Author's Notes:

I don't know if this is a big deal, but I'm excited about this: Of Hope and Destruction broke 5,000 views this week! XD

I love the way that your heart breaks
With every injustice and deadly fate
Praying it all will be new
And living like it all depends on you

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
 love you please see and believe again

Love that you're never satisfied
With face value wisdom and happy lies
You take what they say and go back and cry
You're so close to me that you nearly died

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again

They don't have to understand you
Be still
Wait and know I understand you
Be still
Be still
Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
The floodgates are breaking and pouring out

Here you are down on your knees
Trying to find air to breathe
Right where I want you to be again
I love you please see and believe again

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
Right where I want you to be again
See and believe!

"Again," by Flyleaf

The room was so quiet besides the steady beeping of the spark monitor. I watched as my father's chest slowly rose and fell, aware of every movement he made where he probably didn't even know I was here. I had been on the Nemesis since my revival, which had been a few weeks ago, and this is the first time I had been able to approach him. I still felt guilty for his condition, for siding with the Autobots during the time when he was injured.

I vent out a shaky breath. Taking one last glance at his spiking brain waves, I finally steel away enough nerve to speak. "Um… Hey, Daddy. It's me. Or well, whatever me I am now."

Shifting against the adjacent counter I was leaning against, I continue. "You probably don't understand what I mean. You can't see me, so you can't know. Breakdown says my voice sounds the same. Tried prompting me into singing, but… I don't remember any songs. All I remember is… well random things." A small smile grace my face. "Knockout said I can learn them again, and I've learned a few." The smile fell again. "Oh, Knockout…"

My helm hung low as my frame shook lightly, my vocalizers trying futilely to mimic the weak human habit of crying when in pain. "Poor Knockout… Poor Rowback…" Another sob rocked my frame again. "I don't deserve them. I don't deserve the following of this ship, of my position. But Daddy, I don't really have a choice, do I?"

With a shaky breath, I say, "Please wake up soon. We need you. We need our leader. They need their Lord Megatron. And I need my Daddy." No response from the comatose mech. Not that I expected one. I vent a sigh as my optics harden. "Till you wake, I swear upon my spark to watch over this ship and everyone aboard. I will make up for my betrayal. I will make you proud."

With that said, I stand from my position leaning against the counter and stride to a nearby computer panel. I pull up plans Knockout had been working on for me. He was still developing them and trying his hardest into talking me out of the upgrades. Recent events had only solidified my desire for these upgrades. Examining the work, I realize that Knockout had been farther along in the development than he had let on. Overprotective fragger… I think affectionately, a faint smirk on my features.

After adding a few tweaks of my own, I start to pull out various tools and supplies to start work on building the devices. As I begin to prepare a few components, a message from Soundwave pops up on the computer before me. :Are you sure about this?: I look up to a nearby camera and simply nod my head once, and he does not send me any more messages.

Components ready, I open a compartment on my right arm and pick up an electrical solder with my left. As I begin to rewire the circuitry, I let the events of the past few hours replay through my mind.

"What does this do?"

"Don't touch that."

"How about this one?"

"Don't touch that one, either."

"Can I touch this?"

"No."

I groan in exasperation while Breakdown grins at Knockout and I. "Is there anything in here I can touch?"

"Just yourself and the floor." Breakdown bursts out laughing at that one, grabbing a nearby counter for support as he bends and clutches his gut.

Frowning as my optic ridges scrunch together, I say, "I don't get it."

Breakdown looks to Knockout with a cheeky grin and responds, "We are such bad influences."

"I haven't the faintest clue as to what you are referring to, Breakdown. I happen to be the perfect influence as her big brother."

"You're the reason why she swears so much."

"Frag you."

"Ahem!" I say loudly as I cross my arms over my chassis. "Hate to interrupt you bromance bonding over my naivety to whatever in the Pit you were talking about, but how about we focus on the matter at hand? As in, finding me a weapon?" My gaze circles the armory vault as I slowly turn and hold my arms in the air. "Which, by the way, is going nowhere since someone won't let me even touch a weapon let alone test it!"

