A/N: Oh, right. I was supposed to updating this thing in a timely fashion. Right-o. Better get on that. If you're mad now, just wait till I tell you about my other story that I'm- Oh...oh you know about how poorly I've been updating that one too? Hm. Yeah. well. This is awkward. So I'm going to go. Over there.

Jack stopped me before I managed to escape the bridge, wiping his hands on a filthy towel. I didn't need to stare too closely to know exactly what kind of stains were on it.

"Heya Fitz," He said, mustering up a smile as he saw me. "The mess is pretty well gone if you need to get anything from the med bay." Oh yeah, I wanted to hop right back over there. I'm sure the smell of space bleach or whatever the hell you used to clean up bits of brain and skull was just the thing I needed to help me relax. "Grabbed this for you too," he reached behind his back and produced the pistol I'd left behind. My stomach did a hard lurch and I shook my head, trying not to imagine the last time I had used it.

"No. Thanks but no." I stepped back from him, wanting to make sure he didn't accidentally drop it into my hand. I bumped into the Professor, which normally would have been awkward, but I was too busy trying not to have a panic attack that I sort of ignored it. Besides, 'operation avoidance' was well underway and there was already plenty of a mess in my head that I was trying to clean up. I didn't need to add whatever had happened between the Professor and me on top of that.

"Er, are you sure?" Jack raised his eyebrow, surprised by my response. "It sure seemed like it came in handy."

Yeah, it sure had. That was exactly why my stomach was trying to dry heave right now. "No. I'm good. I'll stick to running and hiding." Or dying, but right now that somehow seemed better than the alternative. I had no idea if the Doctor heard, or was even paying attention to us, but I didn't look back. If nothing else, I learned definitively that I agreed with him on the whole gun issue. Something in my tone or slightly panicked face must have registered with Jack, because that doubtful look he was wearing faded and was replaced with one of understanding.

"Alright," he nodded. "That works too. Look, if you ever need to talk about…what happened." He offered as he stuffed the gun back where he had retrieved it. That casual bravado slipped away and I was reminded again that Jack was just as screwed up as the rest of us, and could probably be exactly the person I needed to talk to.

"Thanks, I will, but I've got…kind of a thing going on right now-No." I said sharply when I noticed a grin spread across his face as he looked at the imposing figure over my shoulder. I knew exactly what he was thinking. "Not that kind of thing."

"What? I didn't say anything." He shrugged, not looking the least bit sorry. "Good luck with your thing. I'm going to get a drink." About ninety percent of me wanted to join him. The other ten wanted to punch him in the face. But then some of that ninety reminded me that I couldn't just drink myself into a stupor until I at least tried to talk to Ailla. Jack turned down the hall and I set off on my hopeless quest to track down a cranky time lord.

"That wasn't altogether wise, was it?" The Professor's presence was really starting to grate on me, especially since I was kind of hoping he would just go away so it wasn't so obvious I was trying to ignore him.

"What?" I didn't look back, maybe if I kept my answers short, he'd stop talking and find something else to do with his time. That would at least solve one of my kajillion problems.

"Refusing the gun? It may very well be the only reason you're still alive." Like I needed the reminder.

"I know that." I sighed, pausing to acknowledge him. I didn't have a good reason for not wanting it back, or at least not a reason I could really explain. "I'm just- I can't right now, alright?"

A flicker of what might have been understanding, thought I seriously doubted it, passed over his face and he gave a short nod. "Alright."

Well, at least that was one less argument to have.

"Did you know?" The voice surprised me and I spun around only to find Ailla directly in my face. She was looking…unhappy to say the least.

"Uh…hey Ailla." That's it. That's all I had prepared. God I suck. Her accusatory eyes switched from me to the Professor.

"Did you know what had happened? What he'd done?"

"No. Though I had some suspicions when he made no attempt to return me to the Council." The Professor still had his handy little amnesia bit working in his favor, the bastard. Her eyes locked onto me again, like I had single handedly taken down the time lords just to piss in her cheerios.

"And you?"

