from him.

"That's a problem. What do you think? Do the two have a chance?"

I brought a hand up to his face and trailed my index finger down its side, ran it along his bottom lip and he breathed a kiss to its tip. He was so beautiful.

"If Phil comes to terms with his feelings for Stephen soon, yeah. I hope he does, because I don't know how long Stephen can go on like this," I said, running my fingers along his neck and down his chest.

He closed his eyes and smiled softly as my hand fond back to its place on his bare skin, but then the smile dimmed a little before he buried his face in the crook of my neck, heaving a heavy sigh.

"Speaking of coming to terms… I talked to Sam," he stated. And waited, maybe because I couldn't help but tense a little, because Sam… Sam was a difficult topic form me. "I made her promise that she'll never try to take the custody for Ally away from me or let anyone else try to do it…" he added after a moment.

"You think she'll stick to her promise?" I huffed, tasting the bitter rage on my tongue, wondering how long it would take until I could talk to this woman again without tasting it.

"I believe her, yeah."

Turning my head a little, I planted a kiss to his nape. This here was Randy's hideaway and not the right place to talk about things or else what would be said now would hang over this place like a shadow forever.

That's why I brought my hands to his side, gently urging him to lean back as I said: "How about we go over to the living room to talk?"

Five minutes later I was lying on the couch, gazing down at Randy who lay between my legs with his head resting on my chest. My fingers trailed lazily over his back, as did his on my side and there was this warning voice in the back of my head that whispered to me to never let him go again, over and over again ever since I had him back, because… how could I go on without him?

"Randy… I know you're scared about telling the world about us, but I can't go on like this forever," I began hesitantly, carefully watching his reaction.

Shifting a little, he turned his head and rested his chin against my sternum, blinking at me absently and I could see traces of unease in his eyes about what was to come, but nothing more and nothing less. This wasn't the man who had freaked out completely a few days ago. This man… was my Randy.

"I know, Johnny," he said quietly and a sad little smile crooked his lips. "And I'm not gonna ask you for it. All I ask for a little more time to take this, you know, step by step."

"We're gonna do it the way you're comfortable with, Ran. How about we start with our parents? I mean, I'm sure they know it anyway," I suggested.

And really, we never told our parents about us, but how could they not know it? Living together, spending our time together, even family parties… No one could be that blind.

Randy pursed his lips, nodding a tiny yes before murmuring: "I thought we could talk to Vince. I think he'll understand and help us."

"Yeah, that's a good idea, babe," I replied and felt joy dance in my chest, because Randy really wanted to do this and Vince would have our backs, I knew he would.

"I guess the first difficult step will be friends and co-workers," he sighed, closed his eyes and nuzzled his face against my chest again. "Aren't you scared, Johnny? About their reactions?"

I would have been a lie to say that I wasn't. It was never nice to see people look at you like you're some disgusting insect, yet anyone who would turn their back on us wasn't a friend and if Vince was on our side, we could give a flying fuck about any of our co-worker who had a problem with us being together.

"Sure I am. But this is about us and we can't live a secret for the rest of our lifes. We will lose friends and we will find new ones. We're stronger than bad words and hate, Ran."

"With you I am," he whispered and I could hear his smile in that whisper. A soft chuckle followed. "I always wondered… you know, when we were in a grocery store or at a café, how it would be simply to take your hand… or kiss you. Like all those other people do. Just… just kiss you without even give it a thought what the consequences could be."

One of my hands found to his head, cradling it against my chest. I had thought about that so often over the past three years that it almost had made me crazy, the longing just to be with Randy the way any other couple lived their lifes together.

"Yeah… but we can be there someday, babe," I whispered back. "Let's take a first step and let us talk to Vince tomorrow. Or do you need some more time?"

I wanted this to happen but I didn't want to push him. One day more or less didn't make a difference.

"No, I… it's okay, Johnny. Maybe we should call our parents tonight? I know it's not the best way to tell them on a webcam, but we both don't know when we'll get to see them again. What do you think?"

He was right, it wasn't the best way to tell our parents that, hey, we're an item, but on the other hand it would only be a confirmation for what they already knew anway. I wasn't kidding myself here. Really.

"Yeah. We could have a nice dinner and a glass of wine and when you feel easy enough about it, we can start with my parents. They are used to hearing, hey mom, hey dad, I'm gay. Don't think they'll even bat an eye," I said grinning, receiving a soft chuckle from Randy.

But that chuckle died away as he shifted again to look at me and I could see that he wanted to tell me something, so I gave him the time he needed to bring whatever was lying on his heart over his lips. Then he slipped a finger under the collar of his shirt. When he pulled his hand back, his finger was hooked under a necklace and on the necklace… was the ring. My chest constricted as my eyes fell on the piece of jewellery and I didn't even know why, since we had put our shattered world back together again. Maybe because this ring summed it all up. All we had been, all that had happened and all we would be from now on.

"Can I, uhm…" he began quietly, shy almost as he took the ring between index finger and thumb, lovingly running the pad of his thumb over it. "Can I wear it a few days longer?"

And once more I felt my chest constrict, now because of the way he looked at me, begging, a bit like a kicked puppy. Hopeful. Apologizing. And his words from last night echoed in my mind.

Want you to know… would have said yes, Johnny…

As if he read what I was just thinking of, he added: "I meant what I said last night, Johnny. I would have said yes."

I knew he wanted to believe that and I wished I could believe it, but I knew he wouldn't have said yes. No way. Not after I had seen him freak out like that.

"No, you wouldn't have," I sighed, a gentle smile on my lips, and shook my head no as he opened his mouth to object. "And that's okay, Ran. I don't even want to think how you would have felt if I had asked you to marry me… back then." He closed his mouth and I could have kicked my ass, because his beautiful eyes became a bit glassy. I pinched the tip of his nose playfully. "Don't look at me like this. It is okay. Really. And you can wear the ring as ling as you want. But… you know, what I still don't understand is why you haven't talked to me? I thought you knew that you can tell me anything."

His gaze became distant while he kept running his thumb over the ring, caressed it as he mumbled: "I don't know. I was scared that I could lose my girl and I guess it made me blind." He closed his eyes briefly and when he looke at me again, he was back in the here and now. "You've always been the one I could trust blindly, the one who was there for me no matter what. You always find a way to make things good again. I know that, always knew it and still… huh, I guess I've simply been totally me. A douchebag, asshole…"

"Hey," I cut him off. "Careful, you're talking about the love of my life here. But we're not gonna let that happen to us ever again, Ran. Okay?"

"Never again," he whispered.

Quietness fell over us as we kept gazing at each other. Ease came with it and a comfortable desire, flooding our little world. The air between us hummed with a love that could breathe again, with that connection that made us one. It always had, ever since day one. Something shifted in the depths of those mesmerizing grey orbs and while the expression on Randy's face became infinitely soft, the something in his eyes, raw and heavy, began to burn and the mere sight ignited a spark in my belly. Sliding down my body, he pushed my shirt up a little to breathe a kiss just below my bellybutton. The spark became a flame…

"I want you, Johnny…"

Got some words for me?