Katniss POV
Why did I do that?
He was right. Everything he was saying was true. He understood me completely. And his kiss…his kiss was every bit as magical as I had feared. For a moment I was able to forget the problems surrounding me. To forget my responsibility. To forget everything except for my feelings. And it was wonderful.
But then the moment ended and fear coursed through my veins. All acceptance of that wonderful feeling was replaced by uncertainty and I allowed myself to be consumed by it.
I'll never erase the look of hurt on Peeta's face as I ran away. Surely such rejection will rid him of his feelings for me. At first I though that would be better…but that thought hurts to even think.
What should I do now?
For the rest of the day I did not return to camp. I wandered through the woods aimlessly, unsure of my destination and confused of the journey.
My thoughts swirled around Peeta and our kiss. His words. My rejection. My feelings. His feelings.
I wasn't entirely sure of where my feet had taken me until I had arrived.
Home.
Peeta POV
As Katniss disappeared into the woods I felt my heart breaking. Not completely but it had definitely cracked.
She had rejected me. Her feelings were true and she still ran away. I wish I knew why.
"Where is Katniss?" Gale asked me long after lunch.
"I don't know. I haven't seen her since this morning." I deadpanned.
"Strange. It is unlike her to disappear without telling us first. Did something happen?" He asks me, eyes searching my face. His eyes flick to Finnick's. Both are worried and confused.
"No." I do not wish to recount this morning's events.
"Peeta are you sure. You look terrible. Is everything alright?" Finnick pries.
"Everything is fine Finnick. Please leave it."
Katniss POV
I knock gently before opening the door.
"Mom? Prim?" I call out into the stillness of the house.
"Katniss!" Prim's high voice trills from the upstairs. She appears from her bedroom and bounds down the stairs into my arms. She hugs me tightly and I do the same.
"Katniss what's wrong?" She asks after pulling away. "You look simply awful."
"I may have made a mistake Prim."
So I tell her of Peeta and I. These past weeks and this morning.
"Now I fear that he will not feel the same for me. I told him I can't and he looked so broken. I fear he will forget his feelings for me. Rightly he should, I would only cause him pain."
"Katniss it sounds as if he truly loves you. I am sure he would be ready to welcome you back. He wouldn't hesitate I think. Katniss you cannot be so afraid to love. You are not our mother."
"I know Prim. Thank you."
"Why did you not send word you were coming?"
"I didn't realize I was until I was standing outside."
Prim giggles, "That explains your strange attire."
I look down; indeed I am still in my trousers, tunic and cloak.
A concerned look quickly overcomes her face. "Do they know where you are? I'm sure everyone is quite worried."
"You're right! I should probably go. I'm sorry Prim."
"Go Katniss! Promise me you'll try to allow yourself to be happy with Peeta?"
"I promise Prim." With a last hug I turn and begin my journey back through the woods.
Nighttime comes and the sun begins to rise. I do not arrive back at the camp until midday. I've been gone a long while, surely they will be worried.
When I enter the camp sighs of relief great me. I notice that the Crestas are no longer present.
"Sweetheart we were worried about you. What were you thinking disappearing like that?" Haymitch rants in a rare moment of unbridled concern before pulling me in for a hug.
"I'm sorry. I was thinking and didn't realize I had wandered so far away."
"Where did you go?" Gale prods.
"Home."
Gale nods in understanding. Everyone accepts my story and they return to whatever it was they were doing. I notice that Peeta is not among them.
In fact Peeta does not return till dinner. He is sweating and tired. He must have been training. He looks to me only briefly. His eyes are hollow and devoid of his usual happy countenance. He doesn't hold my gaze. He doesn't even acknowledge me.
I am to late.