I could lie, she'd probably believe me too. And I'd be in loads less trouble. But the longer I'm hesitating here- yep, threshold for lying convincingly has officially been surpassed. Dammit. "Er. Kind of?" Apparently, today was 'get busted for not sharing shitty news in a prompt fashion' day. I'd be sure to mark that one down in the calendar so that next year I could bake a cake and then in big pink frosted letters, write 'Everything blows. Sorry'. Her eyes darkened and I felt myself unconsciously leaning back from her. Guess we weren't going to do the hugging thing. That was kind of a relief, since I'd already passed my quota for that by about a thousand percent today.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Her words were deliberate and clipped. The urge to run was quickly becoming my favorite. It looked like she was contemplating strangling me, or lighting me on fire. Maybe both. What was it they used to say about being the messenger? Oh yeah, don't.

"Are you kidding me?" My voice jangled nervously. Now was the time for patience and understanding, it was just too bad I'd burnt through my reserves for that kind of thing. I was already coming apart at the seams. It was a miracle I wasn't just lying on the floor and making the occasional bird noise. So the fact that I was being a little flippant should be permissible. Hopefully. "Why would I say anything? I mean, when I say 'kinda' I mean I sort of knew because it had been mentioned in an offhand way. Not because me and the Doctor had a big chat about how he killed his entire race and then we had a laugh about it. Why would I ever bring something like that up? It doesn't come up in conversation, and I had no idea you didn't know. And to top it off, and I really the person you'd want to hear it from?" I knew we were friends, but I was really asking if she wanted that kind of news from a human. From the way her eyes dropped, she caught my meaning.

Her shoulders tensed as she shook her head, looking like she was determined to tell me why I was wrong, why I should have told her everything the first second we met. But then all the fight melted out of her and she was suddenly just a person, not a mystical time lord warrior who could break me with her fist. "No." She whispered. "I'd rather not heard it at all."

Yeah, well, that made the two of us. Unfortunately, unhearing it wouldn't make it any less true. But I'm guessing she knew that.

"How am I ever going to tell Rhysik?" She asked. I hoped the question wasn't directed specifically at me, because I sure as shit didn't know. "If he even wakes up." Ouch. Another pleasant reminder on this most fantastic of days.

"He'll be fine." I lied. No idea if he was going to recover. Actually, she probably knew the odds of him improving better than I did. Which meant it was fairly obvious that I was just saying it for her sake. This talk wasn't really going very well. At all. Maybe if I just throw myself at her, I could still try hugging. And then make a run for it.

Something told me an attack hug would go down about as well as my 'he'll be fine' so I decided to skip it. I wanted to fill the silence with something, but saying sorry just felt like an empty reflex. I mean, I was sorry, but that just didn't quite cut it in the tsunami of a shitty day Ailla was having. The uncomfortable silence grew longer as I tried to look at anything other than her, wishing that the Professor might find something to say, but that was a laugh. My eyes settled on the steel doors down at the end of the hall and I recognized them as the ones that opened into the holodeck. I cringed internally for a moment before a flash of inspiration hit me.

"Hey, come on, I want to show you something." Ailla gave me a strange look as I stepped forward. Probably because I sounded way too enthusiastic for our somber mood. It was just an idea, not a cure for cancer. Take it down a notch, skippy.

"I'm not interested." She sounded more annoyed than angry. The kind of tone an overworked parent might apply to one of their excessively energetic children. But, I always kind of assumed they thought of me as a child, so I didn't take as much offense to it as I should have.

"Yeah, I know. Might be totally lame, but humor me for like, five minutes." She was going to say no again, I could just see it. She looked a bit irritated now. You know what? This was the only good idea I'd had on this trip, and dammit, she was going to indulge me. I grabbed her hand before she could protest and started to march her down the hallway, opening the door and pulling her inside. My heart seized in my chest as we walked through the black murk and then into the familiar gray interior. It had been a place I'd been deliberately avoiding for some time. Nothing good ever seemed to happen here. Still, thought I'd be over it by now. The way my palms started to sweat suggested I wasn't. Great. Another thing to push aside to deal with later. Right now, it was just a room. Not really the appropriate time to have my own personal meltdown. Especially since I'd already had one today. No need to be greedy.

"You wanted to show me the psychic interface?" She sounded doubtful.

"Kind of, bear with me," That anger of hers was starting to reemerge. While having a shouting match might be a nice distraction for the fact that she'd just learned her whole race had been obliterated, I didn't especially want to be on the receiving end of that. "Think of Gallifrey. I would do it, but my version is a little…." Filled with undead skeletons that can physically attack you? "It's a little messed up." I smiled in a way I hoped was encouraging.

