A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I have OCD and sometimes that drains my motivation and energy as it did the last couple of days. But I hope you enjoy the chapter anyways and look forward to where this story is going because I am. There are mentions of abuse in this chapter so just be forewarned.

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

The first week without Killian was alright. Emma still spent most of her days loaded up with pain meds and attending physio appointments. She hadn't been left alone by her friends for a single night so there hadn't been time for her to address the strength of her feelings toward Killian. She was busy and content. The text messages at night before Killian went to bed were enough for her. It wasn't like they were anything official anyways. She hadn't been expecting anything else. She shouldn't be expecting anything else.

The second week began to wear on Emma. At first she thought it was because she needed space since she hadn't been alone since the shooting. Coming from a life spent alone it seemed like a logical reason. Emma promptly convinced her friends to leave her alone for the nights during the week. But her restlessness didn't end when she finally found herself alone for hours on end, idly flipping through the television channels but never settling on anything.

Thoughts about the real reason for her mood began to trickle into her consciousness. She missed Killian. She wanted him back. Winter was drawing closer in Maine and she wasn't comfortable with him being out in the winter swells and water that could render a person hypothermic in mere minutes. She wanted Killian safe with her, watching movies at night and eating bear claw donuts for breakfast. But she couldn't make him come back before the boat was ready. And she had no real hold on him anyways to even suggest he stick around for longer than a weekend once he had come ashore. Emma was getting what she wanted and regretting it. And that scared her.

Had she really come to be dependent on someone other than herself? Doing that was how you got left behind. Doing that was how you got your heart broken. Each night when Mary Margaret left and Emma found herself wandering down the hallway to her bedroom in silence she cursed herself for becoming so attached to a man who came and went so frequently. For someone who had spent her entire life in a state of flux she'd done the ridiculous and started to fall for a man who left for weeks on end. Killian might say he'd never leave her but who knows who he would meet in Boston. Killian could meet some unscarred girl without the kind of background and baggage Emma had. And she would have no one to blame for the broken heart that followed but herself because she should have known better.

She couldn't quell the excitement and nervousness warring inside of her when the screen of her phone lit up with Killian's face Tuesday night. She let it ring a few times before picking it up so she didn't seem too eager. Because Killian would know. It had only been a week and a half after all and Emma was the one pressing to go slow. She didn't want to come off whiny or as a hypocrite. Emma pressed the talk button and flopped down on her bed.

"Hello?"

"Evening, lass," Killian answered. Emma could hear the smile in his voice and couldn't help but grin along with him.

"How are you?" Emma asked, sliding her arm out of the sling so she could rest more comfortably. She chucked her sling across the bed but instead of sticking on the blanket it slipped onto the floor. Emma huffed in exasperation as Killian answered.

"Tired. We're just waiting for dinner now so I thought I'd give you a call. How are you feeling?" he asked in return.

"Physio still sucks but I'm pretty mobile now and Mary Margaret is finally letting me stay on my own."

"You don't exactly sound pleased about that, Swan." Of course Killian would notice she wasn't completely happy. Of course he would hear the forced casualness of her statement.

"It gets lonely at night," Emma confessed burrowing under the throw she kept at the foot of her bed.

She pinned her phone between her good shoulder and ear before moving her arm up to massage the skin around the bullet holes. Ever since the injury the area had been holding a lot of tension and making her rotator cuff feel as though it was sticking when she lifted it. The same thing had happened after Neal had hurt her so Emma knew what to do from the past experience.

"Anytime away from you is lonely," Killian replied quietly. Emma couldn't help the embarrassed blush that heated her face at his words. Killian could be so heartfelt, so different than Emma, that sometimes it caught her off guard. And then made her feel guilty because she couldn't return the sentiment. Not out loud at least. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"How's the ocean been?" Emma asked to move on from the awkwardness.

"Cold but fairly decent since the winter winds have just started to pick up. It could be worse. The boat has a heater so as long as we're off the deck it's quite bearable. The spray from the waves is the worst part. Water's so cold it burns."

"At least you'll be back on dry land soon. Take warmer clothes with you next time," Emma chided and Killian chuckled at her attempt. Killian was a grown man and Emma knew that. She knew she had no place to try and mother him. Emma didn't like to mother anyone. She wasn't even sure if she knew how to. Her statement to Killian left her confused because she didn't know where it came from. What was Killian doing to her emotions?

Before Killian could respond there was a shuffling and shouting on his end of the line. It didn't sound malicious but Emma called to him anyways, confused at why he'd be wrestling with someone on the boat. Someone thumped onto the ground and cursed but it was in a good natured tone. Emma pulled the phone away from her ear and gave it a strange look, as if she could see onto the Northern Osprey by looking at the screen. What was going on?

