Sasuke lay sprawled out on his oversized towel on the hot midday sand, silently cursing the horrid filthy sand and everyone on it while trying to calm his nerves with a sun nap. Sifu had kicked him out of the diplomat's suite earlier, as evidently being unable to actually train was making Sasuke "a rather unpleasant companion." For Sifu, that was some rather extreme language that indicated he also was affected by their sorry location.
Truth be told, Suna was an incredibly boring place. Other than the fact that Gaara was obviously cleaning house (unsurprising, since *somehow* the death and replacement of the previous Kazekage with a skin-peeling lunatic went entirely unnoticed), things in Suna were painfully average. For Sand, anyway.
There were obviously not enough ninja for a comprehensive force, and probably hadn't been even before their ill-advised attack on Konoha. Sasuke could sense that they had been desperate, it was obvious in the way that the wary villagers and ninja alike gazed at Gaara with a complicated mixture of trepidation and hope. Sasuke had every confidence that Gaara would be a capable Kazekage, but it had to be daunting to be viewed as his village's best hope at such a young age. And Gaara had been absolutely mad not very long ago at all…
Though, with the information provided to himself and Sifu, he could certainly understand why. Gaara had tried to tell him at the Chuunin Exams, but Sasuke had been more absorbed in the sheer amount of power the other boy wielded that he could barely register the words at all. Gaara's life had been absolutely miserable, too, but he had somehow changed his outlook and was presumably hardly killing anyone at all, being that the population was at a steady rate and Sasuke had never found bloody sand anywhere in the village.
In fact, as Temari had been lamenting earlier that day when she came in to bring more paperwork, Gaara hadn't even been able to hardly leave the village. Sand had been on the brink of catastrophe, and Gaara was attempting to coax it back from the edge like it was a dangerous animal.
Sasuke hated to admit it, but the baka evidently had had a profound effect on the Kazekage. It was almost inconceivable that Naruto actually had any powers of persuasion to speak of, but evidently bludgeoning the enemy over the head with his ideology yielded impressive results. Sasuke didn't prefer that particular method (and he didn't think he had the relentless optimism to pull it off), but if that was what worked for Naruto, so be it.
Naruto still wouldn't be the best choice for Hokage, no matter how much enthusiasm he had for the role. Kage work appeared to mostly consist of trying to not drown in an endless ocean of paperwork and bureaucratic processes, with occasional breathers for attempted assassinations by other nations. And the retirement package was evidently horrendous.
Sasuke clenched his eyes shut as a shadow fell over his face, and scrunched his nose. Then he felt another few grains of sand under his shirt, and convulsed to convince it to take up residence literally anywhere else. "Stupid sand gets everywhere," he muttered under his breath, and was startled to hear breathy laughter above him.
"Everywhere, you say? Do you think you might need some help getting it off?"
He opened his eyes cautiously to see Temari standing above him, looking down at him like he was a box full of fine imported chocolates. And… had she been flirting?
She couldn't have been. She had been somewhat interested in garnering his attention since they'd come to Suna, but Sasuke figured that was more because he was probably the only boy who wouldn't actually bury themselves in the sand when she appeared. She was actually quite striking, but she was also terrifying. At least she seemed to be buying his disguise. He had realized that "Haru" wouldn't know exactly how deadly she was, and had resolved to behave accordingly.
She had never been the Suna sibling that terrified him most, anyway. It was easier to smile and let her comments wash over him than sit across a table from a boy that had attempted to wear Sasuke's intestines like a particularly garish scarf. Despite all that, it was Kankuro that scared the shit out Sasuke. There was obviously something wrong with that kid.
"No," Sasuke drawled purposefully, "I can get it off on my own." He watched Temari's face carefully, to evaluate her expression for any signs of disgust.
Instead, she appeared entirely too interested. Sasuke realized all too late that the wordplay had been a disastrous miscalculation.
"Well," Temari purred, sitting down far too close to him on his towel and eyeing him up and down, "there is a rather short supply of water here in Suna. We should all do our best to conserve it, yes? Two people taking separate showers is just such a waste."