"Fitz," she said with that tedious sigh again. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it won't be the same." Her face was hollow, like even mentioning Gallifrey had torn open a fresh wound. Maybe this had been a crap idea after all.

"I know this computer generated stuff normally looks- It's different. I'm…sort of a freak," that was the most succinct explanation I could come up with. "Just try it, it'll be worth it." I really really hoped it'd be worth it.

She stared at me, still thinking about refusing. But it looked like she decided it would be over more quickly if she just stopped arguing. "Fine." She said in a clipped tone, closing her eyes and taking in a slow breath. For a heartbeat, nothing moved, but then it started to shift all at once. The walls rippled and vanished, the ground sprouted up beneath our feet, red stalks growing from seemingly nothing and a familiar red tinged hillside began to build itself around us. I reflexively closed my eyes, afraid I was going to turn around and see that half-ruined domed city in the distance, and the same dead woman crawling toward me.

I opened them reluctantly, knowing it wouldn't do me any good not to see her coming. But the world around me was different, we were somewhere else entirely. No zombies in sight, so that was a good sign. It was still definitely the same red hued planet, two suns hung in the sky above us, but we were on more of a plateau at the base of some towering mountains behind us. Further away, the ocean spread out below us, but it was far enough that I could manage.

"It's…" Ailla had also opened her eyes, staring up over my shoulder where a large gleaming building that looked like it was made entirely of glass sat at the top of the small hill we were standing on. "It's the Blyledge Estate…it even smells the same." A hint of a smile pulled at the corner of her mouth as she turned around, kneeling to gather a handful of grass. "This…it's incredible." She sounded both surprised and awed by the revelation.

"Told you. I'm special." I pulled out the pocket watch for her to see. "Who said there aren't any perks to being possessed by a time lord?" For once, my time with Rassilon had resulted in something that wasn't complete shit. What a surprise. Still didn't make me any less furious with him. I gave the watch a shake, hoping that even though he was just a floating consciousness, he could still develop migraines.

She stood up and pointed to a handful of dark trees below us. "I used to pick Uill's from that tree and eat so many I'd make myself sick." She let out a laugh. I used to do the same thing with fruit roll-ups, but maybe now wasn't the time to share. "Can I?" She halted her footsteps, looking back to see if moving might ruin the effect.

"Knock yourself out." I shrugged. "It's not really- I mean, it's not really Gallifrey. I just thought it might…" What? Thought it might be better than nothing? That's a terrible way of putting it.

"No. It isn't." She agreed. "But it's more than I ever thought to see again. It's a chance to say goodbye at the very least." She swallowed and turned back to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders briefly. "It's lovely. It really really is." She smiled, her eyes slightly more watery than I remembered and headed down the hill, pausing to touch each new rock or tree she came across. I let out a relieved breath, grateful that it hadn't gone in the totally opposite direction I'd feared, and half expected. It was nice to have things work out, once in a while.

"That was a nice gesture." The Professor didn't sound like he thought it was a good thing. Too bad he'd come along at all.

"Yeah, I'm a real Mother Teresa."

"I beg your pardon?"

"She's a…never mind. Forget I said anything." Even when I forgot, there was always something to serve as a reminder that he was just as alien as he looked. "You having any crisis? I hear if I help three time lords in a day, I get a free toaster." And everyone knows, toast is delicious.

"Not precisely. Though," he added, "If you have a moment-" He was interrupted by a harsh cry that had me nearly diving to the ground. It was more my 'make a smaller target' stance, but I was ready to make a run for the door if necessary. Yeah. Awesome. Just go ahead and abandon everyone. That's me. A real god damn hero.

When my heart rate dropped back down enough for me to think clearly, I realized the landscape hadn't turned back into the warzone I'd been expecting. It was just Ailla down below. She had collapsed against the tree, a bright green fruit held in her hands as she slid to the ground.

"Oh crap." So it had been a shitty idea disguised as a good one. Note to self, let other people handle the whole 'ideas' thing from now on.

The Professor looked toward me. "Perhaps you should speak with her again?" He suggested as we both stood there, watching awkwardly.

