[ heroes . die ]
. . . * . . .
And then promptly wake up as men. Or women. Whichever gender you would have a heart attack using the bathroom to find their specified genital attached to you.
- Hopeless Desires.
. .
i disclaim ownership of KHR! and claim ownership on the AU idea and Noa.
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note alternate universe + psychological triggers. AU of FWBT. Changes in tenses midway. Confusing themes.
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which is better, past tense or present? first person or third? Vote on my poll for Tsuna's childhood friendships.
. .
arc one: reincarnation
chapter two: I have balls and voices in my head
WORDS ADDED.
unedited (sort of).
.
.
II.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—
When she dies, she expects lots of things. Like, say, God herself/himself coming down from her throne to scold her on cussing her mother. Like her mother hasn't yelled enough when she cussed her.
Or even waking up to butt naked winged babies, skirt wearing men (not that she has anything against them; let them wear what they want), and nude humans dancing around her.
But this – this is absolutely hilarious, it's incredibly humiliatingly fantastic – God must be laughing.
Because she's looking up at a white ceiling. She's sure (because the wall on top of a person is a ceiling, go check a dictionary) and she's also sure that when she – she – goddamnit she can't even think of it without feeling so-
She clenches the fabric under her hands and swallows the urge to scream in frustration. Except, her hands clench nothing because she's dead. Again. Only, this time she's a zombie because she's alive in a dead body. Or it might be that her soul hasn't settled into her body yet, taking into consideration that half her (spiritual) head was out of her body's head.
—eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—
Her spirit version was really big, she lamented, which was strange considering that it was never mentioned you suddenly gained around two feet once you died and became a spirit. And to make it fit in, her soul was squeezed into a compatible size, and mother of god it hurt.
If this is a second chance, then why the hell is she strapped to a bed and injected with enough needles to look like a porcupine?
Well, maybe it was because she had a gun shoved halfway down her throat and the mother of all trigger happy fingers holding said gun. Still, wouldn't that be a blatant 'God has something to do with this' sign? Wasn't God supposed to be discreet or something? Was God unleashing her sadistic desires on her by giving the people in white lab coats and goggles an early Christmas gift of sorts?
—eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—
Oh dear sweet God, that irritating background noise was…well, irritating.
And she could clearly hear a female voice wailing curses and threatens at an unfortunate man (which she deduced from his minor interruptions with his low, deep voice. But it could be a woman, though). The woman was barking out words, tears, and sniffles, and most likely jabbing the man in the midst of it.
"NO! No, no, no, I don't care what you expect – my son is – he's my son – he can't die, can't you see? I have nobody else!"
"Ma'am, I'll have to get the police to detain you –"
"Shut up! Instead of talking here, why don't you go and SAVE MY SON?!"
"Officer –"
"Sawada-san, you'll have to come –"
"He's my son – I can't lose him after – after –"
"You're still a…suspect, Sawada-san, you will have to come –"
"No! He can't die, your doctor mumbo jumbo is BULL. Jump of a building, you bastard –"
"Will you for the love of God stop interrupting me?"
"What do you know of God, you heartless fu—"
"Ok, that's enou—"
"Let me at him!"
"OH MY GOD—"
"Sawada-san! Don't attack the doctor!"
Oh god…god must be trying to be funny or something, but if this was limbo, then she'd like to say she doesn't deserve this, thank you very much.
One other thing, who is this woman yapping over there? She's a bit heartless, she has to agree, but for God's sake she just came back from the dead. Why won't anybody give her a break? For one thing, if this is her mother she must have been a voice actress too, because wow was her voice high pitched, nasally, and homicidal. After all, she doubted her mom would care enough to attack a police man and a doctor with (most likely) a scalpel or her purse. And it wouldn't be Nate because he'd most likely stick in the waiting room building houses instead of bothering to wail in public. And if he did, indeed, try to kill the doctor, she doubted the man would have had time to scream OMG.
—eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—
She stifles a sigh through her nose. Only her head is left outside her old, darling body now. Just a few more seconds.
Later on, the memory of staring at the white ceiling, still owning a small chance to get out of this entire mess, would terrorize her dreams.
After all, what if will never be far from a human's thoughts, and regrets always follow.