Knockout crosses his arms and glares. "Some of these weapons are very dangerous, Shadow. You need to be care—"

"Yeah, like that little stun gun back there was so dangerous."

"Shadow—"

"Would be careful about that kind of weapon, Little Bit," Breakdown says as he casually leans against the wall. "Knockout is overly fond of his little stun gun—"

"Energon Prod!—"

"Alright, alright!" Breakdown says, holding his servos up in mock surrender as Knockout glared at him. As the medic calmed and turned to speak to me again, Breakdown adds, "Glorified stun gun on a stick."

I burst out laughing as Knockout smacked Breakdown on the helm and began to berate the large mech as he continued to repeatedly smack him.

Once those two had settled again, we began to resume our search of the perfect weapon for me. "Too bad we don't have a hammer or something for ya," Breakdown said. "Then you could be like a mini me!"

I snort. "As amusing as that might be, a hammer might be counterproductive to my fighting style. Besides, between me taking off mannerisms from you two and having a red and blue paint job, if you two start fitting me with your weapons, the Autobots might think I'm your secret love child or something."

Both of the mechs shared a horrified look as I grinned evilly. Knockout was the first to find his voice. "No… Just… Just no."

I snort. "It's not like you two could have a kid." I go back to scanning the various weapons. "I mean, your both males."

The two share a look, and Breakdown sighed. "Leave it to the Autobots to only give her the human talk…"

With a scowl, Knockout adds, "Well, it's not like it really mattered for her till recently to know. I mean, can you blame them for not wanting to explain to her?"

"Explain what?" I ask. Before the two nervous looking mechs have to answer me, something catches my attention. "What's this?"

Before Knockout can tell me not to touch it, I snatch up the pair of daggers on the nearby shelf in my servos. "Shadow—" Knockout starts warningly.

"Oh, calm down," I say sharply. "It's not like I'm gonna stab myself—" As I say this, I throw my servos to my sides, and I unintentionally hit the table next to me. The result are these cuff looking devices falling to the ground, and as they hit the floor, the daggers feel like they are pulled straight from my servos to stick right in the ground next to the cuffs. I stare, optics wide, and say, "Okay… Maybe I shouldn't touch anything…"

Knockout sighs as he walks forward to pull the daggers from the ground. "The daggers are magnetically linked to the cuffs. Throw a dagger and pull back the adjacent arm, and the magnetic pull will bring back that dagger." He looked over the daggers as he continued to speak. "Unfortunately, they are small and ineffective for the use of most mechs and not quite large enough for kill shots unless you accurately hit the right place."

He handed me the daggers, and I looked them over. "Well, they are sized perfectly for me, and I'm not really going to need to be able to take kill shots. I'm a medic."

Breakdown chuckled to himself. "Yeah, and your mentor has rotary blades in his servos."

My helm snaps to Knockout. "Wait, seriously? I never thought you would go with something so messy." As a feral smirk grew on his face, I cut him off before he could continue. "I don't even want to know." I held up the daggers. "So, can I keep them?"

Before my mentor could protest, Breakdown announced, "Let her have it, KO! It's either the daggers or that sniper rifle, and I think we can all agree that the daggers are a better fit." I flash Breakdown a grateful look, which he returns with a satisfied smirk.

"Well… I guess it will be fine."

"Perfect!" I announce as I slip the cuffs on my wrists, marveling at the perfect fit. As I attach the sheaths to my hip plates, I continue. "Now, before you two go and examine those mines, does one of you want to explain what the 'talk' is?"

"La, la, la! Not listening!" Breakdown announced as he covered his audio receptors as he headed to the door. "Knockout, you can have the honors of explaining that." After hearing his tone, I turned to my mentor that had an evil looking smirk on his face.

Less than five minutes of the 'talk' had me running from my chuckling mentor as Breakdown had.

Soon after, Breakdown and Knockout left to go examine a mine. I was on soldier standby duty right then, and I had to stay behind. The med lab had been empty, and one can only organize and straighten up so many times.

