Day 24: Making Up Afterwards
Title: Be There For Me (Part 2)
Summary: Dean finally grows a pair and confronts Cas about their heated fight that left things only tense and awkward between them.
Notes: Obviously, you know from the title that this is a continuation from the last chapter, but I just thought I'd waste time by reminding you again.
It was took two weeks before Dean finally caved and decided to stop ignoring the issue and be a fucking adult about this.
"Cas, we need to talk." Dean said with a sigh, looking up at the stained motel ceiling and trying to will Castiel to put his pissing match with Raphael on pause and get down here, "Please, it's urgent." He waited patiently for twenty minutes and then waited impatiently for another ten.
"Cas, I mean it," The hunter stressed tightly, forcing his tightening fists to unclench at his sides, "Get your feathery ass down here pronto. I'm not kidding."
He was replied with only frustrating silence.
"You get down here right now or my new nickname for you will be Asstiel," Dean warned because dammit, he was allowed to be a little childish every now and then too, "And trust me, with the cold shoulder you gave Sam for that better part of a year, it'll stick."
Okay, he thought to himself as he glanced around the empty motel room with barely contained frustration, looks like Asstiel is playing hard ball…which only gave Dean one option:
Beg like a little bitch.
"Dammit, fine, okay?" Dean snapped in exasperation, running a hand through his hair and blurting out indignantly, "I'm sorry, Cas. Please...just let me apologize to you—" He cut himself off at the sound of ruffled feathers coming from behind him. He chuckled humorlessly and shook his head, stating with bitter mirth, "Oh you are an asshole."
When he turned around, he was slightly annoyed to find Castiel staring at him expectantly with hard, unreadable blue eyes, "I may have not been on Earth for some time, but even I know that is not the start of a formal apology."
"Well, when did you get so saucy?" Dean asked wryly with an arched eyebrow, and he counted it as a victory when a corner of Castiel's mouth twitched as if he were trying his hardest to stiffen a smile.
"Dean, I don't have time for our usual wordplay," Cas informed him coolly, his brief amusement evaporating as the angel switched back into business mode (also known as 'massive dick mode,' in Dean's mind), "If you're going to fabricate an apology, you must hurry. You're on a time limit."
"You know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Dean reminded him with a tight smile, earning a confused tilt of the angel's head.
"Nor do I have time for your strange references." Cas added slowly once he discovered the mirth and mockery in Dean's gaze, "Get to the point of your summoning, Dean."
Dean nodded, reluctantly accepting that their witty banter was over and the dreaded chick flick moment finally begun, "Fine, look..." There had been so many questions and explanations buzzing around in his brain begging to be spewed, so where were they now? He huffed silently to himself, running a hand through his hair and deciding to just start with the first issue that flitted across his mind.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair as if the action would cease the butterflies that swarmed violently in his abdomen, "Okay, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to throw it out there: how long have you had a hard-on for me exactly?" Wow, way to be fucking delicate, Dean, he heard his inner Sam scold (he didn't know which was worse: how he had phrased that in the crudest, most insensitive way possible when discussing a fragile topic with a powerful, kick-ass angel that could kill him in a half a second flat, or the fact that he had an inner Sam).
He watched as the angel's body stiffened at his blunt words, his blue eyes for once unable to hold Dean's gaze as they dropped to the floor. Dean had to admit, it felt sorta good to make him uncomfortable for a change, but he did feel a little guilty that it had to happen under these tense, awkward circumstances.
A long pause followed Dean's question—so long, Dean was surprised the angel hadn't left the coop yet. Finally, Dean had to clear his throat and take a step towards him, saying quietly, "Cas..."
"I can't pinpoint the exact date and location," Castiel said flatly, his voice utterly emotionless even when he spoke of such an emotional matter, "I think it began when I first touched your broken, twisted soul in Hell, still so bright and beautiful despite the horrors you went through—the horrors you committed yourself, near the end." He sighed, "I had thought it was just a mere fascination at first. After all, you were the Righteous Man," The title caused a bit of nostalgia to taint Dean's heart and Castiel's lips, "You were easily known as the most fascinating being in existence by all creatures. But when you saved that town on Halloween, I...I began to suspect it was something deeper. Something more...profound."
Dean soaked in every word like a sponge, memories flitting across his eyes as he relived every moment Castiel's stare lingered too long, every time Castiel disregarded Dean's personal space despite his many lectures and reprimands. As the last puzzle piece finally clicked into place, revealing this large portrait of clarity, Dean wondered how he couldn't have seen it sooner. Hell, the angel had even said he did everything—rebel against Heaven, fall from grace, kill his own kind—for Dean. Not Dean and Sam, not the free will philosophy, not even just for the sake of rooting for the underdog...
Just for Dean, the man he never questioned and followed blindly without hesitation.
Cas was right; Dean was a fucking idiot.
"And when were you gonna let me in on this slumber party secret?" Dean demanded, impressed how steady his voice was.