Ba-thump
Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump.
eeep. Beeeeep. Beeeep. Beep. Beep.-
"What the-"
"Tsuna!"
"Start the operation, now!"
Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeee
No. I refuse to die.
Beep. Beeep.
I won't – I will not die. I need to…
Beep
…see Nate again-
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Holy –"
Fire.
Beep.
Ba-thump.
.
.
.
II.
"What's wrong, Doctor?"
"Nothing. Nothing, I just thought…nothing."
"I…ah, sure, do you need some water, then?"
"Yes. Yes, please."
II.
It's been a few days since his –
(her reincarnation)
-revival. Tsuna has a headache; there's a sort of pressure constantly pounding in his subconscious, and sometimes he hears this voice
(listen. can't you hear? remember. this isn't fair.)
-and it's very familiar, and it makes his chest burn and his heart beat faster, faster,
(please)
-that makes the nurse worry. The nurses have stopped voicing their worries and just started impaling his arm with a thin needle. He gazes at his arm when they do that, feeling unexplainably drowsy as he searches for holes. Some small part of him scoffs; he's not going to find holes. But why? He supposes its better like this – he doesn't want to go around looking like a porcupine.
Tsuna wants to see his mother – a vague shape in his memories – but then another part of him disagrees. In fact, she goes as far as to bombard him with a nightmare when he sleeps at night, so that whenever he says mother, hears "your mother", he gets this knee jerk reaction to clam up, his expression shuttering. When that happens, he lets go a little and lets his subconscious lead. She – and isn't that funny, they're genders are different – always looks calm, observing, but Tsuna knows better. There's a raging storm of panic under her skin, a tenseness to her shoulder and impatient tug at her lips, while she keeps on thinking, nate nate nate. She deals with the nurses quietly, answers the doctor efficiently, and Tsuna feels relaxed, like maybe he can let go of the leash he has on her – and then a memory slips past his guards and –
Nate –
He tightens his leash. She might be able to keep him calm, might have control over her – his – facial expressions, but Tsuna controls everything else. If he didn't, he'd have been long gone, running to some school he's never heard of to check on something.
Noa has a stronger will than him, than even the other, older voice he hears, but she's in turmoil and her patience is running thin. Once, a nurse called him dream boat and he spat out the lollipop he was sucking. He didn't know why he find it demeaning, but it was most likely the influence of Noa and Tsunayoshi, who sternly scolded Noa – and that was the first time they ever communicated – about her manners, and Noa, who had sounded startled, told him to stuff it.
So, Tsuna ignores all the nightmares he gains when he sleeps, but grows to hate sleep and fear needles, and he tries to keep away the day mares – doesn't that bitch understand he wants to sleep more? – and asks the nurses about his mom. He doesn't need his mom, his subconscious tells him firmly, and he aggress, but a childish part of him, the one who hangs onto the memories and won't let go to let her lead, dammit, it's her life now, just as firmly stands by his past memories. The ones that actually make sense and don't hurt.
(As if you ever listen. As if you will listen to me – Tsuna is dead. Please, please let me take over.)
The nurses clam up, exchange glances, and one of them will hold a newspaper in her hand, lowering it down, hiding it behind he back (like I am blind. These idiots think they can lie blatantly to me because I look five?).
It's not just his subconscious that annoys him. There are irritating dreams of him when he's thirteen being threatened by a baby, eighteen in a party while everyone congratulates him for some strange reason, and one where he is twenty four and dying.
…
These dreams are far happier than the other ones, where he's a girl, but the ones with the girl lack emotion, it's just lonely and regretful, while the one where he's thirteenfourteenfifteentwentyfour are too emotional, sometimes he wakes up with tears sliding down his face while his chest feels empty. So empty.
One day, Tsuna knows he will have to choose – either remember the girl and her goal, or the man and his future – and that choice will decide whether his life will be that of a child's searching desperately, drowning, or a man who has bloody hands and needs to find them, also searching. Either live a child or an adult.
Maybe he will be able to let leeway for both, perhaps one canb e stronger while the other stays three steps back, never will one be alone, but he will probably never be able to. Tsuna doesn't have much time left before Noa and Decimo – Sawada Tsunayoshi – takes over, but that's okay.