Boredom is what led me to the bridge. I had few opportunities to interact with Soundwave, and I had wanted to see if I could coax out his rarely heard voice. Unfortunately, it appeared as if he reserved his voice for rare occasions, today not being one of them. My incessant chatter was met with gestures of his long, talon like digits pointing out certain data on the screen before him or a playback of my own voice. Apparently I was interrupting his work, but rather than signal for me to leave, he turned on overhead speakers to play music.

As far as distractions go, Soundwave picked a pretty good one.

Hips swaying and wings flaring, I lost myself into the song, one of the many I had been introduced to in recent weeks. Well, reintroduced to apparently. The songs had vague references in my mind, so they sort of came naturally to me, much to the amusement of anyone within listening range.

"Darling, you got to let me know," I sang out. "Should I stay or should I go!" With a grin, I spun between song lines before posing. "If, you say that you are mine…" My hips flick to the side as I end the word with a jump note. "I'll be here till the end of time." I bent to the flow and slowly rose as I sung the next line. "So, come on and let me know…" A sudden jolt of movement into another pose. "Should I stay or should I go!"

Slowly, in a mock dangerous and flirtatious movement, I stalk down the bridge walkway. "Your decision's bugging me. If you don't want me, set me free." I pause and dip low with the next line. "Exactly who I'm supposed to be…"

My next words are cut off by the blaring of an alarm. Raising an optic ridge, I quickly approach Soundwave to see what is wrong. Unfortunately for me, the alarm not only interrupted my song but also brought my favorite seeker. "Soundwave," he addressed. "What is going on?"

He quickly reached the monitor and practically shoved me out to the way. Between the two huddled about the screen, I couldn't see anything. So, in order to gain a better view, I simply reached up to Soundwave's shoulders and pull myself up, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms about his neck while resting my chin on his shoulder. He didn't turn to acknowledge me, but one of his tentacles that I wasn't blocking retracted and stroked my helm a bit before returning to it's place while Soundwave never faltered in his typing.

Rolling his optics at me, Starscream asked, "Well? Why are the alarms going off?"

In response, Soundwave pulled up the location of one of our larger mining operations, it flashing a bright red on the projected screen. I felt my spark tighten as I gain recognition of the location. "That's the mine Knockout and Breakdown were examining…"

Looking to Soundwave, Starscream orders, "Contact Knockout via the comm link."

Without even a nod, Soundwave opens a channel. "I'm a little busy right— Hey! Watch the paint, Autobot!"

My spark thrummed quickly as Starscream asked, "Knockout, what's going on?"

"What does it sound like?!" Knockout snapped in response. "We're taking heavy fire from the Autobots. I think they are all here: I even saw their elusive medic. And they aren't in a very good mood…"

"What do you mean?" Starscream prompted.

"It means that if you don't send backup soon, you will lose this mine and any Decepticon here." My entire body tensed at the thought of losing not only all of those Vehicons, but also my brothers.

After a pause, Starscream responded, "Very well. We shall send you support." Knockout made a grunt of approval, but then Starscream continued. "I shall send you D38T5-7's Seeker squadron." Before Knockout could protest, Starscream cut the line and turned to the now tense Soundwave as I dropped silently to the ground. "Contact the rest of Shadow's squadron, and tell them to report to the ground bridge station."

He then turned to me, and trying to maintain formality, I respond, "I shall meet them there, Lord Starscream."

With a smirk, he nods and responds, "Very good. And do come back safe, my dear."

I tense at the endearment, one that I had a strong aversion to. He knew this fact, and in the short time I had come to integrate myself into the crew, he made it a point to address me this way. With a blank tone, I simply state, "Let's just drop the formalities, because we both know that you want the exact opposite to happen." With that said, I turn and stalk away, wings flexing against my back as I went to find my friend and his squadron.

My squadron.

