Chasing Shadows of Angels Chapter 13: Who I am, a transformers/beast wars fanfic

Author's Notes:

So, this chapter's opening is including a song written by Ardent Aspen~! I saw it in her TFP song collections and absolutely fell in love with it and the tone it sets. So, tell me what you think of how I worked with it!

Check out my profile for links to my opening songs!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OCs and weird plot lines. Sadly….

In the end
As we fade into the night (oh whoa oh oh)
Who will tell the story of your life?

In the end
As my soul's laid to rest
What is left of my body
Or am I just a shell?
And I have fought
And with flesh and blood I commanded an army
Through it all
I have given my home for a moment of glory

(I gave it all)

In the end
As we fade into the night (oh whoa oh oh)
Who will tell the story of your life (oh whoa oh oh)
And who will remember your last goodbye (oh whoa oh oh)
Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid to die.

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid to die

Born a saint
Though with every sin I still wanna be holy
I will live again
Who we are
Isn't how we live we are more than our bodies
If I fall I will rise back up and relive my glory

Who will remember this last goodbye (oh whoa oh oh)
Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid to die

Not afraid
I'm not afraid to die
Not afraid
I'm not afraid to die!

"In the End" by Black Veil Brides

"Ages come and ages go…" My voice echoes in my sparse, utilitarian room. "Swing the axe and let it fall." Though my gaze stays locked on the data pad before me, my mind would not… could not focus upon it.

"We do not see them, here below…" The old, yet familiar song slipped quietly from my lips, my coarse voice guiding it. Reminding me of a time when the song chorused through tunnels, sung by the dull and defeated voices of broken mechs."Sing the axe, and let it fall." Reminding me of my humbler beginnings. "We will not see the open air…" Of my beginnings when I was unknown. When I was nothing. "Swing the axe and let it fall."

Many see me as cruel. "We do not speak of sunlight here..." Many see me as sparkless. "Sing the axe and let it fall." Many claim to see me. "Bend your backs and curse the Well…" But very few actually can see me.

"Swing the axe and let it fall." I am more than just a warlord. "That sparked you to this living hell…" I am more than anyone can imagine.

I am the infamous Warlord, one known for his rise to power against the normal regime of Cybertron.

"Sing the axe and let it fall."

I was the gladiator, with the fierce legacy I built on my triumphs over all the slaughtered warriors who fell by my hand.

"Wretched slave, behold your grave…"

But, I was also the slave, one who worked deep with the Cybertronian mines. A slave whose life meant nothing but the amount of energon I could claw out of the caverns each day.

"Swing the axe and let it fall."

The other miners would sing these songs, letting loose a bit of light in an otherwise blank and desolate existence. Though, with the hardening cruelties we lived with…

"There is no beauty left to save…"

Even the most beautiful of songs can be twisted into a dark macabre of its former self.

"Sing the axe, and let it fall."

Most of the mechs in the mines were criminals, those paying off their debts to society through forced labor.

"Bow your helm to dust, my son."

But some of us did nothing to deserve it.

"Swing the axe and let it fall."

Some of us were just born into. Born with no idea what we had done to deserve such a life. To deserve such hardships.

"And answer for the things you've done."

For what uncommitted crime we must repent for, a crime of simply … existing.

"Sing the axe, let it fall…Sing the axe, let it fall." Silence echoed through the room with that final note, and I let it swallow me as I stared forward at the data pad before me, not truly seeing it. My mind wandered still, trying to absorb these past few days, trying to grasp what was going on…

"The song is so sad."

Shooting up from my chair, I spun around, canon drawn and slowly whirring to life, only to see my daughter leaning casually against the door frame, her eyes… optics cast towards the ground.

"Shadow!" I exclaimed, lowering and deactivating my canon. "You are too quiet," my voice ground out, angry, yet more at myself than her. "You nearly gave me a spark attack!" Sighing and lifting my hand to grasp my brow, I add, "I'm sure Knockout would not be pleased if I accidentally shot you."

"Sorry…" she numbly replied, letting silence fall between us as she wandered into the room. Lifting her servos wordlessly, she rested them against a wall, trailing them along as she moved forward, her wings trailing behind her, flicking and adjusting upon her back and barely trailing above the metal floor. The situation screamed of an awkward nature, neither of us knowing how to approach the other. Of how to speak. "It's beautiful."