Oh. Kami. Sifu had not prepared him for this.
"I… like to live dangerously?" Sasuke attempted, but that only served to further pique Temari's interest.
She leaned in a little closer, and Sasuke still couldn't tell how much of this was a calculated attempt to make him uncomfortable and how much was genuine interest. The worst part was, he couldn't escape and risk diplomatic tensions with Suna. That would be disastrous all around, especially once Suna described the boy who had managed to offend them.
Actually, no. The worst part was, when he would try to explain just what was so awful about being flirted with by a pretty girl, Sifu would probably laugh so hard that the ANBU would tell them to stop terrifying the general populace.
Sasuke really hated this place.
Then again, Sifu had prepared him for any social situation, really, as long as Sasuke didn't panic too much and entirely forget how to interact with other human beings again. The Sifu charm thing worked with an extraordinary success rate.
"How dangerously do you like to live?" Temari quirked her lips suggestively.
Sasuke steeled himself and rolled onto his side, supporting his head in his hand with his bicep deceptively resting on the ground.. He smirked, and cocked his head, ruffling his own hair lightly to shake the sand out, which lifted his shirt to display more of his stomach. Temari's eyes flicked over his exposed skin, and he stretched his grin out a bit more.
"Would you like to go with me to dinner?"
Temari was really enjoying herself.
Oh, the boy with the pretty onyx eyes had been some magnificent eye candy as he was, but she had to admit it was much more satisfying to parade her boy trophy around Suna on a date.
His looks had initially caught her eye, of course, but what she liked most about him was that he didn't cower from her like the spineless boys from her own country. Either he didn't have the sense (which was incredibly improbable), he didn't care (which was extraordinarily hot, in that rebel-without-a-cause kind of way), or he was confident enough that he wasn't worried (again, hot).
And now she'd get to rub it all in Kankuro's face. Even Gaara would probably be impressed. This Haru-kun was very much up her alley, with the smooth gait and swoonworthy abs. Not to mention the stoic act and subtle double entendres. Maybe it was this particular model, but perhaps she should shop from Konoha more often, if this was what they had in stock?
Temari resolved to "volunteer" for the next diplomatic mission to the Land of Fire, and take in the sights.
"What would you like to eat?" Haru-kun asked charmingly, with a half-cocked smile that made Temari want to put a sign on him and parade him around Suna again, doing a pointed circle around the area that those irritating, preening pseudo-kunoichi from her village frequented. Ha! Too 'manly' and 'terrifying beyond reason' to ever have a boyfriend, her ass! She had always known, deep, deep down, that she was far better than the girls who had told her that. Temari was both a real kunoichi and in possession of a really cute boy. That was twice as good as anything they could claim.
She'd have to inform poor witless Haru later that he had been graced with the enviable position of being her first boyfriend.
Obviously, he'd be grateful anyway. Temari was beautiful, fantastic, and one hell of a ninja. He was sure to understand that there was a veritable army of boys willing to lose any number of limbs for his position. If he didn't, she would cut off his limbs.
Temari grinned ferally, and Haru-kun cocked a brow in interest. "Think of anything interesting?" he drawled again, offered his arm to her which she took in the most sultry manner she could think of, wrapping her arm delicately around his and batting her eyelashes prettily.
"Oh, yes, Haru-kun. Very interesting." She purred again, and he still looked amused.
"I think you should take me to somewhere nice, don't you?" Haru-kun quirked his brows, but didn't otherwise move.
"Anywhere in particular you would like to go?" Haru-kun certainly had been trained by that negotiator from Konoha, Temari noted interestedly, not a muscle in his face moved when he didn't want it to. Oh, Temari could get used to having a toy like this. He would have a million-and-one uses.
"I might have someplace in mind." Temari smirked inwardly, thinking of just how delicious those false kunoichi's looks of utter shock would be when she strolled into the nicest restaurant in Suna with Haru-kun on her arm.
Sasuke had to admit that his first date had not been nearly as traumatizing as he had feared. Temari's passion was in her work, and there they had a common interest. Of course, he wasn't entirely sold on the "summoning weasels" thing, it gave him an uncontrollable twitch in his eye every time he heard the word, but no one said he had to marry the woman.