…:::…
"The Crestas have offered to supply us with clothing for our mission. As well they will supply us with enough to keep the villagers well. So now we can focus on training and overthrowing the Queen. Our story will be that Annie had indeed made it to Silex and had married a nobleman there. We will be friends and family of the happy couple, all traveling to visit Panem. We will be welcomed as honored guests, and some of us as servants. Peeta you will have to pretend to still be pining after the loss and lies of the false Delly Cartwright. Katniss we will have to sneak you in as a servant since it is more than likely you would be recognized as the girl from the ball. From there we will be able to enter the castle. The Queen will undoubtedly try to force her good reputation by inviting us all the attend the Spring ball. Once inside we must capture the Queen. Peeta you will be turning eighteen in two months time am I correct?"
Peeta nods.
Haymitch has spent the last long while discussing the plan with us. Peeta and I have not spoken. He still won't look at me.
"Then we will only have to wait a fortnight until you can take her place as Queen. With the Queen in our possession you will be able to usurp the crown uncontested the day of your eighteenth birthday. Then she will have no ability to have you dethroned because it will be your birthright."
It is a good plan I must admit. It is still dangerous and risky but if successful it will be the saving grace of Panem.
"All agreed say I." Haymitch asks.
A chorus of 'I' rings out around the fire. I try not to notice just how pained Peeta's voice sounds even in that simple word.
The next morning I go in search of Rue.
"Rue, would you please tend to Peeta's wound? I don't want it to get infected but I fear he would not want me tending to him."
"Of course. Katniss is everything alright?" She asks concernedly, "You seem sad."
"Oh it is nothing Rue. It is merely stress and exhaustion from readying for the Queen's overthrow. Do not worry yourself about me." I know she suspects my lie but she respects me enough not to pry.
Peeta POV
"Good morning Peeta." Rue's smiling face disrupts me from my depressing thoughts.
Katniss had almost looked happy two days ago when she returned. When I had arrived from my rigorous training and vain attempts to distract myself from Katniss' rejection, she had looked so cheerful. She was smiling and laughing but the moment I arrived her face fell. I couldn't bear to hold her gaze any longer. There was too much pain. Even all throughout Haymitch's plotting and plan making yesterday she wouldn't look at me.
She hasn't looked at me since. Every time I've snuck a glance her face is impassive and emotionless. But she never looks in my direction.
"Good morning Rue." I endeavor to lighten my voice. But it is in vain.
"Katniss asked me to come and check your wounds. We wouldn't want to risk an infection now do we?" Her happy, lilting voice does little to brighten my dark mood.
Katniss can't even bear to be near me long enough to change my bandages. What have I done? I wish I could regret admitting my feelings to her. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could take it all back. But I know that I would have eventually told her and it seems she would have eventually rejected me. If I had waited longer I do not doubt the sting of her rejection would have been far greater.
"No we most certainly wouldn't." I deadpan.
She quickly and with knowing fingers changes my dressing and applies a handmade balm before bandaging my arm again.
"What is that?" I ask when the balm begins to tingle pleasantly against my still aching wound.
"A special concoction of my own. It will keep cleaning the cut as well as help to speed your healing. I learnt it from my mother. She was a healer as well. A very talented one if I do say so myself. I've been very glad of the knowledge she has passed to me."
"Thank you Rue. It feels marvelous." That is not a lie; already my wound feels so much better.
"You should come and eat. Annie has made a wonderful breakfast. We will all need to keep our strength up these next few weeks. We have a very important mission ahead of us." She winks at me and then skips away.
I follow her to the fire where breakfast is served and everyone is chatting amiably. Katniss and Haymitch look like they are discussing strategy and the like. Finnick and Annie are engrossed in a lovers stare. Oddly though, Johanna and Gale seem to be nervously shifting closer to each other while they discuss the advantages of different weapons. Cato and Madge are sitting with their food in one hand and the other is engaged in dueling with their throwing knives and it seems like Madge is winning.
I sit off to the side and eat my breakfast in silence. I notice a few worried glances thrown my way but I shrug them off. I swallow the gruel quickly before tromping off into the woods. I follow the path Katniss had led me down a few days ago until a reach the small clearing.
The target Katniss created is still on the tree. I glare at it…it reminds me of a different time. I grab a knife from my belt and hurl it towards the tree in a fit of fury. A deep growl tears from my lips as the knife leaves my fingers and embeds itself deep into the tree bark. It hits just off the side of the bulls-eye.