I tried not to laugh. "I don't know anything else to say. I mean, this was my only plan. I don't even-" My eyes trailed down to where I could see Ailla's form shaking as she sobbed. I could say sorry a thousand times and it'd mean literally nothing. My eyes turned back to the Professor. "I'm guessing she'd rather talk to you."

"Me?" He scowled, as though it was such a shocker that anyone would want to talk to him. Well, okay…maybe that was a surprise.

"Yeah, you. You know, since you're another time lord who's just been informed his entire race has been exterminated?" He actually seemed to be handling the information rather well, but then, who knows what really goes on in that brain of his. He could be having a full-blown tantrum and I'd never know. "She could probably use a friend right now, one that has the slightest clue as to what she's going through. That rules me out." Of course, there were other reasons that she might be more interested in speaking with him than me, but those were reasons he could figure out for his damn self.

"I'm hardly a friend." He said skeptically.

"Then go be one." I said, giving him a push. He was being a real pain about this, but then maybe I was being unfair. He was probably more used to causing women to weep, and this would be his second female crisis for the day. "Besides," I said, careful to avoid his direct gaze. "You're surprisingly good at making people feel less shitty when they fall apart." That was as close as I was going to get to thanking him. "When you're not being a jerk." I added quickly. Actually, that was as close as I was going to get to acknowledging it had ever occurred. I planned on burying that whole mess deep in my pit of 'things that never happened'. His head still shot up in surprise but I was too busy inspecting an errant cloud in the sky to notice. Mostly.

"That's incredibly reassuring."

"Yeah, well. I'm actually really bad at that sort of thing. Which is another excellent reason why you should go down there and make with the comforting." I shooed at him. "And be nice." He made a scoffing noise in his throat.

"Very well." He finally said, sounding not confident at all. That made me smile a little. "I'll go and try." My smile faded as he walked away, only now realizing that I was pushing him directly into her path. How's that for some seriously fucked up self-sabotage? Whatever. There had to be something there for me to ruin it, right? Nothing happened.

Okay, but nothing important happened. It wasn't like he'd confessed this secret love of me. Maybe it was just a cultural thing. Kissing was a time lords way of saying 'oh good, you didn't die this time'. It wasn't like I could ask about it either. Maybe I could have before, back when he was a blond and had some kind of facial expression. At least I could drop a hint or two and get some idea of how he might respond. But this version? It was like reading a brick wall. And as far as hinting? He'd probably pick up on that about as well as the Doctor, which would mean not at all. No. You know what? I wasn't going to run myself in circles like this. I wasn't going to come up with some plan how to proceed. I just wasn't going to bring it up at all. Not now, not ever. Because it would be stupid. Whatever mixed emotions I thought I might be having could just go smother themselves before someone came along and smothered them for me. Humans and time lords did not mix, especially when there were other, ex-girlfriend, time lords to consider.

This is me, letting it go.

My eyes kept drifting down to Ailla and the Professor, he knelt next to her, his low voice just drifting up the hill.

"Oh stop it." I grumbled as I caught myself leaning to see if I could hear better. I turned around and instead watched the ocean swirling in the distance. Despite my best efforts, I could still hear them.

"Voice interface?" Just as I was starting to feel like an idiot, the Doctor, or the Doctor's form, flickered into view. He frowned as he recognized me, twisting his hands together.

"Ah. Yes. My thief didn't handle that quite as well as he should have," he said sheepishly. "Sorry."

"You and me both." I grunted. Now didn't seem like the time to get into a blaming match with the same intelligence capable of painting my walls neon pink. "So, how long have I got before the room makes me go all…" I hadn't really been thinking about it the last time, but it had certainly taken its toll before. No reason to think it wouldn't again.

"Deceased?" He supplied in an uncomfortably casual tone.

"Uh. Yeah. That."

He considered a moment before answering. "You can sustain this current eco-stimulation for forty-four and a half minutes before expiring."

"Awesome." I wanted to fill the silence, but at the same time, I didn't really want to chat up the spaceship. "Make sure I get up in forty minutes, would you?" I lay back on the grass and brought my shoulders up to cover my ears, happy to find it effectively muted whatever conversation was going on behind me. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something nice for a change, like puppies or skittles.

It mostly worked.