I GOT AN IDEA AND I JUST RAN WITH IT OKAY. No, seriously, but this word just gave me this massive hit of inspiration and this came out. It's, like, slightly crack fic territory kind of thing, so kind of unrealistic, but at the same time I'll probably reconstruct on this in a future chapter, provided you awesome readers send in some fitting words. ;)

Freaking awesome word credit to DoubleDee068!

Hostage (noun): a person siezed or held as security for the fullfillment of a condition.

Though, note that in this story, the hostage is not human- and yes, you read that right. And also, warning for Darcy's mouth, because I feel like she'd be the type to be an avid cusser.

Disclaimer: I don't own Thor, and I never will. Unfortunately.

Darcy feels him staring again.

Yes, that's right, again.

Normally she would turn and send a sarcastic comment his way about it, and he would, of course, ignore said comment reply with a much more asshole-like one. But today Darcy decides not to; she knows that that would be useless, because the God of Mischief isn't the kind of guy to ever listen to her. Or to anyone.

It's Jane's fault for letting him stay. Loki has been working with S.H.I.E.L.D. (where Jane works and Darcy has followed Jane to, still working as her intern) since after his stunt with the Avengers, upon Thor's urging that he could be useful with missions and whatnot. He also started hanging around Jane's office around two months ago, and Jane let him. Seriously. Jane lets him. And Jane hardly stays in her office, which leaves Darcy alone with him most of the time.

Loki started staring at Darcy about one month ago. Every day he just comes in, sits down, and stares. Sometimes he'll read, but most of the time, he'll stare. And while Darcy would usually appreciate a good-looking guy like Loki checking her out, she feels that a psychopath checking her out really shouldn't be considered a good thing.

Jane usually gets horrified when she hears that Darcy thinks Loki is good-looking, because she doesn't trust the guy. Great logic, Jane. Get horrified at finding the guy cute, but by all means, let him sit in your office. But then again, the guy is cute. He's charismatic (drop dead gorgeous), he's stimulating (drop dead gorgeous), and he's ever-so-charming (and did Darcy mention drop dead gorgeous?). Truth be told, sometimes when he speaks, Darcy wants to...swoon. Yeah, that's a safe word.

But when he speaks, he always speaks to everyone but Darcy. Even when he stares at her, and even when Darcy tries to tell him to knock it off, their conversation always dies out. It's like he's always keeping a distance from her, and at the same time, staring at her. To be honest, Darcy almost wishes the guy would talk to her more, because she is always bored.

It's boring working at S.H.I.E.L.D. with Jane (and not getting paid, for one), and she could use someone to spend lunch breaks with or talk to, since Jane mostly goes off with Thor now that he's stayed on Earth to babysit Loki. Realizing what she's thought of, Darcy chuckles and shakes her head; she's so desperate, she has actually imagined befriending Loki.

Yet if it made the day less boring...

Wait, no. Darcy is not going to even consider such an idea; the odds are, Loki would end up stabbing her in the back or something, figuratively and/or literally. Yup, she's better off letting the days be boring. And speaking of boring, there's a stack of papers in her hand that she's been "reading" for the past ten minutes that she's supposed to tell Jane about. She'd better get back to work...

But she can still feel him staring.

Why can't it even be cute, romantic staring? Like sneaking-a-glance-in-someone's-direction kind of thing? Why does it have to be Loki staring at her with his cold, frosty eyes like he's perpetually looking at someone he doesn't stand? (Because if Loki doesn't like Darcy, she's cool with that, but she'd at least like a heads-up about it, in case he tries to kill her anytime soon).

"You ever heard the term 'it's not polite to stare'?" Darcy finally asks.

He, at first, doesn't answer. This makes Darcy turn her chair and stare at the guy, who stays sitting stiffly in his seat, but who does lift his eyes up in a quiet, almost smug manner when he sees her.

"No." That's his answer. Unbelievable.

"Well, now that ya do, mind following it? You're distracting me."

He leans forward in his own chair now, his eyes flickering to her eyes and then over her body, and his voice is cold when he says, "I do not take orders from mortals."

Darcy looks at him curiously- because did he just check her out?- and says, "Yeah, you've made that pretty clear these past months you've been here, but seriously, dude, you realize you're kinda stuck with a whole bunch of mortals now, right?"