The fact that I missed infuriates me. I throw knife after knife until my belt is empty. Then I retrieve them and start all over. When it becomes clear that my throws are only hitting farther from the target I decide to switch.
I pull my sword from its sheath and begin to practice through all the training I had received over the year. I've been completely useless. Just a burden so far. If I am to be of any real aid in this mission I need to train harder. I had let myself be so focused on Katniss and my feelings for her that I had let myself slack in the area of training. All I've done is follow Katniss around like a shadow…a miserable and pathetic shadow. I've been of little use during heists and I managed to only attract attention during our visit to the Hob. I haven't even given any real thought to overthrowing the Queen—my original reason for seeking Everdeen and his aid—all I've thought about is Katniss. Katniss. Katniss! Katniss! What power does she hold over me?
Apart from my quick thinking with the Cresta's I've been useless. An utter disappointment…but no more. No I will train and I will be ready to fight. I will overthrow my mother and I will take my rightful place on the throne. When I do I will deserve it. I will be the ruler my kingdom needs. I will be a king, no longer will I be the pathetic Prince who barely pulls his own weight. No I will be better.
All day long, under the hot rays of the sun, I train. I direct my anger, my hurt, my sadness, any emotion I push into my training. I train with the sword, with my knives. I even snatch one of the extra bow and arrows and attempt to remember what Katniss taught me. My aim only improved a little.
Around mid-day I had removed my shirt. I greatly regret that action now. My fair skin has taken a frightening shade of pink. And I know by morning it will be very painful and tender.
Immediately I seek Rue's help. Hoping she has another balm to help sooth my soon to be aching skin.
"I'm sorry Peeta, but I have no experience with sunburns. Katniss does though. I recall her telling me once of her sister, as fair skinned as you, who often got sun burnt. You should ask her I'm sure she has an idea of how to help you."
I consider briefly just forgetting the whole endeavor. Asking Katniss for help now seemed too painful to bear. However when I reached up to nervously scratch the back of my neck….well I suddenly realized that this sunburn would by far be worse to endure than a few moments of Katniss and her rejection.
"Would you find her for me?" I ask meekly. Rue gives a happy nod before scampering up the ladders to the huts above.
What could only have been a few moments seemed like a dreadfully long time but eventually Katniss and Rue descended the ladder one after the other.
Katniss' face looked tired. Dark circles were forming under her eyes and that beautiful grey that had always enchanted me seemed dull and dreary. Seeing her this way pull at my heartstrings and so I forced myself to look away. Rue quickly explained and Katniss nodded.
"There is a plant that grows near the lake. It will help you." She states matter-of-factly and with no emotion to betray her thoughts. "Follow me."
Reluctantly I do. I follow as she tromps through the woods not taking any care to keep her footsteps quiet as she normally does. It is a long while of awkward silence before we reach the lake.
She stoops down and plucks a leaf from the spiky plant. She uses her knife to cut into the plant and gathers the liquid that pours from it into her hand.
She clears her throat awkwardly. "You'll need to remove your tunic." Again her voice is nearly lifeless but I do as she asks.
With a soft touch she begins to spread the liquid on my skin. At first the pleasure of her touch concedes to the wonderful sensation the liquid it having on my skin. It is incredible relief.
"That should help." She says after covering my skin. "You'll need to keep your tunic on during any time you spend in the sun. It will only get worse if you do not." She hesitates. "May I ask why you had your tunic removed for long enough to acquire such a burn?"
"I was training and it was very hot out. It seemed a good way to cool off."
She doesn't respond after that. She simply nods before turning back to camp. I follow her in silence and at the camp we part ways. In so many ways I can't wait for the end of this quest.
A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry I missed a week. I found out last Wednesday that I had a paper due that following Saturday. A 67 page paper to be exact. So yeah between that and the really crazy weeks a work I didn't have time to write.
Also I just wanted to send a shout out to all the victims of the floods in Southern Alberta. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.