Cas shrugged half-heartedly, "Forever?"
"What?" Dean exclaimed in astonishment and anger, "Dude…not cool."
The angel scoffed, his patience finally wearing thin as he snapped, "Why does any of this matter, Dean? You don't return my affection. You don't lo..." He seemed to choke on the word, grinding his teeth together as he forced the straggled statement out, "You don't love me."
Dean didn't know if he could agree with that declaration or not.
They were silent for a beat, Cas too overcome with shame and despair while Dean was mulling over Cas' words. The angel's answers had provoked another question from Dean's mind, but he didn't know if he even wanted to know the answer.
"If I had asked," Dean began hesitantly, his throat suddenly feeling like rough sandpaper as he dragged the reluctant words out of his throat, "Would you have stayed, with me?"
Castiel hesitated, sadness and remorse swimming in those big blue eyes, before he replied quietly, "No."
Immediately, Dean felt the small flame of hope in his chest go out.
"Right, of course." Dean said tightly, his voice as cold and brittle as he wished he felt, "You love me, but you don't want to be stuck with me—"
"Dean, in the beginning, I was in charge of ensuring your survival." Castiel cut him off smoothly, stepping forward and frowning slightly as Dean took a step backwards to keep the gap between them.
Dean felt confusion sweep through his body, "What does that have anything to do with this?"
"Because that was when you were just my charge and I was just another 'dick with wings,'" Castiel answered, smugness and even an ounce of wryness coloring his usually deep, monotone voice, "It was before I became your friend."
Dean gave him a questioning look, "And?"
"By letting you go and allowing you to live with the Braedens, I was ensuring your happiness as well as your survival," Castiel told him softly, "That way, you were happy and out of hunting, Ben received the father figure he deserves, and Lisa had the rare privilege of owning the heart of the most brave, valiant man I had ever met. See," He smiled, but it was hollow and aching, "Everyone wins."
"You didn't." Dean pointed out quietly.
"I'm an angel, Dean," Castiel scoffed, a resigned numbness in his voice that broke Dean's heart, "You know I don't matter."
And that was when Dean snapped.
Suddenly, Dean stepped forward and wadded his hand in Castiel's silk blue tie, yanking the angel closer and finally tasting those tantalizing chapped lips. Cas resisted for the first few seconds before he became boneless against the hunter, opening his mouth and letting Dean explore his mouth. Kissing Cas was different than kissing Lisa, he was quick to discover. Lisa's mouth was soft and plush, the natural sweetness of her lips addicting yet strangely disappointing while Castiel's lips were salty and firm, the complexity of flavor in every crevice of his mouth enough to make Dean content with spending hours just tasting all of what the angel had to offer. It was different, but...nice. Real nice. A lot more nice than Dean had ever imagined (yes, he had imagined kissing his male best friend who was also a flippin' angel once or twice before; it wasn't something he was proud of).
"Don't," Cas said suddenly once they finally broke apart for air, "Please…don't do this if this is only about you repaying me."
"It's not," Dean assured him, startled at how true it was, "Cas, I...You get me. You don't just tolerate my hunting lifestyle; you embrace it. You understand that this isn't just a hobby that I can quit whenever I feel bored or defeated. It's my goddamn life. I mean, Lisa could never understand that. I mean, she tried, but she could never truly understand, you know?" Damn, he was so ducking terrible at trying to explain his feelings. Maybe he should have listened better when Sam bitched and whined all throughout the years for notes.
"What are you trying to say, Dean?" Cas asked quietly.
"Oh come on, Cas..." Dean groaned as he glanced down at the floor, blood rushing to his cheeks as he shifted his feet in discomfort, "Don't make me say it." Not yet.
"Okay," Cas said, tilting Dean's chin upward so he could briefly capture the hunter's lips once again, "For now, you can start with the other three words." Dean was confused for a split second before his meaning sunk in.
"Is it 'Fuck you, Asstiel?'" Dean mocked, his knowing smile betraying his innocent expression.
"Dean."
"Fine," Dean rolled his eyes, "I. Am. Sorry."
"Your sincerity could use some work," Cas muttered, causing a grin to break out on the hunter's face, "But A for effort, I suppose."
Dean smiled before something occurred to him. Clearing his throat, he glanced away and asked hesitantly, "So, uh...is my time limit up yet?"
"It's been up for seven minutes," Castiel told him with a shrug, "In fact, I'm missing an important meeting to discuss war strategies."
Dean arched an eyebrow, "Sounds important. You should probably join in on that." He tried to keep the disappointment from dripping into his voice but failed miserably.
"It is," The angel agreed before stealing another kiss from the hunter as he mumbled against Dean's lips, "But that's what second-in-commands are for."
Dean grinned and pulled the angel into another kiss, hoping that maybe—just maybe—Castiel would be the first person that actually stayed. He knew it was a hollow sort of hope, but a hope nonetheless.
Author's Note: Review, follow, favorite.