"That does not mean I choose to associate with them," says Loki in a clipped tone.

"Right, so that's why you've just been eye-raping my back for like a whole month and never even explaining why. I know I'm sexy and all, but my back is probably not the best place to look at when you're checking out a girl."

Loki frowns now. "You think very highly of yourself."

"That's a line, coming from you," jokes Darcy, but she finds herself internally smacking her face. Bad Darcy! Don't tease someone who could end your life in a millisecond!

Loki, surprisingly, doesn't take the bait. "Your joking does not amuse me," he states calmly. "I believe, for the purpose of what is to come next, I will ignore what you have just said."

Darcy has to run that through her head several times. "What?"

Loki suddenly stands up and strides across the room, taking Darcy's arm with an authoritative hand. His slim, long fingers forcefully grip her skin and jerk her arm upwards, taking her body upwards too (and bringing on a whole lot of pain to her arm, 'cause dude's got a grip).

He's hella strong, so when he shoves her back against the wall of Jane's office, it hurts like a motherfucker. What the hell is this guy doing? Trying to kill her? (Wait, actually, that might not be too far off...)

"What have you done?" he snarls, bringing his face really close to hers and glaring at her with super intense green eyes. Damn it, why does he have to be so attractive? This so isn't fair.

"If you're asking for a confession, then yes, I did draw a mustache on Clint's face when he passed out yesterday. But in all fairness, it was a pretty rockin' mustache," Darcy offers (and the mustache totally was).

Loki's response is knocking Darcy's body against the wall, rattling her skull (and freaking her out). "No," he says through clenched teeth, "I wish to know what you have done to me."

"Yeah, no, I didn't draw anything on you, but if you want me to-"

"Silence, mortal," Loki hisses.

Oh hell to the no. "Excuse me?" Darcy says.

"I said silence," the idiot snaps. "You are beneath me, you insolent-"

Darcy raises a finger. "Wait, wait, are you going to call me a mewling quim now like you did to Natasha? Because I'm pretty sure she's already called dibs on killing you slowly and painfully for that one, so, maybe go for something more original?"

Loki frowns, which mars his pretty face, but whatever, he's still hot. Wait, and evil! Bad Darcy, don't get attracted to the stupid God of Mischief just because of his eyes. And his sexy smirk. And his face. And his hair. And-

"Tell me what you have done to me, mortal," Loki snaps instead, leaving out any possible name he could've called her (the Natasha thing so saved her ass).

"I don't know what I did to you. If I accidentally stole your coffee or something, I'm sorry. Unless it was crappy coffee, which in that case, I'm not," Darcy says, studying the face of the angry demigod, which is still shoved really close to hers.

He is still really attractive, of course, but there's something else to his face that's oddly desperate. His jaw tightens every few seconds, and not to mention, he looks kinda...confused. As if Darcy's the confusing one. His eyes are also kinda flickering all over her face, trying to study her face right back, and that's...also kinda confusing, but kinda hot at the same time.

Damn it. Now Darcy has spent too much time being bored that she's also desperate for guys. When was the last time she got laid? Honestly, she can't even remember. When she dated Ian? Before that, even?

"You know very well that you have done something," Loki says slowly, and his grip on her arms tightens. "You have cast some sort of spell over me."

Great, now he's hot and crazy. Stellar choice of guys you've got here, Darcy.

"Sorry, but I'm mortal," says Darcy sarcastically. "I've got no magic."

Loki's desperate face turns into one of anger. His jaw tightens the most it has so far and his eyes turn as cold as his voice has been the whole time.

"Clearly you have done something," he growls.

"Dude! I didn't! What the hell is wrong with you?" Darcy explodes, trying to move out of his grip, but he just digs his fingers into her skin harder and doesn't let go.

"Yes, you have," says Loki coldly. "Why else am I so entranced by you?"

Holy shit. This guy is...attracted to her? And he honestly believes the only reason he could be attracted to her was if she cast some spell on him? Asshole. But seriously! Loki. Is. Attracted. To. Her. All the staring makes sense now (but is still really creepy, when she thinks about it).

"Well, see, there's a thing called boobs," Darcy offers.

Clearly that is the wrong answer, because Loki's face turns even colder. "You are crude, Midgardian," he spits, "and unworthy of my time."