For now, he will continue to sleep. He will not remember once he wakes up, but soon…
Soon, they will wake up, and he will sleep.
II.
A woman visited him, she smelled of warm bread and perfume, and held his hands close, taking to him in a pleasant, careful tone. Tsuna answered her in monotone, sometimes (s)he just ignored her, most of the time (s)he emitted monosyllables. Finally, though, the woman asked him if she remembered what happened on that day. Tsuna closes her-his-her-his-h(e)i(r)s mouth, thinks carefully.
His mother is a criminal. It comes to him as a surprise, and sudden jolt, when he manages to connect the pointless chats the police have with him and their suspicious behavior, holding pens and notes while he answers, writing everything down. He's not stupid, and that's what he deduces. Immediately, he feels indignant and surprised, wants to rage silently at those fools and wants to curl up and think why everything is different from (her world's) manga, disbelieving that Nana would murder three mafia men and one woman. It's contradicting, and he wants to let one of the other two take control, but doesn't know who to choose: Noa, who doesn't care much about Nana and would be the least affected, capable of calmly controlling the situation, or Tsunayoshi, who wants to take the gun in the policeman's holster and start coldly threatening for information. In the end, Noa pushes at him gently, wherein Tsunayoshi is trying to control his facial expression, and he lets her take control of his tongue, warbling out subtle manipulation after another.
This woman works with the police, Noa says. She's a therapist, she knew. She's trying to see if they could get evidence on the case – is Nana lying? Or is it the truth? – and the verdict laid in Tsuna's hands.
(So, Tsuna? Are you going to lie, claim this woman who you hold no connections to, really did defend you? They might believe you, but your story might be different from Nana's.
Are you going to say I don't remember: claim amnesia and leave your new mom's fate to chance?
Or are you going to stay quite longer, while the suspicion that Nana didn't kill in defense, that you're afraid of telling the truth because of punishment, grow in the therapist's mind?)
"I don't remember," Noa decided, said in a plain, small, voice, "I don't remember if I'm Tsuna, or if she's my mom." It's the first time Tsuna and Tsunayoshi have heard her vulnerability; once she realized all her emotions were felt by them she'd taken to curling tightly around herself, still spitting fire at Tsuna to remember but waking him up when the dreams where too strong. Tsunayoshi quiets down for a moment, and while Noa isn't capable of seeing his growing care for her, or communicating with him, Tsuna is still glad because he is Noa –
Wait.
What?
The therapist said, "Oh, Tsunayoshi," and holds him (her) close. Tsuna takes control back (he doesn't want to remember, he'll sleep for longer) and just stares blankly at the woman's chest, not caring that if he was older he would have been labeled a pervert.
It turns out they didn't have to bother in the first place, trying to piece together the puzzle proved futile; an Italian female attorney, hired by her father, came. She had a sharp tongue, a deceiving smile, and pretty dark hair tied in a bun, and refused to let any of the cutting accusations the possibly misogynist, mildly racist male Japanese prosecutor get to her.
In the end, through the raw talent of the woman's cunning and manipulative speech, Sawada Nana was released as Not Guilty on one assumption:
Self-defense: Nana and Tsunayoshi were assaulted during early evening, where two men in black and one woman threatened her to hand over her son. They, then, forced her to the ground, grabbed Tsunayoshi, and one of them made a comment about his 'hefty price', admiring his strange eyes. He was most likely going to be trafficked. Nana kneed the man holding her down, grabbed his gun, and shot the man holding the boy and the woman talking into the phone. Then, she shot the man holding his genitals.
They all died. There was a witness who admitted that he'd ran away in fear, but had seen it all happening.
Still, Tsuna knew that, aside from self-defense, there was another reason Nana wasn't in prison:
Strings were pulled, illusions were made, the attorney was in no place to defend criminals, nor was the witness honest, and Sawada Nana was most likely not even approached. The mafia were too smart to be that direct during abductions of a child whose house was visited by the Vongola Nono and the CEDEF boss.
In other words, Tsuna was valuable enough to validate Vongola's protection, whether because of his father's position or his future position, it didn't matter.
II.
