A/N: Hello there, you have reached this page because I figured you're probably following the story (well, at least some of you are) and you use the convenience of alerts to let you know when something has been updated! As chapter 18.5 is going to be posted as a one shot on its own, you would technically have no way of knowing that, except for the fact that I told you at the end of last chapter, but whatever. I'm trying to make things convenient so you will love me. PLEASE LOVE ME.
Ahem. Sorry. Anyway. This is your alert! Chapter 18.5 is up! And it's with my other stories and it's called 'Keeping the Stars Apart:18.5' Because I am real damn creative with names. Go me.
So scurry on over there! And please tell me what you think!
Ah, now, for the rest of you who weren't interested in the smut. Um. Sorry for this semi misleading alert. This may feel like a betrayal, and I apologize for that, so here's an all age appropriate sample of 18.5
Bow chicka bow chicka wow wow.
Chicka wow chicka wow wooooow.
Chicka wow chicka wow chicka wow wow.
There. You've missed nothing at all.
Still feel left out? Okay, here's a story because I am a generous and benevolent being.
Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Crantonia (their chief export was cranberries, hence the name (I'm lying, I just made that shit up.)) there was a Princess who loved all creatures great and small (but let's face it, porcupines were her favorite. No contest). She had learned her kindness from her parents, who were a just and much revered King and Queen of the lands. From the lowly farmers of the Southland Plains, to the Ice Giants in the Spire Mountains who mined the finest diamonds the world had ever seen, the people spoke no ill of their wise rulers and they were happy.
The King and Queen often visited far and wide, speaking with the leaders of each village, striving to do better for their kingdom each and every day. (They were overachievers like that, but not in that condescending "we're so much better than everyone" kind of way. Which is good, because, man. Can not stand those people.) One day, they traveled to the deep dark wood of Requiem to speak with the centaurs who ruled there. It was on the final day of their talks that a witch came upon the Princess, now a lady of sixteen, who had wandered from the royal encampment to explore the wood.
You might think that the witch stole her away, or cursed her, or ate her for dinner. But you'd be wrong, because this isn't that kind of story and shame on you for judging a witch like that. Honestly.
Anyway, the witch followed her for a while (because she had very little going on. Witches are lonely people), and she was curious to see why such a clearly wealthy girl was wandering aimlessly in the woods. When the princess came upon a squirrel that had trapped itself in the brambles of a bush, she stopped to free the poor animal, despite the scratches and injuries she herself received from both the bush and the frightened creature. The witch saw this kindness, and decided to reward the young woman.
See? See? A nice witch. Are you all forgetting Glinda? Shame on you, your family, and your cow.
Anyway.
The witch approached the Princess, who was just as kind to her as she would have been with any of the most respected people in the kingdom, and offered her a gift of her choosing. The Princess thought on this for a while. She was not a silly girl who would wish for a husband (unless it was Tom Hiddleston. But they didn't have Tom Hiddleston's there, and if the Princess knew about Tom Hiddleston you can bet your ass that's where her wish would have gone), and she knew she had more than enough wealth to ever need to wish for more. Her thoughts, instead, lingered on the squirrel she had rescued and how frightened it had been.
"I would speak with the animals." The Princess said resolutely. "So that I could help them when needed."
The witch nodded her head gravely and waved her arms over the girl, casting her spell. "And so it shall be." She took a deep breath and raised her shawl over her head. "Peace." She said as she threw a sign.
The Princess was not one to accuse people of lying, but she did find it hard to believe that a strange woman in the wood would grant her such abilities, so she kept the encounter to herself. But as the caravan prepared to leave the woods of Requiem, she accidently stumbled into her horse.
"Oh, sorry." She mumbled absently, so used to speaking with her animals that it had become second nature.
"No worries love, take morn'nat ta knock me down." The horse responded.
"Well damn." Said the Princess.
And so it came to pass, that the witch had not been eating the special kind of forest berries that made one a bit silly and prone to exaggeration, she truly had given the Princess the gift of speech. People came from all around to see the feat, and soon people came with their horses, their ox, their trusty mutts, to see what ailed them and how they could be helped. The Princess enjoyed this work so much, that she began to help sick animals full time. The King and Queen gave their blessing and the Princess spent her days traveling, curing those she could and spreading her message of understanding.
Things were well in the kingdom, but there were talks of a darkness rising out of the west. The neighboring kingdoms far far away had fallen under some horrible monstrosity. The tales were obscure at first, the kind that were shared over a pint and a laugh. But as the darkness grew closer, they were no longer stories to be mocked. They were whispered fears, panic. It was no army that marched on them, it was the great spider lord, Gooroth, and her hoard of children. They were the ones who were spreading their destruction, and there was nothing they could do to stop them.
All the armies of the surrounding kingdoms retreated to Crantonia, their last beacon of hope. The King and Queen ordered great walls built around their borders to keep those who had survived safe. And so the Hoard of Gooroth was slowed, but each day more men died defending the wall, and each day the barrier cracked and broke and threatened to fall completely.
The Princess heard of this trouble and went to confront Gooroth and her children, knowing there must be a peaceful resolution to this madness. Gooroth listened to the Princess' wise words and ordered her children to cease their attacks. She would speak to the King and Queen in an honorable way and see if they could not come to an agreement. The Princess pleaded her case, and finally the King and Queen agreed to meet with the spider lord. Their talks were long and arduous, with the Princess serving to translate the words. On the fourth day of talks, the ground began to shake beneath them.
"A mighty earthquake!" The King shouted, reaching for his wife and daughter to protect them from all that heavy expensive shit they had hanging on the walls.
"Naw." Said Goorgoth. "Thems my kids. I just did this 'talk' thing to buy some time. We're burrowers by nature."
The Princess couldn't bring herself to translate for her parents, but it didn't matter. The stone floors burst open, bringing wave after wave of tiny spider children that swarmed the royal family and all who resided in the castle, devouring them to the very last. With no wall to stop them, and no leadership to command the armies, all the people of Crantonia were devoured and the Spider lords ruled till the end of days. Feasting on the blood of all who remained.
THIS IS A SPIDER HATE STORY.
SPIDERS ARE TERRIBLE.
MORAL OF THE STORY.
SPIDERS = BAD
THE. END.
So, uh. Yeah. That's it.