"Hello?" Emma called into the receiver when she heard breathing. "Jones?"

"Hi," a voice that was not Killian answered.

"Who's this?" Emma asked cautiously.

"Will Scarlett. First mate of the Northern Osprey," Will laughed before muttering something to Killian who still seemed to be battling for the phone. "Would you happen to be Emma Swan, the woman Killian Jones is head over heels in love with?"

There was a loud curse and hissed words from Killian and a surprised and guilty apology from Will in response but Emma didn't process any of it. She couldn't process anything but Will's words to her. The woman Killian Jones is head over heels in love with. In love with? How did this man even know who she was, let alone Killian's feelings for her? Had he been telling people about her? Making them into something they weren't. That Emma wasn't ready for? Just because she wasn't there didn't mean it was alright for him to push her or say untrue things to strangers.

Emma's heart began to race and she kicked off the blanket, suddenly boiling. Killian couldn't love her. He just liked her. Killian must have been confused because Emma couldn't accept the alternative. Only two people had ever told her they loved her and neither had ended exceedingly well for her. The first time had been Killian at age fourteen. She had run, left him high and dry for ten years. The last time someone had said such a thing to her had been Neal. Hearing the words again made her sick. Made the memories well up and consume her.

"You know I love you right?"

Emma didn't reply. She just sat there, on the top step of the stairs, back against the frame of the open door. Neal was behind her. She knew he shouldn't be but she didn't want to make any sudden movements. Instead she tilted her head so she could watch him out of the corner of her eye, just in case, not that there were many places to go should his temper flare.

"I said I love you," Neal repeated more forcefully.

"I love you too," Emma replied just wanting this to be over, for Neal to go back to the charming man she knew he could be, to behave like the man she loved.

"Then why did you let me fail my geography midterm?"

Emma turned to him before she could stop herself, eyebrow raised in challenge. It wasn't her fault. He was the one who hadn't studied. Neal saw the defiance, saw the spark in Emma's eyes but before she could either act on it or try to hide it Neal kicked out, hitting her lower back, right along her spine. She pitched forwards and tumbled down the stairs, not stopping until she hit the landing on the floor below. The apartment door slammed and locked and didn't open again for two hours.

"Swan?" Killian asked tentatively, seemingly having kicked Will out of wherever he happened to be hiding to talk to her. "Emma, please talk to me."

"How does he know about me?" Emma forced out between gritted teeth, fighting against the image of Neal's face that threatened to destroy her. "And why did he think you're in love with me?"

"Because I am." Killian's voice was so defeated when he said it that Emma's heart broke. Tears leaked down her face, unbidden. "I have been in love with you since I met you ten years ago, and there's nothing I could ever do about it. You weren't supposed to find out like this."

Emma just sat there, quiet and shaking. She couldn't do this. Now that those words had been said what they had could only go downhill. Killian would hurt her or she would hurt him.

"I can't do this," Emma whispered into the receiver.

"Emma, no." Killian's own voice broke. "Please, we can work this out."

That was one of the last things Neal had ever said to her. They never did work it out.

"Come on, Ems, we can work this out. Just get up and get a bandage, you'll be fine."

Emma struggled to her feet, eyes trained on the bloodied chair still hanging from Neal's hand. She had to be ready to move if he swung again. She would be in more trouble if she stayed on the floor than if she faced him at eye level. Blood ran down her arm and pooled by her toes, destroying her socks. She couldn't even move her arm without nearly blacking out from pain.

"No. Get out Neal." Emma's voice was hard. Neal was still in a large enough state of shock that he didn't get angry immediately. "Get out, now or I'll call the cops and your fingerprints are all over that chair."

"If I leave I'm not coming back."

"Good." A word had never done more damage to Emma's heart than that one. Because the one person she thought she could trust had proved her wrong. She'd pretended for months that that wasn't the case but now, as she ruined the flooring, she had to face it.

"If you try to call the cops, you're dead." Neal's tone told her that he was absolutely serious about the threat. Emma nodded. Neal tossed the splintered chair to the floor and stormed out. Emma locked the door behind him, doing up the deadbolt he didn't have a key for before sinking to the ground against the wall.

She winced as she pulled the phone from her pocket. David picked up on the second ring. "Hey, David. Can you come over right now? I need some help."

"I have to go, Killian," Emma murmured before hanging up. She physically couldn't say anything else. Emma dropped her ringing phone on the floor and buried herself beneath the blankets. She covered her head with the sheets as if that could keep out the images of Neal and cried.