Shaking off my wandering thoughts, I straightened my back and allowed my hands to clasp behind it, my formal posture trying to mask my uncertainty of what to do or say. "What is beautiful?"

I watched as she trailed the room, letting her servos hover over certain objects. Her wings flicked upon her back, a trait I had yet to come to grips with… I still had yet to comprehend that my daughter was not only fully Cybertronian at last… "The song."

But that she had chosen me over him.

Over Optimus.

"I thought you said it was sad." My response quick and confused, betraying a lack of control I so desperately wished I had right now.

Turning around to finally face me, her silent movements ceasing and a small, sad smile resting on her face. She tilted her head as she regarded me curiously. When she speaks, her words ring through me as if they have a stronger meaning. "Things can be both sad and beautiful."

My gaze locked upon her face, and I noticed how… familiar it looked. Her armor screamed of being a conversion of my own, the sharp spires coming off of certain points making it excellent for fighting, especially of a gladiatorial nature… not that I would ever allow her to participate in such a practice. Her face, though… not mine, nor were the brilliant silver optics… those were his.

I decided that it would be best to switch the subject. Shifting my servos to clasp behind my back, I straighten myself before speaking. "I see you are feeling better."

Smirking, she jutted out a hip as she crossed her arms over her chassis. With an amused tone, she responded, "Much better." A slight laugh escapes her. "Though Knockout didn't have any plans of letting me out anytime soon."

"Resting a few more days would not hurt…" I suggested to her but making no move to command her to do so. From what Knockout and Breakdown had filled me in about her… condition, she still had the same fiery personality as she did as a child, and she certainly does not take well to constraints.

Her optics rolled as her smirk dropped into an irritated scowl. "Says the mech who didn't even wait ten minutes for Knockout to do a system's check." She then strode forward and jabbed me in the center of my chassis with one of her long, taloned servos. "And I am not the one who just woke up from a coma." Another sharp jab. "One that lasted months."

Compared to my size, Shadow stood at a much shorter height disadvantage, one that was average for a femme, but still, even being of shorter frame than me, she still had my intimidating presence. "Well, then, for that, my daughter, I do apologize," I told her, my helm tilted down to look at her while I could not stop the amused smirk that crossed my face.

Scowling, her next move surprised me. Her hand swiftly shot up to grab one of my shoulder spikes, and catching me off-guard, managed to drag me out of the room and into the hall before I realized what was happening.

"Shadow!" I barked out. "Shadow Tronus, let go of me right. Now." My voice came out as a growl, letting the unsaid threat seep through to her.

Unfortunately, she remained unfazed of my growing anger. "You are going to get a check up, or so help me Primus, I will shove my foot up your aft." Her growling response caught me off guard even more than her dragging me through the halls, and my jaw went slack. "I almost lost you once, I am not loosing you again."

Shock left me as I processed the situation. Her concern for me… while I knew she had always cared for me as her father, with the separation between teams, I never got a chance to truly see this side of her. To see the worry and fear build in her voice, and to see her determination in assuring my health.

It left me both shocked and… happy. Overjoyed even.

But, before I could say anything in response, we found ourselves at the medbay, the doors sliding open as she practically shoved me inside. Both Knockout and Breakdown's gazes shot up from their work as they stared, bewildered as the fiery little Aurilian flurried through the lab, muttering curses in Cybertronian under her breath. "I see your accent has improved…" I mused.

She chose to ignore me as she gathered up materials in her arms. "Knockout, clear off a berth for him to sit on." Her optics never even paused to look at the medic. "He needs a full set of scans to assure his vitals."

Still in shock, Knockout merely looked between my daughter and I, fear in his optics as he wondered who was the bigger threat at the moment. Deciding to spare the medic, I gave a defeated sigh before stomping over to a clear berth. With a loud thud, I allow my frame to collapse onto the metal surface before lifting my gaze to my daughter yet again.