You see, the human body was never meant to support more than one soul at the same time. It was even harder when the two souls were completely different, with memories that didn't add up with the dimension the human body resided in, some from the future and other from another universe entirely.
So the human body adapts.
It's hard on the mental mind of a five year old to harbor the sad memories of a twelve year old and twenty four year old, so what the human body does is take the body's memories, push them to the foreground, and then infuse the three psyches, three memories, and two souls. Eventually, the memories of the five year old will turn into a sort of soul of itself, until the day the barrier breaks.
And it will. Because the human mind is mortal, infallible, and one of the side effects is that some of the memories will slip through, in forms of dreams, and eventually, the mind will become confused by the differences, by events that haven't happened, slaps it hasn't gotten, screaming it hasn't heard, deaths it hasn't caused. Whether the mind meant to let it slip so that eventually they fuse completely, it's yet to be known, but what is known –
Three will become one. And if it doesn't…
Well, it shouldn't hurt, but…
That's only because the person goes insane and it doesn't matter anymore to them. It isn't really that painful.
Really.
(But then again the mind always reassures, lies, adapts to itself. Perhaps you should ignore my claims.)
II.
"Tsu-kun," his mother called, "Wake up. It's time for school."
Surprise clearing away the haze of sleep, Tsuna sat up in bed and would have back pedaled if his back wasn't already pressed to the wall. His mother's red rimmed eyes and tentative ghost of a smile greeted him.
Her face was pale, as to be expected; locking herself in her room for a week and crying endlessly wasn't exactly healthy. So, if you'd excuse his shock at seeing his mother awake, out of her room, and even trying to smile, that would be really nice.
Her failed attempt at a smile stopped and she inhaled heavily. "Okay," she said, "You can change by yourself?"
Mutely, Tsuna nodded.
Nana blinked repeatedly, opened her mouth and then clamped it shut. "Okay." She left the room in fast strides. Tsuna didn't lift his eyes from her for even a blink.
School.
Huh. Something a bit entertaining, to keep his thoughts at bay. After all, Nana wasn't the only one left for nightmares and locked up in her (his) room; memories were stronger after you died and it wasn't like he could leave the house when the door was locked. Also, he needed the time to get over his denial of his new body parts and accept his newfound masculinity.
Frankly, the memory that tapped at his consciousness, like, 'Hey, I'm here, listen to me' was ignored.
Well, that was wrongly phrased. He couldn't ignore it – he already remembered it the first time it was brought to mind. All he'd done, really, was repress the memories and keep them in the background. It was an immature way of dealing with stress, but Noa hadn't always been mature and she doubted Tsuna was and Noa was Tsuna now, and Tsuna was four years old so she – he – had an excuse –
Babbling. Rambling. Wasn't there a character in Harry Potter called Professor Babbling? A runes teacher or something…
Tsuna mindlessly, and slightly relieved, hurried to get downstairs. One could only eat so many peanut butter sandwiches until his taste buds demanded for change.
Tsuna slipped into his school uniform, combed his hair quickly, and washed his face. He stared at his reflection in silent contemplation.
For some reason, Noa wanted to avoid looking in the mirror. She also didn't like it when he went to the bathroom, going either silent, or yelling something to drown out the noise of water, or muttering, "God is doing a funny on me, isn't she or he? Haha, God, how funny." Once, she even muttered something like, "Am I homosexual or what now?" And the first time he went into the bathroom, she started laughing hysterically.
Tsunayoshi ruthlessly told him to look in the mirror, so that now, Noa didn't even care anymore when he saw his face. Noa just sulked when he stood in front of a mirror, although at first she and Tsunayoshi were bothered by his appearance.
Same dark brown hair, same fair skin, same small body, same wide eyes –
Except his eyes were orange, not exactly like hyper dying will form; three shades lighter, more amber and gold like than orange, and his eyes were sharp edged, unlike the soft curve of the anime Tsuna's eyes. His eyes were exactly like a wider version of Giotto's eyes. There was no ignoring the unnerving similarity of the two males. Anyone who knew of Primo would have a heart attack when they spot him. And then they'd kidnap him and experiment on him.
Was it bad Tsunayoshi was feeling horrified of other possible parallel world differences?