"Right, and that's why you're pinning me to a wall," quips Darcy.

Loki's grip only gets tighter. Damn it, that's going to bruise.

"I know you have done something to bewitch me," he accuses. "You do not leave my mind, yet you are inexplicably ordinary. You manage to make me weak, and yet you are mortal. I have become infatuated with you, and this is all at the expense of your own fault."

"Hey, if it's my fault that I'm sexy as hell, then guilty as charged," jokes Darcy.

Loki frowns. "Do not attempt to be sarcastic, Midgardian."

"Actually, that was a joke..." Darcy trails off. "You know what, forget it."

Loki, clearly, doesn't appreciate humor, because he keeps pinning her to a wall. Darcy tries to wiggle out of his hold, but he's still scarily strong and just holds her tighter whenever she tries to move. His eyes keep scanning her face desperately.

"I do not understand," he finally murmurs brokenly.

"You and me both, buddy," mutters Darcy under her breath.

Loki ignores her that. "You are ordinary," he repeats, slowly softening his grip on her, yet still keeping her pinned. "I do not understand why you are so enticing."

"I just told you- sexy as hell."

Dude doesn't even pay attention to her anymore. Should she, like, yell for help? Jane's out on business with Thor (or so she says), so Jane isn't obviously going to come. Other S.H.I.E.L.D agents might, and then maybe they'd stop letting Loki creep around Jane's office so much.

But Darcy Lewis doesn't usually call for help.

Or ever. She's got a taser and a will to save her own ass, thank you very much feminist ideals. But still, maybe when there's a crazy Norse God looking at her like she's a bug that needs to be squashed, she should make an exception.

"Do not dare, Ms. Lewis," says Loki suddenly, which makes Darcy focuses on him again. The asshole looks angry again, and his grip tightens again. Jaw tight, he adds, "If you dare to call for help, I will end you right now."

Wow, isn't he a charmer. Going batshit crazy and hurting a girl, then staying batshit crazy and mumbling shit to said girl, all to end up threatening her life. Betcha he got all the ladies in Assgird or wherever he's from (insert eye roll here).

Wait- why'd he threaten her? She hadn't even said anything.

"Can you read my mind?" she blurts out.

Loki looks baffled; clearly that isn't the reaction he was expecting. "No," he says slowly, still glancing at her. "I can connect to your mind, but that is only to see and hear from your perspective. Furthermore, I did not do so now; I deducted that you wish to call for help from the look on your face."

Damn it, so that's why her dad always tried to teach her to have a good poker face. Well, that and because she was the only one who ever played poker with him and he got bored of always winning so easily.

"Okay Mr. Perspective, so what?" Darcy demands. "This is assault. I would've tasered your ass by now, but my taser's in my purse, so sometimes, I have to ask for help."

"You cannot." Loki grits his teeth. "You must end my agony."

"...What?"

"You are to be mine, Darcy Lewis," Loki says matter-of-factly (fucker, like Darcy is anyone's but her own). "I must have you. I will have you," he adds dangerously.

Kinky psychotic assholes. Would wonders ever cease?

"...So you want to have sex with me," Darcy says slowly. "Dude-"

"Stop!" Loki yells, and he slams her against the wall again (fuck, that still hurts) to shut her up. "I am not an animal. My desire for you is not only primal." Not only? So he does want to have sex with her?

"Then spit it out, dude!" Darcy cries. "What the hell do you want?"

Loki falters, and his face goes from angry to confused again. Geez, guys with daddy issues are always some pretty messed up people, but aliens with daddy issues are a million times worse.

"I am not sure," he admits hollowly. "This- sensation- is new to me. I believe that I might wish to court you first and see how this will unfold."

So psychotic asshole with daddy issues wants to go out with her? This is an unexpected turn of events, to say the least. Darcy would expect him to be the screw 'em and leave 'em type.

But the question of the hour is whether or not Darcy is going to go out with the guy. First thought: hell no! Second thought: hell to the fucking no! He's crazy. He's dangerous. And he didn't even ask. You'd think, being a prince and all, that he'd at least try to be romantic.

"You aren't exactly asking anything here, you know," Darcy informs him.

"What?"