"Shadow!" I grunt in acknowledgment to Knockout who had dropped beside me. "What are you doing? You shouldn't be in the middle of the battle! You're—"

"Supposed to be tending the wounded," I respond. "What do you think I'm doing?" I never take my optics off of the Vehicon before me, the one with a damaged shoulder from a blaster shot. "All the patients are out in the field, and you can't expect them all to be able to make it back to our triage cave."

He vents an exasperated sigh. "You are going to get yourself shot! You shouldn't be this far out into the battle."

I ignore him and look up to the Vehicon's visored face. "Okay, Mudkiss, I want you to take it easy. Head back to triage and wait for evac." He was about to protest, but I continued. "They could use another guard, and your other arm is still okay to shoot." With a nod, he stood and left.

I look to my mentor. "You can scold me for being reckless later, but I'm not engaging the Autobots, just treating the wounded." That's when Quickflip commed me the number of Vehicons we had accumulated in the makeshift triage area we had set up in a cave, and I couldn't help but grimace. "Slag it to the Pit. We need to evac them, now. I'm contacting the Nemesis."

I met Knockout's optics, and he nodded. With a swift kiss to my helm, he said, "Be careful, little sister. I'll help them hold the line. You handle our patients." Pulling his energon prod from his subspace, he gave it a quick spin in the air before heading off into the battle.

Returning to the issue before me, I open a comm to the warship. "This is Shadow to the Nemesis. Come in. We need to evacuate our wounded and then the rest of the men. This battle is lost."

I may not have been fighting, but I can see a lost fight when I'm faced with one. The Autobots were angry. Their fighting today matched nothing like I had heard of from encounters of older battles. Their moves, their strategies, everything was more… vicious than I had anticipated.

The Nemesis finally responded, and Starscream's shrilly voice filled my audio receptors, a sound that made blaster shots preferable. "I'm so sorry, my dear, but opening a ground bridge at this time might threaten the integrity of the ship. We wouldn't want the Autobots to get onboard, now would we?"

I felt rage seep into my veins. "Look, Screamer, don't condemn these soldiers because you want me dead. They are your soldiers. It's your job to protect them."

"Do not think that I won't be sad over this turn of events. The ones who don't make it through will surely be missed—"

"You no good, vile fragger! I—This isn't up for debate! Open the slagging portal or—" I didn't have the opportunity to finish the threat, ducking and rolling to the side just as a long katana flew over my helm from beside. Ending up sitting on my aft, my gaze darts up to the mech before me.

He was purely white, save for green and red stripes on his chassis. His helm was of an unusual shape, and he wielded a long, dangerous looking katana in each hand. But, the most fearsome part was his optics. Staring back at me were the most intense looking optics I had ever seen. They held a deep seeded anger, one that I don't think was specifically directed at the Decepticons. This battle, I realized, was for the Autobots to vent their anger, their sadness towards whatever had happened to make them this way.

But, the look didn't last long. Replaced by confusion and then spark aching sadness, his gaze stayed locked on my own, staring into my optics as if he was staring into my very soul.

Then, in a broken and unsure voice, he whispered, "Ev?" I slowly stood, staring at the mech who wasn't listed in the normal grouping of the Earth bound Autobots. Then, catching me off guard, he rushed forward, yelling out my Autobot name. "Everon!" And soon, I found myself pinned to the cliff face behind me.

Then, to my shock, he kissed me.

I hate to admit it, but I didn't respond until he pulled back from the kiss. I was too shocked, too confused. Though his move towards me was sudden, and his pinning me was rough, his kiss… It was soft, and it was tender, as if he were afraid I would break from the kiss. It was… loving.

After breaking the kiss, he rested his helm against mine, a feat only possible because he had my shorter frame lifted from the ground as he pinned me. My spark thrummed dangerously fast, and it wasn't until he mumbled, "Everon…." That I realized what was going on.

Using my wings to push myself off of the wall, I punched the offending Autobot. After he staggered back a few steps, a confused look on his face yet again, I dart forward and behind him, sharply kicking the back of one of his knee joints. Then, as he staggers forward, I grab his arm and use my wings to give me the momentum to spin him before throwing him into the nearby cliff face.

