Chasing Shadows of Angels Chapter 9: Missing Pieces, a transformers/beast wars fanfic

Author's Notes:

Alright, this is a bit of a longer chapter, one that I had trouble with. Hope you enjoy!

Also, please read/listen to the opening song! I matched it to this chapter cause while on the outside, it's a fun, upbeat song, but the lyrics match the underlying themes of the chapter… at least, they do to me.

(Also, I just freaking love this song.)

Show me how to lie
You're getting better all the time
And turning all against the one
Is an art that's hard to teach
Another clever word
Sets off an unsuspecting herd
And as you step back into line
A mob jumps to their feet

Now dance, fucker, dance
Man, he never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you

And now you steal away
Take him out today
Nice work you did
You're gonna go far, kid

With a thousand lies
And a good disguise
Hit 'em right between the eyes
Hit 'em right between the eyes
When you walk away
Nothing more to say
See the lightning in your eyes
See 'em running for their lives

Slowly out of line
And drifting closer in your sights
So play it out I'm wide awake
It's a scene about me
There's something in your way
And now someone is gonna pay
And if you can't get what you want
Well it's all because of me

Now dance, fucker, dance
Man, I never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you

And now you'll lead the way
Show the light of day
Nice work you did
You're gonna go far, kid
Trust, deceived!

Now dance, fucker, dance
He never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you

So dance, fucker, dance
I never had a chance
It was really only you

Clever alibis
Lord of the flies
Hit 'em right between the eyes
Hit 'em right between the eyes
When you walk away
Nothing more to say
See the lightning in your eyes
See 'em running for their lives

"You're Gonna Go Far Kid" by the Offspring

When I woke, the only thing I was aware of was the immense discomfort in my lower chassis. I looked down to see my newly rebuilt torso, seeing what could be seen as a complete and unharmed form, but I knew better. Between my extensive medical training and my keen optic for my appearance, I could tell.

Jumping up, which probably wasn't a good idea with the stiffness in my lower chassis, I rush over to the side of a nearby medical cabinet. The side held a familiar and well loved tool of mine: a full body length mirror, one I used to keep myself in pristine condition. Unfortunately, I was not met with my normal, pristine self. Instead, I see my ruined paintjob, scratches found all along my form while my lower chassis looked like it was still in the final stages of being reconstructed, the metal still warped and looking anything but appealing.

Seeing it, I nearly glitched.

"Why those fragging Autobots! My finish is ruined!"

Just as I yell, sitting up to glare at my damaged lower chassis, I hear glass break on the floor and look just in time to see Breakdown come barreling into the room. "Primus, you're finally awake!"

With a roll of my optics, I snap, "Yes, and I wake up to this slag heap that was once my pristine paintjob!" I angle my body into the mirror, examining the extent of the damage. "When I get my hands on that yellow bug I'll—"

Before I can finish, I'm met with a fist hitting my face. Stunned, I just sit there, staring at a pissed off Breakdown as I hold my now scraped up cheek. "What… What the name of Unicron is wrong with you?!" I yell at my partner. "Are you fragging defective?!"

"Three. Days." Those were the only words he ground out to me before he swung at me again, me managing to dodge this time with a yelp. "Three days since you were shot. Three days since you went in critical. Three days of us worrying about you, and low and behold, you wake up worrying about your slagging paintjob!"

He lunged for me, and I dodged away from him, being lighter on my feet. "I'm fine now! And of course I'm freaked out over my paintjob; I mean, look at this atrocity—"

"You haven't even asked about her, you self-righteous little—"

"Shadow?..." I ask cautiously. "She wasn't hurt, was she? I told Starscream not to let her fight! I will dismantle that high-heeled fragger and melt him down for spare parts!"

Breakdown snorts, crossing his arms and glaring at me. "She wasn't hurt. Not physically anyway."

My optic ridges scrunch together. "What do you… Oh no. She's a soft-sparked medic, isn't she? Frag it to the Pits… I knew this would happen." I scrub my servos over my face before continuing. "How many died?"

"Overall, six of the Vehicons," Breakdown replied with a shrug. "Five were on sight hits, dead before they hit the ground. Nothing she could do, and she knew it. Out of the fifty present, she patched thirty seven, eleven of which were able to rejoin the battle before returning with us."