Was it bad Tsuna was feeling too confused at getting two simultaneous thoughts to actually wonder why his appearance startled him so much?
Was it bad Noa sincerely didn't care and was more bothered that she had amber eyes but no female genitals in this parallel world?
At the stairs, Tsuna tripped and face planted on the floor. As was expected. (After all, despite being previously Noa for twelve years, training to become Vongola Decimo for eleven years, one week was hardly enough to gain complete control over your toddler body.) The average toddler had bad enough balance as it was, Tsunayoshi even more so.
Nana looked lost standing in front of the kitchen counter, shoulders slouched and eyes that yelled 'I should just give up'. She brushed her cheek, probably checking for tears.
Tsuna said, "Do you think you could make pancakes…'kaa-chan?" even though Noa hated pancakes and Tsunayoshi didn't appreciate them much better. And if the word 'kaa-chan felt strange on his tongue, it didn't matter.
Really.
"Okay," Nana said, after jumping and staring at her with wild eyes.
Tsuna let his lips stretch, bared the feeling of fakeness, and ignored the way Nana looked like she'd fall on her knees from relief. "Thank you, 'kaa-chan, Tsu-kun loves 'kaa-chan." Using the childish third person way of indicating to oneself apparently calmed Nana down, for she looked at him hopefully and then hurried to prepare Tsuna's breakfast. The two other parts of his mind seemed ashamed at his speech, but he felt relaxed.
(He's still awake. Faraway from CloudLightningStormSunMistRain dying and Nate in danger –
Oh no. Nonono. He was getting close to the edge.
He didn't want to fall.)
There was a cold, awkward silence in their breakfast, in all their moments spent together, and Tsuna didn't think the regretful undertones underlying their conversations nor the unfamiliarity in their actions would ever really disappear – not unless Nana stopped thinking only of bad memories and projected the blame on others, not unless she stopped breaking and cowering into herself in the challenging moments and depending on others, and not unless Tsuna slept and they woke up, not until Noa forgave herself and hid her regrets.
For once, while Tsuna chewed on bitter, burnt pancakes, sitting alone in almost every sense of the word, Noa didn't feel guilty over robbing Tsuna of his life.
Wherever he was, it was probably better than here. Real Tsuna was a toddler, not a survivor, and he would have shattered under the pressure and loneliness.
Solidarity, after all, was only for the broken, and Noa was a professional at ignoring signs and avoiding interaction.
II.
At school, Tsuna became sure of it.
The real Tsunayoshi was better of wherever he was now than here.
He mildly wondered when he thought of himself as a fake, a substitute, a safety precaution, but just closed his eyes and tried to feel the imaginary wind.
Fifty feet
II.
It started with the looks.
Nana, apparently reaching her maximum familial interaction for the day, collapsed into a seat at the sight of the door. Tsuna left her there, after staring at her for five minutes and contemplating poking her.
Unfortunately, Tsuna didn't know how to get to school. So that was why he stopped to 'socialize' with a teenager walking her dog.
"Uh," Tsuna said, after tugging at the kid's shirt, "hi."
"Grr," said the dog. Tsuna eyed it warily; some inner intuition told him to back the freak off.
("I bet all my money on a childhood trauma involving a dog," Noa commented plainly.
"You don't have any money," Tsunayoshi sounded slightly amused. Noa didn't answer. She didn't hear him. But soon.
Soon.)
The dog turned out to be more capable of fellow animal interaction than the girl, whose eyes were wide and her mouth gaping.
"Could you tell me where Namimori Kindergarten is?"
"Woah," the girl said, "you – you're Sawada Tsuna, yeah?"
"Yeah?"
"Oh, wow. I – wow, sorry, uh, I'm not supposed to talk to a Sawada and –" the girl turned red, "okay, that was kind of dumb of me."
Tsuna wholeheartedly agreed.
The girl's brown eyes flickered nervously around, "okay, this is stupid, you're just a kid! But I'm not willing to sacrifice my social reputation, so, sorry, kid, but I'm not gonna help you."
(Oh, so the people in Namimori were idiots? Were they prejudiced, close minded, thick headed idiots?