Landing in a low crouch, I growl towards the offending mech. How dare he? What gave him the right to just grab me like that… And why the frag did I wish he hadn't pulled away…

Before I could contemplate this further, a blur darted next to me, transforming before I heard the telltale sound of a blaster shot hitting metal. Spinning to see who was hit, I watch as my friend, as Rowback, falls to the ground, a shot straight through his chest. My scream had no words, just pure emotion.

I look to where a femme, the blue two-wheeler known as Arcee, stood off to the side, blaster still pointed. With a flash of movement, I had unsheathed a dagger and threw it with stunning accuracy straight into her shoulder. Pulling my arm back, the magnetic cuffs recalled the dagger to me, and I grab it and sheath it as I slide to the ground next to Rowback.

"Rowback?! Rowback, stay with me!" I plead as I set to work on the wound. The blast had damaged his spark chamber, and he was in a fragile critical condition.

I worked quickly, trying to calm my shaking servos but failing miserably. In the middle of my work, he asks, "How…how do…. do you know?"

Without stopping, I respond, "What do you mean?"

"How can you tell… me apart from… the others? You could always…" He gasped in pain. "…tell…"

I wanted nothing more to cry right now. But, as I have to remind myself, that is a human trait. You can't cry no matter how much you want to. Besides, he needs you now: you need to focus. "I… at first, it was the scar, the one on the side of your helm… but now, I just… I just know you. You're my best friend. I just know you."

The procedures I was trying weren't working: His spark had been damaged along with his spark chamber, and I can't stop my thoughts from drifting to his medical leveling, one that made my spark ache. As if things couldn't get worse, I hear a familiar cry, and I watch as my mentor, my brother, falls clutching his lower abdomen, Breakdown doing his best to hold off a yellow and a green Autobot. "Knockout!"

"I can't… I can't—" I choke out. That's when I heard movement behind me. Spinning up to my feet, daggers in my servos, I snap, "Don't you dare touch him! Don't take another step closer!"

I'm met by the steady gaze of two different mechs. The smaller was clearly their medic, Ratchet, who held his servos up to me in a calming gesture. "I'm just checking on our soldiers. We aren't here to hurt you." He then moves to the downed Arcee who was leaking energon from her shoulder wound.

The taller one was the one who kept my gaze. My silver optics locked with his bright blue ones. "Everon… you are alive…"

I bark out a hollow laugh, closing my optics and shaking my helm. "No thanks to you." Opening my optics again to glare defiantly, back straight and tall, wings tensed, I stiffly say, "My name isn't Everon." I say the name as if it were a disgusting curse. Thoughts drifting to Rowback, I think of his leveling, of what I have to resort to because of these Autobots.

I think of how he was unsalvageable.

With as much venom as I could muster, I spat out, "I'm not your pathetic little daughter. I am Shadow, daughter and heir of the Great Lord Megatron. And you shall pay for what transpired today." With that, I threw my daggers at the tall mech, not waiting to see his reaction.

Ducking next to my unconscious friend, I whisper, "I'm sorry." Then, I reach into his open wound, grabbing a specific wire attached to his spark, and I pulled before watching the light in his chassis from his spark slowly fade away. This death would be quicker than if I had just left his wounds to slowly kill him. Placing a quick kiss to side of his helm, right where the long scar was, I stood and recalled the daggers that I had embedded in the sensitive wiring of the Prime, of the mech whom I once considered my father.

Darting off to Knockout and Breakdown's position's I try the Nemesis one more time. "Starscream, open those ground bridges, now!"

An exasperated sigh is the response. "I'm sorry, but I already denied your request once, my dear—"

Crying out in frustration, I reached the two Autobots bombarding Breakdown, and I darted straight to the yellow mech known as Bumblebee. I stab him right in the knee and immediately withdraw the dagger from the knee, not pausing as he cries out. Locking my grip on his arm, I throw him to the side, leaving Breakdown to handle the giant green mech while I slide next to Knockout.

"Fine!" I snap. "You give me no choice Starscream: I'm declaring you unfit for your position."