I looked puzzled. "That's… those are amazing odds. Why is she—"

"That one death… the one that she had die after her working on him…" He looked to the side, away from me. "It was that Vehicon she befriended. Her squadron leader, Rowback."

I sigh, completely unaffected from the death of a simple soldier. "She's just going to have to learn not to get close to the Vehicons. They die too easily." Turning to glance at my paint once more and grimace, I snap, "Honestly, it's ridiculous. It's just a Vehicon. I don't understand why she feels the need to be nice to them, let alone be friendly with them."

Breakdown practically growled at me. "Look in that mirror again, and I'll break it."

With my own glare, I yell, "Seriously, what is the problem?! It's just a Vehicon. It shouldn't be such a fragging issue—"

"This is Shadow we're talking about, Knockout! You know how soft-sparked she is about everything! It's why we're having to fragging lie to her about her past in order to make our little sister want to even consider living with us, let alone actually joining the Cons! Do you honestly think she will ever take declaring someone unsalvageable as an easy choice for her?! She could hate the person and still feel like she was ripping out her own spark!"

"Unsalvageable?" I ask in surprise. "You mean… she actually—"

"Pulled his spark line?" He barked out a semblance of a laugh. "Yeah, she actually did. There was nothing she could have done, and with you being shot almost immediately afterwards…"

I glare at the floor, clenching my servos a few times. "I take it she hasn't talked to anyone about it yet, has she?"

"Like she has time. Between running around and repurposing the way the Nemesis is handled, plus rebuilding your chassis, I don't even think she has recharged." He snorts. "She outranks me now, as I'm constantly reminded of, and keeps stocking up on emergency energy packs. She should have recharged immediately after her return from the fight, but she's being… well, she's acting like you. Stubborn."

I ignore the jibe. "Where can I find her?" I ask in a neutral tone.

Quirking an optic ridge, he responds, "The bridge… but she probably won't respond. Not since she self installed that slagging half visor."

"She. Did. What?" The anger that had been building was slowly getting worse.

"She took it upon herself to self-equip herself with weapons." I storm to the computer, about to pull up the plans, when suddenly, he says, "Don't bother: she already used your files on her weapons upgrades you were working up. And yeah, she installed those too."

Growling, I turn to storm out of the med lab. "Whoa," Breakdown says, blocking my path. "I have orders to keep you here should you wake up. She outranks us now that she took over."

Scoffing, I shake my helm and snap, "And what else did I miss? Us making peace with the Autobots and singing in a meadow while Arcee and Airachnid pick flowers?!"

"No…" my partner said cautiously. "But, you did miss Starscream being dragged to the brig…"

"I don't even want to know. Just let. Me. By!"

"Knockout—"

"I'm the Primus forsaken head medic of this ship, which means, in the matters of the crew's health, both physical and mental, I outrank everyone! Including Shadow, even if she is fragging in charge now! So, move!" Shoving my way past a confused Breakdown, I storm to the hall, intent on giving this femme a piece of my mind, whether she listens willingly or I have to strap her down to a medical berth to listen.

Before getting too far, I yell back to Breakdown, "And make sure my buff and paint kit is out and ready before I get back!"

Reaching the bridge, I'm actually momentarily shocked by the flurry of movement as everyone runs past me, each apparently with some job or duty they needed to attend to. I have no idea why it's so busy here: we haven't been like this since the crew for the Nemesis was originally formed, back when Megatron set up the original order for the ship.

Entering the actual main bridge though, I begin to understand why. Staring ahead, I see the back of the femme I was searching for, standing there, barking out orders in a stern tone, yet at the same time, it wasn't a tone that would make one begrudging to follow.

She strode to one side of the main platform, still angled away from me. Addressing a random Vehicon, she says, "How are quadrants 5.623-D and 7.201-S looking?"

"Running at proper levels now, Lady Tronus," the Vehicon responds calmly, and I double take at the title. Breakdown wasn't kidding about her taking command in place of Starscream.

She sighs at the title but responds by turning on her heeled pede and strides towards the other side, her wings trailing just above the ground. "What about the crew manifest? How are the updates and ship maintenance going?"

