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C word credit to a conversation I had with Florairmatylee!

Candle (noun): a cylinder or block of wax or tallow with a central wick that is lit to produce light as it burns.

Disclaimer: I don't own Thor.

Tony Stark is a pathetic, lying mortal.

Or so Loki has come to conclude. Despite obviously harboring a fear of Loki himself (because everyone does), Stark has actually dared to lie to him. To him, the God of Lies! Had he not been chided by Darcy to "play nice" with the Avengers, Loki would have ended the pathetic being's life by now. Lying to a God? The man is, as Darcy puts it, "asking for it."

But all Loki can do now is stare at the objects Stark has given him without hope of ending the mortal's life, because despite his wishes, Loki has come to accept that he can no longer kill anyone who inconveniences him, even if the person's life is as useless as Stark's is. He also cannot dispose of the man solely because of the objects he was given, though he does resolve to never listen to the man again.

What was he thinking, to have taken Stark's advice in the first pace? Despite having this "Pepper" woman (who Darcy always jokingly refers to as Salt for some reason), Stark clearly does not have a way with woman as he had insisted earlier. Loki is disgusted to have gone to him for romantic advice now.

Because yes, he went to Tony Stark for romantic advice.

Loki has prided himself to have a romantic persona, but he has no clue about Midgardian affairs. He would not have gone to Stark at all had it not been for the event Jane informed him of: a one year anniversary of his relationship with Darcy. Loki did not care for years; for someone of his being, he had countless waiting for him. Jane, however, insisted it would be a big deal for Darcy and told him to do something.

It would be a chilly day in Hel before he'd listen to the orders of Thor's woman, but Loki had to admit that the idea of doing such a thing for Darcy would actually please him very much.

That is what prompted Loki to turn to Stark for help, but he is now disappointed at the turnout. What Stark insists are romantic "mood setters" are merely hunks of wax. Candles are not a foreign concept for him, as Loki has seen them on Asgard, but these are different. These are more neatly shaped and of weird color, and alas, Loki also does not know how to light them.

Had it been for any other woman, Loki would have used the illusion of magic to "set the mood" as Stark said candles did, but this is for Darcy. And, while he does not appreciate it, Darcy is from Midgard and would prefer Midgardian things, not illusions.

So that is why he is attempting to set the objects on fire so that they might burn. He has struck objects together, but no sparks have rained. He has tried to figure out how to work the hulking metal appliance in the kitchen that provides fire, but it will not turn on. He has even thought to contact Thor, knowing lightning to start fire, but he of course rejects the idea; he will not stoop to the level of asking his oaf of a brother for help.

He turns back to the metal appliance that provides fire. Because Loki shares an apartment with Darcy now that she trusts him (and Thor wished to move in with Jane), she is the one who works the machine, not he. However, he studies it with interest. Just how hard can it be?

Seizing a candle, he sets it in a metal round plate and sets that on the machine. Darcy sets everything she wishes to set on fire in these metal round plates, though oddly enough, she also often eats the scorched remains from them. But off the matter; Loki now studies the machine's panel of switches. They are round and have strange markings around them. Quickly, he slams his hand down on one of them.

Oh, of course that doesn't work. Slamming things are what his stupid brother does, and he is an idiot. It won't do for Loki to stoop to his level. Loki, priding himself on being the intellectual one, then realizes the panels are meant to be twisted. Proudly, he does so, and the fire beneath round plate begins to burn. Tossing the rest of the candles in, Loki then turns away from the machine.

Now that the mood has been set, what else did that pathetic Stark say to do? Ah, yes, he advised a good meal with wine. Going to the pantry, Loki takes down one of Darcy's stored bottles of wine (she has many) and resolves to take the oldest for this evening. As for a good meal, well, he is not much of a cook, but he does know how to work the machine Darcy uses for food now, so he might as well give it a try.

Taking another metal round plate, he takes out some of the strange cups of noodles Darcy lives off of (and makes him eat as well). He figures if she eats them so much she must like them, so he throws the cups into the metal round plate, sets them on the fire-summoning machine, and starts said machine.

Satisfied, Loki sits down on the couch now to finish reading a book he had started earlier. Darcy will be coming home soon, and she will be most pleased by the set mood, wine, and good meal awaiting her.