"Sheeple," Noa said, sounding disgusted even though she just made up a word that sounded like it came from Disney Channel. Tsunayoshi hummed in agreement. Sometimes, Tsuna thought he was some sort of saint.)
Tsuna stared firmly at the girl. You're being a bad human right now.
The girl flinched. "I can't. Honest."
Bad humans go to bad places. Honest.
The kid backed off five feet, looking like she wanted to ditch the place but feeling too guilty to do it. Thank god he was dealing with a teenager – idealistic and impressionable children, yet they weren't as thick minded as the younger ones, and much more rebellious and open minded than younger kids and adults.
Are you going to ditch this poor five year old? Are you going to leave Tsu-kun?
Apparently, the wide eyes and trembling lips that felt like his default expression worked like a charm. She reached a hand up to her ponytail and tugged at it, pointing plainly down the street. "Then go right." Her eyes stared at a window. Tsuna glanced and found the outline of a broad shouldered silhouette there. "Don't bother me again."
The girl hurried to the house she was staring at, her teeth biting into her lips. (Noa briefly considered child abuse. Or parental pressure? She sounded understanding, a bit bitter, and he got this I'm-going-to-do-what-I-want vibe from her. Tsunayoshi hurried to stop this, and Tsuna repeated his words:
Who knows? Tsuna would keep an eye on her, but with no evidence he had no right to accuse anything. Besides, who would believe a five year old?
Tsunayoshi sounded bitter at the end of the sentence too.)
. . .
School was terrible.
Tsuna probably should have gotten the hint once the teacher eyed him in pity and suspiciously and something else, something like knowing. Like maybe she knew how Tsuna would turn out to be.
("And if this really was Katekyo Hitman Reborn, I'd be exactly what she believed he'd turn out to be."
Tsunayoshi was silent.)
And maybe he should have back tracked out of the room and all the way to the small territory made of blankets in the dark of Tsuna's room when some of the children eyed him curiously before backing off, and two of them actually downright cried. That lovely, seductive room. All Tsuna's. Alone.
His.
He was alone there.
And the solitary life as a hermit was looking very fine right now.
The teacher had bluntly asked a little boy called Haruka sitting next to him to sit with Ayako, another little girl who looked at him curiously, a sort of terror in her eyes that made him feel bad.
Tsuna stared at his desk. Stared at the badly written 'No-Good' and 'No-use' and 'stupid'.
And then he ignored it, along with the accusing eyes of the teacher and fearful ones of the kids, ignored the whispers of 'Dame-Tsuna'.
'Murderer.'
. . .
"Dame-Tsuna," a boy said, dropping down his crayons with a pout on his face, "you're a killer."
Tsuna felt the air leave his body in a soft woosh. He thought…he expected something of this sort to happen, but -.
"Your 'kaa-san's a murderer," he continued, "and she's a – she bragged the police to get out."
Bribe. Oh God, what did these kids think? What did they believe?
How would this affect Nana?
Another kid, with dull brown eyes piped in, "she gave them stuff. Gave them gifts. Your mama's a monster."
More kids joined in. The teacher looked aghast, but seemed to come to a conclusion, and for some reason Tsuna knew what she thought.
This way, I wouldn't be tempted to be a murderer. A soothing voice said blankly, although it was shadowed by a deeper, more faded voice. I would want to do anything to prove them wrong.
The voices sounded so familiar, and no-
Not yet.
Maybe it was his hyper intuition. Maybe he was insane; as a side effect of reincarnation. The voices firmly, in unison, told him he was not and to stop being an idiot. Although the feminine voice cursed, not the masculine one.
(Slowly, she was regretting not watching the entire anime. After all, reading the wiki and watching fight scenes only just wasn't going to cut it. Apparently, she'd have to wing it.)
"My mom killed in self-defense," he replied. "If she hadn't, I'd have died."
The children all gave him simple, mule-headed looks. "She still killed," one little girl said. Tsuna had a feeling she didn't really care and didn't know what happened to people because of death.
In other words –
She had no right.
"Self-defense," he repeated, although it might've been stupid because their expression were blank because of the complex term, "they were trying to kidnap me."
"But why kill?"