"Yeah, you're just assuming I'm going to date you just because you decided you might have feelings for me! Well here's what should be an answer to the question you never asked: no. I'm not going to go out with you," Darcy says.

Fuck, he becomes dangerous again. Or at least his face does, because he's been dangerous, holding-her-hostage-and-making-her-hear-his-emotions-spill-everywhere and all.

"Do you dare refuse me, mortal?" he whispers lowly.

"Uh...yeah."

He narrows his eyes. "I will not have it," he says. "You will be mine."

"Yeah, not a chance," Darcy says breezily.

But she doesn't even get the chance to be more sarcastic (because one can't have enough sarcasm), when Loki suddenly lets go of her, which makes her crumble on the ground. Stupid gravity. She tries to stand up but ends up finding that her legs are all shaky (again, stupid gravity). Before she has even straightened herself out, Loki grips both of her arms with his hands and keeps her rooted to the spot.

"You will be mine," he repeats while Darcy struggles against his grip (what are with his fingers, dammit! They're like iron or something). "You should be honored that I am not taking you against your will, mortal. I offer you a chance to redeem yourself and accept my offer to court you."

Offer. Yeah, what an offer.

"In your dreams, asshole," Darcy snaps, still trying to make his fingers let go of her wrists. Her head hurts, her arms are probably bruised, and the last thing she needs is her wrists to be bruised too.

Loki just digs his fingers into her skin harder. "Say that once more, mortal," he challenges, "and I will-" Darcy quickly knees him in the groin, and his words fall silent. For a second pain flashes on his face, but he doesn't let her go; he just shoves her back against the wall. Great, add back bruises and a possible concussion to her list of injuries.

"Let me go!" Darcy exclaims, angrily.

"No," Loki says coolly. "You are going to be mine, Darcy Lewis. I am going to ensure so." He moves his face dangerously close to hers. "You will let me court you-"

Darcy spits. On his face.

Loki doesn't let go of her. Not even to wipe his face. "You will let me court you," he repeats, looking very less patient, "or I will kill you."

Death threats. Again.

"Well, that way I wouldn't end up having to date you," quips Darcy unabashedly. "So go ahead. Do it." She then raises her chin defiantly (isn't that what strong heroines do or something?).

Loki's face morphs into one of...amusement? He even smirks. "I will," he says coolly, "but only if you do not agree to become involved in a relationship with me. Then I will not only kill you, but your precious Jane-"

"Thor would kick your ass for that," Darcy interjects.

"-and I will take the electronic device you worship so much," finishes Loki.

That makes Darcy's heart stop. Literally.

"Hey, spare my iPod!" she shrieks, horrified. "It's literally innocent!"

"It is your choice," Loki says, still smirking.

Bastard, literally blackmailing her to go out with him. Where did he even get such a stupid idea, Evil Villians 101? Darcy can imagine the logo: "taking guys with tragic backstories and making them hateful since humanity started."

Darcy frowns. "You don't even have my iPod," she challenges.

"But I can easily obtain it," counters Loki.

Darcy bites her lips. Every ounce of her good judgement screams No, fucking run you dumb bitch, but then again, her iPod screams Queen and Pierce the Veil and really, how can she resist the screams of her loved ones in peril?

So, in the end, that's the story of how Darcy Lewis, badass who tased the God of Thunder, ends up dating Loki Odison, freaking psychotic God of Mischief, who used her iPod as a hostage to blackmail her into dating him.

So that was, finally, the blackmail chapter! Hope you guys loved Darcy's voice throughout this, and the banter Tasertricks had- it was fun to write.

But forget me. Love these people instead:

x NikiSt x

scarletwitch0

DoubleDee068- Thank you, again, for the amazing word! You do not know how easily this chapter just flew out once I had the inspiration. :D

rachelisafallenangel

Nolesr1

JigokuShoujosRevenge

FloraIrmaTylee

awong111

AllieSnow- You know, I almost did Halloween (because I love Halloween), but this word just dragged me into this oneshot, sorry! Thanks for the review, though!

Mandy- asdfghjkl; thank you so much for your review!

Thank you, amazing people listed above! You do not know how happy it makes me to read you guys' reviews and talk to each and every one of you; you're all so awesome. Plus, getting this story to 75 reviews?! You guys rock!