They'd taken in a surprisingly fancy dinner in a restaurant that somehow didn't have any sand in it, and then Temari had insisted on showing him around Suna. He didn't really have any interest in viewing Suna's overly optimistically labelled "sights" again, but he was actually somewhat enjoying himself, so he didn't protest.
Then he'd walked her back to her home, and left as soon as she grinned and closed the door behind her.
All in all, it had been a very successful social interaction. Sasuke would have preferred a spar, but it would likely have been misinterpreted either as an inappropriate come-on or a threat, so he decided to take it for what it was. Sifu would probably be proud that he'd refrained from insulting anyone for such a long period of time, if nothing else.
Temari had been mean enough for the both of them.
Sasuke wasn't entirely sure what those kunoichi had done to earn so much of her ire, but it was very amusing to watch.
He slid into the darkened ambassador's suite, taking care to make as little noise as possible. Poor Sifu could be sleeping, and it would be rude for Sasuke to wake him.
"How was your date?" Sifu asked amusedly from the doorway to his bedroom, and Sasuke jerked back, almost tripping on his own feet in surprise.
"It was… good, I guess." Sasuke said cautiously, re-applying his normal veneer of detached calm.
"The Kazekage was most concerned for the welfare of his sibling, I did reassure him that you have the most honorable of intentions." Iroh teased lightly, before closing the door to his bedroom and clicking off the light.
Sasuke gaped at the closed door for a moment, then turned to his own bedroom and followed suit.
'He intentionally left me to her mercy?'
He felt surprisingly resentful.
Tenten sighed tiredly while Lee and Gai participated in yet another rainbow-tinted hug a safe distance away. The trip through the Land of Wind had been long and tiring, but relatively uneventful. She'd never complain about getting work, but she wouldn't lose any sleep at night if she had less missions going around Suna. It was a dry kind of hot here, and the lack of water was making her whole team rather fragrant.
Even Lee and Gai seemed to be affected, prone to more strange outbursts than usual. Tenten doubted that Neji would have noticed a difference, but Lee and Gai weren't actually always doing that, they spent too much time training to have time to make "Dynamic Entries!" everywhere.
After a long and arduous hour making camp (absolutely everyone was on their last nerve, evidently), Tenten decided to go for a walk to clear her thoughts and just get a little space. It would be a better idea than accidentally snapping on any of her teammates and putting a beatdown on them.
'The desert is surprisingly cold at night,' Tenten thought, pulling her arms close to her torso and rubbing her hands up and down her arms.
The only really nice thing about the desert was that she could see for miles. Other than someone hiding in the sand, it wasn't a great place for ninja. Your presence was broadcast to everyone, especially with a campfire at night.
But her team would be all right, Tenten knew, and the outskirts of Suna were actually relatively safe.
Tenten squinted, as a large form appearing to be laying on a sand dune not too far away from her. It didn't seem dangerous, most likely an animal or just a piece of debris, but she was curious. What kind of animal would be out here, anyway?
She picked up her pace and quietly rushed forward, surprised that the form was in fact a large, sleeping cat of some sort.
Tenten was rather confused. There was no water for miles, and no one around. Where was this animal from?
Before she could turn around, it opened a golden eye and inspected her lazily even from the vast distance between them.
Tenten froze. This had been a terrible idea. She still had more than enough distance to use her weapons scrolls, and she was more than equipped enough to tangle with a wild animal, but this cat still triggered a more primal response. Now it was likely she was going to have to kill the poor thing, when she just should have left it alone in the first place.
"Greetings, human."
What the crap.
"Hello," said Tenten meekly, wondering where this cat's summoner was. She hadn't sensed any ninja in the area, but she didn't think that summons usually strayed very far from their summoner.
"I am Hideyoshi, human. And you are…?" It rose off its stomach and stretched, keeping one golden eye on her all the while.
"Tenten. My apologies, I haven't met many summons before. Or at least, not this close."