"Wait… What?! You can't do that!"

I focus on Knockout's wound, which wasn't nearly as bad as…. Rowback's… but it was still critical. "As the true Decepticon heir, I can. I hereby am stepping into the position as temporary leader. Soundwave, please, open a ground bridge to both my position and Quickflip's. Knockout is injured with me, and Quickflip is in charge of guarding the other wounded."

My response is a ground bridge immediately opening behind me, and I decide to add, "And could you escort Starscream to a holding cell in the brig till further notice. He will be seen to for risking the lives of crew members." I can hear Starscream's protests, but I cut the comm, sure that Soundwave will handle the situation.

Watching as Breakdown tosses the Bulkhead mech to the side, he jogs over to me. "Is he going to be okay?"

I nod. "He's stable. Get him to the ship and start organizing the placement of the rest of the wounded. I will cover you."

"Little Bit…"

I glare. "This isn't up for discussion. Now move! They are still too stunned over my presence to hurt me. I will follow soon." I'm already drawing my daggers and moving away as I finish the order.

Soon, I'm surrounded by a few of the not as heavily damaged Autobot mechs. Growling, I crouch as the white mech from earlier starts to step forward. "Ev—"

"Not. Another. Step." I feel a familiar sensation through my wings, feeling them shift to razors, and I watch as all of their optics widen in shock. A feral grin crossing my face, I darkly state, "Rowback."

All equally looking confused, Bulkhead asks, "What?... Come on, kid. You're confused. Let us help you—"

"His name." I snap, pointing to the side, to my fallen friend near the now standing Prime. "His name was Rowback. He was my friend. And you made him unsalvageable. You made me make that call. For that, you all will pay."

Lunging forward, I cried out an animalistic yell. My spark ached, and the pain… fueled me. It pushed me forward, made me want to be crueler. Made me want them to hurt.

I kick the white one's katanas from his servos before kicking him in the jaw as I flipped back. Still in motion, I pushed forward to tackle him to the ground. Darting off, I take my daggers and expertly throw them to the sensitive wiring of the large green mech's side. Though it didn't cause much pain, I knew it had to have been painful to have such sensitive nerves hit.

Recalling the daggers, I hear someone approach from behind. I spin to meet the stare of none other than Optimus Prime. Cautiously, he tries to reason with me. "Child, please, we do not want to harm you—"

"Then you should have thought of that before you hurt Rowback," I growled.

With sad optics, he said, "I'm sorry… we were unaware he was your friend—"

"Don't pretend like you care!" I snap. "He was just another Vehicon to you! You don't care about who they are! You don't care! You don't care!"

The Prime's optics hardened as he said, "You may say many things about me, but one thing you can never say is that I don't care."

He strode towards me, but I stood my ground. "Apparently you don't care enough to keep your only sparkling from being tortured to death." His optics widened before turning immensely sad. Part of me was mad at myself for such a low blow, but I couldn't help it. Staring him down, my gaze harsh and critical, I continued. "You know, I can't remember you. I can't remember my childhood, my life. All I can remember is glimpses.

"I remember pain the best. Both physical and emotional. But what they did to me… it's the clearest flashes. The cuts along my arms, the electricity surging through my body, the beatings… All because I was protecting you. I could have told them where you all were, but I didn't. I spared you, and I lost my life."

My frame is shaking with anger and resentment. His optics were pained, and my spark ached from his pain, but the loss of my friend was worse. "I am now leading the Decepticons," I declare. "This is the one word of warning I am giving you: stay out of my way, because as of now, you are not my family. You are just the enemy."

With that, I spread my wings and took to the skies, not sparing a glance back to the Autobots below.

I wish I didn't care.

Alright… I know that was a bit of a harsh chapter, but I tried to work in the center part to help balance it out. After the next chapter, the rest will start to get better for a little while, I promise! But I need the harshness for a reason.

So, tell me what you think of Shadow! Her personality should be better developing by this point. Reviews are lovely!

And let me know if you are confused by anything at all. Sometimes my brain doesn't process how weak my explanations are...