Another Vehicon nodded to her. "We have almost finished correcting the ship logs. We can send it to you on your screen visor in a few minutes. As for the maintenance… it might be another day or two for the maintenance crew to catch up with all the orders that Starscream put off. They are waiting for all the orders to process in the system."

Shaking her helm, she states, "I trust their judgment over how to maintain the ship better than my own. If their crew leader approves it, tell them to go ahead and finish the necessary precautionary maintenance. We need to finish with the ship as quickly as possible so we can check on the mines. I don't want to risk another one of these cave-ins that that aft-head was ignoring."

"Yes, Lady Tronus," the Vehicon replied, a hint of a gracious tone.

She nodded, before declaring to Soundwave who was intently typing away at his station, "I'm going to the med lab, I'll be back…" She had turned around and begun to walk towards the exit when she saw me, standing with my arms crossed over my chassis as I stared at her. "What are you doing up? You should be resting! Breakdown was supposed to—"

"I outrank Breakdown, and as far as your order, though I am relieved you finally took over from Screamer, I still outrank you." Stepping forward, I regard the small changes in her appearance. I'm met by a stiffer stance, one that was less loose and carefree like the femme I had known just a short few days ago. Her frame had a few scratches on it, ones that would buff out easily, but not all of them were from battle. I could see the tell tale signs of her messing with the shifting edges of her armor along her arms, obviously from her self-installing her weapons.

Then there was her face. Instead of being met by her large, innocent silver optics and expressive face, I'm met by the blankness of a half visor screen covering her optics, one that is met by a mouth guard covering the lower half of her face. Though my stance is casual and a smirk plays across my face, I knew my optics were anything but calm. "I'm out for just a few days, and you've gone and done most anything you can to risk your well-being just short of throwing yourself off the side of the ship."

A low growl emanates from her throat as her wings bristle. I know I'm pushing my luck, but I can't seem to care. "If you're done berating me, Knockout, I have a ship to run." She spins on her heel to face away from me, but I'm having none of it.

Feet stomping along the ground, I approach her, servos clenched at my sides. "Oh no: You are not going to pull this with me. We are going to talk right—"

As soon as my servo grasped her shoulder, she spun, pinning my arm around my back. To make matters worse, another low growling joins hers, and my optic ridges scrunch together, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. "Not. Now. Go get some rest and let yourself heal. For Primus sake," she utters as she drops my arm and lets me stumble forward. "You were just shot through the chassis a few days ago."

Turning to glare at her, forgetting completely about the growling, I snap, "Yes, and you haven't recharged in days! You should have recharged immediately after your return from the battle." The growling returns, but I ignore it. "And don't tell me you are fine! Breakdown told me about that Vehicon. I warned you about growing attached to him."

If she had been stiff and tense before, she was even more so now, her wings bristling to the sides, her growling growing louder before she crouched low, shifting like she was prepared to lunge at me. I simply stood there, waiting for her to lash out as she raised her visor to glare her angered optics at me.

And lash out she did. She lunged, arms and wings spread in an obvious sign of her meaning to tackle me to the ground, but with a well timed side step, I bend back as one of her wings went over my helm, and I took a cheap shot by grabbing the base of her wing, talons digging in, but not deep enough to break any energon veins.

She growled in frustration, but I had already shifted behind her, still grasping her one wing tightly, and I dug my other set of talons into the gaps of her side armor while pinning down her arm and other wing with that arm. The moves were more irritating then painful for her, but if she struggled, well, then the pain would be her own fault.

Pulling her tightly against my chassis, I ferally say, a bit of smugness in my tone, "I may not be much of a fighter, but unlike you, I'm not the least bit reserved in taking a cheap shot. So, little sister, I don't want to hurt you, but we are going to talk, whether you come willingly or I have to drag you by your wings, understand? My paint is already ruined, so I have no reserves on dragging you away kicking and screaming."

She growled in my grip, but the growl died down to a low grumble in her throat before she gave a sharp nod. "Fine," she snaps. "Now, let go!" I release her, and she stumbles forward a bit before standing tall and turning to glare at me.

That's when the growling returns, and I find myself being tackled by something off to the side. With a cry of surprise, I fall on my aft only to be pushed flat on my back by a familiar symbiot.