Suddenly a most unpleasant smell seems to hit all at once. Being accustomed to the smell of burning since he has moved in with Darcy, Loki recognizes that his "good meal" must almost be ruined. He hurries to the kitchen and is startled to see smoke rolling off in waves from both round plates. Unsure of what to do, he grasps the long handle of one of the plates and finds the cups of noodles have been scorched.

A beeping sound starts to screech. Annoying Midgardian objects. What in the name of Asgard could be so important that this alarm must be sounded?

Muttering to himself, Loki leaves the kitchen behind and tries to find the source of his annoyance. The mortals, despite being an inferior and most stupid race, still manage to show just how much more pathetic they are each and every day, and now Loki, none other than a God, is making a fool of himself as he tries to find the source of the annoying sound.

Perhaps this is a trick. Yes, that must be it.

"Show yourself!" demands Loki, but no one comes forward. Frowning, Loki tries again. "If this is what you call a trick, then I must inform you that it is a most foolish one! Now come out and show yourself!"

Nothing.

Well, nothing save for the sound of rustling-

Keys. Rustling keys. No one has keys for the apartment except for Darcy.

Sighing to himself, and quietly rubbing the bridge of his nose in defeat, Loki turns and waits by the door as Darcy unlocks it, enters the room, and has to do a double-take.

"Geez, what died in here?" is the first thing out of her mouth. "It smells all nasty in here, like burnt- oh, hey, forgot to even greet you and stuff." Pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, Darcy happily begins to settle down on the couch as she babbles the way she usually does.

Loki stares at her, unsure of what to say. Perhaps he ought to greet her as well and ask how her day went as he usually does, or perhaps he ought to acknowledge the date of today for her. Did Jane not insist today would be a big thing for Darcy?

Darcy looks up from where she's curling up on the couch, meeting his befuddled stare with a confused one of her own. "Hey, babe, you okay? You look kinda lost."

"Ah, no, I am fine," answers Loki hastily, deciding to just get the candles to set this mood as Stark said he should. "I merely forgot something in the kitchen that I must bring to you. I will get it and I shall return soon."

"Okaaay, but are ya sure you're fine?"

"Of course."

Loki then proceeds to the kitchen, where he turns off the provider of fire and studies the disfigured candles in discontent. How dare those insolent Midgardian objects do such a thing, and yet still not have been lit. How can he ever set any sort of mood when he does not even have candles?

"Loki, what are you doing?" sounds Darcy's voice.

Loki does not know how to reply. How can he ever explain himself without looking like a fool? Though Darcy often demonstrates she herself is a fool, a fool is something Loki most certainly is not.

"I am not doing anything that should worry you," Loki answers.

When she does not reply, Loki knows that is a bad sign. Before he can even hide the candles, however, Darcy then comes into the kitchen with her hands on her hips and a suspicious look on her face. Almost immediately, she places a hand over her nose.

"Ew, what did you sacrifice? Wait, no, if you really did sacrifice something, then please don't tell me about it," says Darcy in her ever-so-charming manner.

"I...attempted dinner," Loki finally admits.

Darcy peers over at the provider of fire and says slowly, "I can see that. So, judging by those blackened remains, you tried to make Ramen. And here I thought you hated the stuff. But what's in the other pan? Are those..."

"Yes, they are candles."

Darcy looks at Loki slowly, and then back to the metal round dish she's called a pot, then back to him, then back to the dish, and then back again, and continues the cycle for a while.

"Y'know, it's a wonder you didn't burn the house down," says Darcy finally, and when Loki looks at her, he can see there is the ghost of a smile over her lips. "And to be honest, I thought I'd be the one more likely to do it."

Loki smirks. "Believe me, I have thought that as well."

"Ass." Darcy punches his arm lightly, and then she peers back at the candles. "So not to be rude or anything, but do all your Assgird people usually try to cook candles?"

"...You mean Asgard."

"Same thing. But seriously, do you?"

"...No."

Darcy looks at him, the confusion heavily outlined on her face. "So you just decided to cook candles for fun?" she asks. "Or is this some sort of preparation for a future sacrifice? Because if that's the case, please find another apartment to sacrifice whatever it is; the last thing I need is the landlord demanding what died in my apartment again."

"Pardon...again?"

"Dude, don't get off topic. Just tell me what the heck you're doing," scolds Darcy.

Had it been a year earlier, Loki would never have allowed a mortal to speak to him in such a way, nor would he have ever considered to actually listen to said mortal. But today is not a year ago, and Loki knows he can either make a fool of himself and tell her what he was doing, or he can sleep on the couch for the next three years.