She seemed to be having trouble reaching something from a higher shelf, her shifting and stretching upwards while even giving a slight jump, but before I could snap at Breakdown to help her, I stopped mid command to watch as her wings unfurled slightly from her back before thrusting them downwards. The movement, although slight, gave her a good ten to fifteen feet lift from the ground, allowing her to snatch the desired object off the top shelf.

"Impressive…"

Her head swivels over her shoulder to look at me, a startled look in her eyes. Soon, the shock slips away, and she falls back into a methodical methods of gathering things about the med bay. But, not before trips in her rush, falling over and her wing jarring itself against a counter with a loud clang, eliciting a shocked gasp and loud hiss of pain from my daughter.

"Shadow—" we all yell, starting forward to help, but she holds a palm up, waving us off.

"Hmm…" she muttered, her face turned towards the floor. "Given a fine, agile Aurilian body, yet still incapable of not screwing up." Her tone… seemed odd. Her voice strange and sounding… unfamiliar. And if I didn't know better… I could have sworn her optics were glowing brighter. But, the brightness left as soon as it came, and with a shake of her helm, she scurried off the floor, muttering an apology before returning to her work.

With the shock seeming to finally leave him, Knockout meandered over to where I sat upon the berth and casually leaned against a wall, arms crossed over his chassis, as she scurried about the room. Peering at him from the corner of my optics, I asked, "Is she always like this?..."

A sly smirk crept upon his lips. "Oh, yes. And so much more."

"I still think you should rest…"

A loud hum escaped my throat, one that sounded a bit like a growl. "You had your tests, Shadow. And, as I knew, no issues arose. Now, I must go back to running this ship. Primus knows how much Starscream must have wrecked things in my absence… Shadow?"

Turning to look behind me, I see my daughter standing still, sheepishly holding her arm. "Umm… Well, we had a bit of an incident, and Soundwave and the others sided with me and well… Starscream is in the brig."

What I was sure was a blank look passed over my face as I stared at her. "What do you mean he is in the brig? For how long?"

Her optics refused to meet mine, instead, finding the seam along the floor more demanding of her gaze. "For a little while… And, well, I deemed him unfit to lead." Her wings nervously fluttered as she shifted from foot to foot. "Soundwave subdued him for me, and I've been meaning to go deal with him, but the ship required so much attention, and it kept getting put off—"

"Shadow." My voice is steady yet demanding as I grasp her face and angle her optics to meet mine. "What. Did. He. Do."

"He…" she began. "He put the lives of many crew members and some of the officers at risk."

Confusion passed through me. "You mean Knockout and Breakdown?" A nod from her, her head bobbing in my firm grip as best it could. Her optics, though, still seemed panicked. "What would possess him to do that? To risk losing both of his medical officers?"

"He… he wanted to leave them out in battle to die at the hand of the Autobots… because I was out there with them."

My mind went blank as I processed this. The implications. Starscream had seen the others as a means to an end. A means to an end to get rid of what he considered his true threat.

"STARSCREAM!"

"Daddy!" Shadow yelled after me as I raced down the hall, my goal to head to the brig. "Daddy, wait!" I didn't listen, still running, mind spinning, rage fueling my actions. I could hear her yelling over the open comm to the other officers, asking for assistance, but the minute she mentioned my intentions, they all clammed up.

They would not stop me.

Upon reaching the elevator, I stormed inside and jabbed the command to take me to the lower level. Shadow reached just in time for her panicked face to appear in the cracks as the doors closed shut. She may not approve of my rage and intentions, but I would not stand for this. For all of his plots and schemes, his attempts on my life, I would not allow Starscream to get away with this.

He would not get away with the attempted assassination of my daughter. Today would be his last.

The more I thought of what I would do with him, the more I began to think of Shadow. Of what she would think of this. But this…This was who I was. I knew little of pity, for I grew up with none: the only spark of light I had left was her. All else had been lost the longer the war went on, not allowing me a moment to see what I had become until I found her. The universe is a cruel one, with injustice and pain spawning from each and every corner. All you could hope to achieve was some semblance of balance, of control, which meant that sometimes, violence is necessary. Because once I get my hands on him…

His spark would beat no more.

Shadow, forgive me.

Sorry this is so short! I liked this point too much to continue. But, the next chapter should be up sooner, and be more than just a plot filler! In the meantime, tell me what you think!