"Soundwave! Call him off!" The mech in question merely glances at me before playing a recording of Shadow's voice. "If you're sure, then of course I will take him. I would love to have a symbiot. I will take good care of him!" I felt like glitching right then, staring up at the growling symbiot on my chassis before looking off at Soundwave with a look that suggested he was crazy. "You gave her a symbiot?! Frag that, you gave her Ravage?!"

Said symbiot growled at me, leaning his sharp fanged mouth closer to my face. Shadow rolled her optics before saying, "C'mon, Ravage, before he spazzes out over the claw marks."

With one last growl, he crawls off and goes to rub against her legs, a grumbling purr coming from his vocal processors. I eye the catlike symbiot with a cautious gaze. "You brought him out of stasis…"

Shadow grumbles, "Someone thought I needed a guard and thought I might be more willing to let this one follow me around." Though her tone was begrudging, she did crouch down to scratch the cat behind his audio receptors, eliciting a louder purr. "I like him, and he seems to like me…"

With a sigh, I mutter about Soundwave. "Stupid, smart mech…" Then, after shaking my helm, I say in a more serious tone, "If your… pet is done attacking me—"

She glares at me and snaps, "Not a pet!" while Ravage growls in agreement.

"—I need to talk to you. Now. So move your aft!"

Without breaking her harsh glare, she snaps, "Soundwave, your in charge. I will be back later."

"You will be back once we're done talking, and you're done recharging."

"I don't have time—"

"You are recharging, or by Primus, I will induce stasis!"

Her optics narrow. "You wouldn't dare—"

I interrupt her with a dark laugh. "Oh, try me." My glare returns, and my optics narrow to match hers, as well as my stance and crossing my arms over my chassis. After a few moments with an intense stare down, no sound but the quiet typing away of Soundwave at his station and the low growling of Ravage, I announce, "Now, go! Med lab, now!"

I knew she felt like arguing, but she ground her teeth and stormed off, wings flexing angrily against her back as Ravage followed closely behind, hovering towards her side. Not long after we were out in the hall, I add, "And take off that battle mask. It's fragging ridiculous."

Stopping to turn her gaze dangerously to me, I don't even flinch at her antics. Withdrawing the mask finally to reveal the rest of her face, she yells, "What is your problem?!"

I sigh and respond, "You are exhausting yourself. It's not healthy to push yourself this much."

"I'm fine—"

"No you're not!" I yell, throwing my arms in the air. "You are running yourself ragged, and you are going to hurt yourself. If you want to lead this crew, you may be better suited then Starscream, but you are no help if you frag up your health in the process. You're so tired that you look like you just fought you're way out of the Pits!"

Her gaze turned away, arms crossing over her chassis. "Starscream was shirking his responsibilities. Everything he was supposed to be monitoring for the well being of the crew and this ship, he put off. I'm surprised that the ship hadn't crashed yet! And did you know that he was hiding mine cave-ins? So many of our crew was getting injured and dying because of him—"

"Yes, I knew. I'm the medic." With a sigh, I continue by saying, "It's my job to deal with the injured and dead, remember? And it's just some Vehicons—" That's when I was hit across the face, Ravage making a sound of approval sitting happily next to her, tail twitching. Standing stunned for a minute, I snap, "What the frag is with everyone and hitting me today?!"

"It's because you're being an aft!" she snapped back. "Those are living, breathing Cybertronians. Whether you admit it or not, you fight and work beside them everyday, and they risk their lives for our cause! Show them some respect!"

Shaking my helm, I mutter, "Whatever. Look, there was nothing I could have done if I had wanted to. He outranked me, and I had my plate full trying to keep him away from your father, let alone worry about some Vehicons! Then, you go and join his slagging Armada. Do you have any idea how much I worried about you?! I knew the minute he put you in the field, he would do his best to get you killed. You have always been a threat to him, and you always will be, Lady Tronus."

Her gaze softened and turned sad. "I didn't mean… I didn't think he would abandon us there in the field. I had hoped…" She sighed, shoulders slumping. "And trying to get them to stop using that title is harder then trying to get them to stop calling me Princess."

I smirk at her, a kinder one then before. "Well, both titles suit you." She gives me a light glare, but it doesn't quite reach her optics. Sensing that she is now giving in to her exhaustion, I carefully wrap an arm around her shoulder. "Everything will be fine, little sister. Now, come on. You can recharge in the med lab while Breakdown helps me fix this…" I look down at my form and grimace. "…mess."