So finally, he admits, "I was attempting to light the candles."

It takes about two seconds for Darcy to erupt into laughter. Loki scowls at how amused she is at his discomfort, feeling he should not have to put up with such treatment when he is the one doing something nice.

"Oh, that's classic," says Darcy after a few rugged spurts of laughter. "Trying to light candles by melting them? Man, whoever taught you back home must've had a screw loose."

Loki continues to scowl, not nearly as amused as she is. "I did not know candles were so weak," he explains defensively. "On Asgard, I never had to deal with such trivial matters such as how to light a candle. If I wanted the illusion of candlelight, I could obtain it through magic."

Darcy just keeps laughing. "But cooking them?"

"I said I did not know they were so weak!"

Darcy shakes her head now, smiling at him softly. "God, you're so stupid," she remarks fondly, and as Loki ponders what this means- stupid is meant to be an insult, is it not?- Darcy continues, "What did you even need candles for if you can do your illusion stuff?"

"I thought you would appreciate Midgardian objects for a date such as this one," Loki answers. "Seeing how this date is exemplary to you, I thought you would like the effort."

"Date? As in today?"

"Yes...have we not been together for a year as of today? I believe, as mortals tend to say, our one-year anniversary?" Loki asks, almost suspiciously (if Jane lied to him...).

Darcy's eyes widen at the date, and her jaw goes slack. Before Loki can ask if she is alright, Darcy clamps a hand over her mouth and exclaims, "Aw, shit, I forgot!"

That stuns Loki. "You forgot?" he echoes, incredulous.

"I did! Oh my God, I'm so sorry," Darcy says apologetically. "I didn't- I mean, I lost track of dates and stuff- but I did remember once! By that I mean I was talking to Jane about it just last week, but..."

Loki stares at her, oblivious to her panic. "You forgot," he repeats.

"I- yeah, ultimately, I guess I did," admits Darcy. "But I really didn't think it'd be that big a deal! I mean, you did blackmail me into this relationship. I didn't think that counted as a real one year anniversary type thing, honestly. But if you do, then it so is! Um...can you say something now, please? Y'know, before I lose my sanity?"

Loki relents his dumbfounded stare. "You did forget," he mutters finally.

"Yeah."

Loki's face clearly displays sudden distaste as Darcy watches him carefully. "That means I did not have to attempt to light candles," he says in displeasure.

"...What?"

"You made Jane believe today was special," Loki accuses her. "I had to attempt to be romantic in a way I was not comfortable with! I could have been saving myself the time and energy spent in attempting to light a candle!"

"Wait, you only remembered because Jane told you? And you're really upset that I forgot only because you had to light a candle?" Darcy's face showcases her own surprise.

"Of course! And I had to talk to that pathetic mortal Stark..."

"Whoa, Stark as in Tony Stark? As in Iron Man?! When I was young I had a huge crush on that guy!" Darcy exclaims, but one horrified look from Loki prompts her to add, "Not that I was young as in three years ago young. That would have been, um, weird..."

Loki, deciding to ignore the comment, asks, "Very well, it is clear that you think this day is unsuitable to be our anniversary date, and it is clear that I do not have to go through the trouble of lighting candles for today either. What shall we do now?"

"Hey now, shut up and let me think," Darcy interrupts. "I think this day would be an absolutely kick-ass day for our anniversary. I mean, it is technically the day I became your sort-of girlfriend, even if you did force me."

"But is this day not a joke to you?" asks Loki in surprise.

"Maybe once," Darcy agrees. "But now I'm dating a guy that I really like, despite the fact that he once threatened to kill me and take my iPod hostage, and if it's been one year since then, then it's our anniversary."

Loki finds himself smiling softly at the memory of the horrible first date and how he is now in a relationship with this maddening and insane woman. "Perhaps we ought to celebrate, then," he suggests.

"Definitely." Darcy, smiling, then leans over and takes Loki's sleeve, tugging him lower so he might be able to access her lips more easily. "And just for the record," she whispers over his lips, "I like your candle illusions much better than real ones."

Thanks to my reviewers:

Guest

Winter Lover

DoubleDee068

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Nolesr1

FloraIrmaTylee

JigokuShoujosRevenge

scarletwitch0

rachelisafallenangel

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