Chapter 4

a/n: This chapter is shorter than others so far but it seemed like the most natural spot to break things off into a different chapter, especially since next chapter is in Eric's POV! =)

I felt terrible that Eric had to go bury himself in the dirt again but right now we knew of no safer place for him to spend the night. I took the paper with Godric's information on it and stuck it on my fridge with a magnet in the shape of a frog. Eric had bought me that magnet six or seven years ago now. When I was in middle school I had an obsession with frogs so I bought frog pencils, erasers and even socks with frogs on them. Of course Eric remembered my silly obsession years later and bought the magnet as a joke for my birthday one year. He really was the perfect guy.

I smiled sadly at the magnet then opened the fridge for bottle of water. Eric was sitting at the kitchen table listening to voice mails his father left on my home phone. I really needed to call him. Since his son popped back into my life I had been MIA in the Eric search. He was probably worried about me missing too.

"Thank god your Dad texts, I'll send him something right now so he knows I'm alive." I sent a few texts to Jack to explain I had been very busy with work and in my free time hanging up more posters of Eric. I told him I would call soon.

"I feel bad not calling him, but I don't know what's going on right now. I want to figure things out more before I show up at his door. I have no idea if I'll work at the shop anymore, where I will live… I need to figure out how to live my life in the dark. Alone." He fiddled with a TrueBlood bottle cap sitting on the tabletop.

"Let's hope this Godric has some answers, if he isn't a total ass then maybe you will have a vampire you can go to with your questions." I was still Eric's friend but I was little help when it came to finding answers on vampire behavior or customs.

"I know, I'm trying to not drown in self-pity right now." Eric stood up slowly. It was early morning at this point and the sun would be rising soon. "And to think I finally got what I wanted… a mind that was silent to you… but now I have the wrong packaging." He frowned and checked the color of the night sky through my kitchen window.

"That's not true." If he thought being a vampire would keep me from dating him he was dead wrong. I realized now I was foolish to not try things with him in the past. I let my telepathy hold me back and potentially keep me from the best thing in my life. Now that Eric had his own 'condition' I would not let that stand in our way either.

I knew he was a vampire and potentially dangerous without a maker right now… but he seemed to be showing such good control. Even Pam had said that and I doubted she handed out compliments. If Eric was doing this well on his own I bet he would be perfectly fine with a little help from any vampire willing to step up and explain things.

Eric's eyes locked onto mine and he took a few steps closer, until there were only inches between us. His closeness forced me to look up to meet his intense gaze.

I spoke up first, somewhat nervously at first, but I did not want him to think I saw him as a monster.

"Eric, I didn't tell you because everything has been insane… but the night you left here and got attacked by some vampire… I spent the entire night awake thinking about what you said before you left. I finally decided I wanted to take that chance with you, the risk was worth it… but when I tried calling the next day you were already missing." I paused as I vividly remembered thinking he was truly dead and I lost my chance forever, that he would never know I was in love with him. My eyes misted over with tears I refused to let fall. "I thought you were gone forever but you're not. You showed up at my door with some extra baggage, but that doesn't change anything for me. I still love you."

Instead of smiling like I thought he would Eric looked down at me like he pitied me and there was sorrow in his expression.

"Sookie… I've wanted to hear that for so long… but things are different now. I'm not a human man anymore. I can't give you the life I always wanted to. Being with me now means no normal life, no sunny days at the lake, no enjoying a meal together and never having a family of our own." He explained sadly.

"I don't care, we can make it work. You always said we could, this is just another obstacle like my telepathy." I reasoned with him. Eric was always so stubborn about our relationship, why was he giving up now? My eyes were watering once more as I felt I was starting to lose him all over again.

"I shouldn't have involved you in all this… but I was weak and desperate for something familiar. The more I think about it the more I know I should've stayed away and found answers on my own. You could have been killed tonight if that Ichiro guy got past me or Pam. You shouldn't have to live a life like that Sookie." He looked down right depressed but somehow determined. Eric was just as stubborn as me once he got an idea in his head.

So instead of wasting anymore time talking I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. He responded immediately and his cool lips were warmed by the fire between us. I had kissed Eric before but it was never like this… this was perfect. I did not have to work to keep my shields up and I was able to just live in the moment.

His strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me flush against him. When his tongue slid across my bottom lip I eagerly gave him entrance. This was better than anything I had imagined over the years when fantasizing about Eric. He was an amazing kisser and his body pressed against mine made me crave more. My fingers were knotted into his short blonde hair and I heard him growl a little as my fingers ran over his scalp.

In a sudden rush of movement Eric had my back against the wall. But this time I was not scared or surprised, I took it in stride and let my hands wander under his shirt, feeling his muscles beneath his cool skin. One of his hands moved down to my hip, pulling me close so I could feel how hard he was. My finger nails scraped down his shoulders and then I heard a click!

Eric's fangs had snapped down and he quickly leaned back. I noticed a small amount of blood on his mouth before he quickly licked it away. Then I felt a slight sting on my lip, his fang had grazed my skin and give me a tiny cut.

I looked up at him to tell him it was okay but he was zoned out on my lip. Eric was completely focused on the bead of blood on my bottom lip and he looked like he was holding back a snarl. Uh-oh… he definitely looked like he wanted to step closer and have a bite or two.

"Eric?" My voice seemed to slowly get him out of his haze. "It's okay, I'm fine… I'm sure that's happened to a million other people in this situation." Kissing a vampire had its hazards I supposed.

"What? No" Eric shook his head as he came back to earth. "I shouldn't have even kissed you back, I knew something like this could happen. All we were doing was kissing and I already hurt you. I can't do that to you Sookie."

"I'm fine it was an honest mistake." I reasoned with him and wiped the last bit of blood away with the back of my hand.

"No… from here on out I have to do this alone. I'm sorry." Eric didn't reach out to hug him or anything, he just used his vamp speed to poof out the back door.

I ran into the kitchen and looked out the window but saw no sign of him in my yard. The tears were streaming freely down my face as I turned around and noticed Gordic's information was also gone from the fridge. Stupid me had not memorized it either…

Damn it! That could have been the last time I would see Eric Northman.

I collapsed on my kitchen floor to cry. I cried for hours until finally sleep took over. When Jason woke me up on the floor the next morning I explained I just cracked over Eric being missing. He never questioned it and made me breakfast and promised to hang up more posters on his way to work.