She laughs lightly as we move down the hall at a slow pace, each of us finally giving in to leaning against each other for support. Ravage followed, grumbling slightly over me being so close to his new mistress.

"Stupid fragging Autobot…"

"Yes, Knockout. I heard you the first hundred times."

"Oh shut up, Breakdown. My poor paint…."

"I will punch you again."

"…Shutting up now."

He nods in approval of my choice and goes back to helping buff out the final scratches on my back. The touch ups were done, and my paint, though not yet quite to its former glory, was satisfactory.

My gaze traveled back over to the recharging form of Shadow, curled up slightly on her side while slightly on her chest, one wing tucked up against her back while the other draped loosely over her prone and still form like a human blanket. Ravage had curled along her chassis, snuggled under her wing and recharging along with her.

The femme and the symbiot were almost to the three hour mark, a little much for the average Cybertronian recharge, but I wanted to make sure that her systems had readjusted to her lack of rest.

"Nice claw marks, by the way."

Growling, I snap, my gaze not leaving the recharging femme, "You could have warned me about the Pit cat."

"Now where's the fun in that?" Breakdown asks while grinning.

"Go frag yourself," I grumble. "Next time, you get to deal with Unicron's lap cat."

He laughed before shifting the subject. "A bit unconventional how you 'talked' to her," Breakdown stated, interrupting my staring. "But still, thanks. She wasn't going to listen to me, not with you injured." I nod, and glance back over to her. "Did she talk about that Vehicon?"

"No," I stated simply. "I pushed her a lot already. The rest we should take one step at a time." Sighing, I add, "Stupid Vehicons. Should have never let her near them."

Breakdown smirked at me. "You love her for it just the same."

I don't respond, knowing that I could never acknowledge something like that, but denying it to anyone would be an obvious lie. So, I just remain silent, staring at her recharging frame while Breakdown smirks and puts away the buffer. Breaking the silence, I say, "Maybe we should wake her—"

Apparently, waking her was unnecessary, because before I could continue my thought, she pushed up on the medical berth, gasping loudly as if she were trying to hyperventilate even though she didn't need air. Ravage jumped up, having been linked to her mind when Soundwave created a symbiotic link between the two. He made worried yowling sounds, curling and pawing at her trying to find out what was wrong.

Rushing to her, I grasp her faceplates between my servos, Ravage moving just to the side, while Breakdown hurriedly sits next to her on the berth, wrapping his large arms around her wings and torso, holding the wings down before they tried to beat in the small confines of the lab.

I wish I could say that this was something new, but honestly, this wasn't the first time she had woken like this.

Making calming shushes and reassurances, I absently stroked her face till she stopped trying to hyperventilate and her servos reached up to grasp mine while she shifted back to sit in Breakdown's grasp. Optics still tightly shut, she muttered, "I'm sorry…"

I make a sound of slight annoyance. "For what? It's not your fault your mind is still trying to revert back to its human state. Memories and dreams aren't natural for Cybertronians." With a sigh, I say, "I'm guessing from how you woke up, it's not a very pleasant memory trying to break through."

Her optics finally blinked open, the pools of unique silver looking up to meet my gaze. "Another with MECH." I felt like growling in displeasure, but she beat me to it. "How could they do that?"

"Humans can be so primitive—"

"Not them," she muttered. "How could the Autobots let me go through that? How could they just abandon me? Did I really mean so little to them…" I start to speak, but she cuts me off. "I don't need them. They weren't worth my first life, so I won't waste this one on them. You all are my real family, not those lying Pit scum…"

My spark twinges a bit, thinking about what she might feel if she were to know the truth. If she were to know that the Autobots weren't the ones lying to her. Pushing back the thought, I focus on the now. "Are you stable enough for Breakdown to let go of you?"

Hesitantly, she nods, and he slowly lets go, hovering in case her wings went wild like they have done before after her recharges. They flex and twitch at first, but they eventually settle casually against her back while she shifts to sit on her knees upon the berth. Ravage immediately took this as a cue to push and paw close to her chassis, the large cat nearly being at optic level to her while she kneeled. After stroking the worried symbiot a bit to calm him, she looks to a far wall and mutters another sorry.