"Was she supposed to, I don't know, flatter them? Offer them a dance? Arrange a marriage between me and one of their children? Offer my life? Wait for a man? A fairy Godmother? Was she just supposed to sit down tight and wait for the police, or God, to fulfil her wish? You are all idiots. This isn't a fairy tale."
Some of the kids looked scandalized at the last statement, the rest didn't get the point of the conversation.
Of course it wasn't going to be easy to avoid bullying, especially when the Tsuna of this parallel world had the same personality and a killer for a mom to boot.
Of course.
II.
His desk had knives drawn on them.
II.
Tsuna hated red crayons.
II.
"…Tsu…kun."
"Yes, 'kaa-san?"
"How was…school? Did anyone bother you?"
"School was boring. Did you go out today?"
"Yes."
"Did you meet someone?"
"…"
"I met lots of new people today. But it's a bit boring. The teacher is boring."
"But that's okay. There's always tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah. Tomorrow. Ha."
II.
Tsuna woke up, breathless, heaving for breathe as the mad haze of blood lust and death and the haze of being nothing, being timeless and aging and dying, disappeared from around him. It was strong, so strong, one from a war, another from a school, and the third was so brief, it was about -
...What was it about?
...Perhaps it's best not to remember.
Noa finally heard Tsunayoshi.
Tsuna cried, slow, soft choking sounds and curled fingers around blankets, snot easing down from his nose and a plead escaping her lips.
He wanted to stay awake, stay ignorant, for a few more months. Two, maybe, a year, please, eight years, when he's thirteen would be so, so perfect.
Too bad Tsunayoshi was used to sacrificing and feeling bad, because while Noa tried to woke him up, Tsunayoshi had increased the dreams.
(Blood. Chaos. Pain. Haze. Mustkillmustsurvive.
"-no, Tsuna, no—!"
Fear. Dead classmates. Little brother.
Hysteria.
"Wake up, little boy, wake up, Tsuna. Wake up, don't let their sacrifices go to vain."
…
Burning. It burns. Dying.
"Wake up, dammit! Wake up, you lousy excuse of a mind! You're not fucking alone, don't you get it? Goddamnit, I lost Nate for this, you better wake up. Please. I don't want this either, but…" Another one. A girl.
Wake up? Don't be silly, he's already awake. You just want him to sleep.
"…I want to save someone. A life for a life…and maybe…"
…so tired…
"Maybe we'll get friends though this."
…I doubt it.)
It's okay. Morning will come and the sun will wash away the future and the alternate universe. Don't worry.
Sleep.
II.
"I didn't cheat, Sensei."
The teacher stopped tapping the desk with his fingers. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. It was better than anger. "Tsunayoshi, lying to teachers is very bad behavior."
"I'm not lying, Sensei."
The teacher sighed and went back to tapping. The principal hadn't even raised her face from the paperwork; adamant on finishing it off early.
A few moments later, somebody knocked on the door, hesitant and only once in a timid rap. The principal stifled a groan and lifted her face from the paperwork. That wasn't good – it meant the principal was tired and just wanted to finish the problem quickly, not listening to Tsuna. "Come in."
His mother's face was pale, her hands trembled and her shoulders slouched. Of course; if people avoided Tsuna and children bullied him, then Nana was worse off. He wouldn't be surprised if she was served a dozen scathing looks on her way here, and Nana had always seemed like one to be affected easily.
"Hello," Nana started, fumbling with her purse, "What's wrong with Tsuna?"
The principal tried to smile pleasantly at Nana in an attempt to sooth her nerves – not all people in Namimori were simple-minded – and then said, "Take a seat first, Sawada-san. Do you want a drink?"
"No, no. It's okay. Um…"
"Tsunayoshi," the principal said bluntly, "has always been below average in grades, hasn't he?"
"Yes," Nana admitted quickly, and since she wore her heart on her sleeve she sounded very disappointed and forlorn.
The principal smiled empathetically. "Its fine, he's still in kindergarten," which was a lie, since you had to teach kids how to study from early on for a better effect. But still, the principal was only trying to comfort Nana. "Inoichi-sensei has brought us Tsuna's last three test scores and a recent one they had this morning. Inoichi-sensei, if you'd please."
The teacher handed her the papers.