This one seemed to have a superiority complex that would have put the combined Hyuuga clan to shame. Hideyoshi the nin-cat looked down at her over his nose and sniffed. Tenten suddenly remembered exactly how long she hadn't been able to take a shower and tried not to squirm in shame.
"You have never met one of my stature, either, I assume."
She hadn't, but that wasn't what was so strange about this encounter, really.
"You seem much less odious than the other filth-people. I will allow you to pet me."
Tenten blanched, but quickly recovered. This nin-cat was obviously easily offended, and she'd rather get out of this encounter with minimal injuries.
"Of… course…" she came closer and proffered her hand, petting his (admittedly very soft) fur for a few minutes. He started to purr, and Tenten suffocated the giggle that tried to rise out of her throat, moving her hands deftly to scratch under his chin and behind his ears, since her regular cat had always enjoyed that.
He purred even louder, then, and when she stopped, he opened his golden eyes again and viewed her with a little less disdain.
Hideyoshi put out his paw and touched her own hair, and grimaced (she didn't think cats could do that).
"You'll do." Hideyoshi proclaimed, sounding rather satisfied with himself. "You are going to need to make sure your fur is softer, however."
She didn't even want to know what for. "I'll… work on that," Tenten deadpanned, but Hideyoshi predictably did not notice her intent.
"You do that. I'll be going now, human, you should be grateful that you caught my attention."
Then he poofed away, evidently having unsummoned himself, and Tenten stared blankly at the spot that used to contain about two grown men's worth of cat.
"Okaaay then."
It wasn't even the weirdest thing that had happened to her today, really.
Tenten slowly turned back in the direction of her campsite and stiffly shuffled away, intent on the relative normalcy of Gai, Lee, and Neji.
"She even has proper ears" Hideyoshi informed him primly. "She is the most suitable of the human females I have seen."
"She scratched behind your ears, didn't she," Sasuke said flatly, as Hideyoshi gloated.
"Don't be jealous, she might scratch behind your ears as well. After all, you just cannot be as hopeless with human females as you appear. Maybe she'll take pity on you and your awful coarse fur." He sneered. "Pardon, I mean 'hair'". He'd been corrected before.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned away from Hideyoshi.
"She's pretty?" Hideyoshi offered hopefully, flopping over to rub his back on the grass.
"Oh, yeah?" Sasuke turned back and viewed his summons skeptically. "What's her name?"
The nincat stilled in contemplation, curling onto his side and clawing the air thoughtfully. "Tenten?" Hideyoshi puzzled, and Sasuke cocked his head to the side. Wasn't that the name of the kunoichi on that weirdo Lee's team? He wasn't sure what she looked like, though. At the time, she hadn't seemed that interesting. Maybe she was pretty, he didn't recall thinking anything about her at all, but he'd been a bit preoccupied at the time. In any case, he certainly hadn't really been interested in girls at that age, so if all he could recall about her was not finding her irritating, that was probably a good sign. Girls like Ino and Sakura had stuck out in his mind, but likely not for the reasons they'd like. Then again, their obsessive stalking wasn't ever going to leave a good impression.
Sasuke shrugged and gave Hideyoshi a scratch behind the ears. It certainly wouldn't hurt to reward him, after all.
"Should I get her for you?" Hideyoshi asked, obviously trying to hide some excitement. He rolled over onto his tummy, and then sat up to push his head into Sasuke's hand.
"Uhh, no…" Sasuke stumbled, trying desperately to find the words he was looking for, "I don't think she'd enjoy being kidnapped by a magnificent and imposing cat. I'll find her on my own, if that's all right."
'In fact, I think that kidnapping her by cat is a distinctly good way to get a kunoichi to pound me into fine paste,' he mused. 'Were I interested in such a thing, I would take advantage. As I'm not...'
Hideyoshi eyed him skeptically for a moment, before deciding to take the compliment and flicking his tail. "Well, when you have kittens, just remember it was me who did you a favor," he said self-importantly.
"I don't think you understand dating." Sasuke grumbled, but Hideyoshi had already cancelled his summons.