"How many times do we have to tell you, Little Bit?" Breakdown says with a laugh and a warm smile. "We're your big bros: helping you is what we're here for. No need to apologize when you need help."

She doesn't meet his optics, but she does smile a bit. "Thanks." Shifting slowly so her legs hung over the edge of the berth, she slowly stood as Breakdown and I hovered about her, afraid she might fall. Ravage jumps down beside her and stretches, arching his haunches into the air while his front paws claw at the ground. Slowly stretching her arms up and her wings out, careful of her surroundings, Shadow says, "I'm fine: just stiff. No need to hover."

I scoff. "Considering how poorly your mind is adjusting, I think hovering is perfectly justifiable. Now, don't move. I want another scan."

She groaned loudly while Breakdown held back snickers. "Do you know often you fragging scan me?"

"Forgive me for—"

"Worrying?" she finishes for me, a slight smile on her face. With a light laugh, she says, "Love you too, Knockout."

I grumble and turn away, but a smile plays on my faceplates. Breakdown, though, frowns. "What about me?"

She laughs again before jumping up to lock her arms around his neck. "I love my big bro too!"

He grins and hugs her tightly. "Love ya, Little Bit." Ravage grumbles at her feet, and with a laugh, Breakdown says, "Apparently your symbiot wants in on the love."

She immediately stoops to embrace the large Cybertronian feline who growls out a purr while rubbing the side of his helm against hers. Clearing my throat, I ask, "If everyone is done with the proclamations of love, can I please scan you?"

A loud groan comes from her, but she complies. The scan was the same as usual, no real signs of what was triggering the occasional memory during her recharge, a time when her processor shouldn't be seeing anything. The only issue I could find was her wings, disheveled from the past few days of neglect.

"You haven't been preening your feathers," I state in a bit of an irritated tone. She just looks at me innocently, and I sigh. "Turn around, stupid femme. I'll preen it for you. It will be quicker." By the time I had said this, I had turned her around and was already had my fingers running through her protoform feathers, the loose ones coming out easily between my servos.

She just stood there, completely trusting of me. Absently, I think of how easily I can get her to trust me. I could tell her to free fall off the ship with her wings bound, and she would trust me to catch her. She would always trust my word, no matter what I said. It had been this way since day one, since I told her that the Autobots had allowed her to go on a mission knowing that her cover had been compromised.

That they had wanted her to die.

With expertly worded deception, a great skill of mine, I had her convinced near immediately. She didn't even want to hear the Autobots' side of the story. The look in her optics showed that she trusted my word completely, and her innocence that had been cracking over the years showed its head with a renewed vigor. Gone was the human girl who had slowly been drifting into herself alongside the Autobots. This was the little girl Megatron had found out in the field all those Earth years ago.

This was our true Shadow Tronus. She was ours. And with the way we had her, mixing truth with our lies, she would always be ours. Ours until the day that one of us physically told her the truth, a truth that we swore to never tell again.

Hesitating, my optics locked onto the gothic spider design on her back. The symmetrical design fit perfectly between her wings, right where Airachnid had drawn it when Shadow's human body was in the final stages of healing, while her mind was still in limbo.

Her memories… She doesn't remember her childhood. She doesn't remember her time with us. The hours of her sitting upon my shoulder, talking to me, asking questions, her innocent curiosity blinding me to the little girl who missed her Autobot family. Now, that little girl, the one that belonged with the Autobots is gone. This one may be missing pieces, but nothing is perfect.

I run my servos through her wings again, the hesitation being too slight for her to notice. I'm perfect. On the outside, that is. I keep the details of my frame pristine, and I make sure that I'm always flawless. It's a balance. Because when I'm ugly on the outside…

I don't like it to match how ugly I can be on the inside. And I don't want others to notice the mech who is missing pieces, pieces that this innocent femme carries. She is compassionate. She is caring. She loves selflessly and trusts easily. She lives to make others happy.

And she fills all our missing pieces.

Okay, I have no idea why it was so hard for me to write the beginning of this chapter. Thank Primus for Graceful-Kuja's help, or else this chapter wouldn't have been posted this week.

Also, I'm looking forward to the next two weeks' chapters, so there should be no issues. Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed it! Please review!