The woman held up a paper with a bright red 20 and said plainly, "He failed writing," raised a paper with a similar score, "reading," another one, "and math with scores under forty. As for the recent test," she raised a paper that didn't look like it was used as a tissue by a person with a bleeding nose, "he got a perfect score. Better than all of his classmates."
Nana was silent.
"We think he cheated."
No complains, no denies.
"We hope this doesn't continue. It isn't very good behavior. Perhaps he was trying to please you? Either way, we're going to let you handle this, but next time…" the black-head trailed off.
"I un-" Nana started.
"I didn't cheat."
The three adults looked at Tsuna with different expressions. The principal with slowly withering patience and pity, the teacher with irritation, and Nana with –
- Resignation. Sorrow. She looked on the verge of crying.
(Mothers were such disgusting creatures.)
"Tsuna!" Tsuna froze in surprise. "Stop lying, Tsu-kun. Please just…please stop cheating. It's not right. It's bad to lie. It's bad to cheat. Even if it's hard on you, you shouldn't take away the good work of another child."
So.
So she thought this was all for her? So she didn't believe him?
(Mothers were such good actors.)
What should he do? O-oh God, he was so tired…
Recently, he'd noticed shadows under his eyes and a tired slouch to his shoulders. It might've seemed as low confidence, (but Noa has died and Tsunayoshi has been a mafia boss, they didn't care what people thought anymore and weren't afraid of much.)
So. He let them both mesh together, take control together, and while Tsunayoshi turned his face sorrowful, made him tear up, Noa made him apologize to the teacher with surprisingly good voice acting.
("Don't worry," she told him, voice now far above whisper, "We'll start slow, go from bad to average to excellent, and then, they won't get to say anything." He heard a wicked smile in her voice, and he felt reassured with her promise.
Tsunayoshi was silent, but extra words weren't needed, anyways. And his voice was still a whisper, although Noa could hear it now.)
II.
And that night, with a sinking feeling, Tsunayoshi went to sleep –
(Fifty feet
Dark
Deep
Don't want to fall
Choking, no breathing, must breathe
It's okay to fall
It's okay
Forty feet
Thirty feet
Twenty
Ten
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
…
Tsuna never liked pancakes.)
Noa woke up. Well, not entirely, a great part of her, many years of her life, didn't wake up. And they never will. Forever grazing the surface of dreams, they will never be reality to Noa.
Because Noa died from being shot in the throat, not alone and cold.
As for Tsunayoshi…
Well, no one ever said this plot they were tangled in wasn't complex. This web, after all, has other spiders on it.
(Soon.)
II.
A/N: I'm baaaaack, late update; too many ideas. Anyways, the story is taking a turn, as you can see, but there are far many more twists in the future.
I hope this chapter wasn't very bad. All the chapters I write are impulsive and written in short intervals on a long term, without editing or rereading and are hurried to be published. This one was edited quite a few times, since the original version had some characters in them, like Gamma, of all people, while the secondary one had no plot twist, and this one…meh.
For the topic of pairings…I think I'm sticking to gen, as in no pairings, but I'll put in hints of 27All. I wouldn't mind writing side oneshots for pairings or possibly focusing on one relationship more than another. I've been wondering, though, would you people mind giving me ideas? As in, relationship/friendship/plot twist/events/AU ideas. It would be terrific.
QUESTION: I've got a poll on who should Tsuna befriend in his childhood, if any. Please vote :). EDIT: WAO LOTS OF PEOPLE WANT HIBAHIBA ACTION.
EDIT: 1K of chapter three done. Around 5 K more...ahhh~ I'm dying already.
Drop a review.
Sincerely,
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TBC
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hopeless desires
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Do you think Future!Tsuna should stick around, and if yes, should he be prominent or The Occasionally Wise Man?
EDIT: I suppose he will be The Wise Guy Whose Always There. AKA prominent. PM me some scenes/the relationship you want to see between Noa/Tsuna and Tsunayoshi. A lot of you people have been mistaking this. Noa is Tsuna, but Tsuna is not Noa. He's the result of a fusion between three memories and two souls, and the original soul's death. AKA Tsuna is not a real person, but a sort of white patch that is trying to forget and pretend to be the old, toddler Tsuna.
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