Author's Note: And now, the horrible secret beneath the assassination attempt is revealed...
I stepped into the courtroom. All eyes were fixed on me, mouths open and gaping in both horror and relief.
I must have looked like a wreck. I ignored the sharp, shooting pain in my side and finally saw her.
Stella Ross.
Oh God, what have I done?
I strode, almost jogged over to her. With shaking hands I began to take the handcuffs off of her, listening to her whisper my name over and over again- "Yusei…Yusei….Yusei…"
I felt Trudge's hands on my shoulders, asking me in calm voice what I was doing. When I didn't respond, he asked me to please stop. I didn't.
Eventually the handcuffs came off, and she threw her arms around me, burying her face in the crook of my neck.
Her form wracked with sobs she had been holding in all this time. "I've missed you so much, Yusei…"
She had been keeping my secret safe this whole time. She had taken my responsibility from me, carried it without complaint. She didn't deserve to be sitting here, chained, with all my friends' eyes staring at her coldly, their gaze like cyanide.
I knew this was the moment I had to tell them.
I let go of Stella and whispered in her ear, "I'm going to tell them. You won't have to feel this way…ever again. Thank you so much, Stella. So, so very much."
I was crying now. This was all my fault.
I looked around. Every person who had been at the party that night was here, save a few people. But they'd find out. This was probably the scariest thing I had ever done- willingly admitting my biggest mistake to everyone I loved on live TV.
How do I get myself into these situations?
"This is all my fault."
My voice was clear through the tears. Jack looked like he had been slapped.
"Yusei, don't you ever…she did it…what the hell are you saying, mate?"
I looked away. I couldn't do this. I couldn't tell them with their eyes staring at me, so expectant, so trusting, so loving…
But I did it anyway, because I cared more about how they feel than how I feel.
"I asked her to do this. I asked her to kill me."
The shocked silence that followed my words was deafening. Jack stared at me, his shoulders slumping and his mouth falling openly falling into a frown. The disbelief he had in his eyes bode no room for lies and tricks.
"That's not funny, Yusei."
Martha's voice was the first I heard after that. "Don't you ever say that again. This woman…she's a murderer. I know that you have a good heart Yusei, but she doesn't deserve your protection."
She swallowed stiffly, and I saw something in her eyes. It took me a second to figure out what it was- fear.
"This isn't a joke, Martha. I'm dead serious." My tone became steely, though I don't really know why. "I asked Stella to do this. All this happened because I asked her to find a way to end my life. I would have just taken it myself…she does deserve my protection, and she deserves so much more."
More silence came from the crowd. Until someone spoke up.
"Yusei, what the hell is going on? What she did, what you did, if what you're saying is true, is illegal. I can't imagine you trying to hurt someone." Trudge's mouth quickly snapped shut.
"I would never hurt anyone else, Trudge. But I'm different when it comes to this kind of thing. And I know what I did was wrong. It was…a mistake."
That's when I realized Jack was standing in front of me. He forcefully grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him. He radiated anger, something that still, after everything we've been through, seemed so… Jack.
"How…could…you…"
Akiza spoke up then, her eyes also blazing with anger as she stood up sharply, her chair falling and clattering to the ground.
"You stupid idiot!" I soon realized that her anger was born of fear and love, not hate. "How could you do this to us? How could you just want to leave us behind like that, wondering what we did wrong, what we could have done?"
He voice soon became a low whisper, as tears began to cascade down her cheeks.
"I didn't want to leave you in that state, Akiza. None of you." Jack's grip became tighter, and his nails began digging into me. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.
"That's why I asked Stella for her help. I wanted it to seem like…an accident. I didn't want anyone to think it was their fault, because it's not."
I stole a glance at Trudge for a moment, and he, like everyone else, was glaring at me with silent tears.
I looked over at Stella, who kept her head down. "I'm so, so sorry. I can't believe I dragged you into this…" then I turned to Tatiana.
She hadn't moved an inch from the door frame, her eyes one of the only ones not hurt and angry, expect for Stella's. She just looked more…sad.
"I'm sorry to you, too, Tatiana. I never should have asked for this. I never should have-"
That's when Jack's fist connected with my cheek. This had happened before- I remember it so clearly- and I had told him that his words hit harder than his punches. I wondered what words he had for me now. I didn't really want to hear them. I just wanted to curl up on the floor and never hurt anyone else, ever again.
Hell, I wanted to die.
I didn't say anything, and just looked away in silence.
"Yusei, you…how could you…you dumbass…what would even make you think…" his voice came out in little gasps. He was crying. The great Jack Atlas who never showed emotion, even for the love of his life, was crying over my stupid choice.
"Stop." My voice came out firm.
"No." his came back equally as strong.
I looked at him, once again ignoring my own pain. "Jack, listen to me. It's not what you think. It's not you guys. It's me. That's all."
"You think we gave a damn?!" Bruno interrupted what Jack was going to retort back. Then Crow joined in- "How could you do this to us, man? Do you realize how scared he all were? I'll never forget the look of your blood on my hands. It scared me to death. You wanna know why? It's because we love-"
"That's exactly why it happened!"
Everyone flinched at this, even Stella. She never knew my reasoning. She asked and begged why I wanted this done- she was the only friend I had who I could trust with this.
"Tell me, Yusei." Her voice came sweetly, like honey dripping off a spoon.
"Tell me why you wanted this so badly. Tell me why…you wanted to end your life."
I swallowed stiffly. I wasn't ready to tell them, oh God, not yet…
But they deserve to know. All these people had been through so much with me, had seen me make all these sacrifices for them, had learned to love me… The reason why this happened is the reason why I'm telling them.
"It's because…because…"
My eyes crinkled and the tears really came now. I didn't want them to see me like this…
"It's because I can't deal with this anymore. The fighting, the hating. So many people think that I'm the person who can turn all the evil in the world into good. I wish I could. But I can't.
Everyone always expects the Signers to fight all the bad guys. You appoint me to be that person, the one who takes the final blow. Do you have any idea what that's like? Knowing that if I fail, the whole world will be gone forever?
You put me up so high- you call me a hero, a savior. I'm not. I'm just as messed up as everyone else is. I have to shut down the thoughts of hatred, anger, wrath…I guess now they just all exploded. I don't want to have to deal with this anymore.
There's something inside that's just tearing me apart, every time I help someone. Like I want to do more, so much more, because its what everyone expects. Everyone thinks I'm some sort of angel that can take away all the pain. Guess what- I can't. I can't even deal with my own."
The silence was so heavy.
"That's why I wanted to die. I wanted to not have to be that cornerstone again- I can't be it. I'm worn out. I have been for months now. But I just couldn't say no to you guys. I just couldn't."
That's when it really broke in me. I lost control of my legs, and sunk down to the floor.
For once, I didn't push the arms that encircled me away.